The Simpsons in Fool Coverage

[Dandu386]

The Simpsons In “Fool Coverage”

Chalkboard: !Esrever ni etirw ton lliw I

Couch Gag: Simpsons arrive to find no couch, only for it to fall on the family.

(Scene starts out with Marge making breakfast and feeding Snowball II while humming a happy song)

Marge: Homer! Kids! Breakfast! Oh, there you are, kids, where’s your father?

Lisa: The last time I saw him; he was festering in a pile of beer cans since around 3 A.M.

Marge: (groans)

Homer: (Looking all clean) (Whistles) Hiya everyone, today I decided to be spic and span and early for work.

Bart: Nothing is classier than your shirt being on backwards, dad!

Homer: D’oh! (Removes and adjusts shirt) Today I heard they are doing an inspection at the power plant.

Bart: You remember to return the stapler, home slice?

Homer: I will cross that bridge when I come to it, Marge what’s for breakfast?

Marge: Bacon, sausage and eggs, just the way you like it, Homie!

Lisa: What about the rather fragile and expensive pencil holder you borrowed from Mr. Burn’s office?

Homer: Uhhh…funny story about that one…Marge can you hurry up with that bacon?

Bart: How about that plutonium rod that you use to scratch your butt with?

Homer: BART! Uhhh, the last time I saw it was when…

(Flashback to earlier in the week in the backyard with Homer playing with Santa’s little helper)

Homer: (Holding the plutonium rod) Fetch the stick boy!

(Santa’s little Helper fetches it and then glows green and rapidly starts digging up the yard)

Homer: Atta boy!

(Flashback ends, back to kitchen table)

Homer: It’s probably somewhere in China by now, or maybe California…whatever’s on the other side of the world!

Marge: Homie, I wish you would stop “borrowing” things from people. Mr. Flanders yesterday asked for his family bible back.

Homer: Tell him that I still need it to rest the broken coffee table on!

Lisa: I just remembered that this Friday my school is having a concert in Shelbyville and Mr. Largo needs me to perform there to outshine our rivals.

Marge: That reminds me, Homer, you need to get your driver’s license renewed. Now remember when you were stopped by the police for speeding while littering Krusty Burger packets over the highway that you promised to get insurance. Do we have insurance?

Homer: (Thinks) Uh, yes we do, Marge. It was the first thing I did the following day.

Marge: You sat in front of the TV all day.

Homer: Ah, but I did it when you were not around, honey.

Marge: Oh, alright. I will be very upset if I find out that you lied to me, Homie.

Homer: (Thinks) That was close! Phew, I better skip work and rush to the local State Factory Farm Insurance to get a quick plan. (Talks) Yeah, I have it all planned out, go to the insurance company and then to work. (Thinks) Oh crap, did I just say it out loud?

(No one is looking at Homer)

Homer: (Talks) If I did, man I would be screwed!

Marge: What?

Homer: Being late would be rude! Gotta go Marge!

Marge: Homie! You didn’t touch your breakfast!

(Homer grabs his plate and drops the contents into his mouth and declares…)

Homer: Mmmmmmm wolfed down breakfast.

(Homer runs out to his old purple car and starts it, leaves the driveway cutting Flanders’ Geo off)

Ned Flanders: Lord, please bless the man who cannot drive, and still has my spare tire.

(Homer arrives at the State Factory Farm Insurance office – State Factory Farms “We keep you covered when you need it least!”)

Homer: All right! Time to get insured!

Secretary: Hello, may I help you?

Homer: I would like to apply for the insurance dealie.

Secretary: Okay, would you like home, life, or auto insurance?

Homer: Give me two of everything, please.

Secretary: (Confused expression) Okay, I will send you to Mister Cover.

(In Mr. Cover’s office)

Mr. Cover: Mister Simpson, you do realize that we cannot insure you due to your recklessness and being accident-prone.

Homer: D’oh! (Falls over in chair)

Mr. Cover: However, we can insure your wife, Marge and children. What we need from you is your wife’s signature. We can either have it done at our office or at an arranged meeting area of your choice.

Homer: Hmmm, what about the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant at Sector 7G at around 1:30?

Mr. Cover: My schedule is clear for that, yes. We will meet your wife there.

Homer: He he he, sucker!

Mr. Cover: What?

Homer: I will tell her. Thank you, Mr. Rubber.

Mr. Cover: It’s Cover.

Homer: Alright, Mr. Lubber I need to go tell my wife now. ( Bumps into plant) D’oh! (Smashes the aquarium in the office) Oops! (Opens and closes glass door, breaking the glass) D’oh!

Homer: (In car) Okay, brain let’s come up with a scheme. Beer goes in here! You’re right, brain! We need to go to the charity place and get a dress, blue wig and some pearls! (Drives off and off camera you hear breaks skidding and hear Flanders yell “God help us!”

(At the Nuclear Power Plant – Mr. Burns is looking at the security console and sees a rather fat man dressed as a woman)

Mr. Burns: Smithers! Who is that feminine fat fellow?

Smithers: It’s hmmm probably one of Homer Simpson’s ugly cousins.

Mr. Burns: However the appearance, he or she does fine work, promote him or her sometime!

Smithers: Okay sir. (Thinks about Mr. Burns in a dress) Hmmmm…

(In Sector 7G)

Lenny: Hey Homer! What’s up with the getup? Lost a bet?

Homer: Shhh, quiet, the insurance man will be here anytime now!

Carl: Insurance man?

Homer: I am pretending to be my wife, guys! Shut up please!

(Lenny and Carl chuckle)

Lenny: Homer, you do some crazy things sometimes. After work Carl and me are going bungee jumping together and then extreme bowling you want to come?

Homer: The thing is, I’m not insured, but wait I could go as my wife. Hmmmm…

Carl: We will leave you to your nutty scheme, Homer, I mean Marge!

(Lenny and Carl leave still chuckling)

Mr. Cover: Good afternoon Mrs. Simpson!

Homer: Good afternoon, who are you?

Mr. Cover: I am Mr. Cover, your husband should have told you about me. I am from State Factory Farm insurance.

Homer: (Talks like a woman) Oh yes! That’s right, Homie told me about the policy. Where do I sign?

Mr. Cover: Here, here and here. (Homer scribbles)

Mr. Cover: (Looks at scribbles) Okay, Marge as of now you are officially insured by the State Factory Farm Insurance company. It is a pleasure doing business with you. Here are your policies for life, auto, and home insurance and we have determined the rates for all that will be in your next bill. According to our records, you live at 742 evergreen terrace correct?

Homer: Oh no, I live at 744 Evergreen Terrace. (Chuckles)

Mr. Cover: Okay then, see you another time Mrs. Simpson. (Leaves room)

Homer: Woo hoo! I’m insured! (falls off chair, hits coffee cup that lands onto control panel, shorting it out and causing a fire) D’oh!

[Dandu386]

This is my first ever fan fiction and it is not yet finished, so please be kind.

[Dandu386]

Suggestions are welcome, even a way to conclude the episode would also be great!

[maxdefolsch]

I didn't read it yet, but I already have two things to say : the presentation could be improved, so the reading would be more enjoyable, and things like "I hope at least I am better than simpsonfan" are mean.

[zach]

I hope at least I am better than simpsonfan.

yeah that line really seemed unnecessary.

[Dandu386]

yeah that line really seemed unnecessary.

I apologize. The line has been deleted. Enjoy my script and please comment.

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

Besides, no one is better than Simpsonfan's phenomenal writing and techniques.

[maxdefolsch]

OK, I just read it. It's a bit fetched sometimes, but it is still pretty good, continue like this =)

[Dandu386]

(Back at the Simpson house, the setting is the kitchen, Marge is washing the dishes and looking out the back window)

Marge: (Hums happily) (Sees Hans Moleman in the backyard) What’s going on here?

(Outside)

Hans: (Dressed in a tie dye shirt and sunglasses, holding a surfboard) Hello!? I need a ticket to Los Angeles!

(Marge rushes out) Marge: Oh you poor thing! What are you doing here?

Hans: Hello, I have been waiting for an hour, have I missed my flight to Los Angeles?

Marge: What’s your name? You’re not at an airport, you’re in my backyard.

Hans: Oh. That explains why it’s so quiet. Do you know where I can get a ride to the airport?

Marge: We better get you inside. It’s starting to rain! (Guides poor hobbling Moleman inside) I recognize you! You sometimes hang out with Grandpa at the retirement home.

Hans: Is this the cafeteria?

Marge: I’d fix you up a snack, sure but we better get you home. What’s your name?

Hans: How about a ham on rye, please make it mushy, my poor old teeth can’t handle much chewing.

Marge: Listen, I need your name to get you home.

Hans: Home? I live in Los Angeles.

Marge: I have seen you at Springfield Retirement Castle many times. Never mind, I will just call them. If only I can find the number. All I have is the one for Grandpa’s room. I guess I will call him. (Dials phone)

Marge: Hello, Abe!

Abe: Hello Marge! I’m in the middle of watching Matlock.

Marge: Abe, we need your help, an old man from your home is in my kitchen wanting a ride to Los Angeles!

Abe: Los Angeles? Hot diggity! I’ll be right there! I need to get out of this hellhole! I’ll be there as soon as Matlock finishes!

Marge: You don’t understand!

Abe: (Sings) California here I come! (Hangs up phone)

Marge: (Groans)

Hans: When does the plane leave?

(Back at the nuclear power plant lunch room)

Carl: Can you tell us why you’re dressed like Marge again, Homer?

Lenny: How did ya get that blue wig?

Homer: It’s easy! the charity store had a ton of these to get rid of. They told me there was a malfunction at the wig dyeing plant. Anyway guys, the deal is that the insurance company won’t cover me because I am reckless and accident-prone.

Carl: You, accident prone? Irresponsible? Heh!

Homer: So, to get coverage without my wife knowing that we did not even have insurance to begin with, I posed as Marge with this disguise.

Lenny: Way to go, Homer! Gee I wish I could insure my eye. I’d get rich from the times I got this baby hurt.

Homer: Yeah, you could pose as your wife, Lenny.

Lenny: (Looks at Carl) (Looks sideways at Homer)

Homer: What?

Lenny: I’ve been divorced for years!

Homer: You don’t say!

Lenny: We used to talk about it quite often at the cafeteria.

Carl: Well you and I used to Lenny, Homer’s usually too busy drooling at doughnuts.

(Flashback)

Carl: So Lenny, heard about Reagan’s plan for peace in Russia?

Lenny: I hope that will put an end to the cold war.

Homer: (Staring at doughnut box) Hmmmm frosted!

(Flashback)

Lenny: Hey Carl, I just had a new idea about how to solve the energy crisis!

Carl: What is it?

Homer: (Staring at doughnut box) Hmmm solar baked doughnuts!

(Flashback ends)

Lenny: It’s been like that since we started working here in the late 1970s.

Homer: (Stares at doughnut box) Hmmm doughnuts that expired in 1979.

Carl: I would not eat those if I were you!

Lenny: Too late.

Homer: (Drooling, eyes looking weird) Hmmmm groovy!

(Homer opens door marked “Stairs UNDER MAINTANENCE DO NOT ENTER” and falls down stairs off camera)

Homer: Yahhhhhh! D’oh!!

(Scene changes to Simpson house)
(Bart and Lisa are back from school and many of the occupants from the Springfield retirement castle are in the kitchen)

Marge: Please listen everybody! We are not going to California!

Old Jewish Guy: Who said anything about California, I thought we were going to St. Louis!

Tom Joad (Henry Fonda characterization): Whaddya mean we ain’t going to Californy?

Marge: Now now, your friend Hans Moleman has made a mistake. He believes this kitchen is the airport.

Grandpa: You mean this isn’t an airport?

Lisa: Mom what is going on here?

Bart: This place stinks, man! Who the hell are these old dudes? Oh, hi Grandpa!

Grandpa: Hiya sonny! Have you heard that your old man’s going to California?

Bart: (Unenthusiastic) That’s great grandpa.

Grandpa: The last time I visited California was back in 19 diggity 3, twenty back then was called a diggity you see and I met a fella named Muck Sendit who made these wacky comedies. We made over 100 films together. I had pies thrown at my face, more pies thrown, then it was cakes, then it was pies, and then it was an entire vegetable stall and then it was…(sleeps).

[Dandu386]

I have yet to write a conclusion, but there is what I have so far. I hope you like it.

[Dandu386]

Lisa: I wonder how the elderly from the retirement castle left without alarming the staff.

(At retirement castle, most of the staff members are watching TV)

Nurse: Is it just me or is it rather quiet today?

Caretaker: Shhh. We are trying to watch Dr. Nick!

(On TV set)

Troy McClure: Welcome to another exciting episode of “I Can’t Believe They Invented It!” Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such cheap excuses for television programming such as “The Psychotic Friends Network” and “The DontSu Knives Musical Spectacular.” (Pauses) So, Dr. Nick, what do you have for us today?

Dr. Nick: Hi everybody! Today I will share this wonderful lion repellant spray!

Troy McClure: Doctor, there are no lions here.

Dr. Nick: The spray must be working then!

Troy McClure: Gee, Dr. Nick! What’s inside that paper bag on the table?

Dr. Nick: (Chuckles) That’s my lunch, Troy.

Troy McClure: How about the one right beside it?

Dr. Nick: Oh! Yes, Troy! (Grabs paper bag) This is my latest invention! An “everything’s OK” alarm!

Troy McClure: That sounds like a device everybody needs!

Dr. Nick: All you have to do is press this red button when everything is hunky dory! (Presses red button, a loud screech sounds repeatedly)

Troy McClure: (Annoyed) Does the alarm have a quieter setting?

Dr. Nick: Why should it be quiet? Everybody in the house needs to know when everything is okay! Goodbye everybody!

Audience: Goodbye Dr. Nick!

(TV transitions back to Simpsons’ living room)

Jasper: I ought to get one of those lion repellants. One of them critters grabbed old Charlie when we visited the zoo.

Old Jewish Guy: Poor Charlie. He made a good dinner I bet.

(Brakes skid) (Door opens)

Homer: (Normally dressed) (Walks into TV room) Hey, where’s Marge?

Old Jewish Guy: Where’s sarge?

Homer: No, where’s Marge?

Jasper: Where’s the barge?

Homer: No, my wife, Marge!

Old Jewish Guy: Your cigars?

Homer: Who are you old guys anyway?

Old Jewish Guy: Well I’m…

Homer: (Looks in kitchen) Marge! There you are! (Kisses Marge, while Marge looks confused)

Marge: Homie! Thank goodness you’re here! I am having a real crisis! Your father is over there sleeping at our breakfast table and the whole retirement castle is here waiting for a trip to California.

Homer: Hey! We could make them fall into that hole Santa’s Little Helper dug. I swear that could reach California as it’s the other side of the world!

Marge: (Mumbles to self) Just when I thought I heard the stupidest thing...(Talks) Homie that would be absolutely impossible and cruel.

Homer: Yeah, Marge we better rethinks that one. There’s got to be something more plausible than that…Hmmm how about we send them all on a magical mystery tour!

Marge: We don’t even have a bus.

Homer: It worked for Mick Jagger.

Marge: Mick was in the Rolling Stones.

Homer: Pssh. I liked Queen better than the fab five any day!

Marge: Fab four.

Homer: Tut tut, Marge! Everyone knows that Justin Hayward was the fifth Beatle.

Marge: (Groans) I better call the retirement castle again. (Dials phone) (Retirement castle phone rings) (Staff is watching Itchy and Scratchy)

Caretaker: Is anyone going to answer that?

The others: Meh.
(TV plays theme song of Itchy and Scratchy) (Titles: My Simmer With Death)
(Itchy is cooking some meatballs on a pan while Scratchy is sitting at a nearby table waiting patiently for food)(Itchy smashes Scratchy’s skull with his pan and his two eyes joins the meatballs while Scratchy screams in agony)(Itchy asks Scratchy “How about an appetizer?” The eye-less scratchy says, “Yes please!” and has two sticks of lit TNT shoved in his mouth. The TNT explodes scattering Scratchy’s body everywhere while Itchy laughs hysterically)(TV transitions back to Bart and Lisa laughing hysterically at the television and the two elderly gentlemen scratch their heads)

Old Jewish Guy: Dr Nick has some weird ideas for inventions these days.

(Scene changes to Flanders mailbox)

Flanders: (Goes through mail) A cease-and-desist letter from Reverend Lovejoy, bills, another IOU from Mr. Simpson, what’s this? An insurance plan bill registered to Marge Simpson explicitly sent to my address? What in diddley nation? (Knocks on the Simpsons door)

(Kitchen)

Marge: You better answer that, Homie. I am trying to clean Grandpa’s false teeth.

Homer: (In underwear) Okay.

Flanders: (After Homer answers door) Dear lord! (Covers eyes) Homer, can you get Marge to come to the door?

Homer: Marge!

Marge: What is it? I am stewing some prunes! This better be important.

Homer: (To Flanders) She will be right here. (Pushes door) (Homer disguises as Marge)

Homer: (Talks like Marge) Hello Mr. Flanders.

Flanders: What is this? A diddley gag-adiddley-gag-dag? Where’s Marge Simpson?

Homer: (Talks like Marge) I am Marge Simpson.

Flanders: You have to get up really early in the morning to fool a Flanders!

Homer: What time do you get up?

Flanders: 6 A.M on the dot-a-rooney.

Homer: D’oh!

Flanders: So, where is your wife Homer? I want to talk to her about this insurance application receipt.

Homer: (Quietly) Ixnay on the insurancay!

Flanders: What are you cackling on about?

Marge: What’s going on out there? (Appears at front door) Oh hello Ned. (Looks at Homer) Homie, what are you doing in that ridiculous outfit?

Flanders: There appears to be some sort of mistake. I received a confirmation for your insurance plan in the mail that has been deliberately forwarded to my address.

Marge: Is that so? Homie, you told me we have had insurance for months.

Homer: Uh, we did…Yeah about that…(Backs away)(Runs to the kitchen) Hey, which four of you want to come to California with me?

Moleman, Jewish guy, Jasper and Grandpa: Me! Me! Me! Me! Pick me!

Homer: Get in the car! There’s no time to lose! Follow me!

(Moleman, Jewish guy, Jasper and Grandpa load into the purple car with Homer) (Homer leaves garage hurriedly)(The car heads toward the sunset with Grandpa singing Missouri Here We Come)

(Afterwards a hilarious photomontage of Homer and the four elderly men enjoying the L.A. landmarks while the closing credits play and the song “Hollywood Swingin” by Kool and the Gang plays)

[Dandu386]

There is my story. I hope you enjoy it. The ending felt a bit rushed but it is my first try at a complete episode.

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

uyou probly flunked pig latin

[Dandu386]

Hey, Homer did not graduate from High School until later in his life and had a brief stint in college, what do you expect?!