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Financial Panther

Bagel Wars II: The Conflict Escalates

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King Pumpernickel was feeling troubled. Relations with Chocolate Long John had deteriorated due to cultural disagreements. Pumpernickel decided to consult with his associates, Queen Rye and Prince Garlic. They agreed that immediate action needed to be taken before things soured further.

"What do you suggest we do?" asked the king.

"We need to go to Donutopolis and tell the donuts that our demands need to be met," replied Garlic. "We cannot trust them to join forces with us and create an alliance if they're being unhealthy, lazy, and prone to early death! I simply don't think we can cooperate with them with things the way they are."

As they arrived at Donutopolis, the young donut holes on the street cowered in fear at the sight of the powerful bagels. As Pumpernickel, Rye, and Garlic talked to Chocolate Long John, they noticed that he was strangely irritable.

"What's wrong?" asked Queen Rye.

"I wanted this to be one-on-one," replied Long John. "The fact that you brought backup makes me think you don't trust me."

"Well, you're right. I don't trust non-round pastries, especially ones with filling," said Pumpernickel. "They're just too irrational."

"GET OUT!" demanded Long John. "I won't stand for this attitude!"

A depressed Pumpernickel arrived back at Bagelodonia to address a crowd of smiling bagels, who expected to hear the details of how a truce was worked out. He climbed up to the stage and wiped some residual cream cheese from his sweaty brow.

"Ahem," Pumpernickel began nervously. "Unfortunately, we have been unable to come to an agreement with the donuts. As of now, the two planets are no longer interacting."

The audience's eyes began to tear up with blueberries, cranberries, raisins, and other delectable food items.

"What's going to happen?!" a sesame-seed lad cried out.

"I don't know, but it's not going to be pretty," the king replied. "I think we're going to have to launch a surprise attack. If we send our best forces to Donutopolis, we should be able to show them what healthy, well-nourished round pastries can do!"

Meanwhile, a new student had arrived at one of the bagel schools. He was nervous, as new students are wont to be, but the bagels welcomed him warmly.

"So, uh, I've heard about this feud with the donuts," said the new bagel. "What are our plans?"

"You haven't heard?" said Mrs. Blueberry. "We're going to attack them! They won't know what hit them!"

A few days later, after King Pumpernickel had laid out his plans in more detail, the new bagel suddenly disappeared from school. The teachers and students were confused until one of the cafeteria workers noticed a food shortage. Suddenly, horror dawned on her. There was no denying it—they had been infiltrated by a plain cake donut.


  1. Sam's Avatar
    please continue this series
  2. pilcrow's Avatar
    Wow way to bump usernote classics