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Financial Panther

Bagel Wars: Tensions Begin Anew

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
When I was in 5th grade, I wrote a small series called Bagel Wars. I brought it up in TC last night and handy demanded I rewrite it. So here's the first installment:

Everyone knows the saying "A bagel is born every minute." This was the truth on the planet of Bagelodonia, where bagels spawned aplenty. They were raised by bagel parents, attended bagel schools, and played bagel games. Yes, Bagelodonia was a fine place to live for a long time.

The neighboring planet of Donutopolis was similar in nature. The donuts enjoyed a carefree lifestyle full of vigor. But an uneasy peace existed between Bagelodonia and Donutopolis, for while there were similarities between planets, there were also some notable differences that caused disagreements between them. The bagels believed in health and nutrition, while the donuts believed taste ruled all. Also, the bagels were of mind that all creatures must be round with a hole in the center as they were naturally born, while the donuts argued for diversity in the shapes of their citizens, even if diversifying the shapes meant changing genetic codes.

It was a normal school day on Bagelodonia. The young bagels were out at recess when a loud rumble filled the air and a large spaceship suddenly began to descend out of the clouds. The children looked at each other and shrugged, but the teachers, knowing better, were scared out of their minds.

"Oh's happening," said Mrs. Blueberry, shivering in fear. "I thought we agreed to settle for peace!"

"The donuts will never be peaceful," Principal Chocolate Chip somberly remarked. "That's not their nature. The filling inside them gives them an appetite for destruction."

Mrs. Blueberry immediately ordered the young bagels inside, much to their chagrin. She canceled the lesson plan and began to teach the children the history of the feud between the pastries. She told them of the disputes between their core ideals and that the last time the donuts were on Bagelodonia, immense terror swept the unprepared planet. But this was thousands of years ago, and nobody expected to see anything like this ever again.

As the ship landed near King Pumpernickel's residence, the donuts' king, King Chocolate Long John, exited the spacecraft and briskly strolled toward Pumpernickel. He greeted the bagel king warmly and said, "Let's get down to business."

"Er...about what?" inquired Pumpernickel, confused.

"Your planet's residents have become too high and mighty when it comes to forcing nutrition on others," said Chocolate Long John. "It needs to stop. Don't you want to enjoy life to the fullest? Yeah, we have a lower life expectancy than your planet, but we have fun and enjoy our lives! Why can't you do that?"

"Why are you bothering us about our lives? Can't we just live how we want?" asked Pumpernickel.

"I dream of a time when both planets can get together and fight for the greater good, and that won't happen as long as we have these differences," said Chocolate Long John.

"Well maybe you should adapt to our lifestyle then!" retorted Pumpernickel. "Just because we're a healthy bunch doesn't mean we can't have fun!"

"I refuse," Chocolate Long John stated flatly. He stormed out, got into his spaceship, and left.

News of the donut king's appearance was broadcasted that night. The newscasters assured the residents of Bagelodonia that it was not yet time to panic and that they would be able to smooth things over in no time.

"King Pumpernickel has said that he will be corresponding with Donutopolis's King Chocolate Long John through interplanetary pastry-mail," said the news anchor. "He says everything will be settled soon."

The anchor couldn't have been more wrong.


  1. tyler's Avatar
    please keep this goin
  2. 1010011010's Avatar
    Had a smile on my face the entire time reading this Panther.

    Please make this an ongoing series.
  3. pilcrow's Avatar
    please continue this series
  4. bias's Avatar
    cannot read bagelodonia as anything other than:
    idk why
  5. OldSchoolerSimpsons's Avatar
    This is fantastic!