alright whose job was it to feed the butterflies

[pecken]

and other venture bros quotes

24: is this them?
21: are these they.
24: who talks like that?
monarch: are these they?

[TheGingerDeadMan]

naked.

[Sniper Squirrel]

Henchman 24: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
Henchman 21: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Henchman 24: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
Henchman 21: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're mammals!

[D4C]

Rusty: Dean, I remember when the Action Man would wake me up with a gun pointed at my head. He'd just hold it there and pull the trigger. I'd hear the click really loud because it was right against my forehead.
Dean: So it echoes.
Rusty: Right, it sounded like he snapped one of my teeth out. Click. And then he'd go "Not today, Rusty, not today."
Dean: Golly. And you took it because you had to?
Rusty: No, Dean, I took it because I was Rusty Venture, Boy Adventurer. I didn't ask for this life, Dean. But it's mine. Sure, I fall down in this speedsuit. But I get up and wet-nap my puke off.
Dean: Do you have one?
Rusty: I got a pocket full of those lemony little devils. It all comes with that outfit, Dean. It's not all bad. I mean, I am a super-scientist. Loved. Feared. Well, I have a lawn full of bad guys who want my... what do they want?

[Sniper Squirrel]

As of this moment you are no longer butterflies, today YOU ARE MURDERFLIES

[pecken]

butterfly kisses! i learned them in prison

[Sniper Squirrel]

If you'd a played by the rules, the Ghost Pirate rules, none of this would have happened

[D4C]

Am I the only person who has appropriated the term "boss mexican hat" to use instead of sombrero?


Col. Gentleman's list of celebrity actresses who need a slap in the mouth:



Kirstie Alley

That girl from The Facts of Life. You know the one.

Mary Kate Olsen. But not Ashley.

Lorretta Switt

Kirstie Alley. Again.

Rosie O'Donnell for rapping in Elmopolooza. And for being Rosie O'Donnell.

Elaine Boozler

Rosie Perez. Because I bet that would turn her on. Crazy Puerto Rican minx.

Clay Aiken

The female lead in SuperCross, for looking at the camera whilst scanning the vista.

Bonnie Bedelia.

[StrideR]

You all should be feeling the sting in your nether regions.

[Sniper Squirrel]

My dad's lab was like a pharmacological candy store, so I started real young. Next thing I know, I'm blowing lines of voodoo powder off the back of a monkey's paw I bought in Calcutta. Now I'm all out of wishes

[Dave Shutton]

I would not be too hasty in entering that room FOR I HAD TACO BELL FOR LUNCH!

[Sniper Squirrel]

When you put on a speed-suit, you say "Look out world, I know what I'm wearing for the rest of my life"

[StrideR]

I realize I am a Tijuana doctor, but even we have scruples. I could lose my license to practice…Mexican medicine.

Dr. Venture: Alright Dean, you're going to have to pull down your pants. I have to palpate the region.
Dean: Please dad! Please, please, please don't feel me up!
Dr. Venture: I'm going to palpate, Dean. This isn't any fun for me either. Do you want me to get H.E.L.P.eR. to do it? Is that better for you? A doddering old robot with cold, steel claws. Is that what you want?
Dean: Ahhhuh!! I want a doctor!!

[CalculatedChaos]

Henchman 21: Here is where you are wrong, my friend. This woman has killed before.
Henchman 24: Allegedly.
Henchman 21: Okay, whatever. But she was a big girl. We are talking about a large, healthy woman of questionable stability.
Henchman 24: Oh, you are totally underestimating the never-say-die scrappiness of a survivor.
The Monarch: Hey, guess what? Nobody cares who would win in a crazy fantasy fist-fight between Anne Frank and Lizzie Borden. We never should have brought the henchmen. We're going to be the only ones there with henchmen!

------------

Henchman 21: You still don't get it. 24 and I have been on, like, a thousand missions. We've been shot at, dipped in acid...
Henchman 24: Brock Samson hit me with a car. Drove right into my kidney. Here I am!
Henchman 21: Yeah, we can walk across this floor and nothing would hit us. But then like this huge log would swing down and take your head off.
Henchman 24: Hey, here; what's your name?
Henchman 1: Henchman number 1.
Henchman 24: See, you are nameless.
Henchman 1: I'm Scott Hall, my name is Scott Hall. Okay?
Henchman 24: No, won't help.
Henchman 21: Yeah, now it's just pathos. So you're dying in my lap and I'm all "Scott! Scott don't you quit on us! Don't you dare!!"
Henchman 24: You just made your unavoidable death more pathetic.
Henchman 21: Fuck it. Nothing's gonna happen to me.
(21 and 24 walk across the floor and nothing happens. Henchman 1 shrugs and walks across the floor - alarms go off)
Henchman 1: Oh you have got to be shitting me.

[Steve]

Dean: Uhh... Hank, you have a stain.

Hank: Aww, c'mon! Why does that happen?! I shook it so hard I almost hit that pink puck!

Dean: Did you dab?

Hank: What?

Dean: Dab! Did you dab!

Hank: Uh, no

Dean: I dab.

Hank: I don't.

Dean: You should dab.

Hank: Stop saying dab!

[StrideR]

The Monarch: (sighing) Jollyrancher82, never get henchmen.
Jollyrancher82: You know, that's not my real name.
The Monarch: Well, how was I supposed to know? I used my real name.
Jollyrancher82: I just thought, you know... "The Monarch," I thought you were into cosplay...
The Monarch: Real name! And I am into costumed business, not costumed play. (seeing Dr. Girlfriend walk in) Shit! They're here! Fawn over me! Treat me as if I were candy!!




The Monarch: Are you smoking?
Dr. Girlfriend: Who?
The Monarch: You!
Dr. Girlfriend: Why?
The Monarch: What-why? Are you smoking?
Dr. Girlfriend: Maybe…
The Monarch: What?! When did you start smoking?
Dr. Girlfriend: 198-9ish?
The Monarch: So you have been lying! It all makes sense, the filled ash trays, the burning pine scented hair sprays…
Sgt. Hatred: I guess I’ll say it, her three pack a day voice.

[iamspartan]

Caretakers of the sanctuary can be feeders of the butterflies. I think that's really fun. Do they have part time jobs for that?

[StrideR]

Brock: Aww no fuckin' way! Late 60's ultra death ray! She's amazing! Saddle operated with Doom-code gearing. Freakin' gorgeous.
Mr. Cardholder: If this were a woman, I'd marry it.
Mr. Doe: And I'd jeopardize our friendship by nailing your hot wife.

Brock: I'm gonna need some wheels.
Hunter: You can take mine. But you are not gonna like looking for the keys!

[Sniper Squirrel]

It Came with the hat, it's a Detective Whip

[Postmaster]

Brock Samson: I dunno, Doc.
Dr. Venture: What?
Brock Samson: This is pretty bad, even for you.
Dr. Venture: Look, I've seen you rip a man's eyes out of his sockets and make him a marionette with his optic nerves!
Brock Samson: Yeah, but at least I didn't break his heart.
Dr. Venture: You don't know that.