View Poll Results: Can you keep yourself steady?

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  • I act like always, then slooooooowly builds it on

    12 17.91%
  • I don't say shit

    15 22.39%
  • I say shit, but not shit that makes her/him interested in me

    4 5.97%
  • I act maybe a little shaky, but he/she doesn't notice it too much

    8 11.94%
  • I act odder than usual, but while it's a bit prevalent, it isn't too serious

    6 8.96%
  • I act very strange at moments, but without wrecking it

    5 7.46%
  • He/she DOES notice I act odd very clearly, but he/she likes me enough to forgive it

    2 2.99%
  • I show I like the person more than as a friend, and hope he/she isn't scared away

    5 7.46%
  • I BEG he/she will be together with me, but still don't try to force him/her

    1 1.49%
  • I try to DEMAND from him/her to be together with me

    3 4.48%
  • You know those creepy stalker shows from TLC?

    6 8.96%
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Thread: How do you act when you have a crush on someone?



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  1. #1891
    Administrator Sam's Avatar
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    yeap same

  2. #1892
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  3. #1893
    Al Jeany apologist skully the poltergeist's Avatar
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    LolFest 2016
    yeet or get yeeted

  4. #1894
    Al Jeany apologist skully the poltergeist's Avatar
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  5. #1895
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  6. #1896
    Al Jeany apologist skully the poltergeist's Avatar
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  7. #1897
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  8. #1898
    Al Jeany apologist skully the poltergeist's Avatar
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  9. #1899
    the gay agender kes's Avatar
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    I want YMCA in minor to be the theme of my camp cop show.
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  10. #1900
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    lol isn't it great when guys don't know you're gay and they're doing all this cute stuff to you, and you try to make it out that you feel awkward about this but actually you're like 'yeahh this is goood'

  11. #1901
    Your Deer Friend ThatsAPaddlin's Avatar
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    What I'm about to post, I'm still figuring out, so it might be meaningless weeks or months from now. Also TMI and whatever.

    After years and years of confusion and doubting and questioning and frustration and pushing back against myself, I've finally realized that I'm a lesbian. Except, being genderqueer, I don't really know what the correct term for this is. When I physically feel male--like my body actually feels like a differently sexed body--but I feel femme as hell at the same time, I'm not sure if it's appropriate to still call myself a lesbian.*

    All I know is I've realized I don't actually like men romantically. I already knew that, sexually, male bodies were more something I could overcome if I cared about the person. Penises trigger my PTSD, but having a partner who is a loving friend helps. It's helpful that my SO is discovering where he falls on the asexuality spectrum (we haven't had sex in over two years)

    I told my SO last night that even though I've realized this, I don't want to break up and I still feel genuine love. We've known each other for 12 year and we've been together for more than 4 years. I can't just walk away from that. In hindsight, maybe it was a little selfish to confess all this, but I really needed some support or someone to talk to and I needed to be honest. I feel like I've wasted over 20 years of my life on bad decisions. (If I'm honest with myself, though... staying is probably one of them. )

    I wish I wasn't so horribly jealous: polyamoury seems like something that would really work for me. I've tried bringing it up before, since it's kinda not fair to have a person who doesn't care about sex with a person who needs it, but we both agreed we're just too jealous :/

    *NOTE: If you are straight/cis, do not reply "Labels don't maaaAAAaaAAttTTeeeEEEeeeRRRrrr!!!!!" Shut the hell up.
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  12. #1902
    Global Moderator Smiling Politely's Avatar
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    @ThatsAPaddlin. Obviously not much I can say here other than thank you for sharing. I hope you are able to continue figuring things out for yourself. If you ever need anything, just let me know (not that I can do much but still). Anything that can be done to make something that is obviously difficult for you any amount easier.

    Also, I haven't heard them used much, but I am familiar with some terms used for someone who is attracted to a specific gender without referring to their own gender. Figured I'd just toss in a link, although you have probably read more on this sort of thing than I have (you are a beacon of knowledge tbh). Hopefully I am not overstepping my bounds here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androp...and_gynephilia


  13. #1903
    Comic Book Me Shaunbadia's Avatar
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    Well, I was gonna say nice things but being preemptively told to shut up is a good method of putting me right off that!

    Seriously though, that sounds like sheer Hell to go through and I'm so, so sorry for the difficulties you're facing right now. I'd say "I know it's not easy" but I'm not in your position so I'll never truly be able to say that because it implies I've been in a situation that I haven't been in. I know that because of this I can't really offer you any advice, but as your friend, feel free to message me if you ever wanna just vent about shit while you're dealing with the frustration of coming to terms with your feelings and trying to work things out.

    Hope things work out, and never worry about things being TMI in this thread. Would never want you to feel like you can't share what's on your mind and take a load off.

    (We really should add that hugging bear from Skype to our list of smileys).
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  14. #1904
    oh dear, I say! The Spruce Moose's Avatar
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    I was really worried about polyamory before I decided to give it a go, but its worked well so far. Jealousy isn't a concern when everyone involved is so clear is devoted to each other. Though i'll add the disclaimer that we're more of a happy love triangle, so I don't know that this is typical even by poly standrads.


  15. #1905
    oh dear, I say! The Spruce Moose's Avatar
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    Oh and of course, we're here for you while you work this out. I do think you were right to tell your partner because you don't need to go through hiding your sexuality, and i'm sure you'll come through this happier and stronger.


  16. #1906


    Hope you two can work it out. It would suck to lose someone that you've known so long over figuring your true self out.


  17. #1907
    Your Deer Friend ThatsAPaddlin's Avatar
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    Well I wrote I longer reply and I didn't autosave :/

    Thank you so much, everyone. I'm so lucky to know wonderful people like you guys. *hugs and *

    Smiling: Thanks for the link! I am aware of these terms, but I've avoided them as they seem to be controversial to some people. I don't know, I've just seen multiple instances of people being asked not to use terms like "gynephilia".

    I feel frustrated and scared that I can't leave this comfort zone my current relationship affords me, but at least I'm with someone I like. My SO is still my best friend and he's always been very accepting. He knows that I began to transition and then "detransitioned" and doesn't give a fuck that he's gotten transphobic shit for it ("You know she used to want to be a man, right?" "All I know is that dude sucks a mean dick".. I find that quip offensive and degrading, but he says that puts them firmly in their place every time). He's always said he totally supports that sometimes I just need to be my male self for a while. He tells me I need to remember he is 100% hetero, but that doesn't mean he stops caring about me when I'm not femme. He's not attracted to me in "boy mode", considers me his best bro.

    When I told him he said he fully supported me, he fully supports lesbians*, he fully supports love. As I tried to explain that this doesn't mean I don't love him, he said "No I get it, it's a spectrum." He already knew I was bi, so I guess it wasn't any kind of shock to him.

    Moose: I have many poly friends in great relationships and I envy them. It's not just our jealousy, though. We've got so much baggage we'd need a warehouse to store it. We've both got a number of physical illnesses, deep debt, an inability to care for ourselves like adults, crushing mental illnesses, and, related to the mental issues, crushing codependency and abandonment issues. It wouldn't be right to drag someone else into this mess and have them end up playing mommy.

    Another big complication is the sex. He's figuring things out, but knows he's definitely not asexual, as he can have a great deal of sexual desire in the beginning of relationships. However, aside from new relationship hormones, he says it mostly drops off and whatever is left is sporadic and purely biological, like having an itch to scratch. One thing he always wishes is that he had a switch to just turn it all off. I think that's called "greysexual" or something; he just says libido is a spectrum.

    This does not work for me. I need sex. Not just contact. Not just cuddling and kissing and spooning and being close. It's not even that I want to have sex with him, but over two years of not being desired really takes a toll on your emotional and psychological well-being. It hurts me because it feels like right as I was beginning to heal from the very abusive relation I'd just gotten out of, everything stopped. Before my SO, I was sure I was so damaged I could never have sex with anyone again. Now I feel like any progress I'd made is gone.

    Poly is still in the "maybe" pile.

    (This might sound terrible, but many times I wonder if I should have instead stayed friends with my SO and joined up with my awesome coworker and her husband. I wonder what my life would have been like? She was pregnant so it might have been hectic but nice to join a new family. I guess I'll never know.)

    *not said in a gross hetero "they're hot" way, just "I accept you"

  18. #1908
    Joe Swanson ©tormented OldSchoolerSimpsons's Avatar
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    Oh man, this sounds like a real mess. But repressing your true sexuality would have only made you feel worse, so in the end it was still absolutely neccessary that you confessed to him how you really feel. As long as you love each other, I'm sure some kind of solution will be in store. Best of luck to you.
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  19. #1909
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    Wow, reading that is... it really speaks volumes how when you read something and go "God, that's a lot to take in" you then have to stop and realise that the person typing it is having to deal with all those thoughts racing around their head and then in the midst of things try and articulate those thoughts into something coherent for others to make sense of.

    Would hug you if I could.

    As far as your SO dealing with the transphobia of others is concerned, that's upsetting to hear and it's sad that the only way he can stop that stupidity dead in its tracks is to stoop to the same level of such blatantly crass remarks that are still belittling to the person being criticised. It's great that he's being so supportive of you but stuff like that doesn't exactly make coming to terms with who you are any easier.

    Don't really feel like it's my place to comment on any other aspects such as the complications with your sex life (Or lack thereof), though by the sounds of things polyamory could at the very least help you gain back some of the self-esteem you feel you've lost with regards being desired. It's just a matter of how that could be approached without making matters worse with your SO. If he says he still loves you like his "Best Bro" or whatever then perhaps you could still maintain the same level of emotional intimacy while exploring your options sexually to help you figure things out, but with the jealousy stuff that's been made mention of (Which is extremely understandable, since poly ain't everyone's bag) still lingering over you both, I obviously can't accurately judge how that would pan out one way or the other.

    Be sure to keep us updated as and when you feel the need to. We're here for you, no matter what.

  20. #1910
    i fall and i fall and i fall bias's Avatar
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    help me nhc

    ok so i mentioned this to the good folk on tc but i thought id bring it here too

    am i the asshole in this situation

    so this girl ella that i used to date but now i don't has been on and off with me for the past 4/5 months since that camp
    she's been cool for a few weeks, bitchy for the next. idk what it is im doing wrong but it is something

    now, i asked her to go see captain america civil war when it came out back in may. she said no she'd rather see it with this other kid. turns out they didn't go and she told me she was really disappointed cus she wanted to see it in cinemas. i was like ok i did ask you to go but Whatever man

    she's been talking about seeing suicide squad since before camp and i remember thinking wow she'd be really happy if i bought her a ticket to go see it. so i did. because i didn't want her to miss out on seeing it like she did with civil war

    i bought her this thing 2 weeks ago, like on the 21st or some shit. her uncle unfortunately passed away that friday. i did say to her at the time if she didn't want to come because she was upset id be fine but she always said no ill come. her mum was also fine with it too.

    we were supposed to be seeing the movie yesterday, or sunday. she messaged me on saturday morning saying that she'd be able to come but she doesn't think she'll be able to stay late because her grandparents are coming over. i was again like ok that's fine as long as you get to see the movie

    later that night, around 6/7pm (i think i said 9pm in tc im sorry) she messaged me saying that she can't come because her mum wants her to go to lunch with her grandparents. i was naturally like oh ok then so you led me on up to this point that's pretty lame

    she got suuuuper defensive. she said wow excuse me for having a dead uncle and shit and got one of her friends to message me saying don't give ella any shit she's had enough to deal with

    i didn't know how to react so i didnt. i dont know if im the asshole or not here because i was insensitive or whatever

    please help me im just trying to do the right thing

  21. #1911
    i fall and i fall and i fall bias's Avatar
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    also side note she didn't even ask to reschedule she just said oh i can't come ill pay you back
    Quote Originally Posted by kupomog
    father dies while son tinychats

  22. #1912


    I say lay off her and probably apologize for saying "you led me on". She did probably want to go but honestly a death, especially of someone close to you, fucks you up. You do things you normally wouldn't do and you tend to get a little selfish (speaking from my experience when my dad died).

    She could probably use a fun time out in a little bit. Maybe take the context of a date out of it so there's less pressure on her.

  23. #1913
    Joe Swanson ©tormented OldSchoolerSimpsons's Avatar
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    From the sounds of it, she's in an emotional turmoil. The combination of it not working out between you two and her grandfather dying makes her disstressed and very emotionally fragile.
    But you didn't do anything wrong. Now, I'm good friends with her now, but when I was in school with a girl (and quite a while afterwards as well), she kept calling it off in the last minute every single time we decided to meet. It made me go freakin' crazy, I'm telling you. I was wondering if she thought there was something wrong with me. We even had a fight over this some of those times (they were many, I can assure you). Now she's one of the best friends I have, but getting there was a living hell.
    What I'm trying to say? Well, basically that don't do the same mistake as me. I tried too many times and it made me more and more depressed the more I tried. That she got her friends against you was very rotten, but it also shows that maybe you should hang out with someone else for a while. After a month (or longer, who knows), she might write back or if she doesn't, you can write back yourself and ask how she feels. Don't apologize, don't recall past events. Just ask her how she's doing.

    That's my two cents anyway. Maybe I'm wrong, but you can think about it.

  24. #1914
    Comic Book Me Shaunbadia's Avatar
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    Well, you didn't exactly come off too well in TC last night when this was brought up. I'd say maybe give the poor girl a break considering she's got family related stuff going on that's beyond her control. With the passing of her uncle and the impact that has on everyone in her family, not just her, things might not be great in general right now and she doesn't feel like she has to let you in on every little aspect of her life. You don't know what's going on behind closed doors after all.

    IMO give her some space and then say you're sorry when you're in contact with her again. See if you can smooth things over but don't go right for the jugular in asking her out, just see if she wants to hang out some time, offer her a bit of support if she needs it and I'm sure she'll appreciate that much more than 2 hour+ DC movie.

  25. #1915
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    I don't know why OSS is saying don't apologize but uh, absolutely apologize to her. A death in the family means unexpected changes and events that may be unavoidable. Like SVT said, she probably did want to go but things came up as they do when something like this happens; accusing her of leading you on for this dumb movie is pretty stupid. Yeah, it's lame that it happened and plans fell through and money was spent but it's also pretty lame her uncle is now dead. It's not really rotten that she got her friends involved either because she is grieving, has enough shit to deal with as it is, and doesn't need some guy giving her shade over Suicide Squad tickets and shouldn't have to deal with fixing that on her own if she can't.
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  26. #1916
    Voice of Rachel Matty's Avatar
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    Yeah. You made her feel like shit. Ignoring her will tell her you don't give a shit and make her feel like shit some more. A meaningful apology has the potential to make her feel less like shit. Just give her the needed space afterwards instead of 'trying many times'.

  27. Thumbs Up To This Post by: kes

  28. #1917
    the gay agender kes's Avatar
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    I actually kind of feel like you don't give a shit?

    *shrugs*

    Comes up time and again, I'm not sure what you're even asking advice on because if you actually have to ask if you're being the asshole I don't feel like you have her interests in mind.

  29. #1918
    Joe Swanson ©tormented OldSchoolerSimpsons's Avatar
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    What the fuck, kes???


    Anyway, I'm sorry. I realize afterwards that part of my advice was pretty bad. Still try to find someone else to hang out with, but definitely apologize. I think I came off as biased since I've had very bad luck with love.

  30. #1919
    Administrator Sam's Avatar
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    it doesnt seem like he cares tho. if he wants actual advice it needs to be said

  31. Thumbs Up To This Post by: kes

  32. #1920
    i fall and i fall and i fall bias's Avatar
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    im confused
    whenever i ask my friends for advice it's never a non biased opinion
    asking here meant i got like six different responses and ive read them all and considered them all
    how does this equate to me not caring about her or the situation?



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