"The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer" (HABF15)
Lisa makes friends with Fat Tony's son, who shows talent as a chef but is being pushed to take over the family "waste management" business, but when he makes his father look weak in front of a rival family by telling them he made the dessert and Tony gets shot, Homer and Bart take over the business.
When Bart refuses to remain quiet at the funeral of Homer's Vegas wife, a psychiatrist has a unique solution; drumming. Bart turns out to be a natural, and when he joins Lisa at a jazz brunch, some professional jazz musicians ask him to jam with them, which drives Lisa into a depression that she tries to cure by rescuing animals - one of which mauls Bart's arm, and all of which have to be given away quiclky or animal control will kill them.
Marge starts reading a set of home repair books that Homer bought but never got around to reading, and soon becomes a carpentry expert, but when no one will let a woman do any carpentry work, she gets Homer to pretend that he is doing it"- at least until he goes overboard with taking all of the credit; when Bart discovers that Principal Skinner is allergic to peanuts, a peanut on a stick is all Bart needs to turn Skinner into his slave.
"Married to the Blob" - Homer eats what looks like an interstellar glowing green marshmallow that emerges from a meteorite, and soon turns into a giant green blob with an appetite to match his size.
"You Gotta Know When to Golem" - Bart discovers a golem in Krusty's prop room and brings it to life to do his bidding.
"The Day the Earth Looked Stupid" - in the late 1930s, Kang and Kodos land in Springfield as part of an alien invasion, but the town, having just been taken in by Orson Welles' War of the Worlds broadcast, doesn't believe it is real.
When Army recruiters can't get teenagers like Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearny to enlist, they get kids at Springfield Elementary to sign papers agreeing to enlist when they're 18. Homer goes to the recruitment office to get Bart out of his deal, but ends up enlisting himself, and, as one of the dumbest persons in the Army, becomes the enemy in live-fire wargames, only to give the troops the slip, resulting in a full-scale invasion of Springfield in an attempt to find him.
Lisa feels sorry for Moe after Homer forgets that he offered to take him fishing for his birthday, so she decides to write a school report about him, and in the process discovers his written rantings can be turned into poetry; Lisa gets them published and Moe is invited to a writers' conference in Vermont, but when he discovers that anyone who claims they needed help in writing is shunned, he takes all of the credit for his success.
"Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair)" (HABF22)
Homer is fired from the nuclear plant when he pays more attention to the ice cream truck than to Mr. Burns; when the driver dies, Homer buys the truck and takes over the business, which has an unexpected benefit; Marge turns the popsicle sticks into sculptures.
Bart gets his friends to boycott Nelson's birthday party, only for Bart to end up being forced to attend by Marge; this leads to Nelson becoming Bart's new best friend (and bodyguard), which sounds like a good thing for Bart until he discovers how jealous Nelson can be; Homer reads to Lisa at night, only for him to try to hide the "big surprise ending" when he discovers it's not exactly happy.
When Costington's Department Store Santa Gil gives Lisa a sold out Malibu Stacy set his boss had set aside for his daughter, Gil is fired on Christmas Eve, so the Simpsons let him stay for Christmas Eve, but when he won't leave and Marge just can't say no to him, he extends the stay until Marge finally has had enough, in November, but when she discovers Gil has moved out to a new job, "The Simpsons are going to..." Scottsdale so Marge can finally stand up to him.
Homer takes the family to Barnacle Bay, where Marge spent a number of vacations as a child, only to discover that its boardwalk is rundown, but when Homer burns down the merry-go-round after having it refurbished, he has to work it off on a fishing boat, which is a problem when you realize that the reason Barnacle Bay was rundown was because the bay was overfished.
Rather than tell the truth about her family history in a school report, Lisa bends the facts a little and claims she is a "Native American", which ends up having her become the keynote speaker for the National Native American Tribal Council; when Bart stops a major fire, Mayor Quimby grants him one wish - a driver's license - but after one day too many of being the Simpsons' errand boy and chauffeur, he drives off to North Haverbrook, where an older girl, who thinks Bart must be at least 16, falls for him.
Documentary filmmaker Declan Desmond has been tracking the lives of Springfield citizens every eight years since 32 years ago, and is surprised to discover that, sometime in the past eight years, Homer has gone from loser to millionaire...or has he?
Principal Skinner decides to let Lisa tutor Cletus's kids (rather than let them into Springfield Elementary), but when Krusty discovers they can sing, he signs them up as a musical act for his show; Bart is sent to a psychiatrist after making up a story about a school chef who turns kids into food in order to clear out the cafeteria so he can get some food after Homer gives him Grampa's medication for lunch.
When Homer declares bankruptcy (under the impression that it would protect his assets), he has to cut wasteful spending, so he stops paying for Grampa to stay in the Springfield Retirement Castle, causing him to move out - and move into a relationship with Selma, over Homer and Patty's objections; when Bart and Lisa order shipping materials from a delivery company and the company discovers they built a fort with them, it's an all-out war of paper products.
When Homer nearly sets the house on fire after a mishap involving the candles on his birthday cake, the Simpsons buy a fireproof safe to protect their valuables, including the family album, but when it manages to burn anyway, Homer and Marge try to re-enact all of the photos. One of them catches a celebrity in a compromising position in the background, so Homer sells it to a tabloid, and soon he becomes Springfield's hottest paparazzo - which is not good when the celebrities try to turn him into Springfield's most humiliated person.
Marge feels the shame of the other parents at a PTA meeting when she reveals she doesn't have an e-mail address, so she goes online, and soon gets involved in an online role-playing game, only to discover the most feared character is Bart - who ends up killing her character accidentally; Homer becomes a soccer referee for Lisa's league, only for him to give her a red card after she takes advantage of him by flopping one too many times on the field (only for special guest voice Ronaldo to set the record straight).
The Springfield Isotots make it to a Little League championship game, but when Bart makes an error that costs the team the championship, the townspeople refuse to let him forget it; Homer's attempts to talk his way out of being caught sleeping on a bed in a department store bed end up selling the mattress, so he ends up as a mattress salesman, but he has second thoughts when Reverend Lovejoy trades Homer's mattress for one he just bought.
When Homer gets lost in a cornfield maze, Santa's Little Helper drags him out, leading to the dog being sent to animal police academy, and it's "Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, Santa's Little Helper's gonna come for you," but when he bites Bart rather than play catch with him, Bart gets a new pet - a snake - which gets loose in the school and causes a toxic gas cloud to overcome Bart while he's looking for him.
Springfield Elementary's bullies are about to detonate a stink bomb (actually, an extremely expired carton of yogurt Homer tried to dispose), unless the school's CTU (Counter-Truancy Unit) - including Bart, Lisa, Jack Bauer, and Chloe O'Brian from 24 (voiced by Kiefer Sutherland and Mary Lynn Rajskub) can stop them.
In the show's 400th episode, when Homer buys the 1,000,000th ice cream cone at a local shop, he ends up on Kent Brockman's news program, but when Brockman swears on live TV after coffee is spilled in his lap, Ned Flanders leads a crusade to clean up Springfield's airwaves - starting with getting Brockman fired.