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    "Simpsons Get the Wuv Luvs" - a now COMPLETED fanfic!

    It took a while because of school and other things, but I've finally been able to complete and revise my Simpsons fan fiction based off those strange and creepy Wuv Luv toys that actually give birth for all to see. It's simply called "Simpsons Get the Wuv Luvs!" and is set around 2000, during the events of seasons 11 to 12...

    It all started one afternoon when Bart and Lisa Simpson, in the living room of their home 742 Evergreen Terrace down a suburban area of Springfield, USA, were watching their favorite TV program, “The Krusty the Clown Show!”

    After a particularly funny stunt, Krusty did his trademark chuckle and said “Hey, kids! Don’t go away! We’ll be right back after a word from today’s sponsor!”

    A commercial then came on the screen, depicting six Wuv Luvs moving around on the screen as girls were playing with them. One of them started chirping as a girl singer began to sing in almost a sheep-like tone,
    “It’s the wonderful world of Wuv Lu-u-u-uvs, prizes come your way…”
    A purple Wuv Luv then said in its high-pitched voice, “Here comes baby!” as it began moving up and down. The announcer said, “Wuv Luv is here, with a wonderful surprise!” as an egg began to graphically emerge from her stomach. The girls were gasping in delight as their Wuv Luvs were all giving birth. “Special delivery! The secret’s out!” the announcer said, not giving much details. Then the girls opened up the eggs to reveal small beany-like toys slightly resembling smaller, younger Wuv Luvs. “Wuv Luv Babies!” the announcer said, “She names her baby…”
    “Baby,” the purple Wuv Luv from earlier began. “Mommy!” her yellow baby said, revealing they could talk as well. “Oshy!” the mother Wuv Luv said.
    “And they sing together!” the announcer added. A girl gasped in surprise as the purple Wuv Luv began singing in a lower, more matured voice, “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider…”
    “Crawled up the water spout!” the baby finished, as a girl was moving it up and down to the beat of the song.
    “And if you give your Wuv Luv lots of prizes come your way!” the girl singer from earlier sang. Then it cut to a still of a Wuv Luv and its’ orange baby in an eggshell accompanied by plastic flowers and a birthing certificate, the announcer said, “Each Wuv Luv sold separately. Batteries not included. Some have…”
    It then finally cut to another girl holding two Wuv Luv babies. “Twins!” she said happily.

    But then it cut back to Krusty the Clown, vomiting into a metal bucket (turned away from the camera though.) “BLAAAAAAAAAH! OHHHHHHHHHG!” The kids in the audience were laughing uproariously at seeing a clown barf. Then he did his distinctive groan, “Ohhhhh… That Wuv Luv makes me sick. It GIVES BIRTH, FOR CRIPES’ SAKE!!!”

    Bart called off to Marge, “Mom! I know what I want for Christmas!”

    “Christmas is over,” corrected Lisa.

    Back on the TV, Krusty said “And now to, ooooor…” and then vomited into the bucket again. “Roll the cartoon!”

    With that, an “Itchy and Scratchy” cartoon came on, with the funky intro sequence, as a high-pitched chipmunk-like chorus sang,
    “They hit. And bite!
    They fight and bite and fight!
    Fight-fight-fight, bite-bite-bite,
    The Itchy and Scratchy SHOWWWWW!”
    The title of the cartoon was “UNNATURAL WUV-BIRTH,” sponsored by Trendmasters.

    The cartoon began with Itchy holding up a box to Scratchy, labeled “FOR YOU, LOVE ITCHY!” Scratchy seemed tense, as it could’ve been a weapon or some other harmful trick, so he winced as he opened the package, but gave a puzzled look as he pulled out a Wuv Luv!

    “Wuv you!” the Wuv Luv said.

    “So what?” Scratchy said. “Wuv Luvs are just children’s toys.”

    But then the Wuv Luv said, “Here comes BABY!” and began moving up and down, but this time, a loud gooey splat was heard as a slimy-looking egg flew out of the pouch, along with some kind of gooey red liquid. The egg hit Scratchy in the face!

    Scratchy clutched his stomach, yelling “EWWWWWWWW! GROSS!!!” and he began to run, graphically vomiting like crazy, until his heart, brains, lungs and skeleton flew out of his body in the puke, causing Scratchy’s body to collapse dead in a puddle of vomit.

    Itchy did his trademark laugh and opened the egg to reveal a Wuv Luv Baby that laughed similar to Itchy. Then they both winked at the camera, and “THE END” appeared on the screen.

    The kids in Krusty’s studio audience began to roar with laughter, while back at home, Bart and Lisa did their trademark cackle like they typically would when watching the show.

    Krusty, however, was not impressed. “AAAAAARGH!” he screamed in frustration. “That’s disgusting. This show is over! GOOD NIGHT.” The curtain closed, and the end theme music began to play as all the kids in the audience cheered.

    That did it for Bart and Lisa. They ran up into the kitchen to Marge. “Mom! Can we have Wuv Luvs?” Lisa asked.

    “No Wuv Luvs!” Marge said.

    So, the kids walked over to Homer, who was lying on the living room couch after a hard day at work. They began employing their Mount Splashmore tactic on their father…
    “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?” Bart and Lisa asked.

    “No,” Homer said curtly.

    “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?”


    “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?”


    They continued the process in the hallway, Bart and Lisa asking “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?” and Homer answering quickly, “No.”

    At dinner, it continued, but now Homer had a hint of anger in his voice.
    “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?”

    When watching TV together that evening, Bart and Lisa continued asking, “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?”
    “No,” Homer continued answering, still annoyed.

    When Homer was taking a shower, Bart and Lisa had their faces pressed against the shower door, still asking “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?” repeatedly. But by now, Homer was screaming “NOOOOOOO!” instead of simply saying it.

    “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?”

    Even when Marge and Homer were in bed, Bart and Lisa continued chanting, “Will you get us a Wuv Luv?” and Homer repeatedly screaming “NOOOO!!!”

    Finally, Marge had enough of it. “NO WUV LUVS! Go to sleep!”

    But that didn’t stop Bart and Lisa.

    The next day, after school let out, instead of getting on the bus home like they were supposed to, they snuck over to the Try N’ Save store, headed over to the toy department, and were pleasantly surprised to find a whole shelf chock full of Wuv Luvs! So naturally they bought each of their own. Lisa paid for hers with her own money she had saved, but Bart used the money he had stolen from Homer’s wallet a few days ago. Bart did his distinctive evil cackle as the cashier rang it up.

    Bart and Lisa managed to sneak the Wuv Luvs home, and once arriving they tried hiding the Wuv Luvs in their jackets. Luckily, Marge was in the kitchen and didn’t notice what was going on. Once upstairs, they opened their Wuv Luvs. Lisa bought a purple-violet Wuv Luv with an aqua heart on its stomach and yellow antennas. Bart bought an orange one with a pink heart on its stomach and blue antennas. They didn’t care much about the colors they got… they wanted the egg!

    Bart and Lisa were hiding out in Lisa’s room, and once they had installed the batteries in their Wuv Luvs, Lisa began reading the instructions to hers. She had managed to get hers up and running first. Once turned on, the Wuv Luv made some kind of sighing sound.

    Lisa began to read the instructions. “It says here, Bart, that we have to play with our Wuv Luvs for 30 minutes straight until they give birth.”

    “Aw, 30 minutes?” Bart groaned. “It seemed so instantaneous in the commercial!”

    “Happy Wuv Luv!” the Wuv Luv chirped, as it swayed its head back and forth while Lisa was petting it.

    “What are we supposed to do with these heart keys and plastic flowers?” Bart asked.

    “According to the instructions,” Lisa said, “the flowers are their food, and the key is to either turn them on, reset them, open the pouch and make them have birth over and over again.”

    “They can give birth over and over? WOW!” Bart said, and the volume of that caused Lisa’s Wuv Luv to say “Wuv you!”

    So, Bart turned on his Wuv Luv. It made the same sighing sound. Then Bart tried petting its back, and it said “Huggle-snuggle!”

    “Wanna go do something and come back in 25 minutes?” Bart asked.

    “We can’t,” Lisa said. “If a Wuv Luv is not played with for three minutes straight, it falls asleep, and will interrupt the birthing process, and you will have to resume where it left off among falling asleep.”

    Bart inhaled deeply and yelled really loud “DAMN IT!!!!!!”

    Both Wuv Luvs responded to the noise; Lisa’s said “Kissy-kissy.” Bart’s Wuv Luv just laughed.

    Bart smiled again and said, “Wow, guess my Wuv Luv is a bad girl!” and chuckled.

    Lisa’s Wuv Luv said “Wuvvie hungry!” so Lisa put one of the plastic flowers into her mouth and it made a munching sound and then said “Yummy,” smacking its lips.

    “These seem an awful lot like those Furbies and Funzos we had,” Bart noticed.

    Lisa was thinking the same thing. “It must’ve been due to the Furby craze.”

    25 minutes later, Bart and Lisa continued petting and cradling their Wuv Luvs. All the while, the two Wuv Luvs kept saying “Wuv you,” “Huggle-snuggle,” “Happy Wuv Luv,” “Wuvvie hungry,” “Wuvvie snoozie,” “Wow,” “Mmm, num belly,” “Kissy-kissy,” “Yeah!” and a few other moans, sighs and giggles. By now, Maggie had come in to watch.

    “COME ON!” Bart whined. “When’s it gonna DO it?”

    Both Wuv Luvs laughed.

    “I told you ten times, Bart,” Lisa said, also getting impatient with the Wuv Luvs.

    But then when Lisa petted her Wuv Luv, it suddenly said, “Here comes baby!”

    Both Bart and Lisa gasped. Bart’s Wuv Luv just said “Wow!”

    “OK,” Lisa instructed Bart. “The antenna blink for 30 seconds. Then she says, ‘Here comes baby’ again, you pet her on the back, and then the birthing process begins.”

    Bart, Lisa and Maggie watched as the Wuv Luv’s antennas blinked for some time. It then said, “Here comes baby!” again. Lisa then pet its’ back, and it said, “Here comes baby!” again, and then began to make some strange chirping sound.

    “That’s supposed to be a countdown,” Lisa explained.

    Bart asked, “But why isn’t it saying ten, nine, eight, seven, et-cetera?”

    “I DON’T KNOW,” Lisa said, obviously having not much patience with Bart. Bart’s Wuv Luv just laughed.

    Then Lisa’s Wuv Luv stopped chirping, said “Here comes baby” again, and started beeping for 15 seconds. Then it said, “Here comes baby!” yet again, and chirped ten times. Finally, it said, “Here comes baby!” once more, and it made a magic twinkling sound effect, and began to move in an up-and-down motion, just like in the commercial.

    Bart held Maggie up to the Wuv Luv as its stomach began to open, the plastic blue egg slowly coming out in a graphic manner. “Look Maggie, this is how you were born!” Bart said.

    Maggie sucked her pacifier at warp-speed, jumped out of Bart’s arms and crawled away really fast, obviously creeped out.

    “Here it comes!” Lisa said as the egg was emerging from the hole in Wuv Luv’s stomach, and Bart was trying not to laugh. Finally, the Wuv Luv stopped moving, and Lisa took out the egg, and cut the ribbon of clear tape used to keep the egg closed. “Now the moment of truth!” Lisa said, as she opened the egg. Inside was a small purple Wuv Luv baby with a blue heart on its side and a small pink antenna on top.

    “Baby?” Lisa’s Wuv Luv asked, not moving whatsoever. So, Lisa pulled a heart-shaped tab out of the bottom of the baby, pushed its back, and it chirped “Mommy!”

    “Baby?” the Wuv Luv repeated as it moved up.

    “Mommy!” the baby said a second time.

    “Ba-byy!” the Wuv Luv sang, and then said, “Tom-Tom!”

    “I guess that’s the baby’s name!” Lisa said, as she wrote it down on the included birth certificate.

    “Ba-byy! Tom-Tom!” Lisa’s Wuv Luv repeated.

    “Wuuuuv,” baby Tom-Tom cooed.

    “Wuv you, Tom-Tom!” the Wuv Luv said.

    Bart petted the back of his Wuv Luv as it said “Happy Wuv Luv!” But when he got up to check out Lisa’s Wuv Luv Baby, his own Wuv Luv suddenly said, “Here comes baby!”

    “Whoa, mama!” Bart said. “Now MY Wuv Luv’s water broke!”

    Its antennas blinked for 30 seconds, and it then said, “Here comes baby!” again, and began to blink the antennas again.

    From outside the room, Homer’s voice could be heard saying, “Marge, I’m going to check on the kids! They’ve been hiding in Lisa’s room all afternoon!”

    Bart pet the back of his Wuv Luv and cackled, saying “Home-boy’s gonna get a big surprise!”

    “Here comes baby,” the Wuv Luv repeated, and began chirping again. As Bart heard Homer’s footsteps approaching, he pet the Wuv Luv’s back again, and it said “Here comes baby!” and made the magic twinkle sound, and began to move up and down, just as Homer opened the door.

    “WHAT THE HELL?!” Homer yelled when he saw them with the Wuv Luvs.

    “Look Dad, birth!” Bart said as he held up his Wuv Luv to Homer, its egg coming out of its stomach.

    “OH MY GOD!” Homer screamed. “AAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” He then ran out of the room and down the stairs, screaming endlessly in fear.

    Bart laughed hysterically and then took the egg out of the Wuv Luv’s pouch and opened it up. “TWINS!” he shouted.

    “Huh?” Lisa asked.

    “Huggle-snuggle!” Lisa’s Wuv Luv said.

    Bart held up the two babies. One was pink, the other was turquoise.

    “Baby?” Bart’s Wuv Luv asked.

    Bart pushed the pink baby. “Mommy.”

    “Baby?” Bart’s Wuv Luv asked again. When the pink baby repeated “Mommy,” Bart’s Wuv Luv replied “Ba-byy! … Mona, and Bebe!”

    “OK, so they are Mona and Bebe,” Bart said.

    A little while later, Lisa’s Wuv Luv was singing with baby Tom-Tom.
    “Down, came the rain, and, washed the spider out.”
    “Out, came the sun and dried up all the rain!” the baby sang.
    “And the itsy-bitsy spider crawled up the spout ‘a-gayn.’”

    “Hungry!” Lisa’s Wuv Luv baby said.

    “Want some num-nums?” the mother Wuv Luv answered.

    At the same time, Bart’s Wuv Luv just said “Din-din!”

    “Ahh!” Bart had Mona say.

    “Wuvvy hungry!” Bart’s Wuv Luv responded.

    Bart fed the mom, and it made the munching sound, sounding vaguely like a broken clock, and when Bart took the flower out of its mouth, the Wuv Luv said “Yummy,” and smacked its lips.

    Bart had the other baby placed in front of his Wuv Luv, pressed its back, and the mother Wuv Luv began singing in a lower matured voice “A-B-C-D-E-F-G…”
    “H, I, J, K, L-M-N-O-P!” the baby sang back.
    “Q-R-S, T-U-V…”
    “W-X, Y, Z!” Bebe finished.

    After a while, Bart asked, “That’s it? No additional phrases or crap?”

    “I guess we fell victim to another corporate toy company…” Lisa said.

    “Wait a second!” Bart said. “We can make them give birth again! Give me your baby!”

    “NO!” Lisa said. “Let your Wuv Luv re-birth her OWN babies.”

    “Fine,” Bart said, placing the tab back in Bebe’s bottom, and putting it in the egg. Then he slipped the egg back into his Wuv Luv’s pouch, closed it, and stood there.

    “Now what?” Bart said.

    “You have to reset it,” Lisa said, getting a bit impatient again.

    So, Bart did so, pushing the re-set and re-birth buttons again, and the 30-minute birth process started again. But this time, Bart had an idea.

    Within a minute, Bart was on the phone. “Milhouse, can you make it here in less than 30 minutes?”

    “Of course I can, Bart,” Milhouse answered. “I can’t wait to see your surprise, as long as it isn’t a wedgie or anything else that gives me pain or pressure!”

    Sure enough, 27 minutes after Bart made the call, Milhouse arrived. Bart took him up to Lisa’s room, while Lisa had her door closed.

    “Is it something embarrassing that Lisa got?” Milhouse asked.

    “Well, not exactly…” Bart said, opening the door.

    Milhouse gasped. “You got one of those Wuv Luvs?!”

    Bart and Lisa grinned, holding up their own Wuv Luvs.

    “This one is mine,” Bart said, holding up his orange one. “Go ahead and pet it.”

    “Happy Wuv Luv!” Bart’s Wuv Luv said.

    But when Milhouse reached out to pet it, the Wuv Luv suddenly said, “Here comes baby!”

    Milhouse gasped and lurched back, seeming a bit nervous.

    Bart petted its back, and the Wuv Luv repeated, “Here comes baby!” and began chirping.

    “Uh… I gotta go,” Milhouse said nervously. “I… I think my favorite TV show is on now!” He began heading down the stairs, but Bart followed with his Wuv Luv.

    “Here comes baby!” the Wuv Luv said again and began beeping.

    “But this is the good part!” Bart said.

    “Maybe, but the sight of birth always makes…” Milhouse started to say, but Bart pet the back of his Wuv Luv once again…

    “Here comes baby!” the Wuv Luv said and made the magic sound effect. By this point, Milhouse was opening the front door.

    “Look Milhouse, isn’t it cool?” Bart said as he held up the Wuv Luv to Milhouse’s face, showing him the egg pushing out of the up-and-down-moving Wuv Luv’s pouch.

    “Aaaah!” Milhouse shrieked and clutched his stomach.

    “And this is the second time my Wuv Luv’s had the same baby!” Bart added.

    Milhouse grabbed his stomach in pain and cried, “I gotta barf!” He ran out the door, headed for the Flanders’ trashcan on the curb and puked into it.

    Ned saw what was happening through the window and opened it to call to Milhouse. “Why are you throwing-diddly-up in our garbage can-a-rino?!”

    “Ughh…” Milhouse moaned. “Bart and Lisa got those Wuv Luv toys that give birth out of their stomachs!”

    “What the gosh-darn-diddly?” Ned gasped. “Only the Simpsons would get that pregnancy toy from Hell.” He then ran over to the telephone and called Reverend Lovejoy…

    Over at the Lovejoy house, Reverend Timothy Lovejoy had to power down his model railroad layout, so he could speak to Ned on the phone once again. But this time he clearly understood what Ned was talking about.

    “Yes, I know all about it,” Reverend Lovejoy said. “My daughter Jessica also has a Wuv Luv, and it’s really unsettling.”

    “I’m not letting my boys have a Wuv Luv,” Ned told Lovejoy on the phone, “not since the commercial gave them nightmares!”

    “Helen and I have to agree that the doll is quite creepy,” Lovejoy admitted, “but Jessica doesn’t seem bothered by it. Then again, this IS Jessica Lovejoy I’m talking about. You know how she can be quite a little hell spawn at times.”

    Ned was getting more nervous. “I think you should warn everyone at church this Sunday during the sermon. What if Wuv Luv becomes a big trend, like Furby and Funzo did?” He shuddered thinking about those two animatronic toys.

    Reverend Lovejoy was a bit peeved by now. “Ned, relax,” he said on the phone. “I’ll make sure I tell the patrons how evil Wuv Luvs are. I’m sure Helen can spread the gossip about this attempted corruption of children’s minds.”

    The next day was Saturday. Bart and Lisa invited Martin and Janey over to show them their Wuv Luv dolls. Janey and Martin had gotten Wuv Luvs of their own as well. Janey was a little jealous that Bart’s Wuv Luv had twins. Bart had also come up with a brilliant idea to keep the Wuv Luvs occupied during their 30-minute period between activation and their birth announcement, by putting a radio tuned to KBBL in front of the Wuv Luvs with the volume turned up, so the Wuv Luvs would keep reacting through their sound sensors. That way, the kids could do anything else they wanted before it was time.

    They also had the Wuv Luvs re-birth each other’s’ babies, giving them a different name each time. “The mothers are real bimbos,” Bart explained, chuckling. “They don’t even recognize their own babies after a while!”

    “Wuvvy snoozie!” Bart’s Wuv Luv said.

    Martin noticed something. “Doesn’t anyone else think it’s unnerving how the Wuv Luv talks like a baby, and ends up having a baby herself?”

    “I never thought of it before,” Lisa admitted, “but now that I do, it’s rather disorienting.”

    Martin continued, “And the animatronics are rather primitive, how her mouth just keeps moving up and down, regardless of what she is saying, or when she’s not saying anything at all, like when she gives birth!”

    “Yeah, like this!” Bart said, and he began to demonstrate, moving up and down while rolling his eyes and opening and closing his mouth silently.

    Martin, Lisa and Janey all shuddered. Then Lisa said, “It’s only really creepy when YOU do it, Bart.”

    Janey added, “And Wuv Luv doesn’t seem bothered at all with giving birth. She’s not in any pain, isn’t screaming or moaning, and is very blissful the whole time.”

    “Yeah,” Lisa agreed. “This toy really does kind of make you think…”

    On Sunday morning at church, Reverend Lovejoy was nearing the end of his sermon…

    “…forever which he would be damned. And now, before I wrap up…” Reverend Lovejoy said.

    “Woo-hoo!” Homer called out in the audience.

    Lovejoy glared at Homer, and then continued, “I want to call to attention a children’s toy that comes direct from hell…” He bent down to his podium and pulled out his daughter’s Wuv Luv doll, colored turquoise with a pink heart and antennae. “The Wuv Luv!” he announced.

    The crowd gasped, and the Wuv Luv let out a giggle.

    Homer, Rod and Todd all screamed and covered their eyes. The Wuv Luv reacted with “Kissy-kissy!”

    “Look at those eyes that stare into your soul,” Lovejoy explained, “and its’ demonic way the mouth just constantly flaps, not matching up with the voice. Oh, and that’s not the worst part.” He got out the Wuv Luv’s heart key, pressed the “pouch release” button and opened up the Wuv Luv’s stomach to reveal the baby, and pulled out her blue plastic egg. The crowd gasped in horror again, except for Bart, Lisa, Martin, Janey, Ralph and a few other kids. “Yes,” Lovejoy said. “This Satanic doll SPAWNS! In a very graphic manner!”

    Then he opened the egg and pulled out the Wuv Luv baby, small and yellow with a magenta antenna. He pressed the back of the baby, and it said “Wuuuuv.”

    “Ohh!” the mother Wuv Luv reacted.

    Grampa Simpson stood up. “That doll is evil. EEEEEEVILLLLLL! And I really mean it this time!”

    “The actual birth is very demonic,” Reverend Lovejoy continued. “It says ‘Here comes baby,’ makes evil sounds, and then moves up and down in an unearthly fashion, its’ mouth speaking silently, all the while the egg is ejected from the cloaca in an uncanny Satanic manner, as if possessed by the mighty demons of Hell!”

    Bart laughed a bit. He was enjoying the Reverend’s description of a Wuv Luv giving birth.

    Lovejoy held up the mother and said, “This beast is corrupting our generation and preparing them for sex and reproduction at too early of an age!”

    The Wuv Luv blissfully laughed, sounding almost maniacal.

    “Did you hear that?” Lovejoy said, putting it down. “That laughter sounded suspiciously demonic.”

    “Yeah!” the Wuv Luv said in a seemingly aroused manner.

    Reverend Lovejoy reacted with a rather uncertain noise, quickly said “Amen,” closed his Bible and ran into his office.

    In the car ride home, Marge said to Homer, “I knew those Wuv Luv toys were a bad idea. Their concept and execution are too inappropriate for young children and could give them false impressions like thinking childbirth is easy and that people are born in an egg!”

    “But our kids weren’t born in eggs,” Homer said.

    “That’s exactly my point,” Marge said, not amused. “When we get home, I’m going to write a letter to Trendmasters about how messed-up Wuv Luvs are.”

    “But Mom,” Lisa explained, “what little girls DON’T want to be mothers when they grow up?”

    “That’s different,” Marge said. “Little girls are supposed to just play with regular dolls as if they were the baby, not play with a doll that gives birth to a baby!”

    “But mine gave birth to twins!” Bart said.

    “The point is, it’s just not right!” Marge insisted.

    Some time later at home, Bart and Lisa were still fooling around with their Wuv Luvs in the den. Homer was hiding in his bedroom, since he feared the Wuv Luvs so much. And Marge was at her stationery in the living room, writing a letter…

    Dear Trendmasters,

    I know this may sound silly, but I feel the Wuv Luvs toy you sell to our children may be corrupting their minds, with their graphic depiction of childbirth that even includes a cloaca that you refer to as a “pouch.” Are you trying to give our generation false impressions, that childbirth is blissful, easy and painless? And that every living thing on Earth lays eggs, even all mammals? The fact that Wuv Luvs talk like a baby and then proceed to give birth to a baby is so unsettling, along with the primitive animatronics giving the doll an unnerving look when it talks and especially gives birth. And just how does the Wuv Luv get pregnant if they are all female anyways? Is this what you’re trying to get our children to think? I know my children don’t seem bothered by the Wuv Luvs, though my husband is terrified of them, especially more than my finding them disturbing. But I am more concerned about other families and children that may buy or own Wuv Luvs. Honestly, what were you thinking, making a gross toy that gives birth for children to see? I really think you should rethink your ideas of child psychology when developing new toys.

    Yours truly,
    Marge Simpson

    In the den, Bart and Lisa continued playing with their Wuv Luvs, with Bart’s already being “pregnant.”

    Lisa’s Wuv Luv said “Wuvvie hungry” once again and Lisa “fed” it a plastic flower. After the weird munching noise, it said “Yummy” and smacked its lips.

    Bart asked Lisa, “Maybe the Wuv Luvs like to eat flowers because of how pregnant women get weird cravings?”

    “I heard that!” Marge shouted from the living room.

    “It’s a possibility,” Lisa said, “but they also intend for the babies to eat the flowers. I think it’s supposed to represent that they are like herbivorous creatures that eat plants, including flowers.”

    “Great,” Bart said, “so the Wuv Luvs are vegetarians like you, Lis.” He petted his own Wuv Luv, and it gave an aroused-sounding “Yeah.” But then it said, “Here comes baby!” and then began blinking its’ antennae.

    Lisa let out a soft gasp. “That sudden announcement of ‘Here comes baby’ always still takes me by surprise.”

    “Yeah,” Bart agreed. “It’s like with a real pregnant woman, and her water unexpectedly breaks. You know it’s coming, but not the exact second.”

    “Though at least we know with the Wuv Luvs,” Lisa said, “they go into labor thirty minutes after being activated.”

    “Here comes baby!” Bart’s Wuv Luv repeated. So, Bart pet its’ back and it said, “Here comes baby!” again and began its’ chirping sequence. At this point the family pets, Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball II, came over to watch.

    Bart chuckled and said, “If only going into labor was that easy!” and then petted the Wuv Luv’s back once more.

    “Here comes baby!” the Wuv Luv announced, made its’ magic twinkle sound effect, and began moving up and down to push the egg out of its’ stomach. As this happened, Santa’s Little Helper made a frightened yelp and Snowball II hissed, and they both ran out of the den in fear.

    Bart cackled when that happened, and then he opened the egg and pulled out one of the twins, the turquoise baby, and then pulled the heart tab out of its’ bottom. “Mommy!” it cooed.

    After Bart’s adult Wuv Luv asked, “Baby?” Bart placed the baby in front of its’ mother and petted its’ back to say “Mommy!” again.

    “Baby?” the mother Wuv Luv repeated.

    “Mommy,” the baby repeated yet again.

    “Ba-byy!” the mother sang, and then named the baby “Boogaloo!”

    Bart chuckled. “Heh, her ‘babayyy!’ sounds like it’s singing disco!” Then he quickly jotted down the name on a notepad that had a list of all the names the kids’ Wuv Luv babies have gone through with each re-birth.

    “Wuvvvv!” baby Boogaloo cooed.

    “Wuv you, Boogaloo!” its mother replied.

    Then Bart picked up the baby and rubbed its’ face in-between the mother Wuv Luv’s eyes and mouth, and the mother began making kissing sounds.

    “Look,” Bart told his sister, “they’re doing incest!”

    Lisa shuddered. “OK, now THAT’S gross.”

    Marge did her trademark murmur from the living room among hearing that.

    Days later, in Miss Hoover’s second-grade class at Springfield Elementary School, it was show-and-tell time. Lisa and Janey decided to both go up and show their Wuv Luvs together. They had timed it so the Wuv Luvs were activated 29 minutes before they were to go up in front of the class. And when they did…

    “Oh, my lord,” Miss Hoover said, not amused at all.

    “These are our Wuv Luvs,” Lisa began.

    “OOOOoooooh!” Lisa’s Wuv Luv let out a high piercing whine, which trigger Janey’s blue Wuv Luv to say “Wuvvie hungry!”

    As Janey “fed” her Wuv Luv with a small plastic flower, she explained, “Wuv Luvs really love to be cuddled and pet, and you feed them these little plastic flowers.”

    “Happy Wuv Luv!” Lisa’s Wuv Luv said.

    “But that’s not all Wuv Luvs can do!” Lisa added.

    “Kissy kissy!” the Wuv Luv said, among Lisa hearing that. Then right afterward, as if it were some kind of cue, it announced “Here comes baby!”

    Miss Hoover and several of the students gasped among hearing that. Janey’s Wuv Luv let out a tired, exasperated type of moan.

    “Yes,” Janey said. “Wuv Luvs can even give birth to a baby!” As she said that, her own Wuv Luv gleefully said “Here comes baby!”

    “You gotta be kidding me,” Chuck Berger said.

    After some antenna blinking, Lisa’s Wuv Luv repeated, “Here comes baby!”

    “So go on and have it already,” Cosine said.

    Janey’s Wuv Luv then repeated “Here comes baby!” Then Lisa and Janey looked at each other and pet the back of their Wuv Luvs at the same time, leading them to both say, “Here comes baby!” and start their chirping sequence.

    Lisa told the class, “The chirping is part of a sequence of sounds that’s basically like a countdown to the actual birthing process, presumably to represent labor. But you can speed it up by petting its’ back once more…”

    And Lisa and Janey did just that, and both Wuv Luvs announced “Here comes baby!” one more time and made their magic twinkling sound effect and started moving up and down to push the egg out of their stomach pouches.

    Roughly half of the class cried out “Ewwwww! Gross!” as the Wuv Luvs gave birth. Miss Hoover put her hand on her stomach and cried out “Dear God!”

    “Miss Hoover,” Ralph Wiggum asked as he raised his hand, “do women have pouches too?”

    “No Ralph,” Miss Hoover sternly told Ralph. Then she turned to Janey and Lisa as they hatched the eggs to reveal the Wuv Luv babies and told them, “I think we’ve seen enough, Lisa and Janey. Please put those things back in your lockers, then come back to your seats.”

    “Yes, Miss Hoover,” Lisa and Janey both said in unison, and they left the classroom to do so, as the Wuv Luvs said “Baby?”

    “Aww, why’d you do that?” Becky complained to Miss Hoover. “Wuv Luvs are cool! I have one.”

    “So do I,” Allison Taylor added. “I don’t see what the fuss is all about.”

    “Yeah!” Wanda agreed. “We have to learn about sex and reproduction eventually!”

    “Miss Hoover?” Ralph Wiggum asked, raising his hand again.

    “What is it now, Ralph?” Miss Hoover said, exasperated.

    “Are we born in eggs?”

    “NO, Ralph,” Miss Hoover said, feeling more annoyed than ever. “I think I need to go lie down…”

    Meanwhile in Mrs. Krabappel’s fourth grade class, they were watching a video about turtles. At one point, a mother turtle was shown laying eggs in her nest in a graphic manner. Some kids already cried out “Ewwwww!”, and Milhouse was clutching his stomach and moaning nauseously.

    Bart couldn’t resist. Just as the turtle was rearing up and about to lay another egg, Bart imitated the Wuv Luv’s voice saying, “Here comes baby!”

    That grossed out some of the kids even more. Milhouse and Wendell both covered their mouths with their hands and ran out of the classroom, their cheeks bulging.

    But Sherri and Terri chuckled. “Well played, Bart!” they both said in unison, and Bart gave a satisfied grin. But Mrs. Krabappel didn’t look very amused…

    Later, while the kids were at recess, Miss Hoover was speaking with Principal Seymour Skinner. She was wrapping up, “…and the birthing feature is quite inappropriate for a children’s toy.”

    “Hmm,” Skinner said. “This does sound suspicious.” He peeked out the window of his office and saw some kids indeed playing with Wuv Luvs, including Lisa, Janey, and Sherri and Terri. They enjoyed having the mother Wuv Luvs interact and sing with their babies.

    At the playground, Janey was having her mother Wuv Luv sing to its’ yellow baby, whom began with “The itsy-bitsy spider crawled up the water spout!”
    “Down, came the rain, and, washed the spider out,” the mother Wuv Luv added.
    “Out, came the sun and dried up all the rain!” the baby continued.
    “And the itsy-bitsy spider crawled up the spout ‘a-gayn,’” its mother finished.

    Sherri and Terri giggled at how that last part sounded. “It sounded like of like ‘a-gay,’” Sherri noted.

    “Maybe Wuv Luvs ARE gay,” Terri said, “since they’re all female but still have babies!”

    Skinner could hear them from his open office window. He told Miss Hoover, “That tears it. I’ll have to ban the Wuv Luvs from this school, so they don’t corrupt the children even more.”

    Later that afternoon, as Principal Skinner was giving the closing announcements over the intercom before dismissal, he added “And effective immediately as of after this school day, Wuv Luvs are no longer allowed on school grounds.”

    Several kids across the school groaned in disappointment. But in Mrs. Krabappel’s class, Milhouse sighed with relief and wiped his forehead, while Bart was indifferent about this. Unlike Lisa, he felt it was best to not bring his Wuv Luv to school. Suppose Nelson or the other school bullies saw him with a toy that was largely popular with girls? Martin was thinking the same thing.

    But of course, no fad or trend lasts forever. A month later, as Bart and Lisa had just had their Wuv Luvs give birth again and were playing with them in the rumpus room…

    “Mommy,” Lisa’s Wuv Luv baby chirped, now named something like “Lulu.”

    “Baby?” the mother Wuv Luv asked.

    Lisa pressed the back of the baby again, and it said “Sleepy…”

    “Nappy time!” its’ mother replied.

    Lisa looked at Bart and said, “Exactly how many more times are we going to keep doing this? Re-birthing the Wuv Luvs does get repetitive after doing it so many times.”

    “Yeah,” Bart said. “In a way, the novelty is kind of gone. I don’t know WHY we wanted these in the first place. Maybe mom was right.”

    “And can you believe mom never got a response to her letter to Trendmasters so far?” Lisa pointed out.

    Bart looked down at his Wuv Luv and twin babies, sighed softly and asked Lisa, “Wanna go play outside?”

    “OK,” Lisa said, and they left the Wuv Luvs in the rumpus room, unattended.

    Months passed, and Bart and Lisa did not play with their Wuv Luvs anymore after that. They were just lying in the rumpus room toy box, along with Bart and Lisa’s old Furbies and a Funzo, and a few assorted Beanie Babies and Pokémon toys.

    Bart and Lisa were watching “The Krusty the Clown Show” on TV in the den, as Marge was in the kitchen working on that evening’s meal. After another act Krusty performed, the clown did his distinctive laugh and announced “And now we’ll be right back after a word from our next sponsor…” Then he groaned and said “Trendmasters!”

    Sure enough, another Wuv Luv commercial started up, with a “WuvLuvs 2” logo appearing over four mother WuvLuvs in new color schemes and with additional little hearts inside their larger stomach heart.

    “It’s the wonderful world of Wuv Lu-u-u-uvs,” the girl singer from the first commercial bleated, followed immediately by a different girl’s voice saying “Two!”

    Marge let out a really loud murmur from the kitchen.

    Then the commercial faded to the four mother Wuv Luvs moving up and down and pushing a colorful egg from each of their stomachs as one of them announced “Here comes baby!” in a slightly different voice. Then the camera zoomed into the blue-and-yellow Wuv Luv’s stomach opening further and the egg pushing outward.
    “All new Wuv Luvs 2 have a surprise for you!” the announcer began. Then it cut to a small girl dressed up like a nurse opening one of the plastic eggs to reveal a little orange Wuv Luv baby with a goofy expression and its’ tongue sticking out and placed the baby still in the bottom half of its’ shell amongst seven other similarly-unique Wuv Luv babies in their half-shells. “Special delivery!” the announcer said, still not giving much detail.
    The little nurse girl said to the camera, “Wuv Luv knows each baby by name!”
    Then it showed nine hearts on a magenta background; a turquoise mother Wuv Luv was in the center square, and in the squares surrounding her were the rest of the unique babies, each with their own unique name; the bottom one was the orange one, Pranky, and the other babies included Sweetie, Luv Wuv, Nip Nap, Fwaidy, Bashful Boo-Boo, Dreamer and Dippy Dodo.
    Pranky let out a silly laugh, and the mother looked down and scolded “Pranky.” Then Fwaidy chirped “I’m afwaid!” to which the mother looked up at it and said “Oh, little Fwaidy.”
    Then it showed Dreamer in its’ egg as a girl was closing it up and Dreamer let out a dreamy sigh. Then she loaded the egg into the magenta Wuv Luv mother’s pouch as three other girls were with her, playing with their own Wuv Luvs and babies. “Let’s do it again!” one of the girls said, and the magenta mother announced, “Here comes baby!”
    Then it cut to footage from the first commercial of the Wuv Luvs graphically giving birth played out as the voiceover of a Wuv Luv sang “La-da-de-de-do-de-da!” Then as the footage from the first commercial of girls hatching their Wuv Luv eggs played out, the announcer said “Announcing Wuv Luvs 2 Babies you can collect for your Wuv Luv 2 moms!”

    Lisa and Bart were already mesmerized by the commercial. “Oooooh, new Wuv Luvs 2!” Lisa said.

    “Must have!” Bart moaned, making grabbing motions towards the TV.

    On the commercial, the girl dressed as a nurse was carrying the blue-and-yellow Wuv Luv and babies Pranky, Luv Wuv and Nip Nap in a blanket together. She said to the Wuv Luvs, “Time to go home!”
    Then as the screen showed a magenta Wuv Luv and nine of the babies in their eggshells along with the heart-shaped brush, the announcer quickly said “Wuv Luv 2 moms come with one or two babies, additional babies sold separately, batteries not included in Wuv Luv moms.”
    Then the commercial ended with the footage from the first one showing a girl holding twin Wuv Luv babies, now gleefully announcing “Mine had twins!”

    It cut back to Krusty the Clown, once again vomiting into a metal bucket. “UUUNNNNNNH! BLAAAAAAAARGH!” he heaved, facing away from the camera, as the kids in the audience laughed. Then Krusty turned to the camera, drooling a bit, and did his famous groan. “God, they HAD to make a new Wuv Luv, didn’t they?! Are they trying to kill me or something? I hope the next Itchy and Scratchy cartoon I show doesn’t show anyone giving birth…”

    Lisa turned to Bart as she shut off the TV. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

    “Yeah,” Bart said, “but let’s not ask mom or dad this time. Off to the Try N’ Save!”

    So Bart and Lisa left the house to head to the department store and start the cycle all over again…


  2. #2
    in the back of a pick-up Ryan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IdiotDetector View Post
    Two and a Half Men is no more an "adult show" than "Rocket Power."

  3. #3
    太った猫😊 The Goode Family's Avatar
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    delete u

    Quote Originally Posted by View Post
    I love women.

  4. #4
    in the back of a pick-up Ryan's Avatar
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    no u

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan View Post
    I'll just edit the old incomplete one. Admins, delete this old one here please...!-(fanfic)

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