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D4C

A weblog. What to make a log of? The vidya. An experiment in logging of the vidya and sundries.

Rating: 7 votes, 2.57 average.
Now let's just get this shit out of the way right now: I don't have anything better to talk about. I'm not that interesting. And I sure as hell don't want to make some lame filler blog just to use the feature. So let's talk about vidya, you fuck. You fucking fuck.

DEMOS

Played a few demos in the past month. Let's talk about 'em.

Enslaved: Odyssey to th West- Sucked.

Looks: Right off the bat the main guy looks like Marcus Fenix in a god awful Akihabara get up. The rest of the game looks good. Very good, relatively. But I've seen so many other people talk about this game's graphics as if they were leaps and bounds ahead of everything. They're not. Everyone is just so used to the shit brown and gravel grey of modern shooting games that Enslaved just happens to look better by default. Enslaved is what games SHOULD look like today. This should be the STANDARD. But any B- will look good against a C.

Style: The gameplay is garbage. It's mind numbing and repetetive. This kind of gameplay is designed to feel rewarding to 7 and 8 year olds. After playing games like Devil May Cry and God of War, it just feels like (and is) a shallow imitation. Worse than the combat is the platforming. Running is awkward and slippery. The climbing sections are insultingly braindead. Wiggle the control stick to one direction and mash A. The game takes over from there and it is impossible for you to fail. They want you to be more distracted by the "cinematic" events happening around you but fuck that nonsense. That's just an excuse for people not to complaina bout your shitty controls.

Personality: The story I hear is actually pretty good once it gets going and will be the only reason I pick this up if I ever decide to.


Blade Kitten- Pretty alright.

Looks: The most noticeable thing about this title is the saccharine sweet semi-anime look to it. It's immature but cute. I can imagine a lot of 14 year old girls liking it and that's okay. The actual in-game graphics look good for an XBLA/PSN game. It continues the pink, yellow, blue color scheme that permeates the menus and cut-scenes though everything is recognizable in the monotonous palette. It is a little above adequate and that's okay for a download game.

Style: The gameplay is great. It plays like a mix of arcade Strider and NES Ninja Gaiden. It's fast paced and fun. It presents challenges but none are ever as difficult as seen in games like Braid. This is more about action and moving with grace while slashing enemies. You can get by with mashing the attack button but they reward you for performing admirable combos and special moves. Performing well in levels unlocks items like useless alt. costumes and the like. Nothing to get excited over unless you're really that into masturbating toc artoon catgirls.

Personality: The story and characters, again, cater directly to that 10-14 year old female anime fan demographic. The main character is safe-for-kids rougeish and the villains are all but harmless annoyances. At least these are what are most apparent by the demo. It's dumb fun and others may not be so tolerant of the tone. I don't think it gets in the way of the great gameplay though.

Cute, but dumb. I'd get this if I had more disposable income.

KOF SkyStage- What the fuck is this?

Looks: Shit. They took 10 year old sprites from The King of FIghters, put them over where a space ship would be and tried to make a bullet hell game. It's awful. The enemies and stages are completely forgetable and you can barely see your character anyway. Just more branding on a sub-par genre game.

Style: Generic. Incredibly generic. It "works" but it's so completely bland it wouldn't matter. It takes no risks and grants no reward. There's very little to say about it other than by accomplishing nothing it utterly fails at being worth playing.

Personality: Nothing. THere's nothing here. It's just an excuse to put the characters in a shitty game like I said earlier.

Don't waste your time on this garbage.

Dragon Ball Raging Blast 2- They still make you?

Looks: Unremarkable. It's a bit smoother but I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between this and Tenkaichi Budokai on my Wii. The entire thing is so run of the mill and proves that this series really needs to be rethought if video games are to be made about it. Irresponsibly lazy.

Style: Alright first things first: WHEN YOU HAVE A DEMO, INCLUDE INSTRUCTIONS ON WHAT THE BUTTONS DO ON THE CONTROLLER, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing it. I think there was a button for strike, energy shot, and some kind of dodgy maneuver. I hated it. There was no time to actually learn anything because the computer wanted to play like it was serious fucking business and I couldn't do anything. I turned it off after about 2 minutes.

Personality: Story? No clue. But the voices and stages were alls till painfully boring. I don't know how they keep making money off of these things but I would suggest nobody give it to them. Felt no inspiration to actually do well and the characters they gave you to play with in the demo were terrible.

Don't bother. And that's just not the anger at the control issue. I guarantee this game is no different than the previous RB. These games never change if they have the same title.


Castlevania: Lords of Shadow- Ekes out as better than mediocre.

Looks: The basic look of the game has great old Europe Castlevania qualities. The animation is fine but there's one small hiccup: You can't see a fucking thing in the rain. Each and every rain drop is rendered in white colors and gets in the way. It wouldn't be so bad if the camera weren't so pulled back but maybe I just didn't look in the options hard enough. The colors desaturate in the actual gameplay despite everything look very good in cut scenes. This may have been tolerable ten years ago, but in this day and age there is regularly little difference between cut scenes and gameplay. It's jarring to the point of distraction here.

Style: The gameplay is quite good, but just about as simple as Enslaved. I find this game more satisfying though others may not. Standard XXY, XXXXX, XXYYY deal with the combos. It's fun but doesn't add anything to the genre and in no way "feels" like a Castlevania game. Though I'm sure it's better than other 3D efforts in the series. This game has a noticeable lack of quick time events compared to other games of the genre. I kind of like them but I can live without. Just an observation. I know some people get butthurt but mostly it's because they suck.

Personality: The story is a carbon copy of at least 2 other games. Namely GoW and Dante's Inferno. It's just a gritty version of the "rescue the princess" deal. Unremarkable and, again, feels nothing like Castlevania. Dracula isn't even mentioned. Some bullshit. This Gabriel Belmont character might be shoehorned in but he seems alright. No idea where this falls in the timeline or even if it's apocryphal. The monsters are all reminiscent of earlier games and the environments have plenty of call backs.

This game is playable, but does little with the Castlevania name aside from borrow a few monsters and names. You could easily rename everything and have it be a different game. I'd pay money if it was cheap.
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Comments

  1. Steve's Avatar
    Pretty well written, for a goober anyway.

    Lords of Shadow looks like it'll be a cool game to pick up in six months for cheap.