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  • 5/5 I give it 2000/5

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  • 4/5 Godly

    1 4.35%
  • 3/5 eh it was ok

    7 30.43%
  • 2/5 Virgin sacrifice

    5 21.74%
  • 1/5 *nails to the cross*

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Thread: R&R Family Guy: "The 2000-Year-Old Virgin"



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  1. #1
    太った猫😊 The Goode Family's Avatar
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    R&R Family Guy: "The 2000-Year-Old Virgin"

    Peter and the guys, shocked to discover Jesus is still a virgin, plot to get him laid for his next birthday.

    Quote Originally Posted by ilovebender.com View Post
    I love women.

  2. #2
    太った猫😊 The Goode Family's Avatar
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    peter opens his laptop... but LOL it has a lot of porn on it!!! how unpredictable and a fresh take on porn jokes!!!

    jesus pretends to be a virgin... because jesus is a douchebag!!!!!!! LOL take that jesus!!!!!!!

    the first dud of the season. all the jokes were extraordinarily predictable and the main plot just wasn't all that interesting. family guy just can't do religion without resorting to a ton of lazy potshots, and the whole plot and conflict were just so contrived. i mean, it's not like FG is known for its engrossing plots but this was just sooooo boring. loved the erotic advent calendar joke though. so yeah, not offensively unfunny, just... not funny. 2/5

    also peter slipping on the ice is one of the worst extended gags they've ever done. it wouldn't be funny if it was short either. what's the damn joke?

  3. #3
    太った猫😊 The Goode Family's Avatar
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    oh and they have a new credits theme. shame i really liked the last one. oh well minor nitpick

  4. #4
    on the cards airalba's Avatar
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    Gotta agree this was pretty lame. All the gags felt like they made an entire episode out of bits they excised from table read scripts. There's the obligatory overlong gag (Peter closing porn and Peter walking to his car; a spectacular double feature!) the obligatory Stewie-points-out-something-odd happening gag (Dads eating lunch with jackets on) the obligatory Peter talks to the camera (the admittedly funny PTC swipe) and the obligatory lolrandom Adam West line. They were really on autopilot tonight.

  5. #5
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    Mediocre episode. The most bothersome scene was Peter struggling to get to his car. Sigh the writers never listened don't they? Looks like those overly long gags will never go away. At least there were no over the top gore but too bad this episode was just boring and lame as hell. It's not bad though since there were some jokes but I mainly chuckled and I only really laughed once.

    I was excepting Brian Scully to write this episode since he wrote I Dream of Jesus but instead it's from Ted Jessup...meh he's a boring writer. IDOJ wasn't anything special either but I prefer that episode over this. 5/10
    Simpsons: 4 > 6 = 7 > 5 > 3 > 8 > 2 > 14 > 15 > 13 = 10 > 9 > 16 > 20 > 1 > 24 = 21 > 26 > 22 = 25 > 23 > 19 = 27 > 18 = 28 > 12 > 11 > 17 = 29

    Family Guy: 4 > 3 > 2 > 1 > 5 = 6 > 15 > 16 > 10 > 14 > > 7 = 11 = 9 > 8 > 12 = 13

    American Dad: 4 > 3 > 2 > 1 > 6 > 5 > 8 > 9 > 7 = 11 > 10 > 13 (so far) > 12

    The Cleveland Show: 2 > 1 > 4 > 3

    Futurama: 5 > 4 = 1 > 2 = 3 > 7 > 6

    Rick and Morty: 2 > 1 > 3

  6. #6
    太った猫😊 The Goode Family's Avatar
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    i was expecting alec sulkin, since he voices jesus and wrote last season's religious ep.

  7. #7
    Stonecutter
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    FUCK THIS EPISODE!!! This is an awful episode and I just want to tear into this episode's asshole right fucking now. Well, to be honest the first act of this episode is actually good. I laughed quite a bit and there was really nothing terrible in that act, but when the second act of this episode starts that's when the shit hits the fan. Now the moment this episode starts to go downhill is when we get this Tasmanian Devil cutaway. It's not as terrible like the rest of the jokes in this episode, but it's too obvious to be funny. Then we get this really unfunny speed dating scene and then we get one of the worst parts of this episode. It's this overly long gag where Peter closes many of his porn tabs, but then uh-oh Peter accidentally jerked off to a minor and then he throws his laptop into the ocean then that sea captain guy nets out a bunch of laptops and says "Arr, a lot of scumbags out today." POINTING OUT HOW FUCKED UP THIS SITUATION IS DOESN'T MAKE IT FUNNY! Then we get many other failed jokes like a puckered asshole on an advent calendar and Jesus's middle name being Hitler, but I'm not going to point out every failed joke in this episode. Instead I'm going to rant about the joke in this episode that pissed me off the most.

    When Peter finds out that Jesus has had sex before, he leaves the bar so he can prevent Jesus from trying to have sex with Lois. This fucking joke went on forever! First Peter slips on ice for 40 seconds, then he gets into his car, but uh-oh! It doesn't work. So he easily convinces someone to get out of his car then this one guy tries to convince Peter to get out of the car. He doesn't at first, but then he tells Peter that Lenny Kravitz is having sex with his daughter which makes him get out of the car. Then he steals some kids sled, hat, Spider-man mittens and some other shit. Then we get 10 seconds of Peter riding the sled and then it stops moving. (Un?)Fortunately though he makes it to the hotel, gives an illiterate kid a goose and then he goes inside the hotel. What really pissed me off though was that Lenny Kravitz was in the same hotel as Jesus. The guy who was after him asks which room he's in and Peter says "Oh you were coming here too? We could've carpooled." Yes, you COULD'VE!!! Yet, you decided to hammer in this horrible joke for 2 minutes. Then after he gets into the hotel room Lois realized that she didn't want to have sex with Jesus and then he admits that this whole thing was an act to teach a lesson to Peter and Lois. If that's the case, then did he really have sex with all these other women or was that just an act too? Then the episode ends with one of the worst jokes in the episode.

    I fucking hated this episode. The first act wasn't bad, but the second and third acts completely ruined this episode. Now the main problem I had with this episode is how it tried to tackle an offensive subject. Writers, if you're going to try to tackle an offensive subject then at least try to be funny! You did this with Back to the Pilot and Partial Terms of Endearment, so why couldn't you do that with this episode? Instead we get certain gems like this one "I am outraged! But probably not as outraged as the 10 million Christians watching. Please write to this address quickly and maybe we can stop these Hollywood Jew writers from wrecking my marriage and your religion." Now I was offended by this episode for how it handled it's subject matter, but here's the thing. I'm Agnostic, so when an episode of Family Guy that portrays Jesus in a negative light manages to offend me then I know that the writers have fucked up! Even though I liked the first act, the rest of the episode pissed me of so much that I simply cannot give this episode less than a 1/10. You know how I said that Family Guy is getting better? Well, now I regret saying that because clearly it's not. It's obvious that Family Guy has some shitty episodes up their sleeves and this was one of them. This episode almost made me want to stop watching, but somehow I enjoy finding out how Family Guy is going to mess up next.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerkass Homer View Post
    I guess this is the same Nicholson who did Joker in the Batman 1989 movie.

  8. Thumbs Up To This Post by: pax, Sam

  9. #8
    vs meninism pax's Avatar
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    One word: SHIT. This episode's plot was so boring and offensive, plus it had several cringeworthy jokes (puckered anus, child porn tabs). Macfarlane should really fire whoever the fuck is writing his episodes, because they're progressively getting worse. This shit excuse for an episode can't even begin to compete with "I Won't Be Home for Christmas"; better luck next time Macfarlane, because Jean whooped your ass this week. 0/10 for my personal rating, 1/5 for the poll (why the hell is there never a '0' option? Somebody explain this).
    Quote Originally Posted by Elliot76 View Post
    don't feel threatened by a dude who gargles mayonnaise

  10. #9
    in the back of a pick-up Ryan's Avatar
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    yeah fuck this episode. I guess peter looks at child porn now, seriously?!

    all this episode was intending to do was be as offensive as possible, nevermind how lazy the jokes and storytelling may be. best parts was probably the Lenny Kravitz line and they clearly blew their animation budget on the she's all that parody bit with Lois. otherwise this was trash

    bet you OSS is gonna love it cuz it's so edgy and offensive

    yea yea yea I know SHARAP well you can have your shitty episode

    edit: dang shoulda voted 1/5
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  11. #10
    Comic Book Me Shaunbadia's Avatar
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    I have no idea what to think of this. It was mostly bad but I guess I can at least award it a point for Lois not actually fucking Jesus. There were a few laughs admittedly... can't rightly remember what they were off the top of my head but I know I got a few out of it towards the latter half of the episode... oh yeah, I liked both of Peter's interactions with the kids he met on the way to the hotel. I know there's at least 2 more gags I laughed at but I'm really struggling here. The thing about how likely offended millions of Christian viewers were during the episode with Peter giving them the address to send complaints to got a smirk out of me, because as lazy as it is, I guess it kinda takes a bit of the thunder out of the complaints this episode likely gets when they beat the offended to the punch like that.

    But yeah... uh, merry Christmas to you too Seth and co.? low ended 3/5? Probably close to a 2.5/5 but I'm in a semi-decent mood so I'll be kinda nice about it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan View Post
    yeah fuck this episode. I guess peter looks at child porn now, seriously?!
    Wouldn't be the first time. Remember in "He's Bla-ack!" when Peter had a gallery of baby penis photos which Cleveland noted were dated as far back as 1998?
    How to remaster

  12. #11
    Mod, eh? Tomacco's Avatar
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    This episode had an inherently funny premise, but ultimately it just didn't come together. It totally lost steam once it turned into another story of Lois cheating on Peter (I feel like this has been done before a few times, even if it hasn't). Most of all though this episode reeked of desperation to me. The story itself aside, it just felt like shock-value gag after shock-value gag, with a typical smattering of cruel shock value gags (ripping Joe, Meg, Jews, etc). Seemed like Peter was more obnoxious than ever too, and that porn laptop gag fell so flat it was almost painful. For me the funniest part of the episode was the very last joke with Adam West and Rupert. Shame, because it started promising, and then the second half just fell off.
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  13. #12
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    Yes terrible episode. I can't help but feel the writers are trying to "normalise" paedophilia with jokes like that. I would be offended at the content and plot of the episode but it felt so rushed and uninspired that I was actually rather bored. When the Jesus character said something like "I'm not real anyway" I thought that felt like it was just thrown in at the end in an attempt to be as offensive as possible except after the rest of the episode's content, it felt anticlimactic. Christmas Family Guy has never been any good and this is the worst one yet.

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  15. #13


    Nothing special, but I did highly enjoy Stewie running through the hallway with everyone's presents and the "NO, PIZZA" cutaway.

    What do you think they put in the Bug Juice?
    Bugs?
    No they don't. Come on...shut up.

  16. #14
    Comic Book Me Shaunbadia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan View Post
    all this episode was intending to do was be as offensive as possible, nevermind how lazy the jokes and storytelling may be
    Because of how on the nose they were with Peter pointing out the address to send complaints to, it's pretty obvious they were just baiting people to come after them this time. I got bored and decided to have a quick search to see if anyone even got that loud and angry about Family Guy's portrayal of Jesus.

    http://newsbusters.org/blogs/tianna-...ear-old-virgin
    http://www.christiantoday.com/articl...rgin/44070.htm
    http://www.theblaze.com/?story=the-2...azed-adulterer
    http://www.inquisitr.com/1662158/fam...-virgin-video/

    In all fairness, I had to specifically search for "Family Guy Jesus" to get those results. Searching for "Family Guy" on it's own brought nothing up like it ordinarily would if any better known sites were covering this, so it seems like those who were pissed off about it weren't exactly in any loud majority this time.

  17. #15
    Azarath metrion zinthos! Sweet_Potatoes's Avatar
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    Wow, they seriously resorted to a plot about getting Jesus laid? How incredibly offensive and ridiculous. Glad I haven't been tuning in at all this season. This just proves one of the many, many reasons why American Dad is far superior and more deserving of viewers - the writers are intelligent enough to touch on religion without being tasteless about it.


  18. #16
    Comic Book Me Shaunbadia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silent_Night View Post
    This just proves one of the many, many reasons why American Dad is far superior and more deserving of viewers - the writers are intelligent enough to touch on religion without being tasteless about it.
    While I'm undoubtedly within the "American Dad is better than Family Guy" crowd, I'm sure the people who care would just as easily be offended by American Dad depicting Jesus as a wife-stealing, gun toting action hero who shows signs of being the jealous type in "Rapture's Delight". Not to mention they'd probably take issue with him teaming up with someone who wasn't worthy of being raptured in the first place, same goes for taking a romantic partner also not worthy of being raptured.


  19. #17
    in the back of a pick-up Ryan's Avatar
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    lol our very own joe miller aka @Walid has a tweet featured in this article


  20. #18
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    Awful.

    1/5

  21. #19
    The Blue Files OldSchoolerSimpsons's Avatar
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    Wow, did this episode get a ton of merciless hate!
    I thought this episode was hilarious and not only the religious jokes either. I also loved Peter viewing... inappropriate stuff..., Tasmanian Devil reading a good night story (I was really surprised I laughed at that one), Peter giving a boy a goose to thank him and chuckled at Christ just discreetly trying to come down the stairs.
    As for the plot itself, it had a lot of great material. Jesus on speed-dating was a pure hit (except for the recycled "It's my blood" joke), God telling the mentally disabled kid he "at least will be 74", Quagmire randomly going "I love sex!!!", people trying to borrow a car before Peter since Jesus sleeps with their wives too and best of all, him enforcing a moral lesson at the end to get away with what he did.
    That said, a few things bothered me. How come if Peter cares so much about Lois cheating on him, he just mentions it casually at first like it's nothing but suddenly cares later just because it's Jesus? And what was with the out-of-place "I'm not even real"? It didn't itch me or anything, but it kind of ruined what already was a hilarious moment. Thankfully, the Love Actually reference following it was worth it.
    Very underrated episode and so far one of my favorites of this season. 9.2/10
    Last edited by OldSchoolerSimpsons; 12-21-2015 at 08:21 PM.
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  22. #20
    Stonecutter
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    Predictable.

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  24. #21
    Administrator Sam's Avatar
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    saw this holiday classic in a re-run. awful. all i can really say. just basically everything terrible about FG contained in one ep

    miss the rare good FG xmas eps instead of 'regular FG ep with snow'

  25. #22
    Proud of Being Lame Nitsy's Avatar
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    Meh. I'll wait for them to do an episode about Muhammad. Now that'll be edgy and offensive
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  26. #23
    A World Without Lawyers HerbertMcHoover's Avatar
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    I actually thought the computer joke was the funniest thing about this otherwise average episode.

  27. #24
    Curiouser and curiouser MindQuad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shaunbadia View Post
    While I'm undoubtedly within the "American Dad is better than Family Guy" crowd, I'm sure the people who care would just as easily be offended by American Dad depicting Jesus as a wife-stealing, gun toting action hero who shows signs of being the jealous type in "Rapture's Delight". Not to mention they'd probably take issue with him teaming up with someone who wasn't worthy of being raptured in the first place, same goes for taking a romantic partner also not worthy of being raptured.
    There's a great review of Raptures Delight on the web that really delves into the variety of reasons why the episode is genius, one of which is cause it manages to be genuinely clever about it's Christianity jokes instead of cruelly mocking the religion in a cheap, relentless manner. It more just says, hey, this is pretty weird stuff right? And it's really Roger who gets the most cutting remarks, but since he's proven wrong about his disbelief anyway the joke ends up being on him.

    But I like the way the reviewer puts it...it's not so much that Jesus is the jealous type, it's just that he feels he has to live up to this image created for him as the ultimate warrior in the 7-year battle for Earth, so he has to one up Stan by putting on his sunglasses and by trying (and failing) to say a wittier pun.

    As for this episode, I will never watch it. American Dad used Jesus and Francine falling in love as the basis for one of their best episodes, and as a result not only gave us one of the most badass "out of left-field" acts of TV ever, it still managed to tell arguably the most realistic and emotionally resonant marital rift story Stan and Francine ever had, with REAL stakes. To accomplish that in what could have merely been a gimmick episode is nothing short of stunning,...straight up other level storytelling right there. It's a gem of a tv episode and I have no desire to watch FG tread even remotely similar territory. I give this is a PASS/5.

  28. #25
    The Blue Files OldSchoolerSimpsons's Avatar
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    It really sucks to be the only one who likes this episode
    I don't blame you if you don't like this episode, I just think there are episodes more deserving of hate than this one (like Foreign Affairs and Lois Comes Out Of Her Shell).

  29. #26
    Curiouser and curiouser MindQuad's Avatar
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    Granted, I've never seen it, but I haven't seen any FG this season and I feel pretty content with that. By the way @Snospitmmer SimpEhtson, I just replied to your blog on AD rankings.

  30. #27
    Pin Pal ThaSimpsonz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snospitmmer SimpEhtson View Post
    It really sucks to be the only one who likes this episode
    I don't blame you if you don't like this episode, I just think there are episodes more deserving of hate than this one (like Foreign Affairs and Lois Comes Out Of Her Shell).
    Lol, I've heard you say that last thing about 25 times already (and I'm not even on the forum much); we get it, you don't like those 2 episodes

  31. #28
    太った猫😊 The Goode Family's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snospitmmer SimpEhtson View Post
    I just think there are episodes more deserving of hate than this one (like Foreign Affairs and Lois Comes Out Of Her Shell).
    lol why do you hate lois comes out of her shell so much. i watched it and it's pretty par for the course when it comes to modern FG, plus no john viener. all i've seen you do is just go "this ep sux 0/5"

  32. #29
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    I thought this episode was better than Turkey Guys and besides the usual dross it did have some really good jokes in it. Personally, I thought the plot was pretty poor, but the humour made up for that. That said, the idea of "getting Jesus laid" was just a bit of a naff premise, and when it became about Lois cheating on Peter in the third act I thought the wheels started to come off.

    I think this premise would have worked well as a B-plot alongside something else, but instead it was given an entire episode and the premise just didn't have the mileage to properly pull that off. That said, the jokes carried it, and there were some really good ones in there. I liked Peter's conversation in the Hawaiian Shirts Store at the beginning of the episode, the "Would you like to see our specials, sir? NO! PIZZA!" cutaway, and the "sponsored daydream" as well.

    I thought that Stewie running along the corridor with his presents and wrapping paper shouting "Don't look! Don't look" was quite cute.

    Times I Laughed Out Loud: 4

    Funniest Line: Quagmire:"GAHGGHHOHHWHEEEEYYYYY I LOVE SEX!" (in the Drunken Clam)

    Best Cutaway: Peter not wanting to see the specials and shouting "NO! PIZZA!".

    Worst Cutaway: I think this was a tie between Peter's erotic calendar and the Jeff Garlin easy chair.

    One More Thing: I had a look at the deleted scenes from this episode on the DVD- there were four of them, and all four should have been included and were better than the jokes they were replaced by. This show is its own worst enemy sometimes.

    Score: 7/10.
    Last edited by PointofStew; 12-30-2016 at 07:48 AM.



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