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Financial Panther

Bagel Wars III: Bagelodonian Invasion

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The double agent returned to Donutopolis and told Long John about the plans of Bagelodonia. Long John immediately ordered soldiers to be stationed around Donutopolis and armed them with devices that would remove bagels of their blueberries, raisins, and other items essential to life. Long John also gave his troops Earthifiers, devices that would send the opposition to the planet Earth to be consumed by the vile scum that inhabited the planet.

The Bagelodonians were alerted of the double agent and were outraged.

"What do we do now?!" screamed a pizza bagel to King Pumpernickel.

"Calm down, calm down," he replied. "I think we need to launch some long-range missiles. If aimed well, it will penetrate some of the unholed donuts and make their fillings leak out, including that of King Chocolate Long John."

The Bagelodonians cheered mightily at their king's ingenious plan. Pumpernickel consulted the military leader, General Banana Nut, and told him to prepare a missile strike on Donutopolis.

"Aye aye, sir!" replied the general. "Any specific location?"

"Chocolate Long John's palace, please," said Pumpernickel.

The sirens sounded for an impending launch, and the missiles were fired. They were straight and true, and they annihilated the palace of Long John.

As Long John's fluids leaked out at a rapid pace, he managed to croak, "Kill them. Kill them all." They were the last words he ever got out.

The residents of Bagelodonia celebrated their victory and decided to invade while Donutopolis was in turmoil. Without Long John to tell them what to do, the donuts were lost. The troops gorged themselves on sugary snacks and were completely unprepared for what would happen next.

Bagelodonia's well-trained and disciplined military got onto the ship and blasted off to begin its invasion of Donutopolis. They were equipped with de-icers to remove the frosting or glaze of many of the donuts, rendering them weak and exposed, as well a plain old cannons to blow holes in those without them.

They arrived at Donutopolis to see massive panic sweeping the land. Nobody knew what to do without the king to guide them, and as the bagels exited the ship to begin combat, the donut troops slowly looked up from their food. But it was too late; the bagels' de-icers were used to resounding success, removing layers upon layers of icing and leaving the donuts incapacitated. They then fired the cannons, blowing the donut troops to smithereens. Long John's widow, Queen Éclair, ordered for backup while the bagels ran amok, destroying every donut they saw. Things looked grim for Donutopolis, but the queen had an idea. A far-fetched idea, but one that just might work.


  1. Financial Panther's Avatar
  2. Sam's Avatar
    dont quit ur day job
  3. The Goode Family's Avatar
    please continue this series