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  1. #1
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Maggie's Toilet Training

    I'm horrible with sitcom-style writing. The Simpsons and Arthur are the only TV shows to ever master the genre. I'm going to try as hard as I can to make something that wont seem cartoonish, like my Land of Chocolate fanfiction. In order to still capture some Ren and Stimpy-esque cartoonish material, I'm making a cartoonish and disgusting plot. Just read the title.

    Bart and Lisa [at the same time]: Can we please rent a scary movie?

    Marge: No! You're not old enough for that kind of post-apocalyptic horror.

    Bart: We saw WALL-E.

    Marge: It's different with WALL-E. It's impossible for the Earth to be covered
    in garbage.

    Lisa: What about when we had to move Springfield five miles away?

    Marge: Ummm...

    *Marge looks around the room, trying to think of a quick distraction*

    Marge: Let's rent a horror movie!

    Bart and Lisa: YAY!

    Marge: But I get to choose it.

    Bart and Lisa: Awww...

    At Blockbuster...

    Homer: AAH!

    Marge: What is it?

    Homer: It's the scariest thing I've ever seen! A vending machine without beer! Can we rent it?

    Marge: Homer, it's expensive to rent a vending machine.

    Homer: I can see why! It's the scariest horror movie ever!

    Marge: Hrm....

    Maggie: *suck*

    Maggie is pointing to a movie called The Horrible Parent.

    Marge: Let's do what Maggie wants, for once.

    Bart: We already did that in Mona Leaves-a.

    Alarms go off, and Chief Wiggum dashes in.

    Chief Wiggum: Who broke the fourth wall?

    Bart: You just did, by acknowledging that the fourth wall is broken.

    Chief Wiggum: Dammit!

    At The Simpson house...

    Narrator [in the movie]: There was once a horrible parent that never toilet trained her daughter. The daughter grew up having to change her own diapers in the bathroom stalls at school. All the kids made fun of her. She never got married, and died alone. The End

    Marge: Oh my god!

    Marge looks at Maggie.

    To be continued...
    Critics are raving over Maggie's Toilet Training!
    Quote Originally Posted by Gatorgod View Post
    Maggie's toilet training is the smash hit fan-fic of the season! Bravo!
    Quote Originally Posted by James L. Brookes View Post
    iMuy Excellente! This has really been capturing the feel of classic Simpsons wackyness!

  2. #2


    Pretty damn good! Dig the fourth wall & Walle references. Really funny, keep up the good work.

  3. #3
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Thanks. I'll admit, though, the fourth wall reference was a bit of a fuck-up.

    WHY CAN'T I WRITE IN SITCOM-STYLE?! WHY?!

  4. #4
    Stonecutter
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    Fourth wall breaking played out nicely the movie seemed sort-of bad in my book, but i like the maggie idea.

  5. #5
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Of course the movie was bad. It's only purpose was to get the plot moving foward.

  6. #6
    big bad Bartolo sung's Avatar
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    Gotta admit, I laughed. Could've been better, but I like it so far

  7. #7
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    so far so good

  8. #8
    The Hammer is my penis Capt Hammer's Avatar
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    its preety good
    "Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And i'm not out of order! You're out of order. The whole freaking system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge. It's Chinatown!" - Homer's rant.

  9. #9
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    The next day...

    Marge: Homer, I'm a bit concerned.

    Homer: Me too! I've searching through all the peer-to-peer networks I can find, and nobody has The Vending Machine Without Beer!

    Marge: I'm talking about the movie we saw last night.

    Homer: Me too!

    Marge: THE ONE WE RENTED AND WATCHED!!!

    Homer: Marge, calm down. They're watching...

    Homer looks outside, and sees social workers staring at the possibly unfit parents.

    Marge: Listen, Homer. I'm worried that we might be waiting too long to toilet train Maggie.

    Homer: Relax, Marge. Bart didn't learn until he was six.

    Marge: I know, and I think that's why everyone laughs at him when I show his friends his baby pictures.

    Bart walks in.

    Bart [sarcasm]: Sure it is, mom.

    Marge: I knew it!

    Bart sighs, and walks out the door.

    Marge: Homer, I already have my hands full with the rest of the housework. Could you toilet train Maggie? She's your daughter too, you know.

    Homer: But Marge, that will result in bad parenting jokes and wacky shenanigans like in Homer Alone.

    *Chief Wiggum busts in*

    Chief Wiggum: AHA! I knew that someone broke the fourth wall!

    Homer: You just did it again, Chief.

    Chief Wiggum: CHRIST!

    To be continued...


    I think I'm getting better at emulating Simpsony-humor, but I can still use a lot more improvement. That's just my opinion on my own work, though. As you can see, I like to use running gags and joke repetition.

  10. #10


    Nice callback, though that should probably be the last one for the '4th Wall', the show rarely did two in one episode.
    Very funny so far, I like it.

  11. #11
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Awwww. I'll do it one more time, and that's it.

    Can I at least develop Homer's search for the movie into a sub-plot? Wait, it's my fanfiction. I'm doing whatever the hell I want.

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    Still really good. Just don't rush it

  13. #13


    Merely suggestions. Feel free to ignore 'em all you want.

    Once more should be okay... in any case, please continue.

  14. #14
    big bad Bartolo sung's Avatar
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    I like the 4th dimensional wall joke. I'm not sure about chracters recalling the past episodes though. Other than that, it's good
    calmer than you are

  15. #15
    AddminisGator Gatorgod's Avatar
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    Maggie's toilet training is the smash hit fan-fic of the season! Bravo!


  16. #16
    The Hammer is my penis Capt Hammer's Avatar
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    Awesome
    stuff what they say make more break the fourth wall bits there funny as

  17. #17
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gatorgod View Post
    Maggie's toilet training is the smash hit fan-fic of the season! Bravo!
    Thanks, though I think it's a bit too early to say that. The actual plot has only just gotten into full swing.

  18. #18


    Quote Originally Posted by Elkwood View Post
    Can I at least develop Homer's search for the movie into a sub-plot? Wait, it's my fanfiction. I'm doing whatever the hell I want.
    That's the part I'm excited for!

  19. #19
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Homer: Maggie, do you know what a toilet is?

    Maggie looks puzzled.

    Homer: I guess I'll have to teach you.

    *Homer carries Maggie into the bathroom*

    Homer: Do you see this white bowl?

    Santa's Little Helper comes into the room, and drinks from the toilet. Maggie smiles, snaps her fingers, believing that she has figured it out. She then proceeds to drink from the toilet.

    Homer: No, Maggie, you---hey, that water does look kind of refreshing.

    Homer, Maggie, and Santa's Little Helper proceed in drinking from the toilet.

    Hours later...

    Homer, Maggie, and the dog are still drinking the potty water. Bart comes in and wizzes in the toilet.

    Homer: Why you little---

    Homer strangles Bart, as usual.

    Homer: I'll teach you to ruin my drinking water! Wait a minute---D'oh!

    Moments later...

    Homer is pointing to the bowl

    Homer: Okay, Maggie! Take a dump!

    Maggie walks up to the bowl, standing in front of it, with a look of concentration. She then soils her diaper. Maggie then bows, thinking that she has accomplished something.

    Homer: D'oh! Maggie, that's not what I meant.

    All of a sudden, Homer's cell phone rings.

    Homer: Hello?

    Barney: Hey, Homer! Do you wanna come over and watch The Vending Machine Without Beer? *burp*

    Homer: The Vending Machine Without Beer Burp? No thanks. However, I am completely interested in the movie just known as The Vending Machine Without Beer.

    Barney: Ugh. No thanks, Homer. That movie got terrible reviews.

    To be continued...

  20. #20
    big bad Bartolo sung's Avatar
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    Gotta admit that it made me laugh. I'm curious on how the story will go...

  21. #21


    Funniest part so far, very Simpsons stylized, i dont see why you hate your sitcom writing so much.

  22. #22
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    I hate my sitcom-style writing because The Simpsons is the master of sitcom writing. In fact, it's one of the few sitcoms to not suck. The cartoony-yet-sitcommy style is very difficult to master, and I'm worried that I'm not doing a very good job. I think my latest chapter was pretty extreme, but still worthy of The Simpsons. The fourth wall gags, however, were too far. They were funny, though.

  23. #23
    The Hammer is my penis Capt Hammer's Avatar
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    lol that water does look refreshing

  24. #24


    I like it so far, you're a very talented writer.
    The only thing that threw me (distracted me from what was happening) were the occasional odd word choices.
    i.e.-
    Homer: Okay, Maggie! Take a dump!
    Looking forward to more!

  25. #25
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    I knew that the word choice was odd, but picturing Homer saying that was hilarious. I had to put it in. This is mostly improv, so I have literally no idea where the story will go next. I'm gonna try to keep at a speed of one chapter per day.

  26. #26
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    At Blockbuster...

    Homer: My good sir, I would like to rent Everybody Poops: The Movie on VHS.

    Squeaky Voiced Teen: You again? Last time, you spent three hours arguing with me over why you can't rent the vending machine.

    Homer: Oh yeah. Well, why not?!?!?!

    EIGHTEEN hours later...

    Squeaky Voiced Teen: For the last time, it's a vending machine!

    Homer: Yes! That's the plot of the movie!

    Squeaky Voiced Teen: ARRRGH! Just take Everybody Poops.

    Soon...

    Homer: Okay, the VHS is starting. Maggie, I know that things went bad when you imitated Itchy and Scratchy in Marge vs. Itchy vs. Scratchy, but I want you to imitate everything you see here.

    Chief Wiggum bursts in.

    Chief Wiggum: Homer, you just broke---ah, what's the point?

    Chief Wiggum leaves.

    Homer: Okay, Maggie do everything that you see here.

    Zoom-in on the screen.

    Girl: Let's poop!

    Boy: But where?

    Girl: How about on my father's head!

    Zoom-out.

    Maggie smiles and begins to walk towards Homer.

    Homer: D'oh! I should've asked the clerk where everybody would be pooping!

    One bath later...

    Homer: Marge, this potty training is hard work. I can't seem to get the message across to Maggie.

    Marge: Give me a shot. Maggie?

    Maggie walks over.

    Marge carries Maggie into the bathroom. Homer follows behind.

    Marge: Maggie, go "do your business" in the shiny white bowl.

    Maggie walks out of the bathroom, goes to the kitchen cabinets, and walks back with a shiny white bowl. She then does her business in there.

    Marge: Hrm...

    Homer: Not so easy, is it, Marge?

    Lisa walks in.

    Lisa: I heard what you were saying. How did you toilet train me? Maybe you can repeat those steps.

    Marge: You figured it out by watching Everybody Poops.

    Homer: I already tried that. It backfired with chocolate on my head.

    Marge: Homer, did you rent the version in the discount bin?

    Homer: No, I rented the version in the On Sale bin. They're completely unrelated.

    Lisa: You should get some internet advice, like we did in Midnight Towboy.

    Short silence.

    Homer: Oh yeah. Wiggum gave up.

    The camera zooms out, revealing that Ralph is there.

    Ralph: No I didn't.

    Homer: I meant your father.

    Ralph: My daddy that my mommy keeps a secret from my other daddy, or my other daddy?

    The camera zooms out, revealing Comic Book Guy watching TV.

    Comic Book Guy: Another anti-Sarah Wiggum joke? I already got my fill of those in The Ralph Wiggum Book. Thank you.

    Soon...

    Homer: Say, what is this? Lemon Party.org? I wonder what happens when I click it?

    Homer: AAAAH! MARGE!

    Marge: What is it, Homie?

    Homer: I found a picture of old people!

    Marge: You're not upset about the obvious dick-sucking?

    Homer: Eh, I've seen worse.

    To be continued...

  27. #27
    big bad Bartolo sung's Avatar
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    Okay, it was funny, that's for sure. Sometimes where pretty surreal (18 hour argument, 4th dimensional wall thing, etc.), but it's definitely enjoyable.... so far

  28. #28
    DVD comentary-oholic! snowballman3's Avatar
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    Funny, but kind of unrealistic
    --------------------------------------------------------
    ""Ah... the script says I have to bonk you with this" - Krusty
    "I wouldn't." -Sideshow Raheem
    --------------------------------------------------------
    "Which one of you is the mailman? (to the pets)

    -Grampa simpson
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    Proud owner of seasons:

    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

  29. #29
    This sentence is a lie. Elkwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dewey Finn View Post
    Okay, it was funny, that's for sure. Sometimes where pretty surreal (18 hour argument, 4th dimensional wall thing, etc.), but it's definitely enjoyable.... so far
    A similar gag to the 18 hour argument was done in Cape Feare with explaining the name change to Homer. The amount of time wasn't actually said, but I imagine that it was pretty long.

  30. #30


    still good and consistently funny. I have no problem with the 4th wall joke repetition, but i think it needs to be spaced out a bit.



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