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Thread: Let's post some AMERICAN DAD! one-liners



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  1. #121
    coughing up snot Insomnia's Avatar
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    Barry: "I would rather be in one of my uncles secret basement movies, but I got too old".

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  3. #122
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    Klaus: Dude what the hell?
    Stan: Francine was dangerously close to saying the words I never ever want to hear from her again. I told you so, she's said it exactly four times in our marriage!
    [Cut to Stan's crashed bus]
    Francine: I told you so.
    [Cut to the swimming pool burning]
    Francine: I told you so.
    [Cut to a sad Stan, with a cock]
    Francine: I told you so. [cock clucks]
    [Cut to men dead probably from choking]
    Francine: I told you so.
    [The thought of Francine's quote echo in Stan's mind]
    Stan: [growls] I can never hear those words again, and I will keep her from saying them as God as my witness.
    [A storm!]
    Klaus: Weird not a cloud in the sky.
    Stan: Yeah, yeah must be heat lightening.
    Remember kids, Kariba is cool!

  4. #123
    Curiouser and curiouser MindQuad's Avatar
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    It's Good To Be Queen was on Adult Swim last night, and I forgot how many classic bits there are. Just a few...


    Stan: That's okay, Francine. You don't have to remember her name. You were the homecoming queen. (Puts the tiara on her)
    Francine: Don't, Stan. I'll look silly.
    Stan: If by "silly" you mean beautiful, then, yes, you do look silly. Hell, you look downright retarded.

    Roger: Hey, if we got your dad's missile launcher, I bet we could hit the house of the bully who went all Tom Sizemore on your eye.
    Steve: Oh, I wish I could get that guy back. I'd like to dress up as a girl and make him have sex with me, then say, "Ha! I'm not a girl! You just had sex with a boy who hates you!" (Laughs)
    Roger: Yeah, let's keep that plan between you, me, and the string of therapists who won't be able to help you.


    Stan: That's a great story about being old and alone. It's like you've been walking around dead for 20 years and no one's had the decency to cremate you and sprinkle your ashes over Old Maid Mountain.
    Betty Sue: Wow, that's quite a line.
    Stan: Well, it's actually more of an assessment of your life.
    Betty Sue: No, I mean the line to get in. What you just said was emotionally devastating

  5. #124


    Are shows still allowed to say "retarded?" I feel like that word is getting naughtier and naughtier every year.

    What do you think they put in the Bug Juice?
    Bugs?
    No they don't. Come on...shut up.

  6. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flimpson Tide View Post
    Are shows still allowed to say "retarded?" I feel like that word is getting naughtier and naughtier every year.
    In Family Guy they cut out that song that characters singing about Peter being retarded because the censors didn't like overuse of that word. So it's allowed but not excessively.

  7. #126
    Administrator Sam's Avatar
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    which was the highlight of that episode of course

  8. #127
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    Steve: We pulled it off! [Stan accidentally hits him while he was emerging from the blankets]
    Stan: Sorry, forgot you were back there.
    Steve: Why? Oh Wow, oh geez, my eye I gotta go to school like this.
    Stan: I'm not taking you to school. Your mom thinks you are at Stuffington and we can't get two report cards in the mail.
    Steve: What about my education?
    Stan: Steve you know who you love the musical Annie?
    Steve: I love Annie!
    Stan: Yeah knocked you down, I know. Anyway you're going to be street-smart like her.

  9. #128
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    Stan: Seriously, what was in your butt?
    Francine: It was just itchy.
    Stan: ... I don't believe you.
    Simpsons Tapped Out ID: Knightboat89

  10. #129
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    Francine: Stan, come on. You hurt his feelings, so he made some stuff up. Don't make Roger go all the way to Roswell just so you can call him on his bologna.
    Stan: No, Francine, I'm tired of him walking around like he's King Poop all the time!
    Francine:......Is that really what you wanted to say?
    Stan: No.

    Stan: What? Why didn't you say something before?!
    Klaus: Daddy and Roger were fighting and I got scared.

    Steve: Cell-o, everyone!
    Klaus: Steve, whoever told you that was funny was not looking out for your best interest.

    Roger: Damn it, you saw him coming!
    Klaus: Touche.
    Roger: You're using that wrong.

    Steve: HEY, PALS THAT I KNOW!.....DO YOU HAVE GUMMY BEARS IN YOUR EARS? I SAID HELLO!


  11. #130
    Comic Book Me Shaunbadia's Avatar
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    Stan: "I HAVE CAKE FACE AND BALLOON! YOU HEAR THAT DADDY!? CAKE FACE AND BALLOON!"
    How to remaster

  12. #131
    coughing up snot Insomnia's Avatar
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    Terrorist: Feet, don't explode on me now.

  13. #132
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    Stan: Ho ho ho, no no no no! What happened here?
    Steve: What do you mean? The halls are fully decked.
    Hayley: Dad, we've working on this all day.
    Stan: Seriously? (low whistle) I'll give you a A forever but this isn't Santa's cruise.
    Steve: What do we do wrong?
    Stan: Where do I start? Well for one the stockings. They're supposed to be hung in care in hope St. Nicholous would soon be there. The IXNS guy hung himself with more care. And the nativity scene, the three wisemen looked like transvestites! The mannish guy not the attractive Asian you're looking for your birthday party.
    Francine: Stan you're ruining our Christmas.
    Stan: No I'm trying to save your Christmas. Now come on let's get a good tree.
    Hayley: There's nothing wrong with this tree.
    Steve: It's 8 o'clock on Christmas Eve. Nobody has any trees left.
    Stan: God does. We'll just go the woods and get one.
    Roger: Oh my God, I can see my heart light.

  14. #133
    King of the Rock Bottom The Sovereign's Avatar
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    Maybe baby

  15. #134
    coughing up snot Insomnia's Avatar
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    Francine: What the fuck is going on?!?

  16. #135
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    Steve: What a boob.
    Stan: What was that, Steve? -
    Steve: Um, I, uh...asked Hayley if I could squeeze her boob.
    Stan: I love it when you kids get along.


  17. #136
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    Francine: Oh I KNOW you're not telling me how to raise my child!
    Hayley: You do NOT tell this woman how to raise her child!
    Roger *as Caitlin*: You do NOT tell this woman how to raise me!
    Francine: Mm-mm!
    Hayley: No you do not!
    Roger: You have no idea what this woman has been through!


  18. #137
    Curiouser and curiouser MindQuad's Avatar
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    Roger: We're gonna teach Betty how to please a man!
    (swallows banana whole)
    Roger: Oh, I wasn't making a point, I was just low on potassium.

    (Roger and Stan scream as they fake plane crashing)
    Stan: I think we really sold that crash landing.
    Roger: Oh you were doing crash landing? I was doing just found out my son is gay.


  19. #138
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    Steve: You made me look like a real jerk. I'm a jerk! You know what it's like to be made a jerk of? I've been walking around my whole life wondering who the jerk is, and then bam! I'm the jerk! You made me a jerk, Pop. Aren't we a fine pair? The jerk and the guy that made him a jerk!

    Roger: Wow, he is rough on you. He is elephant making love to a cat rough on you.

  20. #139
    Azarath metrion zinthos! Sweet_Potatoes's Avatar
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    ^What episode did that last one from Roger happen in?

  21. #140
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    The 42-Year-Old Virgin

  22. #141
    Just pity laugh Swoony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zachbigmac View Post
    @Swoony your just a poser and dont tell me
    your not cause i can read you like a fucking book.


  23. #142
    Administrator Sam's Avatar
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    You can't touch yourself? How do you masturbate?

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  25. #143
    Junior Camper
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    Gun! Call for help!

  26. #144
    coughing up snot Insomnia's Avatar
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    Roger: Alright that's it, can't a guy sit in a closet and get drunk with Francines shoes without being barragged with filth?

  27. #145
    Curiouser and curiouser MindQuad's Avatar
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    This isn't a line per say, but the visual gags in this clip are so perfect. Hayley sitting in the white couch, Stan with the stapler, etc...


  28. #146
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  29. #147
    Administrator Sam's Avatar
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    Well, I suppose you could make me an omelet. Do you know omelet yet? How old are you, what do you know?

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  31. #148
    Administrator Sam's Avatar
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    Fish don't get herpes, do they?

  32. #149
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    Steve: If it makes you feel any better I think she's got the herps!
    Jeff: Yeah she does!

    Steve: Now that you've spent all your money trying to get her, you don't have to worry about your mom stealing it out of your account anymore!

    Hayley: I came out of your favorite place. Maybe you can still smell it on me!

    Stan; Look out everyone, thief in the room.
    Francine: Cute. Oh look, it's the ungrateful son!
    Steve: Leave me alone embarassing straight parents, or I'll pee in your cereal!
    Hayley: If you so much as look at her, I'll pour this hot coffee down your pants!
    jeff: Well it would be the first time you've got me hot and bothered in a while, Frisbee whore!

    Bullock: You are a complicated man Smith, I would LOVE to do mushrooms with you.

    Klaus: Happy Birthday, Roger.
    *Pube hair floats in and lands on Roger's cake.
    Roger: I hate Steve so much.

  33. #150
    Curiouser and curiouser MindQuad's Avatar
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    We should post-some classic Tearjerker quotes in anticipation of part 2...And also just because it's just an endlessly quotable, brilliant episode.

    Tearjerker: "The boat tour ends here? I thought that was a lap pool! Mike you ended the boat tour in my office??? Unacceptable!"

    Stan Smith: I'm gonna go hit the juice bar. You probably wouldn't like it, It's not about living out childhood abuse through degrading sexual encounters.....It's more about juice."

    Tearjerker: "I'll be back, Mr. Smith, I've written another film and it's even sadder then Oscar Gold. It's six hours of a baby chimp trying to revive its dead mother."




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