Lines/Jokes/Gags that still crack you up?

[Insecthero]

After all these years, some of these kill me every single time. Among them are:

"Duff Gardens, HURRAH!"

"Sorry, NO Homers!"

"Oh, and it's raspberry!"

"I've got an idea! These wienies will give me the quick energy I need to escape!"

The bus full of violinists in "The Springfield Files"

"Lisa? Am I wearing pants?"

"Young lady, in this house we obey the Laws of Thermodynamics!!"

Stupid Sexy Flanders

Ned's mom: "We've tried nothin', and we're all out of ideas!"

"Don't you see? That would be taking the easy way out!"
"I agree!" (Pushes button, blinding flash)

"Professor P. J. Cornucopia's Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery!"

"Ah wash mahself with a rag on a stick!"

...to name a few.

[Haoie]

Milhouse, give him his soul back!

A bit random but the visual image works.

On that note: Shut the door, you're letting the heat out!

[IceToSeeYou]

Man...fall down. Funny.

[Prune Tracy]

Guy Incognito.

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

"The toppings contain potassium benzoate"

"...."

"That's bad"

"Can I go now?"

[irvine_11]

Agent: We're from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. This is a surprise test of worker competence.
Mr. Burns: There must be some mistake. We, er, we make cookies here. Mr Burns' old-time, extra-chewy....

Man...fall down. Funny.

Pretty much sums up the humor of the Scully era.

[Christopher the Chef]

"A bee bit my bottom! Now my bottom's big!"

Lovejoy: Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again.
Homer: Aaah! [jumps out the window]

[Toomanygrandmas]

A slapstick joke that never fails to make me laugh is Bart smashing the chair on Homer's back, in 'A Milhouse Divided'.

Another one is the whole 'Monster Island/Penninsular' thing from 'Lisa on Ice'.

The only other one I can think that cracks me for certain, is the old classic:

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post Office Worker: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer:... I don't know.

[moneychair2003]

"Paul Newman's going to have my legs broke "

[Christopher the Chef]

Vera said that?

[irvine_11]

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post Office Worker: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer:... I don't know.

Aw, how did I forget that one? That's the best line of the series.

[BeSharp]

I Call the big one Bitey

[Spiff]

Let's just say it moved me to a bigger house.

[Laura_Powers]

"Ball is in parking lot. Would you like to play again? *Beep* You have selected no."

Homer playing the saxophone - "SAXAMAPHONE! SAXAMAPHONE!"

[do what donny dont does]

I actually have this memorized.
"You have joined the sacred order of the Stonecutters who, since ancient times, have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth. Now lets all get drunk and play ping pong!

[Insecthero]

"Run, before they're through feeding!"

Darryl Strawberry being such a suckup.

"Ow! My freaking ears!!"

"I was just thinking about Homer Simpson."
"That's okay, I was just thinking about Sybil Danning!"

Playing "Why Can't We Be Friends?" as Homer walks down to the ring for his fight with Tatum.

"Want some cream?"
"Ummmm...no."

"You can't leave 1st until you've chugged a beer, any man scoring has to chug a beer, you have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings...oh, and the 4th inning is the Beer Inning."

[Diversity Pumpkin]

Basically everything between Bob and the yokels, but...

Cecil: Hello, brother. All's well, I trust?
Bob: It most certainly is not. The workmen you've given me don't know their asses from the hole in the ground they blew up yesterday.
Cecil: Come now, you speak as if they were nothing but a gaggle of slack-jawed yokels.
Cletus: Mister Terwillidjer, come quick. There's trouble down to the See-Ment mixer, sir!

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

"Neddie...*cue Terminator music* Neddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie"

[Insecthero]

Dr. Hibbert's surgical 2x4

[L. Hutz]

"You can't leave 1st until you've chugged a beer, any man scoring has to chug a beer, you have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings...oh, and the 4th inning is the Beer Inning."


Hey, we know how to play softball.

[Spiff]

That's Handsome Pete. He dances for nickels.

[Shave Those Sideburns!]

"Put It in H!"

The entire "McBain: Let's Get Silly" bit

"I Bent My Wookie"

"Iron helps us play!"

[Jesse Pinkman]

-the goggles do nothing!

-homer's flintstones-esque song at the beginning of marge vs the monorail

-leonard nimoy and the town singing after finding out the 'alien' was mr. burns

-"donuts. is there anything they can't do?"

-"goodnight, and keep watching the skis! uh, i mean skies."

-homer getting hit when he was distracted by burns while trying to hit a homerun

-the opening to cape feare

-die bart die/the bart the

-"oh no! dad's been drugged."
"no he hasn't!"

-"can't sleep; clown'll eat me."

-"marge, it's 3 am. shouldn't you be baking?"

-"i just realized we never had a wedding for the cat and dog. they've been living in sin!"

-"there's a lemon behind that rock!"

-the DIE/DIET billboard in Springfield Files (who'd pay for a billboard to just say the word DIET?)

-"do you follow my husband around?"
"lady, he's putting my kids through college."

-"you'll have to speak up; i'm wearing a towel."

-"my boy's a box. damn you a box!"

those are just some of the many examples from the classic era that make me laugh still. there are some examples of post-classic era ones too, but i want to limit this to just classic era for now.

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

Glad you just picked the odd 1 or 2...

[Homer Defined]

Homer
(Drunk) Maybe it's the beer talking, but you got a butt that won't quit! (jibberish) 5 dollars?! Get outta here! - I think this is from Season 3, but I don't remember the episode.
Marge, it takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen.
If you're gonna get mad at me everytime I do something stupid then I guess I'll have to stop doing stupid things.
What in the hell are you talking about? (the way he delivers it make me laugh everytime I hear it)
I used to rock and roll all night and party everyday, then it was every other day, now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.
Operator! Give me the number for 911! (Season 7 - King Size Homer)
SAVE ME JEEBUS!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman! (Season 9 - Lost Our Lisa)
To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

Moe
Oh boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me.
Ok, everybody tuck your pants into your socks! (Homer's Enemy - Season 8)
If you're so sure about what it ain't, then how about tellin' us what it am! (Lisa the Skeptic - Season 9)
Money gets you one more round, one more round you stupid clown, money gets you one round then your out on your ass! (A Star is Burns - Season 6)
Hey, what the hell are you doing you little freak?! (Season 8? I think it's from the one where he had that family restaurant)
You know what really aggrevates me? Is them immigants, they want all the benefits of livin' in Springfield, but they ain't even botherin' to learn themselves the language!
And I was a lot happier before I knew Dame Edna was a man, A LOT happier.

Ned
Oh were done for, were done for, were' done diddily done for! Were done diddily doodlely done diddily doodlely done diddily doodlely DONE DIDDILY DOODLELY DONE DIDDILY DOODLELY....

Homer: (slapping Ned) FLANDERS SNAP OUT OF IT!

Now calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly... aw, HELL-DIDDILY DING DONG CRAP! CAN'T YOU MORONS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?! (Season 8 - Hurricane Neddy)

Why me, Lord? I've always been good. I don't drink or dance or swear, I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side. I've done everything the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more can I do? I... I... I feel like I'm coming apart here! I wanna yell out, but I just can't dang-darn-diddly-darn-dang-ding-dong-diddly-darned do it! (Season 8 - Hurricane Neddy)

Favorite Homer and Moe scene
Sure Homer, I can loan you all the money you need, however since you don't have collateral, I'll have to break your legs in advance.

Homer: Oh gosh Moe, I use these all the time. Couldn't you just bust my head in?

Moe: HEY?! Are you a loan shark? Do you understand how finance works? Now let's do this thing.

[Christopher the Chef]

Reverend... emergency! I - it's the Simpson kids - eedily - I, uh, baptism - oodily - uh - doodily doodily!

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

"The key to Springfield has always been Elm Street. The Greeks knew it, the Romans knew it..."

[JuniorGustabo]

I remember a very funny scene. A man was near a cliff, the man shouts "Why they canceled Futurama?!" and then jumps. Ha, ha, ha!

Some Homer phrases:
* Operator! Give me the number for 911!
* Bart, with $ 10,000 we'll be millionaires! We buy all sorts of useful things like ... love!
* Lisa, if you do not like your job you do not strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
* Please do not eat me. I have a wife and kids, eat them!
* What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
* Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
* All my life I've had one dream: to Achieve My Many goals.
* Oh, look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!... By the way I was being sarcastic.

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

NOT SO MANY PEOPLE!

[The Love-Matic Grandpa!]

Marge: I've brought someone to help you!
Homer: Batman?
Marge: (annoyed): No, it's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist...
Marge: (angry): IT'S NOT BATMAN!

Julie Kavner and Dan C. make such a great team.