I can answer the 1rst 1.
yea we are writing the pilot then making these 2 sperate threads.
and #4 seems like a good idea
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I can answer the 1rst 1.
yea we are writing the pilot then making these 2 sperate threads.
and #4 seems like a good idea
“On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.”
I gave Cecilia Jeremy's sexual harassment line while I was piecing the final draft together, tell me if it was a bad idea.EXT. BEAUTIFUL EARTH - DAY
MUSIC: "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
CLOSE UP of a gorgeous BUTTERFLY fluttering around ravishing
outdoor scenery. The opening credits appear over this.
Once the titles are done, the music is interrupted by a
blast. The butterfly is shot in the head and rockets down to
the Earth in front of its killers, DAVID and CECILIA.
EXT. SCORCHED EARTH - DAY
It's revealed the butterfly was actually a huge demon
butterfly fluttering in front of an old billboard with
pretty scenery on it as it now lay on the dirty, demolished
earth before our protagonists. David sticks a knife in the
body and begins to gut it.
(even though they're the only
two people within like a mile,
a little nervous)
(a little surprised to hear
How far are we from the Proeliator
Well, I haven't been keeping much
track, but probably a little less
than a mile I'd say. The butterfly
means that we've gotten to the
radiation site, so I know we're
close. You want to see your cousin,
Well I don't even know her that
well to be honest. We only ever met
on the holidays. And of course, the
Shyeah. Don't even remind me of
What? No, I don't really care. You
apologize too much.
Don't worry about Laura. The
blood-soaked shark demon we got the
tip from in Utah looked like an
I guess you're right.
David smirks to himself.
Do you like her?
I hate her goddamn guts. Course I
like her, that's why we're dating.
(beat) Or at least we were, before
this apocalyptic dreamland came
Do you love her?
I honestly don't know her that well
either. But the way I see it, we
have to want something now that
we're back here. Right? Goddamn,
this is the most I've ever heard
you talk. It's nice.
She shuts up.
You know I think your boyfriend is
full of shit about seeing dogs.
Probably why he's taking so long
with his hunt. The dogs can
probably hunt him better than he
can hunt them. (starts tugging on
something in the body) Aaaaannnd...
(yanks out an organ) dinner!
EXT. SCORCHED EARTH - NIGHT
They cook the organ over a fire, not a traditional one, but
over a crack in the ground where occasional geysers of
flames burst out. It only takes one burst and David blows it
out. It's burnt to a crisp.
And here we go. Gourmet demon
intestines cooked to perfection.
How about really BIG demon
intestines cooked to perfection?!
Pan over to Cecelia's boyfriend, JEREMY, who is hauling an
enormous DEMON on a cart, deceased and ready for the
Well that's the biggest fuckin' dog
I've ever seen.
Yeah, I was following the dogs,
then I saw this beast sleeping in a
cave, so I just plugged him. I
think it used to be a ferret. And a
nearby village was so grateful they
threw him on a cart and helped me
push him halfway here. I believe
they used to call him The Almighty
El Nichi. Go figure. It. Was.
This really is great, and we could
have it in the morning too, so we
can have some energy in us when we
see the Proeliators.
Why would we need energy for that?
Well, Jeremy, our good friends the
Proeliators are supposedly not so
friendly. And by not so friendly I
mean they don't care for outsiders.
And by they don't care for
outsiders I mean they're psychotic
That's why Laura went there. She
wanted to go there and use her
charm to tame them, get to know
them better. Then once she had
their trust she would use the
Proeliators for transportation
purposes, the leather armor on
their backs serving as a cushy seat
- a saddle, if you will - to get
across the land to find a stable
home in a stable neighborhood, mate
with the Proeliators; ipso facto,
David and Jeremy stare back in astoundment.
Yeah, I'm thinking no. She probably
just wanted to see if they'd help
her find food.
Who cares? Let's eat, let's eat,
EXT. PROELIATOR VILLAGE - DAY
David, Cecilia, and Jeremy stand at the gate, being told off
by the GUARD.
You may not see Princess Laura at
(relaxed, but mildly offended)
Pfft. You don't tell us what we
can't do, asshole.
Alright Jeremy, don't go crazy now.
Well we should do something, like
that eeehh... Jason Statham. See,
when things got him down, he did
something about it.
Don't mind him, he has crabs. (to J
and C) Come on, people.
He leads them around to the side of the small wall of
plywood and barbed wire surrounding the tiny village.
There is always a way around. And
not just walls, but everything.
Including sexual harassment
He inspects the other side of the wall, then gives the wood
a little tug, unsuccessful. He kicks it in instead.
INT. PROELIATOR VILLAGE
They crawl in through the hole in the wall.
We should split up!
The three all walk toward the middle and lightly knock into
EXT. HUT ROOF
Cecilia is tiptoeing across the roof and stops on the
"sunroof" of the house, a glass mirror on the ceiling. She
sees a PROELIATOR praying in his home. The glass starts to
crack and she quickly hops off onto the solid wooden roof.
She smiles in triumph. The wooden part of the roof
immediately gives and she falls to the floor of the hut.
The Proeliator looks at her with an enraged glare. He grabs
her by the throat and holds her against the wall, facing
him. While running short of air, she starts feeling at a
shelf nearby for a possible weapon. She feels a silencer.
Perfect. She uses the silencer to shoot into the glass case
next to the shelf and grab a stuffed giraffe out of it. She
ties the giraffe's neck around the Proeliator's throat and a
choking match ensues. Cecilia is inevitably the victor. She
hugs the stuffed giraffe affectionately.
David, sneaking from window to window, each Proeliator doing
something embarrassing, until he bumps into Cecilia,
obviously startling the both of them.
So I take it you've already found
Yeah, funny. There are two guards
over by that hut. It makes sense
that she'd be in there. Help me
take them out.
Alright, let's do it quickly...
(top of lungs)
HEY GUYS, I FOUND HER! COME QUICK!
RIGHT IN HERE!
The guards turn and see the two, who quickly take off for
the hut Jeremy's in.
INT. ROYAL HUT
They run in in excitement, then stop and their smiles fade.
On a table lay Laura's horrifically mangled and disfigured
corpse, pounded, cut, and shot to a bloody pulp. Next to it,
Jeremy with his hands enthusiastically presenting it, proud
You're not gonna believe this! It
turns out that when the Proeliators
find one they consider royalty,
they sacrifice them to God to help
ensure getting into Heaven once
they die. Isn't that great that we
Come on, let's go before they
That seems a little high and
mighty. You don't know they'll
consider you royalty.
EXT. ROYAL HUT
One of the guards runs up and quickly opens the door. All
that's inside is the head of the stuffed giraffe on one of
the corpse's exposed bones. Opening the door pulls a string
that sets off a crudely made spring-loaded pulley that
shoots the bone with the head on it at the doorway and goes
through the guard's throat.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
MUSIC: Feelin' Blue by Creedence Clearwater Revival
David, Cecilia, and Jeremy are downing some beers. Some
drunken WHORE is hitting on David, intrigued by his demonic
parts, including small spikes and claws on his body.
Wow... so you have both human and
Wow! How did you do that?
Well remember how before two months
ago, we were all rotting in hell,
being tortured, experimented on,
and torn apart by demons and
Lucifer himself for a thousand year
span? I think that was it.
Oh yeah! Haha, I'm really drunk, so
I'm not making any sense!
Don't give yourself too much credit
Do you wanna go around back and
help me with something?
Uh, as fun as chlamydia sounds, I
think I'll pass.
At the other end of the bar...
So after I kill the beast, I saw
off what I think is a tree attached
to it, for wood burning, y'know?
Turns out- it was the beast's
schlong! Aw man, you woulda loved
Cecilia returns a blank stare. David, a little more loose,
comes between them to break up the awkward moment.
What are you telling her about the
penis? Yeah, I heard it was huge.
It was bigger than yours, Ceci.
(beat) I'm just kidding, yours is
He heads off to the can.
INT. MALE LAVATORY
David is peeing at a urinal, which is basically a
Porta-John. He gets a piss shiver and zips up. He goes to
use the sink, which is just a faucet, as it slowly runs a
disgusting muddy ooze. He decides he'd rather not risk
dangerous contamination while attempting to clean his hands
in a poetically ironic twist and walks out.
Jeremy continues his story, now with many women surrounding
him, enthralled by his tale contrasting Cecilia's lack of
amusement in the tale. A rather weiner-like demon approaches
(with a surprisingly refined
Hey there, lovely. Might I be so
inclined to buy you a drink?
No thank you.
Lemme rephrase that. Might I be so
inclined to take you to the back of
the bar and give you one hell of a
twenty minutes, maybe some names
are shouted, some juices are
No thank you.
Hey, what's going on over there?
Nobody asked you.
No, I'm asking YOU. What are you
saying to my girlfriend, you damn
Just having a tiny bit of fun!
"Tiny bit of fun?" Is that your
nickname for it?
Who the fuck is this guy?
Come on, just pack it in dude
before you embarass yourself.
Don't tell me what do!
He nudges David.
Don't touch me.
Don't tell me what to do!
Well don't touch me!
The demon lightly pokes him between the eyes.
Touch. Touch, touch, touch.
David punches him in the face and he goes down, being kinda
little and stuff.
Ooow, dammit! What is with you
humans? What the hell is wrong with
You spend all this time in Hell and
then you get out you still sin, you
go around killing people to avoid
dying and going back there but
you're gonna die anyway someday!
(beat) Take it from someone who
worked there, confessing in a
church isn't gonna do shit for what
you've been doing. Get over
yourselves and your egos and enjoy
this while you can.
David, already tipsy, takes this surprisingly true
philosophy in. But then the demon breaks his noble streak.
You stupid... pieces of crap!
What an idiot, things are gonna be
awesome, he doesn't know what he's
David gets thinking, which is never a good thing, and rushes
back over to the bar.
MUSIC: "House of the Rising Sun" by The Animals
David starts drinking more. Like a lot more.
EXT. RUN-DOWN CHURCH
David stands outside the building hurling rocks at it,
occasionally smashing a window as images flash of the events
that occurred on each impact. He curses God for having
neglected the humans, who were supposed to be his children.
Why? What was the point of cleaning
up? Why didn't you just let us stay
there if you were gonna do such a
shitty job? Why?! What was the
Cecilia comes up to him once the dust settles.
It's not the worst...
It is. This is it, this our
vacation from that place. And
there's nothing we can do to escape
it short of maybe doing something
huge like saving the world, because
we're not doing anything wrong! All
based on technicalities. Everything
has to be based on fucking
technicalities. Is it so awful to
excercise common sense? Have you
ever heard that story about the
peole who prayed in a church after
an earthquake, and the goddamn
church just, poof, collapsed on
them. Poof. Well, not so much
"poof" as much as >replicated sound
of what a church would sound like
crashing and collapsing on itself<
All about being in the right place
at the right time, or the wrong
place at the wrong time.
Well then... we'll just have to do
something huge, won't we?
Yep. I guess we will.
MUSIC: "Top of the World" by The Carpenters
PAN OUT as David and Cecilia look upon the unpromising
landscape that is their tragic future.
Hey the church bell still works!
He begins ringing it.
Ceci, don't think about stuff. It
hurts too much.
First of all, I'm sorry that I haven't been around for quite some time. My computer died and the internet connection on this old laptop is (painintheass)^3. It took me about 15 minutes to read everything that has been said since my last visit here and I gotta say that I really like your script, HappyPalooza. I'm really looking forward to whether or not our animation department can 'do justice' to the brilliant story
As for the other idea, I thought Green Man finished it, but he seems to have vanished. I think I posted what I have done so far on page 12, 13 or 14. If anyone has the time, you're welcome to rewrite and complete it. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't really like my script. HappyPalooza added a very funny scene about the guys in the room talking about 'niggers'. That was awesome.
1. I think we should do the pilot first, but if anyone has an awesome idea for another script, write on. (did you get that pun? that was awesome. could've been from Seth himself)1. Are we writing/making the pilot first then planning the rest or are we making a few at the same time?
2. I imagined John Bolton as some what of an alcoholic and a little bit of a player (Not Quagmire/Barney Stinson kind of player but you'll often see him with different women.) Is that at all what you had in mind Fox?
3. How Old is Hiroshi? I didn't see an age.
4. I know it's kind of cliche but do they have a rival TV show or something along those lines?
5. What Station does the show air on? or do we never find out?
2. Yes, pretty much. but I'm Bender drew a great design of him a couple of pages back. I also imagined that he could be the go to guy if you want do do any sexist jokes or, well, jokes that shouldn't be on TV.
3. Oops, forgot that. I imagine him being a really hard-working guy in his forties. Maybe 46, maybe a bit younger. But he's not supposed to appear that often, so... Well, anyway, we can figure that stuff out when we actually use the character.
4. I haven't thought of that, but I guess not. Because
5. I think the show should be on Adult Swim and their shows are late at night, where other networks don't really have new shows anymore. But if we need to change it, we can. I don't think the station or timeslot of the show has been mentioned in the pilot so far.
Anyway, I just wanted to say a big thank you to all of you who are working on these projects. Both shows have a lot of potential and I'm really looking forward to the product. Just the idea of our own show is sooo exciting!
PS: I talked to my computer guy and he said that he'll be finished repairing my computer in a little bit more than a week. I hope I'll be back to my regular posting soon...
Okay if no-one has makes any objections by tomorrow I'll create the thread for the post-apocalyptic premise.
whens green man gonna write the rest of the thingy?
threw in a few jokes, and spelled checked it
2nd floor, room 218, writers’ room
The writers (John, Seth, Albert, Pradesh and Sandy) are sitting in the writers’ room. They are rewriting a script.
Script cover: “There’s something about Mary and Joseph, written and directed by Albert Donovan”.
John: All right, so why don’t we go to page 19. I don’t like this dialogue between Robin and Stephanie. Albert, why exactly is Robin yelling “You go, girl”?
Albert: Because he thinks she likes those feminist daytime talk shows. The joke is that every woman automatically loves those.
John: Yeah, I get it, I’m not stupid. Are you saying I’m stupid?
Albert stares at him for a while.
Albert: No, sir.
John: Ok, now maybe we should add another joke about that—
Albert (whispering): Jackass.
John: --because it just seems so out of the blue right now.
Seth: What about this: Robin yells out “oh shit! The British are coming!” and then we cut to commercials.
Sandy (who is typing on her laptop): I like it!
John: Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I like it too. Albert?
Albert: It’s all right, why not.
John: Great! Sandy, write that down.
John seems to be searching a certain page on the script.
John: Ok, another thing is Robin saying ‘nigger’ on page 31. Our dearest friend Steven Mulder threatened to bleep it out.
Seth: Really? That f****** (bleeped out) bastard. You know what, let’s keep it in there. If he bleeps it out, our viewers will have another reason to buy the complete and uncensored season on DVD.
John: Well, yeah, but…
The door is suddenly opening and John ends his sentence. Dan Verducci enters.
Dan: What did I hear? You have my character say ‘nigger’? Seriously, ‘nigger’? No white guy should be allowed to say ‘nigger’ on TV.
(close up on sandy, who is just sitting there)
Albert: Oh, so is it ok for a black guy to say nigger?
Dan: Uh, well, no. But that’s beside the point.
Pradesh: Calm down, Mr. Verducci. Mr. Mulder told Mr. Bolton that he will bleep it out if we don’t cut it.
John (a little angry): For the last time, don’t call me Mr. Bolton. It’s John to you.
Pradesh: All right, John. You can just keep on calling me Prad…
Now Pradesh is interrupted by Dan Verducci.
Dan: Shut up, karma boy, adults are talking! So, John, is it true what Mr. Chocolate here just said?
John: Yes, it is. But Seth had the idea that we keep it and let Mulder bleep it out, but it will be uncensored on the DVD.
Dan: You must be kidding. Think of all the children that will repeat this nasty word.
Seth: Oh come on. Kids hear that everyday at school.
John: You know what, I’ve had enough of this. Sandy, can you please bring the trash out?
Sandy: Sure thing, Mr. Bolton!
Sandy takes a black trash bag that was lying in the corner and leaves the room. As she is leaving John says:
John: Thank you Sandy, that was starting to annoy me. Now Dan, I think this conversation has gone on long enough. This is happening either you like it or not.
Sandy comes back.
Sandy: Oh, and Mr Verducci, there’s a guy asking for you downstairs. He didn’t say what it was about.
Dan: Ok, I’m on my way. But gentlemen, but believe me when I say this isn’t over yet. I will…
Sandy closes the door and interrupts Mr Verducci.
John: Thank you again Sandy. Anyway, Albert, how are things going on floor 4? (NOTE: the 4th floor is home to the animation department)
Albert: Everything’s going as planned. The episode shouldn’t be a big problem to animate. We’re currently working on some backgrounds.
John: Great, let’s go to the AD right now. I have to talk to David.
Albert: And if you want, you can check out our work so far.
John: Uh, yeah sure. You guys just stay here and think of new ideas for episodes. Sandy, you write them down. And please, guys, try to keep the place clean. Mr. White will come in for a job interview tomorrow and I would really like it if it looks like a writers’ room and not like a writers’ restroom. Seth, during my absent you’re in charge.
Seth (sarcastic): Woohoo.
John and Albert leave through the front door.
Seth: So I’m the boss now, uh?
Everyone stays quiet for a while.
Seth: I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat.
Everyone gets up. As they are about to leave Andrew comes in.
Andrew: Sorry I’m late. My car broke down and I had to think of a funny excuse. What did I miss?
Seth: Actually, you’re just in time. We’re going to eat now, but john has asked you to do something special for him.
Andrew (happily): Really? What?
Seth: He wants you to stay here, and think of new ideas for episodes--
Sandy: And write everything down!
Andrew: Oh, ok.
Andrew: Have a good lunch!
2nd floor, room 218, writers’ room
Andrew: So this is really happening? Daniel White is coming here?
Pradesh: Yes. Mr. Bolton, I mean John told us to keep the place clean so that won’t think we are some kind of lousy show.
Andrew: I don’t like John. He always acts like he’s the boss and we’re stupid little children.
Seth enters the room and has apparently heard what they’ve been saying.
Seth: Well, he is the boss and you guys are children. So let’s just do what he said.
Pradesh: All right, fine. But Seth, did you really have lunch in this short time?
Seth: No, of course not. When I came out of the elevator, I saw Dan and I immediately turned around.
Andrew: Then what have you been doing until now?
Seth: I was masturbating, all right? Now can we please get back to work?
Andrew: Way to take matters into your own hands, Seth.
Seth: Shut up, old man. So, have you guys had an idea yet?
Pradesh: Actually yes.
Seth: Do tell.
Pradesh: Ok, here’s the idea. Let’s do a show where Jesus gets a talk show on Telemundo. He becomes really popular and goes on to replace Conan on The Tonight Show. Good chance to do insider jokes right there. But then, he accidentally says ‘shit’ while commenting on a clip of Adam Sandler’s latest movie. So NBC fires him and he returns home.
Seth: Fantastic! Seriously, that’s great stuff! But I’m not sure about the ending.
Pradesh: Yes, I know. We didn’t really have the time to come up with one.
Seth: All right, but we can do this now. So, he gets fired and somehow, everything has to get back to normal. Let’s not forget the time, guys. The whole talk show-thing will most likely fill the entire episode.
Andrew: What about a two-parter?
Seth: I’m not sure John would like that. Besides, we’ve never done a two-parter before.
Andrew: Well, then it’s high time to do one, right? We’re in our 4th season. We should try something new for once.
Seth: We’ll keep it as an option. But let’s try to come up with a short and simple ending.
Pradesh: That’s THE idea, Seth! Let’s make fun of the fact that we don’t have enough time to do a proper ending for the show. Jesus can say something like “And we’re out of time. See you next week, when everything is back to normal”.
Seth: Pradesh, you magnificent bastard, that’s it! Write that down, Sandy. Sorry, Andrew, it looks like you’ll have to wait a little with your two-parter. We have to tell John about this.
Andrew: Where the hell is John, anyway?
Seth: He went to see David a couple of minutes ago.
Andrew: What did he want from him?
Seth (getting a little angry): I don’t know, Andrew! Who do you think I am, Jesus Christ superstar? Do you think I can see and hear everything that’s happening in the world?
Andrew: Well… I always thought you were an atheist.
Seth (sarcastic): Oh right, how could I forget? You know what you should do, Andrew? You should go to him and tell him that we have a potential Emmy-winner here. Go tell him that.
Andrew: All right, I will. Then I’ll see you guys later.
Andrew leaves, Sandy is still typing on her laptop.
2nd floor, room 204, restrooms
John is standing in front of the mirror and is looking at himself.
John (angry and probably a bit crazy): Yeah, you da man! Who’s the boss here? You! And who is treated like crap here? You! This is not fair, damnit! Not fair!
John walks into the only shitting booth in the bathroom and locks the door.
John: Great! Someone used up the last roll of toilet paper! Goddamnit!
John unlocks the door, walks out and goes back to talking to himself.
John (tries to calm down): All right, Johnny boy, let’s go back to the room.
John (now getting angry again): And if someone pisses me off again, I swear to god…
The janitor walks in and John immediately stops talking. John is really surprised and confused by this.
John: Oh, it’s you… good… good that you’re here, mister… We’re out of toilet paper.
John looks like he’s going to say something else, but then he quickly walks out.
2nd floor, room 218, writers’ room
John stands in front of the door of the room and tries to look normal, then he enters.
Pradesh: …but I don’t think…
He is interrupted by John’s entrance.
Seth: John, great you’re finally back! We’ve got a new episode! Our very own Pradesh here…
He slaps Pradesh on the shoulder and Pradesh smiles in embarrassment.
Seth: …has come up with what might turn out to be one of our greatest episodes ever. It’s about…
Seth turns around and looks directly into the camera.
Seth: You know, you guys really don’t need to hear all of this again, why don’t you guys go upstairs and check on David?
4th floor, room 401, animation department
Animators are sitting behind their desks, David Goldman, the director, is standing next to one desk and talks to the animator sitting behind it.
David: Could you make him a little more Jewish? I fell like curly hair isn’t enough.
David: Uhmm... Just give him glasses.
The animator draws something.
David: There we go, that’s it. Good work, Ken, you can send this to the room. Ok, listen up everyone, I have to make a phone call, if anyone needs me, I’ll be in my office.
David walks across the room and enters his office.
4th floor, room 403, David Goldman’s office
He sits down behind his desk, picks up the phone and dials a number.
Man on the phone: O’Neill.
David: Ed, it’s me, David Goldman… you know the director on Jesus.
Ed: Oh, yeah, right, of course. Sorry, I had a little blackout there.
David: That’s all right. Now Ed, I wanted to ask you something. Would you be interested in doing the voice of another character for an upcoming episode? We were going to ask Dan, but he’s been such an ass lately and you have a better voice, anyway.
Ed: Of course, I’d be delighted to do it. So, what does that guy do?
David: Who? Dan?
Ed: No, that character you were talking about.
David: Nothing special, he’s just a Jewish guy that is trying to convert Jesus. That’s a good joke right there, you know, because Jesus already is Jewish.
David: Seriously, Jesus learns to know about Judaism and wants to join the religion, but of course, Maria doesn’t like him and together with Father Ruiz, she tries to win him back.
Ed: Sounds great! So I’ll be doing Jesus and a Jew in this episode.
David: Yes, exactly.
Ed: Great! Can’t wait for the taping!
David: Great, Ed! I’ll see you tomorrow, then.
Ed: All right, David, bye.
David hangs up the phone, but starts dialing another number. But nobody picks it up.
Machine (to the tune of Mozart’s ‘Eine kleine Nachtmusik’, aka Serenade No. 13 in G major):
Dan Verdu-cci is not here right now | but just re-lax and don’t have a cow. | Call me, or try to text me, or just visit me, or you can leave me | a kick-ass me-ssage after the beep. BEEP!
But after the beep, the music continues for another couple of seconds.
David: Dan, it’s me, David Goldman. I just wanted to remind you that we’ll have a recording session tomorrow at 10 am. Hop you’ll have a nice evening and see you then. Bye.
David hangs up the phone, gets out of his chair, walks out of his office and talks to Albert.
4th floor, room 401, animation department
David: Hey Al, do you mind watching my guys for a couple of minutes? I have to go to the room and talk to John.
Albert: No, not at all, but can you please tell the guys in the room that I’ll be here for the rest of the day? We still have a lot to do here.
David: Yeah, sure, I’ll do that.
4th floor, hallway
David walks out of the room and into the hallway. He walks straight up to the elevator and pushes the button. The elevator comes up from the 2nd floor. When the elevator comes, David notices that Andrew is in it.
David: Hey, Andrew.
Andrew: Hi Dave. Hey, have you seen John?
David: Yeah, he left the AD a couple of minutes ago. I think he went back to the room.
Andrew: Then I guess I’ll go down with you.
Andrew pushes the button for the second floor and the doors close
David: So… have you seen any good movies lately?
The elevator arrives on the 2nd floor.
David: Thank god we don’t work in a tall building.
The two of them walk out of the elevator.
2nd floor, hallway
the two of them walk and talk.
Andrew: So what did John want from you?
David: We were talking about Daniel White.
Andrew: Really? You too? Did he tell you to (imitating John) “keep the place clean”?
David: Yes, exactly! Man, he can be such a douche.
Andrew: Yeah! Who does this White think he is, anyway?
David: What? You don’t know Mr. White?
Andrew: No. Is he someone I should know?
David: One might say that, yes.
The two of them are now standing in front of room 218.
David: Thank god we don’t work in a big building, either.
They decide to walk in without knocking first.
2nd floor, room 218, writers’ room
John is standing next to the (Mexican) janitor and apparently giving a speech of some sort, except for him and the janitor, everybody else is sitting.
John: I understand what its like to be a minority and… Oh, hey you two, have a seat.
Andrew and David look at each other, because there’s no empty chair left in the room. Ultimately, they decide to sit down on the floor.
John: I was just giving a lecture on how messy you guys are. I was just talking to my amigo here. As some of you may know, he’s the guy who’s responsible for the cleaning here and he’s, let me quote you (in a Spanish accent) no happy with cleaning! (back to normal speaking voice) That is why today, I, John Francis Bolton, am reinstating the food prohibition.
Everybody is outraged and everybody starts talking.
Seth: For Fox sake!
John: Shut up, Seth. All right, thank you for your attention. Gringo, you can get back to work now. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take a shit.
End of Act II
I like the changes you have made, but there is one severe mistake: Everybody leaves at the end of act one. But only Seth is supposed to leave, because at the beginning of act II, seth comes back from masturbating and the others are still in the room and have thought of a new idea.
But otherwise, really good work!
I enjoyed the script, but I think that we should take advantage that this is a animated cartoon, because this whole thing could might as well be live action.
I'm not saying we should have panda rape or chicken fights, I'm saying we could like throw in a joke or a storyline that acnt be done in live action, yet at the same time, ground the characters to reality, maybe simpsons season 4 or 5 level or cartoonyness.
So basically a realistic, down-to-earth show... that's completely off-the-wall and swarming with magic robots.
I know what you're saying. I originally intended for the script to be shot in live action, but I thought ot could work a little better if it's animated, because as you said, we could do wacky stuff that you couldn't do in live action. So if we're gonna write more, I think it would be a lot of fun tho give the show a more cartoony feeling.
I thought of some story pitches while I was at the zoo.
-all the writers quit and go on to other shows
-the staff gets involved with the law when they plagerize too much
(albert: but the simpsons did a simular scene when-
seth: just SHUT up!)
-john bolton has a heart attack and now seth green is in charge(I am working on this script, I already have an outline)
-take your daughter to work day
(no one cares anymore)
I find it funny that you come up with new ideas while watching monkeys scratch their asses, but you definitely got some good ones there. Well, maybe the first one would be a little strange, but it would make a great finale. And I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that you're working on a script! I'm already looking forward to it!
Some possible plots-
-the writing staff is forced into a pointless writer's strike, being part of the writer's guild, despite them really not wanting to because their show is struggling as is and they'll take any money they can get
-the movie version of their show becomes a new project and they struggle to create a structured movie script (maybe better as an arc)
-the animation department is given more leniency on adding visual jokes to get them off the showrunner's back and once the jokes turn out to be awesome and get popular, the writers' jobs are at stake
-a phenomenon known as "simultaneous writers' block" hits the office and they go to the zoo to get some ideas
Wow, I should take a trip to the zoo as well and then we would already have a full season
But seriously, fantastic ideas from the both of you. And I love the idea of a story arc about a movie. It could be like in the fourth season of Seinfeld. Maybe John has to find a movie producer and they have to find a studio, but they get stressed, because the network isn't willing to put the show on hiatus to give the writers and animators time... Just awesome.
Edit: If anyone has time, I could use a little help with the ending of the first script. I'm stuck... And Green Man seems to be avoiding this thread, so... But I'm bender has already made a pretty good rewrite, all we need now is the final 3rd act.
Last edited by Fox Executive; 02-27-2010 at 11:50 PM.
Well, i came up with an idea, basically John loses his house and moves in with Pradesh in the meantime.
I started writing the script but when i'm done, feel free to scrap it
Anyway, i'll have a crack at a re-write
"Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And i'm not out of order! You're out of order. The whole freaking system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge. It's Chinatown!" - Homer's rant.
Behind the scenes episode 2(or 3 or 4)
Heart attack pun
Written by Andrew A. Lee
(an episode of “jesus controls the universe” is on)
Jesus(at the convience store): hey robin! How are things?
(robin then knocks a pile of cans over)
Jesus: you idiot! Why did you do that?
Robin: I dunno.
(the TV turns off and its revealed that mulder and john are watching it in mulder’s office)
Mulder: what the heck is this?!?!
John: you like it? I wrote it myself.
Mulder: this is worse than that episode where Robin fights a chicken, I mean, it was funny for like 2 minutes, then it goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on-
John: shut up! its not my fault! its those damneded writers. albert, seth, andrew, laptop chick and mr. minority. should fire at least 1 of them.
Mulder: ratings are going down the toilet( And if you don’t start improving those episodes, than I’ll have no choice than replace your show with that reality show where all those obese monkey’s lose weight.
John: WHAT? NO! YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME!
mulder: I just didnt
john: alright FINE! we are gonna write the best episode the world has ever seen!
(john is driving his car angrilly)
John: geez that ass makes me so angry. maybe some music will help.
(the song "ode to joy" starts playing and he punches the radio angrilly)
john: AHHH! my hand! my useful, useful hand!
(john drives up to the parking lot, while rnning over a "handicap only sign)
(the staff are enjoying thier own company by hitting each other with baseball bats)
albert: OW!AHAHAHAHHA! ow! OW! hahahahha!
John: what are you doing? now quit koshering and get to work!
John: ok, the title of this episode “best episode ever(or how john Bolton won the fucking emmy!) you! sandy! Write that down!
Sandy: great title mr. bolton!
Seth: ok, like usual, we start with the gang at a random place like a circus or something. Is a circus ok with everyone?
John: I HATE THE CIRCUS!I HATE THE CLOWNS, THE uh- FUCKING ELEPHANTS!(now you could hear johns heart which is beating quickly. thump thump thumpthump)
seth: hmmmmmm... alright, lets have them at robins house where-
JOhn: tahts too god damn pridictable! lets have them at a random place, like uh- the circus!
seth: but I just said the-
John: OF COURSE I SAID IT! didnt you hear me?!?!(thump thump thump thump thump thumpthumpthump)
pradesh: ok, lets start with Robin saying the line " ahhh... the circus. where its OK to discriminate freaks...."
(everyone in the room starts laughing)
John: YEAH THATS UCKING GREAT! write that down!
(dan enters the room)
dan: I dont like this script! there are too many jabs a canada! and my lawyer's from canada!
Andrew: alright, we dont have to resort to violence, so lets-
(john throws a bat at dan)
john: VIOLENCE RESORTED!
dan: your gonna hear from my canadian lawyer!
(sandy shuts the door)
John: what the hell people? how is John bolton gonna win a fucking emmy with this half assed laziness?
albert: we are trying the best of our ability!
John: shut up! your fired!
albert: you cant fire me! I quit!
john: too bad! I fired you first!
John: LET THAT BE A LESSON TO ALL OF YOU! (thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP) CAUSE I AM- CAN YOU TEST THE SOUND EFFECTS LATER?!?!
sandy: sorry mr. bolton.
John: THATS JOHN TO YOU! (cracking noise then john has a heart attack)
john: heart...stopping....must....think......of.....clever.....las t.....words........ah, screw it.
END OF ACT 1
Wow! Just wow. That was fucking funny! Every line is a laugh. I especially enjoyed the title "Best Episde Ever (Or, how John Bolton won the fucking Emmy)". See, that's grade A comedy right there. This is about a million times better than the pilot, so if we're ever gonna animate anything, this should most definitely be it.
btw: I wish I could give your post more than one thumbs up, but i guess we'll have to wait til the next board upgrade...
I wont start act 2 till a few people rewrite it so do that
also in this episode, john is too much of an unlikeable douche, so in the second season maybe, we could establish that he isnt that bad, he's just fucked up in the head
So i wrote a script for my idea, it's pretty long, but tell me what you think (and re-write it. Please re-write it!) Also, seeing as the show is about (writing for) Television and/or Movies i thought it would be a cool idea to name each episode after a Show, Movie or TV Episode Name, instead of parodying one. (this is just my idea, feel free to change it. I named this episode "The Odd Couple" but again change it if you want to. Anyway, without further ado i give you my first ever "Behind the Scenes" Script:
BEHIND THE SCENES: EPISODE BTS003 - "THE ODD COUPLE"
INT. – THE WRITERS ROOM. All writers but JOHN are sitting around the table occasionally yelling out story ideas, but mainly doing their own thing. SETH and PRADESH are playing cards, ALBERT is watching them, ANDREW is eating and SANDY is working at the computer.
I got one, how about an episode where Jesus gets shot, like, a bunch of times in the head and weirdly he’s totally fine. So, he joins a circus.
We are not writing a whole episode about that.
SETH LOOKS AT HIS CARDS AND THEN HANDS ONE TO PRADESH. ALBERT POINTS AT PRADESH.
He’s counting cards!
…We’re playing “go fish”.
Ah, guys. You probably want to get back to work. John will probably be here any sec-
JOHN BURSTS IN THE DOOR, CRYING. HE QUICKLY SITS DOWN, HIDING HIS FACE. EVERYONE GATHERS AROUND HIM
PRADESH (holding back a laugh)
John, are you crying?
Don’t look at me!
Why would you come in here if you didn’t want us looking at you?
PRADESH (patting John on the back)
Hey, hey, John. Everything’s going to be OK. So why are you crying? Get your period?
Oh, Haha. Prademadadesh-
PRADESH (as if he’s said it a million times before)
That is not my name.
I don’t care, you know, everyone cries sometimes. I’m no more girly then you are!
Uh, I have footage of you dancing around in a dress on my computer.
JOHN WIPES THE TEARS FROM HIS EYES
(gasp) You told me the camera was off!
Haha, yeah I did.
…So why are you crying?
Me and my girlfriend of a few hours just broke up. Now she’s taken half of my stuff.
EVERYONE LOOKS CONFUSED
You know that she only gets half of your stuff if you get married right?
JOHN (no longer sad)
She what now?
If you guys didn’t get married, she doesn’t get half of your stuff.
Oh… shit. I already signed the deed to the house. God-Damn it!
No, you know what, it’s ok. I can work around this. Sandy?
I need your house.
I need your house.
You want to move in with me?
Oh god no. You have to move out.
You can’t do that.
I’m your boss, you’re my assistant. I can do whatever I want.
Actually John, you can’t. You can’t just kick people out of there houses.
(sigh) Ok, Pradaladadesh, can I move in with you?
It’s only temporary, please. I’ll give you my copy of action comics #1.
PRADESH (lights up)
You have a copy?
You’re moving in!
CUT TO: INT. -- PRADESH’S APARTMENT. JOHN knocks on PRADESH’s door and he answers. JOHN walks inside.
JOHN RUNS TO THE BEDROOM, PRADESH FOLLOWS HIM.
What are you doing?
Setting up my bedroom.
Oh, I set up the couch for you. It’s a fold-out.
Yeah, that’s not happening. See, me giving you action comics #1 entitles me to a bed.
You haven’t even given me the damn thing yet.
I will. But in the meantime, this is my bed. Also I need to set up some ground rules. #1: I’m going to be bringing some chicks here, so when I say leave us alone, leave us alone. #2: If I do ask for you to, oh, I don’t know, help me get into a sex position. Just help quickly ok? And #3: You may here some weird noises, like, uh, me making animal sounds, when you do, just ignore it.
Why do you make animal sound-
#4: No questions. We done?
CUT TO: INT – THE WRITER’S ROOM – CAPTION: “THE NEXT DAY.” ALL THE WRITERS BUT PRADESH AND JOHN ARE SITTING AROUND THE TABLE.
I’m telling you, It’s funny, it shows emotion and it’s totally in character!
How? How is Jesus setting his hair on fire any of those things!?
PRADESH COMES THROUGH THE DOOR, SITS DOWN LOOKING TIRED AND FRUSTRATED.
Wow. You look terrible.
Thanks, Albert. Its John’s fault, the guy’s driving me crazy. “You’re not a proper Indian if you don’t have the little dot on your forehead,” “You’re not a proper Indian if you don’t have the Kama Sutra book,” “You’re not a proper Indian if you don’t eat pasta and pizza.”
Isn’t the last one Italian?
Yeah, I tried explaining that to him. Then, “Rule #36: No challenging what I say.” God he’s a douche.
Oh the rules. There the stupidest thing, like, “Rule #11: Stop looking so Indian” or “Rule #24: You must eat rice” He’s driving me nuts, you guys have to help me get rid of him.
JOHN WALKS IN AND SITS DOWN, HE ALSO LOOKS TIRED AND FRUSTRATED.
JOHN THROWS A SCRIPT ON THE TABLE, SANDY PICKS IT UP.
I finished “Jesus and the gorillas” even with little Mr Multi-cultural bugging me.
bugging you!? I asked if you wanted dinner.
Oh yeah, you did. That curry was delicious by the way. Wait, that’s beside the point! Don’t interrupt me when I’m writing!
You listen to me-
Ah, John. I don’t think Steven’s going to like this.
Probably because you have Jesus saying “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit” for-
SANDY FLIPS THROUGH THE SCRIPT
Hey, that’s quality writing!
John, take it back. Look through it, Change a few things and then give it back to me. Ok?
JOHN LEAVES WITH THE SCRIPT
He’s more of a douche then usual.
He really is.
Please help me get rid of him.
yeah, I will as well.
First, try and talk to him. Ask him to leave.
That’s not going to work.
You can always try.
ANDREW BEGINS TO HYSTERICALLY LAUGH
What’s so funny?
I just got that period joke Pradesh said yesterday.
CUT TO: INT – PRADESH’S APARTMENT – PRADESH walks up to the bathroom door and can hear a shaver.
Listen, John. We need to talk.
Oh, I didn’t get you pregnant did I?
Oh, you said “We need to talk” I assumed…
No, No I’m not pregnant. Look can I come in and talk to you?
Ah, not right now.
(Laugh) I’ve seen a guy shave before.
I’m not shaving my face.
PRADESH IS CONFUSED FOR A SECOND THEN SAYS “OH” IN REALISING WHAT HE’S DOING, AND SAYS “OH” AGAIN IN DISGUST.
Listen, I was wondering if you could … move out.
What? No way.
Well, Where am I going to go?
Back to your old place.
As if Amber’s going to let me back in.
Well, You could ask- Would you turn the shaver off!
JOHN POKES HIS HEAD OUT THE BATHROOM DOOR
Listen, Indian dude. If you want action comics #1, you’ll let me stay here as long as I want.
CUT TO: INT. -- THE WRITER’S ROOM - SETH, PRADESH and ANDREW are the only people in the room, they are sitting at the table.
And then he told me he was staying.
Wait, wait, wait. (Laughing) John shaves his balls?
That’s what you’re taking out of this story?
(still laughing) John shaves his balls!
You need to help me.
Ok. Let’s come up with some plans. How about talking to, um, Amber? Get her to move out.
It’s worth a try.
Ok, what else?
Buy him a new house.
Let’s put that in the maybe pile.
Oh, I got one! I’ll call it “John’s little accident”
We are not killing John!
Who said killing? We could just, put him in a coma or something.
Oh ok then.
(sigh) Let’s go see Amber.
CUT TO: EXT. -- JOHN’S MANSION - PRADESH, SETH and ANDREW are standing outside the door. PRADESH knocks.
How does John have a house like this?
I think he owns a circus or something.
AMBER answers the door, AMBER looks like a very cheap prostitute.
What do you want?
ANDREW CONTINUES HIS “Ewwww”
So… you’re Amber?
What do you want?
Ah. See, you know John? Yeah, well, when John moved out of here, he moved into my place. He’s not really a fun house guest so I was, maybe, wondering if you could, let him move back in with you. See, You clearly look like a woman of (Holding back laugh) incredible intelligence and sophistication and I was wondering if, being so awesome, you could put up with John for me and let him move back in, so I don’t kill myself.
AMBER SLAMS THE DOOR AND ANDREW STOPS SAYING “Ewwwww”
It was worth a shot. Let’s go back to the studio and think of some more ideas.
Nah, I’m over it. Let’s just kill him.
You heard me. Let’s kill him.
We can’t just kill him.
PRADESH (almost crying)
We’ll work something else out, ok.
CUT TO: INT. -- THE WRITERS ROOM - ALL THE WRITERS are in the room.
SETH (whispering to PRADESH, who is looking rather down)
It’ll be over soon, buddy.
SUDDENLY A PHONE RINGS. JOHN REALISES IT’S HIS AND ANSWERS
Hello? … Oh that’s great! … No it’s fine …
PRADESH AND SETH BEGIN TO SMILE.
That’s just fantastic … why would I react any other way? … ok thank you. Bye.
NOW EVERYONE IS SMILING, WAITING FOR THE GOOD NEWS
Fantastic News everyone, I’m getting my house back!
That’s great! How?
EVERYONE’S SMILES FADE.
Oh, that sucks man.
Yeah, she stopped by today, seemed nice.
ANDREW LOOKS AT BOTH SETH AND PRADESH AND SMILES WITH HIS THUMBS UP. REALISING THAT ANDREW WAS THE ONE WHO KILLED AMBER THEY BOTH LOOK SHOCKED. JOHN INTERRUPTS THIS MOMENT.
Oh, Indian man. I promised you Action Comics #1. Here you go.
ALL THOUGHT OF AMBER’S MURDER VANISHES AS PRADESH SMILES EAGERLY. JOHN GIVES PRADESH A PIECE OF PAPER AND PRADESH LOOKS AT IT. ON THE COVER IS A VERY CRUDELY DRAWN MAN WITH A TITLE WRITTEN WITH VERY BAD HANDWRITING SAYS “ACTION COMICS #1: BY JOHN BOLTON” PRADESH NOW LOOKS SAD AND A LITTLE ANGRY. HE OPENS UP THE ONE PAGE COMIC BOOK AND SEES THE ONLY PICTURE IS A TERRIBLY DRAWN MAN PUNCHING ANOTHER TERRIBLY DRAWN MAN. DOWN THE BOTTOM IT SAYS “Drawn and written by John Bolton.” WE SEE PRADESH’S SAD FACE AGAIN BEFORE
FADE TO CREDITS
Last edited by Capt Hammer; 03-02-2010 at 09:29 PM.
Sorry, but it just surprised how you just came up with a script like that. I actually should feel pretty bad, because your and but i'm bender's scripts are close to perfection, while mine pretty much sucks. If I had one, I'd tip my hat to you guys.
great script with lots of great gags(best gag was pradeshs reaction to john shaving his balls) and a interesting story, I'll rewite your later when I got time.
BTW, I want to be credited as creative consultant
Last edited by SIR oinks alot; 03-03-2010 at 01:41 PM.
Sorry I haven't been posting here recently. Anything you want me to do?
we need to recruit more writers
According to this thread we have more than enough-
Originally Posted by me
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