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Walid

Thoughts of Failure Sinking In

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The first test I took I got a 95 on it. We had one today and I don't know percentage, but I know I failed. I feel really bad now. The truth is starting to be revealed about how badly I suck at tests and I'm not sure this is worth it. I want a job and to be able to make money. Learning/studying the bible really doesn't interest me much. I may be done with the program. Thoughts? Stick it out? I need to make a decision fast. I haven't been as happy as I thought I would. My main thing was wanting to prove I could quit weed and alcohol, which I have been able to do. Maybe it's time to move back to Holland? I dunno. I don't want to do what I almost always do and rush into a decision... I just miss my friends and am honestly feeling kind of homesick. The program guys all seem so negative because some guy entered recently and they all think he's faking wanting to be saved and all. I can't take so much negativity. Sigh. Suggestions?

BTW today is my 2-month anniversary of the last time I smoked.
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  1. Irvine's Avatar
    If you got a 95 on the first test, then I'm sure the second time was just a fluke.

    Surely you can retake it?
  2. Walid's Avatar
    One of them was a fluke, for sure. I just don't have an interest and am not understanding the material. Every single day I'm worried that when he calls on me for an answer to a question on that night's homework, I'll be wrong. In fact, most of the time I am. And it's not like I'm not reading the chapters I'm supposed to be either.

    And nope, he doesn't offer retakes. One and you're done
  3. Ryan's Avatar
    Religious people can be assholes... who knew
  4. lionelhutz123's Avatar
    all people can be assholes. you can't go into this expecting the PR work of mascots in Disney World. I say stick with it and at least let us know what's happening after 3 months. Every time you feel discouraged, just sleep on it and I'm sure the next day will be more forgiving. That fear of being called on is anxiety which is GOOD and normal. Being out of college right now, I can't tell you how much I miss it. And don't think of studying the bible as some brainwashing exercise. You don't have to be religious in order to take anything away from the stories you're studying.

    congrats on your sobriety so far too, you have a lot more self-discipline than you probably thought
  5. OldSchoolerSimpsons's Avatar
    Funny thing, I read Edgar Allan Poe's novella "The Black Cat" today and immediately thought of the theme of that one when I read the title.
    But anyway, sad to hear. I always feel painful whenever you deliver sad news and hope for the best you can continue to hold on.
    Sooner or later you'll be done will all of this. In the meantime, maybe you could try and become friends with the new guy? Trying never hurts.
    Good luck.
  6. Sam's Avatar
    #SufferinFromFailure