Our own animated sitcom?

[SIR oinks alot]

Also, seeing as the show is about (writing for) Television and/or Movies i thought it would be a cool idea to name each episode after a Show, Movie or TV Episode Name, instead of parodying one.

a few fake episode pitches based on that idea

Futurama:
the staff go back in time to the 1939 world fair for some reason.

arrested developement:
flashback to when john was a teenager and when he hits puberty

I love lucy:
albert developes an unhealtly obsession on lucy liu. guest starring margeret cho as lucy

[SIR oinks alot]

END OF ACT 1

(INT OF HOSPITAL, JOHN IS ON A HOSPITAL BED LOOKING ANGRY)

doctor:
no sir.

(the staff enters the room of the hospital)

everone except john(halfheartly):
thank god...

john:
About fucking time! this doctor is trying to fucking kill me!

(flashback to earlier)

John:
ahh! what the hell is that? are you trying to kill me?!?!

doctor:
this is a stethoscope.

john:
oh, I knew that. I'm not an idiot. are you implying I'm a idiot?!

(akward pause)

(flashback over)

john:
YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!

Albert:
uh, no. You brought this upon yourself for being such an over douche!

pradesh:
as that one guy from "my name is earl" once said " what goes around comes around".

John:
Shut up Pradaladadingdong! I WAS STRESSED BECUASE THAT ASSHOLE MULDER WAS GONNA CANCEL US AND REPLACE US WITH OBESE MONKEYS! YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT WOULD BE FOR US?

Andrew:
awwww..... he does care!

John:
I'M A GODDAMN TV WRITER! I DONT FEEL LOVE!

Doctor:
calm down sir! If you have another heart attack you'll probrably die, so I suggest you take a vacation to someplace tropical.

john:
but... my show will suffer without me! who's gonna run it, HIM?

(john points to seth)

Doctor:
get a writer to run the show for you, it will just be for a while.

John:
alright, in my absence, seth is in charge.

Seth:
oh.... joy.....

(the staff all leaves)

John:
can I have some morphime?

doctor:
no. I can give you a sticker though.

John:
dont give me the spiderman one. I hate spiderman.

(CUTS TO WRITERS ROOM)



but after this I'm kinda stuck, maybe you guys could help a bit in which direction to go?

[Capt Hammer]

END OF ACT 1

(INT OF HOSPITAL, JOHN IS ON A HOSPITAL BED LOOKING ANGRY)

doctor:
no sir.

(the staff enters the room of the hospital)

everone except john(halfheartly):
thank god...

john:
About fucking time! this doctor is trying to fucking kill me!

(flashback to earlier)

John:
ahh! what the hell is that? are you trying to kill me?!?!

doctor:
this is a stethoscope.

john:
oh, I knew that. I'm not an idiot. are you implying I'm a idiot?!

(akward pause)

(flashback over)

john:
YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!

Albert:
uh, no. You brought this upon yourself for being such an over douche!

pradesh:
as that one guy from "my name is earl" once said " what goes around comes around".

John:
Shut up Pradaladadingdong! I WAS STRESSED BECUASE THAT ASSHOLE MULDER WAS GONNA CANCEL US AND REPLACE US WITH OBESE MONKEYS! YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT WOULD BE FOR US?

Andrew:
awwww..... he does care!

John:
I'M A GODDAMN TV WRITER! I DONT FEEL LOVE!

Doctor:
calm down sir! If you have another heart attack you'll probrably die, so I suggest you take a vacation to someplace tropical.

john:
but... my show will suffer without me! who's gonna run it, HIM?

(john points to seth)

Doctor:
get a writer to run the show for you, it will just be for a while.

John:
alright, in my absence, seth is in charge.

Seth:
oh.... joy.....

(the staff all leaves)

John:
can I have some morphime?

doctor:
no. I can give you a sticker though.

John:
dont give me the spiderman one. I hate spiderman.

(CUTS TO WRITERS ROOM)



but after this I'm kinda stuck, maybe you guys could help a bit in which direction to go?

I understand that John is a jerk, but i don't think that should consume his character. I think you should tone down the douchebaggery of John a little.

Just my opinion.

Also, you could go down one of the two classic sitcom lines:

The Show is doing better than ever with seth in charge and they don't want John back. John tries to prove he is a good writer

or

The Show fails with Seth in charge and even though he's a douche, the guys realise they miss him.


Or you could come up with a unique idea. I can't think of one at the moment but you might be able too.

[Fox Executive]

I like the second act as well and I agree with ahhgoobras that John is a little bit too douchey. But you have the perfect opportunity tu "cure" this in this episode. Send him on a vacation with Seth staying in charge and the show failing, like ahhgoobras said and then bring John home and everybody's happy that he's there and because he missed it so much, he gets a little nicer. Just an idea, I don't really know if that would actually work.

[hammster]

I'm sorry that I've basically been ignoring this thing for a while now but I'm buried in work (In exam year) and can only keep a few limited projects going... I will return once I'm done but you guys seem to be running this fine without me.

[SIR oinks alot]

I understand that John is a jerk, but i don't think that should consume his character. I think you should tone down the douchebaggery of John a little.

Just my opinion.

Also, you could go down one of the two classic sitcom lines:

The Show is doing better than ever with seth in charge and they don't want John back. John tries to prove he is a good writer

or

The Show fails with Seth in charge and even though he's a douche, the guys realise they miss him.


Or you could come up with a unique idea. I can't think of one at the moment but you might be able too.

in this episode he's suppose the be more douchebag than usual, but I could tone him down some.

prolly will go with the show failing

[SIR oinks alot]

the whole act 2
sorry kinda busy with school and all but will finish act 3 sometime this week or next week

(INT OF HOSPITAL, JOHN IS ON A HOSPITAL BED LOOKING ANGRY)

doctor:

no sir.

(the staff enters the room of the hospital)

everone except john(halfheartly):

thank god...

john:

About fucking time! this doctor is trying to fucking kill me!

(flashback to earlier)

John:

ahh! what the hell is that? are you trying to kill me?!?!

doctor:

this is a stethoscope.

john:

oh, I knew that. I'm not an idiot. are you implying I'm a idiot?!

(akward pause)

(flashback over)

john:

YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!

Albert:

uh, no. You brought this upon yourself for being such an over douche!

pradesh:

as that one guy from "my name is earl" once said " what goes around comes around".

John: Shut up Pradaladadingdong! I WAS STRESSED BECUASE THAT ASSHOLE MULDER WAS GONNA CANCEL US AND REPLACE US WITH OBESE MONKEYS! YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT WOULD BE FOR US?

Andrew:

awwww..... he does care!

John:

I'M A GODDAMN TV WRITER! I DONT FEEL LOVE!

Doctor:

calm down sir! If you have another heart attack you'll probrably die, so I suggest you take a vacation to someplace tropical.

john:

but... my show will suffer without me! who's gonna run it, HIM?

(john points to seth)

Doctor: get a writer to run the show for you, it will just be for a while.

John:

alright, in my absence, seth is in charge.

Seth:

oh.... joy.....

(the staff all leaves)

John:

can I have some morphime?

doctor:

no. I can give you a sticker though.

John:

dont give me the spiderman one. I hate spiderman.

(CUTS TO WRITERS ROOM)

Seth:
So I’m in charge huh? I can make the show go in any direction I want?

Pradesh:
That’s how I took it.

Seth:
Alright. Any ideas for an episode?

Pradesh:
What if Jesus goes back in a time machine and meets the actual Jesus Christ and then he injures Jesus and Jesus has to replace Jesus?

Seth:
You had me at the word Jesus.

(dan Enters the room)

Dan:
Seth, this script “best episode ever: or how I won the freaking emmy”, is awful! For starters you only have one line!

Seth(holding a baseball bat):
Shut up you versatile son of a b- sigh….. I can’t do it. I’m just not that cold hearted.

Albert:
Not cold hearted?! You turned in those Mexican immigrants to the police when they needed your help!

Seth(muttering to himself):
I thought you were fired.(speaking to dan) Anyways, heres 40,000 dollars. Stop complaining.

Dan(running out):
I love this show!

Seth:
Alright, you guys just keep on writing, And I’ll go check on upstairs.

Pradesh:
I don’t care.

(he goes to the AD and see’s david goldman talking to a animator)

David:
Do you enjoy small talk?
Animator:
Eh.

David:
Oh hey Seth buddy! Is john gonna be OK?

Seth:
Oh yeah sure, he’s fine.

David:
Good for him. Anyways, I was gonna ask for a favor…… Can I have some money?

Seth:
What?!?! I’m a writer for gods sake! I only make 60,000 dollars an episode! What am I, made of money?

David:
I wish.

(they both enjoy a hearty laugh)

David:
But seriously though, give me some money or I quit.

(all of them are in the writers room)

Albert:
I cant believe I’m saying this, but I almost kind of miss John.

Pradesh:
Yeah…I kinda almost miss him too….. good times…..

(flashback to earlier, a parody of “the public enemy” Pradesh is at a breakfast table with John(who is in a bathrobe) )

Pradesh:
You’re the best boss that anyone in the entertainment industry could ask for.

(john smashes a grapefruit in his face)

(PRESENT DAY)

Sandy:
Maybe we could stage an intervention in hawaii, you know to get john back.


Seth:
Hey! Yeah! Now this is what I pay you for! The staff of “jesus controls the universe is going to Hawaii!”

(Andrew runs in, late)

Andrew:
Sorry I’m late, I ate too many hot pockets and had diarrhea. What did I miss?!

Seth:
Actually we were going out to……uh……Lunch.so have a special assignment for you. you stay here and write storylines and ideas.

Andrew:
Oh…… ok…….

(they all leave)

Andrew:
Have a good lunch!

[Fox Executive]

Yeah, I like the ending a lot. All of them going to Hawaii to see John is a good way to go, especially because John will see that they care for him after all and don't see him as just a douchey boss.
Really good script so far, I'm looking forward to see how you continue the story in the next act!

[SIR oinks alot]

sorry i'm taking so long, I am extremely busy. well in the meantime, heres the rewrite of the 3rd episode

BEHIND THE SCENES: EPISODE BTS003 - "THE ODD COUPLE"


INT. – THE WRITERS ROOM. All writers but JOHN are sitting around the table occasionally yelling out story ideas, but mainly doing their own thing. ALBERT is watching them, ANDREW is eating and SANDY is working at the computer.

ANDREW
I got one, how about an episode where Jesus gets shot, like, a bunch of times in the head and weirdly he’s totally fine. So, he joins a circus.

SETH
We are not writing a whole episode about that.

JOHN BURSTS IN THE DOOR, CRYING. HE QUICKLY SITS DOWN, HIDING HIS FACE. EVERYONE GATHERS AROUND HIM

PRADESH (holding back a laugh)
John, are you crying?

JOHN
Don’t look at me!

SETH
Why would you come in here if you didn’t want us looking at you?

PRADESH (patting John on the back)
Hey, hey, John. Everything’s going to be OK. So why are you crying? Get your period?

PRADESH LAUGHS

JOHN
Oh, Haha. Prademadadesh-

PRADESH (as if he’s said it a million times before)
That is not my name.

JOHN
SHUT UP!, everyone cries sometimes. I’m no more girly then you are!

PRADESH
Uh, I have footage of you dancing around in a dress on my computer.

JOHN WIPES THE TEARS FROM HIS EYES

JOHN
(gasp) You told me the camera was off!

PRADESH
Haha, yeah I did.

ALBERT
…So why are you crying?

JOHN
Me and my girlfriend of a few hours just broke up. Now she’s taken half of my stuff.

EVERYONE LOOKS CONFUSED

SETH
Hey John?

JOHN
Yeah?

SETH
You know that she only gets half of your stuff if you get married right?

JOHN (no longer sad)
She what now?

SETH
If you guys didn’t get married, she doesn’t get half of your stuff.

JOHN
Oh… shit. I already signed the deed to the house. God-Damn it!
(deep breath)
No, you know what, it’s ok. I can work around this. Sandy?

SANDY
Yes, John?

JOHN
I need your house.

SANDY
…What?

JOHN
I need your house.

SANDY
You want to move in with me?

JOHN
Oh god no. You have to move out.

SANDY
You can’t do that.

JOHN
I’m your boss, you’re my assistant. I can do whatever I want.

SETH
Actually John, you can’t. You can’t just kick people out of there houses.

JOHN
sigh..... your right....anyways sandy, I'll give you 2 days to move all your stuff out to the curb-

SETH:
hey! what did I just say!

JOHN:
What about you Albert? I'll give you my copy of action comics #1!

ALBERT:
I'm more of a batman kind of person.

PRADESH (lights up)
w-w-w-wait a sec.....YOU HAVE ACTION COMIC #1?

JOHN
Aha.

PRADESH
well pack up half your stuff, You’re moving in!

CUT TO: INT. -- PRADESH’S APARTMENT. JOHN knocks on PRADESH’s door and he answers. JOHN walks inside.

PRADESH
Hi.

JOHN
Hey asswipe.

JOHN RUNS TO THE BEDROOM, PRADESH FOLLOWS HIM.

PRADESH
What are you doing?

JOHN
Setting up my bedroom.

PRADESH
Oh, I set up the couch for you. It’s a fold-out.

JOHN
Yeah, that’s not happening. See, the me of giving you action comics #1 entitles me to a bed.

PRADESH
You haven’t even given me the damn thing yet.

JOHN
I will. But in the meantime, this is my bed. Also I need to set up some ground rules. #1: I’m going to be bringing some chicks here, so when I say leave us alone, leave us alone. #2: If I do ask for you to, oh, I don’t know, help me get into a sex position. Just help quickly ok? And #3: You may here some weird noises, like, uh, me making animal sounds, when you do, just ignore it.

PRADESH
Why do you make animal sound-

JOHN
#4: no questions.you understand?

PRADESH
Yeah ok.

JOHN:
good! now wheres your TV? I'm gonna tivo all the episodes of family matters. oh and rule #5, I control the Tivo.

CUT TO: INT – THE WRITER’S ROOM – CAPTION: “THE NEXT DAY.” ALL THE WRITERS BUT PRADESH AND JOHN ARE SITTING AROUND THE TABLE.

ANDREW
I’m telling you, It’s funny, it shows emotion and it’s totally in character!

SETH
How? How is Jesus setting his hair on fire any of those things!?

PRADESH COMES THROUGH THE DOOR, SITS DOWN LOOKING TIRED AND FRUSTRATED.

ALBERT
Wow. You look terrible.

PRADESH
Thanks, Albert. Its John’s fault, the guy’s driving me crazy. “You’re not a proper Indian if you don’t have the little dot on your forehead,” “You’re not a proper Indian if you don’t have the Kama Sutra book,” “You’re not a proper Indian if you don’t eat pasta and pizza.”

SETH
Isn’t the last one Italian?

PRADESH
Yeah, I tried explaining that to him. Then, “Rule #36: No challenging what I say.” God he’s a douche.

SETH
Rule #36?

PRADESH
Oh the rules. There the stupidest thing, like, “Rule #11:" I get to walk around nude in the house” or “Rule #24: You must eat rice” He’s driving me nuts, you guys have to help me get rid of him.

JOHN WALKS IN AND SITS DOWN, HE ALSO LOOKS TIRED AND FRUSTRATED.

JOHN
There!

JOHN THROWS A SCRIPT ON THE TABLE, SANDY PICKS IT UP.

JOHN
I finished “Jesus and the gorillas” even with little Mr Multi-cultural bugging me.

PRADESH
bugging you!? I asked if you wanted dinner.

JOHN
Oh yeah, you did. That curry was delicious by the way. Wait, that’s beside the point! Don’t interrupt me when I’m writing!

PRADESH
You listen to me-

SANDY
Ah, John. I don’t think Steven’s going to like this.

JOHN
Why not!?

SANDY
Probably because you have Jesus saying “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit” for-

SANDY FLIPS THROUGH THE SCRIPT

SANDY
16 pages. and there's like 9 penis jokes in every other page.

JOHN
Hey, that’s quality writing!

ANDREW
PENIS!

SANDY
John, take it back. Look through it, Change a few things and then give it back to me. Ok?

JOHN
ok....*cough* penis.

JOHN LEAVES WITH THE SCRIPT

ALBERT
He’s more of a douche then usual.

SETH
He really is.

PRADESH
Please help me get rid of him.

SETH
I’ll help.

ANDREW
I have nothing to do, I will as well.

SETH
First, try and talk to him. Ask him to leave.

PRADESH
That’s not going to work.

SETH
You can always try.

ANDREW BEGINS TO HYSTERICALLY LAUGH

SETH
What’s so funny?

ALBERT
I just got that period joke Pradesh said yesterday.

CUT TO: INT – PRADESH’S APARTMENT – PRADESH walks up to the bathroom door and can hear a shaver.

PRADESH
Listen, John. We need to talk.

JOHN
ugh, I know what sex is MOTHER....

PRADESH (confused)
What?

JOHN
sorry, Its just when you said "the talk" I thought you were gonna tell me what sex was.

PRADESH
what?

JOHN
Ah, not right now.

PRADESH
…Why not?

JOHN
I’m shaving.

PRADESH
(Laugh) I’ve seen a guy shave before.

JOHN
I’m not shaving my face.

PRADESH(confused)
oh?

PRADESH(in realization)
oh.

PRADESH(in disgust)
oh.

PRADESH
Listen, I was wondering if you could … move out.

JOHN
What? No way.

PRADESH
Why not?

JOHN
Well, Where am I going to go?

PRADESH
Back to your old place.

JOHN
As if Amber’s going to let me back in.

PRADESH
Well, You could ask- Would you turn the shaver off!

JOHN POKES HIS HEAD OUT THE BATHROOM DOOR

JOHN
Listen, Indian dude. If you want action comics #1, you’ll let me stay here as long as I want.

PRADESH LEAVES

CUT TO: INT. -- THE WRITER’S ROOM - SETH, PRADESH and ANDREW are the only people in the room, they are sitting at the table.

PRADESH
And then he told me he was staying.

SETH
Wait, wait, wait. (Laughing) John shaves his balls?

PRADESH
That’s what you’re taking out of this story?

SETH
(still laughing) John shaves his balls!

PRADESH
You need to help me.

SETH
Ok. Let’s come up with some plans. How about talking to, um, Amber? Get her to move out.

ANDREW
It’s worth a try.

PRADESH
Ok, what else?

ANDREW
Buy him a new house.

PRADESH
Let’s put that in the maybe pile.

ANDREW
Oh, I got one! I’ll call it “John’s little accident”

PRADESH
We are not killing John!

ANDREW
Who said killing? We could just, put him in a coma or something.

SETH
Dude.

ANDREW
Oh ok then.

PRADESH
(sigh) Let’s go see Amber.

CUT TO: EXT. -- JOHN’S MANSION - PRADESH, SETH and ANDREW are standing outside the door. PRADESH knocks.

PRADESH
How does John have a house like this?

SETH
I think he owns a circus or something.

ALBERT
Again with the circus!

AMBER answers the door, AMBER looks like a very cheap prostitute.

AMBER
What do you want, darlin?

ANDREW
Ewwwww…

ANDREW CONTINUES HIS “Ewwww”

SETH
ew. I mean, Wow.

PRADESH
So… you’re Amber?

AMBER
What do you want?

PRADESH
Ah. See, you know John? Yeah, well, when John moved out of here, he moved into my place. He’s not really a fun house guest so I was, maybe, wondering if you could, let him move back in with you. See, You clearly look like a woman of (Holding back laugh) incredible intelligence and sophistication and I was wondering if, being so awesome, you could put up with John for me and let him move back in, so I don’t kill myself.

AMBER
No.

AMBER SLAMS THE DOOR AND ANDREW STOPS SAYING “Ewwwww”

SETH
It was worth a shot. Let’s go back to the studio and think of some more ideas.

PRADESH
Nah, I’m over it. Let’s just kill him.

SETH
What!?

PRADESH
You heard me. Let’s kill him.

SETH
We can’t just kill him.

PRADESH (almost crying)
Why not?

SETH
We’ll work something else out, ok.

CUT TO: INT. -- THE WRITERS ROOM - ALL THE WRITERS are in the room.

SETH (whispering to PRADESH, who is looking rather down)
It’ll be over soon, buddy.

SUDDENLY A PHONE RINGS. JOHN REALISES IT’S HIS AND ANSWERS

JOHN
Hello? … Oh that’s great! … No it’s fine …

PRADESH AND SETH BEGIN TO SMILE.

JOHN
That’s just fantastic … why would I react any other way? … ok thank you. Bye.

NOW EVERYONE IS SMILING, WAITING FOR THE GOOD NEWS

JOHN
Fantastic News everyone, I’m getting my house back!

SETH
That’s great! How?

JOHN
Amber died!

EVERYONE’S SMILES FADE.

SETH
What?

PRADESH
Oh, that sucks man.

SANDY
Yeah, she stopped by today, seemed nice.

ALBERT
Bummer, dude.

ANDREW LOOKS AT BOTH SETH AND PRADESH AND SMILES WITH HIS THUMBS UP. REALISING THAT ANDREW WAS THE ONE WHO KILLED AMBER THEY BOTH LOOK SHOCKED. JOHN INTERRUPTS THIS MOMENT.

JOHN
Oh, Indian man. I promised you Action Comics #1. Here you go.

ALL THOUGHT OF AMBER’S MURDER VANISHES AS PRADESH SMILES EAGERLY. JOHN GIVES PRADESH A PIECE OF PAPER AND PRADESH LOOKS AT IT. ON THE COVER IS A VERY CRUDELY DRAWN MAN WITH A TITLE WRITTEN WITH VERY BAD HANDWRITING SAYS “ACTION COMICS #1: BY JOHN BOLTON” PRADESH EXTREMELY ANGRY. HE OPENS UP THE ONE PAGE COMIC BOOK AND SEES THE ONLY PICTURE IS A TERRIBLY DRAWN MAN PUNCHING ANOTHER TERRIBLY DRAWN MAN. DOWN THE BOTTOM IT SAYS “Drawn and written by John Bolton.” WE SEE PRADESH’S FACE AS HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS ABOUT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE AND-

FADE TO CREDITS

[Fox Executive]

Great work! Man, you really are a great writer!

[hammster]

Excellent stuff!

[SIR oinks alot]

finished the 3rd act with a slight twist. anyways heres the whole thing. Wheres my 15 bucks?!?!

Behind the scenes episode 2(or 3 or 4)

Heart attack pun

Written by Andrew A. Lee



(an episode of “jesus controls the universe” is on)

Jesus(at the convience store):
hey robin! How are things?

(robin then knocks a pile of cans over)

Jesus:
you idiot! Why did you do that?

Robin:
I dunno.

(the TV turns off and its revealed that mulder and john are watching it in mulder’s office)


Mulder:
what the heck is this?!?!

John:
you like it? I wrote it myself.

Mulder:
this is worse than that episode where Robin fights a chicken, I mean, it was funny for like 2 minutes, then it goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on-

John:
shut up! its not my fault! its those damneded writers. albert, seth, andrew, laptop chick and mr. minority. we should fire at least 1 of them.

Mulder:
ratings are going down the toilet. And if you don’t start improving those episodes, than I’ll have no choice than replace your show with that reality show where all those obese monkey’s lose weight.

John:
WHAT? NO! YOU CANT DO THIS!

mulder:
Oh, but I can. You have no idea how fat monkeys can get. Anyway, if you wanna keep your show, start to write some actual jokes, goddamnit.

john:
alright FINE! we are gonna write the best episode the world has ever seen!

(john is driving his car angrilly)

John:
geez that ass makes me so angry. maybe some music will help.

(the song "ode to joy" starts playing and he punches the radio angrilly)

john:
AHHH! my hand! my useful, useful hand!

(john drives up to the parking lot, while running over a "handicap only" sign)


(the staff are enjoying thier own company by hitting each other with baseball bats)


albert:
OW!AHAHAHAHHA! ow! OW! hahahahha!

John:
what are you doing?

Pradesh:
We're passing our time with America's favourite pastime.

John:
For the love of God, quit koshering and get to work!

John:
ok, the title of this episode “best episode ever(or how john Bolton won the fucking emmy!) you! sandy! Write that down!

Sandy:
great title mr. bolton!

Seth:
ok, like usual, we start with the gang at a random place like a circus or something. Is a circus ok with everyone?

John:
I HATE THE CIRCUS!I HATE THE CLOWNS, THE uh- FUCKING ELEPHANTS!(now you could hear johns heart which is beating quickly. thump thump thumpthump)

seth:
hmmmmmm... alright, lets have them at robins house where-

JOhn:
tahts too god damn pridictable! lets have them at a random place, like uh- the circus!

seth:
but I just said the-

John:
OF COURSE I SAID IT! didnt you hear me?!?!(thump thump thump thump thump thumpthumpthump)

pradesh:
ok, lets start with Robin saying the line " ahhh... the circus. the only place where its OK to discriminate freaks...."

(everyone in the room starts laughing)


John:
Yeah yeah.... eh heh heh... you should be a TV writer

(dan enters the room)


dan:
I dont like this script! there are too many jabs a canada! and my lawyer's from canada!

Andrew:
alright, we dont have to resort to violence, so lets-

(john throws a bat at dan)


john:
VIOLENCE RESORTED!

dan:
your gonna hear from my canadian lawyer!

(sandy shuts the door)

John:
what the hell people? how is John bolton gonna win a fucking emmy with this half assed laziness?

albert:
we are trying the best of our ability!

John:
shut up! your fired!

albert:
you cant fire me! I quit!

john:
too bad! I fired you first!

albert(whispering):
jackass.

John:
LET THAT BE A LESSON TO ALL OF YOU!(thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP) CAUSE I AM- CAN YOU TEST THE SOUND EFFECTS LATER?!?!

sandy:
sorry mr. bolton.

John:
THATS JOHN TO YOU! (cracking noise then john has a heart attack)

john:
heart...stopping....must....think......of.....clever.....las t.....words........ah, screw it.

(john collapses)

END OF ACT 1

(INT OF HOSPITAL, JOHN IS ON A HOSPITAL BED LOOKING ANGRY)

doctor:

no sir.

(the staff enters the room of the hospital)

everone except john(halfheartly):

thank god...

john:

About fucking time! this doctor is trying to fucking kill me!

(flashback to earlier)

John:

ahh! what the hell is that? are you trying to kill me?!?!

doctor:

this is a stethoscope.

john:

oh, I knew that. I'm not an idiot. are you implying I'm a idiot?!

(akward pause)

(flashback over)

john:

YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!

Albert:

uh, no. You brought this upon yourself for being such an over douche!

pradesh:

as that one guy from "my name is earl" once said " what goes around comes around".

John: Shut up Pradaladadingdong! I WAS STRESSED BECUASE THAT ASSHOLE MULDER WAS GONNA CANCEL US AND REPLACE US WITH OBESE MONKEYS! YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT WOULD BE FOR US?

Andrew:

awwww..... he does care!

John:

I'M A GODDAMN TV WRITER! I DONT FEEL LOVE!

Doctor:

calm down sir! If you have another heart attack you'll probrably die, so I suggest you take a vacation to someplace tropical.

john:

but... my show will suffer without me! who's gonna run it, HIM?

(john points to seth)

Doctor: get a writer to run the show for you, it will just be for a while.

John:

alright, in my absence, seth is in charge.

Seth:

oh.... joy.....

(the staff all leaves)

John:

can I have some morphime?

doctor:

no. I can give you a sticker though.

John:

dont give me the spiderman one. I hate spiderman.

(CUTS TO WRITERS ROOM)

Seth:
So I’m in charge huh? I can make the show go in any direction I want?

Pradesh:
That’s how I took it.

Seth:
Alright. Any ideas for an episode?

Pradesh:
What if Jesus goes back in a time machine and meets the actual Jesus Christ and then he injures Jesus and Jesus has to replace Jesus?

Seth:
You had me at the word Jesus.

(dan Enters the room)

Dan:
Seth, this script “best episode ever: or how I won the freaking emmy”, is awful! For starters you only have one line!

Seth(holding a baseball bat):
Shut up you versatile son of a b- sigh….. I can’t do it. I’m just not that cold hearted.

Albert:
Not cold hearted?! You turned in those Mexican immigrants to the police when they needed your help!

Seth(muttering to himself):
I thought you were fired.(speaking to dan) Anyways, heres 40,000 dollars. Stop complaining.

Dan(running out):
I love this show!

Seth:
Alright, you guys just keep on writing, And I’ll go check on upstairs.

Pradesh:
I don’t care.

(he goes to the AD and see’s david goldman talking to a animator)

David:
Do you enjoy small talk?
Animator:
Eh.

David:
Oh hey Seth buddy! Is john gonna be OK?

Seth:
Oh yeah sure, he’s fine.

David:
Good for him. Anyways, I was gonna ask for a favor…… Can I have some money?

Seth:
What?!?! I’m a writer for gods sake! I only make 60,000 dollars an episode! What am I, made of money?

David:
I wish.

(they both enjoy a hearty laugh)

David:
But seriously though, give me some money or I quit.

(all of them are in the writers room)

Albert:
I cant believe I’m saying this, but I almost kind of miss John.

Pradesh:
Yeah…I kinda almost miss him too….. good times…..

(flashback to earlier, a parody of “the public enemy” Pradesh is at a breakfast table with John(who is in a bathrobe) )

Pradesh:
You’re the best boss that anyone in the entertainment industry could ask for.

(john smashes a grapefruit in his face)

(PRESENT DAY)

Sandy:
Maybe we could stage an intervention in hawaii, you know to get john back.


Seth:
Hey! Yeah! Now this is what I pay you for! The staff of “jesus controls the universe is going to Hawaii!”

(Andrew runs in, late)

Andrew:
Sorry I’m late, I ate too many hot pockets and had diarrhea. What did I miss?!

Seth:
Actually we were going out to……uh……Lunch.so have a special assignment for you. you stay here and write storylines and ideas.

Andrew:
Oh…… ok…….

(they all leave)

Andrew:
Have a good lunch!

END OF ACT 2

START OF ACT 3



(the staff is on a plane)

Pradesh:
I'll have a raspberry fonz please. thank you.

Seth:
alright, once we are in hawaii, Albert will lure john into our hotel, and once he's there, We convince John to come back by showing him how much we miss him....Then we put this ether soaked hankerchief to his face and force him in this oversized box.

Sandy:
But Hawaii is so big! we wont know where to start!

Seth:
Dont worry, John oughta be in hawaii somewhere!

(on the bottom of the screen, "meanwhile, 2 weeks ago")

(John is at the airport, he walks to a desk)

John:
hey ladyface, does this plane go to hawaii?

Airplane lady:
Actually, this plane goes to north korea-

John:
shut your woman hole! which is your mouth!

(John boards the place)

(present day)

Seth:
I dont understand.... where the hell is Albert and John? its been 5 hours!

Sandy:
yes, you said that.

Seth:
just bored is all.

(Albert enters the room)

Albert:
I cant find John anywhere! I even check-

(Pradesh puts the ether hankerchief on Alberts face and he falls over unconcious)

Pradesh:
OH NO! What have I done?!?! hey, this hankerchief smells funny.....ohhhhhh.......

(pradesh falls over)

Seth:
I dont know what I was thinking... this was a failure.....lets go home.....

(They stuff Albert and Pradesh in a box and seth pushes The box outside, And then sandy grabs as much stuff from the hotel room as possible then runs out)

(meanwhile at the writers room, Andrew is in the writers room alone)

Andrew:
Then lets have Robin fart into a cantaloupe! ahahahahah!

(john enters to room)

John:
those "hawaiians" sure know how to live!

(emptys a suitcase full of coal and salt)

John:
hey, where the shit is everyone?

Andrew:
I'm here! doesnt that count?

John:
no one! At all! none! especially not even andrew!

(john just sits down for a while)

John:
Eh, who fucking needs them? I write a great episode all by myself!

John(imitating pradesh):
I'm hindu! karma karma karma! I like eating monkey brains!

John(as himself):
shut up! sandy! write that down!

John(as sandy):
sure thing mr bolton!

John:
ohhhhhhhh, its just not the same..... I cant believe I'm saying this, but I almost kinda missed them....

Andrew:
HAAHAHHAHA! now do robin willians!

(on the airplane, The whole staff is sleeping except Seth, who is looking out the window, he starts singing dianna roses/lionel ritchies "endless love")

Seth:
no one can deny....

(john is alone in the writers room in a Xtra large T-shirt and boxers with many boxes of chinese food on the floor)

John(singing):
the love I have inside....

Seth(singing)
I give it all to you....

Both(singing):
my love,
my love,
MY endless looooovee.....

(john starts crying)

John:
I hate that song..... so much....

(the next day)

(john is in the writers room talking to Andrew)

Andrew:
chiken soup eh?

(The staff comes in the writers room)

John:
seth? andrew? laptop chick? MR MINORITY! YOU CAME BACK FOR ME!

Sandy:
group hug everybody!

(the audience goes awwwwwwwww)

Albert:
its good to be back.....

john:
your still fired. ew what the hell you guys?? what are you trying to do, give me herpes?!?! shut up all of you!

FADE TO CREDITS

[SIR oinks alot]

episode ideas:
1. a format bending episode of where the whole episode is a mock-documentary(not quite a documentary) of the history of "jesus controls the universe"

2.John starts dating a supermodel and then John turns really nice and cheery like, But the rest of the staff think she sucks, so they try to break him up with her, and they suceed, and then john becomes all mopey and sad, and then they realise they belong together, so they get them back together, then John gets all tired of her and breaks up with her and he becomes the jerkass he usually is.

3. I dont have very much details, but, we should have an episode with many plots going on at once, like a episode of arrested development, or like that episode trilogy of error.

4. a slight rip off of lemon of troy, andrew, seth and sandy and albert sneak to a rival show that they stole the idea for the show from to steal more ideas and storylines.

I cant really work on episodes for a while, because of school and also the fact that i'm developing my own sitcom(its about a corrupt beurocratic high school newspaper staff), so I'll get some more writers back here to write episodes.

[Fox Executive]

I like all of your ideas, but I think 3 would be extremely hard to write. If you think about ToE, everything has to be planned perfectly and writing something like that could take weeks.
1 could be pretty funny, specially if we mock typical documentary elements
2 is just awesome, simply a fantastic plot. Could be both funny and pretty emotional.
4 could also work great and it also allows us to come up with another show. Maybe the battle between the staff of both shows can be an ongoing gag in the series.

[SIR oinks alot]

well this is progressing nicely so i decided to bump this thread

1. I really hate my 3rd act alot and I was just trying to have a 3rd act twist but that didnt turn out very goodly, so I may rewrite it later

2. there should be a joke where fans are complaining " the show's quality has been declining since the 3rd episode"