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Why I'm Doing This (The Program)

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I've mentioned 'The Program' quite a bit recently, and to some, it may seem odd to do. Why would anyone want to stay in a mission pretty much all day and night for 6+ months, only being allowed to leave a certain number of hours each week or going places with the supervisors?

Well, let's see. If I wasn't here, where would I be? Probably in Holland, getting stoned and/or drunk with the money I did have. I hate saying it, but that's who I was. A pothead drunk. Do I want to get out and make money? Yes, of course. But I have to think long term. I have to think about what's right for me.

Whether or not I go back to smoking or drinking after the program is all in the air. I dunno if I will or not. I'm kind of hoping one of two things:

-I quit both forever

-I enjoy both in moderation.

The second one might be tougher, because if I just go back to one or the other, or both, I may start using a lot like I did. Hopefully I'll have some kind of self-control, but like I said in my last blog, the idea of me, a few months from now, being in my own place, chilling with friends as a celebratory "Woohoo, I got my life back together!" type thing sounds pretty damn good to me. But we'll see.

At this point, if I continue going the way I am, I should be able to graduate before my next birthday. Each level has different stuff you need to do and I've got almost all of what I need done for the level I'm on. But, you need to be in each a minimum of 60 days.

The next level, in addition to bible stuff, I need to fill out a resume and later on I can start looking for work. I also need to start writing my testimony, about how God's changed my life.

Now, it's probably a little strange talking about God changing me, and talking about weed and alcohol, but I'm convinced I can do both as long as they don't become addictions again. They're considered sins because they alter your thinking process, but they're not like outright forbidden. I've actually done some research on this, as sad as that may be.

Anyway, whether or not I do go back to those, I'll try for moderation if I do. Not spend ALL my money on them. As of now, though, this is where I need to be. Sure, somedays it sucks being inside all day, but we get to go out. Like I said, I go to the gym once/twice a week. Last week one of the supervisors took us to see Guardians of the Galaxy, and earlier this year they went to see Amazing Spider-Man 2. You just gotta keep busy. If I were in Holland, right now as I write this, I can all but guarantee I'd be getting stoned or drunk and just wasting my day. I don't want, nor need, that right now.

I just wanted to try clarifying exactly why I joined this program I'm in because I feel like I haven't done a good job explaining in the past