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Thread: Maggie's Toilet Training



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  1. #31
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    I think the 4th wall thing is done.
    Critics are raving over Maggie's Toilet Training!
    Quote Originally Posted by Gatorgod View Post
    Maggie's toilet training is the smash hit fan-fic of the season! Bravo!
    Quote Originally Posted by James L. Brookes View Post
    iMuy Excellente! This has really been capturing the feel of classic Simpsons wackyness!

  2. #32
    Junior Camper
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    It's not bad. however the word choice needs to be fixed. Certain things would never be said on The Simpsons. The forth wall joke is funny but i think it needs to be spaced out more. Keep in mind the joke has already been closily done in another episode.

  3. #33


    The thing about 4th wall jokes in any form (for me anyways) is; when timed correctly, they are hilarious. Over use detracts from the impact of 'em.
    It also helps if you don't beat us over the head with them. Try hiding it behind a double entendre. Again, just my opinion for what it's worth.
    (You already said you were done with those, so carry on!)

  4. #34
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Sorry about the lack of a new chapter yesterday.


    Homer: Marge! I figured it out! I got the ultimate tip on the internet!

    Marge: Okay. How do we toilet train Maggie?

    Homer: It says that in order to toilet train a baby, you must teach it to use the toilet. D'oh!

    Marge: It wasn't this hard with Bart or Lisa.

    Homer: What do we do now? It's hopeless. Wait---Obama promises hope! Let's vote for him!

    Marge: Homer, I'm not sure that's what Obama meant.

    Homer: He said that there's plenty of hope if we vote for him. Are you calling a senator a liar?

    Marge: No, I---

    Homer: We're voting for Obama!

    On Inauguration Day...

    Homer: I can't believe McCain won! It's all over. Wait a minute...

    Marge: Yes?

    Homer: I said to wait a minute! Sheesh.

    60 seconds later...

    Homer: Okay.

    Marge: Okay what?

    Homer: Okay, it's been a minute. Geez, Marge, you're being a real pain in the ass today.

    To be continued...

  5. #35


    iMuy Excellente! This has really been capturing the feel of classic Simpsons wackyness!

  6. #36
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Thanks. This is pretty much just a series of gags with a theme, but I think it's the most Simpsony thing that I've ever written.

  7. #37
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    And now, for the thrilling conclusion that you've all been waiting for!

    Homer: Marge, I've finally figured it out!

    One attempt later...

    Marge: That failed horribly.

    Homer: I give up.

    [camera zooms out, revealing Comic Book Guy on TV]

    Comic Book Guy: This is the most anti-climatic ending that I have ever seen! I bet that everyone on No Homers.net cares! I'm typing my complaints on the Rate and Review thread right now!

    The End

  8. #38
    The Hammer is my penis Capt Hammer's Avatar
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    it was good but the last two bits seemed extremely rushed to me and the ending was a little shite
    "Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And i'm not out of order! You're out of order. The whole freaking system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge. It's Chinatown!" - Homer's rant.

  9. #39
    big bad Bartolo sung's Avatar
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    Hmm... I thought you were going for something that doesn't seem too cartoonish? The ending was a bit satiric, but it was too rushed for my like.
    calmer than you are

  10. #40
    Junior Camper
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    UH..... not to sounds rude... because it was somewhat good... but that got worse the more it went on. The ending was very blah.... heck the last two scenes seemed rushed and didn't have a lot to them. The story idea is gold but the way it was issued wasn't as entertaining as it could have been


    in short... it needs work but its awesome

  11. #41
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    I was hoping that nobody could tell that the ending was a cop-out. I ran out of gags, and I couldn't think of an ending or a way to advance the plot.

  12. #42


    *refrains from obvious comments*

    Perhaps trying to ad-lib a sitcom (a style you admitted on the first page wasn't your strong point) was a mistake. The idea is good, but maybe you could spend a little more time on structure? See where it takes you?

  13. #43
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    I enjoy doing stories through improv. It's the way I write.

  14. #44


    Fucking hillarious.
    "Evolution is silly," AJ adds. "Monkeys? Um, no."

  15. #45


    i was a bit dissapointed. Not for the ending itself but the fact that it had to end:fail:

  16. #46
    the original Sex Pistol
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    Good job, I really liked it.

  17. #47
    Nuclear Power Plant Worker
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    Coolio

    You're really pushing the envelope at times, but it's working most of the time. Very good stuff

    Words I personally think shouldn't be used: Dump, Dick-sucking. And naming the episodes.

  18. #48


    I thought this story was going somewhere! But the ending was dissapointing, also, I LOVE this and was sad it had to end, also I'm watching "I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can" so it is making me hard to post.

    BESIDES THE DICK-SUCKING, DUMP, NAMING THE EPISODES, AND THE ENDING, GOOD JOB!!!

    EDIT:
    PREHAPS NOW IT'S TIME TO SAY IT?:
    :gatorpaper: Maggie's toilet training is the smash hit fan-fic of the season! Bravo!

  19. #49
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    I know that the ending was horrible. I do improv when I write, which isn't such a good idea. As for the out-of-character phrases, they sounded just too funny. Anybody want me to write another fanfiction? This time, I'll plan an ending before writing.

  20. #50


    i'd like that. a lot of you NHC members do a great job writing. And yes, please have an ending in mind.

  21. #51


    Agreed, you are a good writer.
    I'd like to see what you can do with a structured story! In fact I'd be happy to help anyway I can.



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