I'm reposting this since I doubt any of the newer members in the past 3 years even knows this exists. And here we go...
SCENE: AUTOPSY ROOM. HOMER'S STANDING IN A WHITE LAB COAT ADDRESSING THE AUDIENCE.
Hello all you crazy fans in TV wonderland! As you can see, I'm standing in an autopsy room surrounded by dead bodies. To my left, Bart is helping me push the gurneys around to make room for the technical equipment that'll I'll have him haul in next.
CUT TO BART WHO'S REALLY PALE AND LOOKING EXTREMELY TIMID.
D-Dad...I wanna go home. This place is s-scaring me and I think the cooler in back just broke down...
You see? Taking children to the morgue is like taking them to summer camp, they want to go so much, but when they get there, they want to go home.
BART: (slightly shivering in fear)
But Dad, I didn't want to come here at ALL and why are we even here?
You see, Bart, Fox promised me a spin off where I play a coroner who has a sidekick named Mindy and we solve mysteries at night. It's called "Morgue and Mindy". Besides, you can't spell "Dead" without "Dad," right Son?
SUDDENLY ONE OF THE BODIES UNDER THE SHEET SITS UP BART LETS OUT A SCREAM AND THEN FAINTS. LISA PULLS THE COVER OFF AND GIGGLES.
Good one, Lisa! And now on with the Halloween Show. (serious) Followed by the debut of "Morgue and Mindy" at 8:30/7:30 Central.
CUT TO AN OVERHEAD SHOT OF HOMER AS HE DRAWS A Red "X" OVER EACH ONE OF THE CLOSEST DEAD BODY'S EYES WHICH REMAIN VISIBLE AS THE SCENE FADES OUT REVEALING: "Tree House of Horror XX".
TITLE: "AND SO I MADE OUT WITH AN AX MURDERER"
SCENE: THE FAMILY IS STANDING IN LINE AT THE RECENTLY OPENED Sarina Alta HISTORY CENTER.
Do you think this murder museum is a bit much for the children? I mean with all the video games, laser tag, and stuff show on basic cable can warp a persons's mind.
Nah, ever seen the History Channel? Everything has something to do with Hitler. Man walks on the moon...it's connected to Hitler. The History of Nascar? You bet there's a connection to Hitler. Don't even get me started on the basis of black holes. They should call it the Hitler Channel--
LISA: (reading the brochure)
It's sad to know our town's most famous woman Sarina Alta is one of the worst serial killers in our state's history.
Cool! So what's level is she?
Bart, despite being an evil person, she wasn't a computer game....but if you want it in gaming terms, she'd be a level 70 Feminstien.
THE TOUR GUIDE ENTERS.
TOUR GUIDE: (WHO'S VERY, VERY CHIPPER)
Welcome Springfieldians to our humble little museum of horrors! While not as fancy as the Ed Gien museum in Wisconsin, we'll do our best to provide the best in giving you the specifics behind her horrible crimes.
EVERYONE FOLLOWS THE GUIDE INTO THE LOG CABIN.
This here is a replica of the Cabin Sarina lived in back in the 1860s. As you can see it fits the basic scheme of any sort of rustic cabin from that era and over there in the glass cases are Sarina's collection of axes she used to turn her family into sushi.
EVERYONE BUT MARGE LETS OUT AN OOH AND AHHH AND ONE PERSON SNAPS A PICTURE.
Now who here wants to hold an ax?
HOMER: (nudging Marge)
C'mon Marge, you know you wanna....
Homer...I'd rather not.
AS MARGE GAZES AT THE AXES, SHE SUDDENLY HEARS A WOMAN CALLING TO HER SAYING: 'Marge, you want to hold us...hold us...hold us...'
MARGE HANDS MAGGIE OVER TO HOMER AND WALKS OVER TO THE AX COLLECTION AND SLIDES THE GLASS OPEN AND TAKES OUT THE LARGEST AX UPON HOLDING IT, HE FEELS A STRANGE ENERGY FLOW FROM THE HANDLE INTO HER BODY, THEN A SUDDEN JOLT THAT KNOCKS HER OUT. WHEN MARGE AWAKENS, SHE'S LOOKING UP A DR. HIBBERT AND THE FAMILY.
'laughs' Good morning, Mrs. Simpson! It appears you had a nasty bump on your head last night.
Wha..? Last night? The last thing I remembered was--
MARGE SUDDENLY HAS A FLASH IMAGE OF SARINA ALTA SMILING AT HER.
...I don't know.
Well, Maggie's been up all night at your bedside keeping watch.
HOMER HANDS MAGGIE OVER TO MARGE WHO TICKLES HER BELLY UNDER THE CRAWLER AND MAGGIE HAPPILY GIGGLES.
Woah, mom, you had us all worried back there. You're lucky, when you fell that ax missed your head by an inch!
MARGE: (her tone changes to a slightly sinister tone)
Yeah, Bart, do you happen to have it? I'd like to have another 'look' at it again, heh-heh...
MARGE GIVES A COLD, EVIL GLARE AT BART AND BART NERVOUSLY LEANS BACK A BIT.
And Lisa, since you're so smart, tell me...how did history remember the great "Sarina Alta" of Springfield?
Mom? Uh, I thought you weren't interested in--
Well, she murdered her family, killed the next door neighbor, and all the pets disappeared. When the town found out she was shot by firing squad and then hung, but I'm not sure about which came first.
I like the part about killing the next door neighbor. Ahhh, too bad she wasn't alive today, I could use a more Flanders-chopping woman in my life!
MARGE: (under her breath)
Be careful what you wish for..."Homie."
CUT TO THE SIMPSONS HOME. MARGE IS IN THE KITCHEN CHOPPING ONIONS WITH LARGE 12" KNIFE WHEN HOMER AND BART ENTER.
HOMER: (sniffs the air)
Hey, Marge, what's that smell? It smells like a fancy resteraunt, but without the hoity-toity air of snobbishness!
Let's all pretend this will be our last meal as a family! We'll enjoy our time together instead of watching that damn telebox, or whatever you guys call that square thing.
MARGE LAUGHS AS SHE PUSHES THE ONIONS INTO THE POT OF BOILING WATER AND SHE PLAYS WITH THE KNIFE AND SMILES EVILY AT HOMER AND BART.
Mom, are you feeling okay? You sound even more out of touch--
No, Bart, let's just say that bump in my head has brought out your REAL mommy, heh, heh, heh...
Honey, does this mean I've been married to a fake Marge all this time?
MARGE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING AND JUST WALKS OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
That's odd, boy, normally she'd say (doing Marge impression) "hrmmm! That's not right you sexy super stud beast! Let's go upstairs and talk about it". (normal) Or, something to that effect.
BART: (rolls eyes)
Now you're sounding even more out of touch than she is, Homer.
CUT TO MARGE AS SHE'S IN THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM AS SHE PEERS INTO THE MIRROR.
MARGE: (talking to her reflection)
Well, Sarina, of all the bodies to inhibit, you had to pick the wife of an oafish lug with the ugliest children on the planet. Heh, it doesn't matter, my time in this 'body' is short and I must rid myself of this wretched 'family' in order to become an immortal!
SUDDENLY THE CAMERA PANS TO MARGE'S EYES AS WE HEAR HER THOUGHTS.
No! You won't harm my family! I-I won't let you!
You can't do anything but take the fall, Marge. When I'm done with them, you'll be arrested and burned and tortured like I was!
CUT TO THE HALLWAY AS LISA IS SHOCKED AND LISTENING THROUGH THE DOOR WHEN SARINA/MARGE OPENS IT.
You!? You''ve been listening in haven't you!? Well, you're the first one on my cutting block and I'll enjoy finishing you off.
LISA SCREAMS AND RUNS FOR THE STAIRS AS SARINA/MARGE LUNGES AT HER, BUT MISSES AS LISA SLIDES DOWN THE BANISTER AND RUNS OUT THE FRONT DOOR.
'hmph' No matter, I'll track her down in due time...I think I can handle a boys, night in, however...
OUTSIDE, A STORM IS APPROACHING AND A FLASH OF LIGHTNING FOLLOWED BY THUNDER AND THEN THE POWER GOING OUT. NOW IN THE DARK, HOMER AND BART APPROACH 'MARGE' AS SHE'S STANDING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS, BOTH ARE HOLDING CANDLES.
Mom...? What was all that noise?
Guys, let me show you something...
SARINA/MARGE WALKS OVER TO HOMER'S TROPHY CLOSET BY THE STAIRS AND REACHES IN AND PULLS OUT AN AX SIMILAR IN SIZE TO THE ONE FROM THE MUSEUM.
Oh, my god, Bart, she wants me to chop firewood!
No, I want you both to DIE!
SARINA/MARGE LUNGES AT HOMER AND BART AND TAKES A SWING, MISSING BOTH, BUT KNOCKING OVER A TABLE LAMP AND BREAKING IT. HOMER AND BART SEPARATE AND S-MARGE IS LEFT TRYING TO FIND THEM IN THE NEAR DARKNESS.
CUT TO LISA WHO'S AT THE SARINA ALTA MUSEUM. SHE'S POUNDING ON THE CARETAKER'S DOOR IN THE POURING RAIN WHEN THE TOUR GUIDE ANSWERS.
Yes....Hey, you're that girl who's mother passed out yesterday. How's she doing?
I think my Mom's been cursed with Sarina's spirit, or something but my mom tried killing me and I heard her say that she was planning on killing my dad and brother, too!
Hmmm, let's not jump to conclusions. Grown-ups fight all the time and--
Stop being condescending, damnit! This is serious! I need to know if Sarina was planning on returning from the dead after Springfield executed her, or something, but please you've got to help me!
Well, we could call the police, or take the law into our own hands.
No! I want my mom to come out of this unscathed.
CUT TO THE INSIDE OF THE LOG CABIN AS LISA IS READING ALL THE VARIOUS BOOK TITLES ON THE BOOKSHELF, FINDS ONE AND SHE FLIPS THROUGH IT TO THE BACK.
I think this is it! This was Sarina's diary and according to the last entry, she willed her soul after death to live inside her murder weapons--Her ax collection.
So when your mom touched the ax, her spirit traveled into her.
Well, I guess she was also trying to find a family that was as annoying as hers, but we have to go back and save my dad and brother!
Let me get one thing...
THE GUIDE REACHES INTO HIS DESK DRAWER AND PULLS OUT A .44 MAGNUM.
This is for when diplomacy fails and it makes me look like a tough guy!
CUT TO THE SIMPSONS HOME. HOMER IS COWERING IN THE GARAGE IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE CAR.
I've gotta save that meatloaf Marge made before she went crazy...oh, and the boy, too.
SUDDENLY THE REAR PASSENGER SEAT WINDOW SHATTERS AND S-MARGE IS LOOKING AT HOMER.
Get ready for that Axe Effect, honey!
HOMER RUNS OUT THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CAR AND BACK INTO THE HOUSE. MEANWHILE, BART IS HIDING IN A KITCHEN CABINET BY THE SINK WHEN HE HEARS THE 'CLICK-CLACK' OF MARGE'S SHOES ACROSS THE KITCHEN TILE. SCARED HE, BUMPS A FRYING PAN AND THE FOOTSTEPS CEASE.
Oh, I'm done for...I can't believe mom's going to kill me. I always thought dad was going to go chop-socky on me.
SUDDENLY, S-MARGE OPENS THE CABINET DOOR TO BART'S HIDING PLACE AND PULLS HIM OUT AND SETS HIM ON A KITCHEN CHAIR.
Okay, Bart don't be scared and if you move, it'll only make things that much more messy!
S-MARGE RAISES UP THE AX AND IS ABOUT TO MAKE A MOVE WHEN HOMER COMES STORMING FROM THE LIVING ROOM AND COLLIDES WITH MARGE IN THE DARKENED KITCHEN, CAUSING HER TO DROP THE AX AND SEND HER FACE FIRST INTO THE MICROWAVE, WHICH LET'S OFF A 'DING' WHEN MARGE'S FACE HITS IT BEFORE SHE HITS THE FLOOR.
HOMER: (opens microwave)
Aww, I was hoping for popcorn!
Dad! You saved me!
That's odd, we both came from the garage but I was running. How did she beat me here?
LISA AND THE GUIDE FROM THE MUSEUM COME RUNNING IN. BOTH ARE DRENCHED FROM THE RAINSTORM OUTSIDE AND THE POWER COMES BACK ON.
Well, that was convenient.
Oh my god, Mom!
HOMER REACHES INTO THE UTENSIL DRAWER AND PULLS OUT A RUBBER SPATULA AND POKES MARGE WITH IT.
Yep, she's out cold, but now what do we do?
CUT TO S-MARGE WHO'S IN A PADDED CELL AND IN A STRAIGHT-JACKET. HOMER, BART, LISA AND MAGGIE ARE ALL STARING AT HER THROUGH HER CELL DOOR.
This is terrible. We tried every therapy and even the Dr. Phill's Home Insanity Fitness test and we all failed. I can't believe we even tried getting Sarina a job at her museum, and she still wanted to kill us!
Dad, is Mom ever going to be not-possessed ever again?
Who knows? Maybe one day when you three rugrats are all grown-up and moved out of the house, or maybe if we change religions.
THE TRIO LEAVE AND WAVE GOODBYE TO SARINA/MARGE.
Lousy, stupid family. I'll kill them once I figure a way out of this place!
ZOOM IN TO MARGE'S FOREHEAD AS MARGE'S THOUGHTS ENTER.
Well, Sarina it looks like it's just you and me. So, Sarina, do you want to know all the great, and WONDERFUL adventures me and my family have had over the years, well, it all began when...
THE CAMERA ZOOMS OUT AS S-MARGE IS BANGING HER HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AND IS GNAWING AT THE STRAPS ON THE STRAIGHT-JACKET.
(END FIRST SHORT)