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Walid

When The Going Gets Tough...

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...The tough get going?

Nah.

I DO want to go home. I DO miss my friends and family. But, I gotta stick through this. One bad test= runaway? Nope. It means do better and study harder.

I'm happy that I've gone a decent amount of time without smoking and drinking. I'm happy of the progress I'm making. Sure, certain people are being dicks, but... we're all dicks in a way. I just gotta do what I gotta do. Not running away when things get tough. I can hang out with my friends after I've graduated, in a few months. I plan on being out of the program as fast as I can so I can better myself, get a job, save money, all that good stuff. For the time being I'm back in the kitchen because the janitorial work was too much for me. I like the kitchen though. I primarily do dishes, but hey, it's better than sitting around all day. When I'm not in the kitchen, that's mostly what I do. I'm going to try harder with my studies so hopefully with my next test I can get a 100, or at least somewhere in the 90's range. I don't wanna just quit because of one bad grade.

I'm glad I keep talking to people, both on here and staff members at the program. They always make me feel better. I DO want to go home and see my friends, but in due time. This is only approximately 6 months of my life, and I'm 20. I'm young. A lot of the guys in it are 40+ years old. I'm still young.
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Comments

  1. D'ohmer's Avatar
    You can do it! If you're gotten good grades before, you can do it again. I believe in you!
  2. lionelhutz123's Avatar
    when I was in college, I took a journalism course which I needed as requirement for my major. Unfortunately I was taking too many credits that semester and ended up failing it after not showing up or handing in assignments. I really didn't like the idea of not only coming up with well-written news-worthy stories for the class but to have notable sources that I interviewed. Every week I had to have a new story as if it was a real newspaper and as the semester went on, it really wore down on me.

    so the next semester I took a similar course that sounded easier and ended up with the same professor (whose not a bad professor, just tough). even the same students from the last class were there. it was really embarrassing to do because the professor knew I failed the last class because of how many absences and the lack of assignments I handed in. I could barely look her in the eye. the class ran differently but was still just as demanding. it was bad though, because I was still falling into unhealthy patterns where I would literally drive the hour commute to school and then once I was there, I couldn't even leave the car, because the stress was beginning to set in. of course this caught up with me, and I failed this class too. I think I was depressed as well.

    so I had to take a third course, this time repeating the first course I took. this was last Fall and I remember dreading the first day because it was the SAME professor who was the only person teaching this class. It was like hell that I had to walk in there with my tail between my legs, because now the new students from the last class were in this class and you could tell they were speculating in their heads what happened to me last semester when I just disappeared from the course (not that it ever affected them).

    then the professor walks in and I can see looking through the corner of her eye at me as she's passing while withholding the nastiest expression as if "shit, here we go again". it was the most uncomfortable moment of many but it's not like I had a choice. I had to take the class, but I can already tell I was being judged as if I was here to waste her time. The worst part about it is I wasn't screwing around this time, but it's not like I was able to prove that in one stroke. I actually have to be there for the duration and put in the work, even if it's not my best work. I could still feel the doubt from my professor every day, which she was completely entitled to, because the last 2 semesters I would do okay for the first half or so of it, but then I ended up completely falling flat.

    anyway, long story long, I ended up passing with a C which was just what I needed. it was a hard course even when I tried, but I had to fail an entire course twice (having to pay for the course 3x) in order to get this credit. It was my personal hell, but I kept throwing myself into it and now I'm on the other side of it. Looking back I'm proud to have experienced it, because back then it really felt like I hit a dead end I would never escape from.