EXT. BEAUTIFUL EARTH - DAY
MUSIC: "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
CLOSE UP of a gorgeous BUTTERFLY fluttering around ravishing
outdoor scenery. The opening credits appear over this.
Once the titles are done, the music is interrupted by a
blast. The butterfly is shot in the head and rockets down to
the Earth in front of its killers, DAVID and CECILIA.
EXT. SCORCHED EARTH - DAY
It's revealed the butterfly was actually a huge demon
butterfly fluttering in front of an old billboard with
pretty scenery on it as it now lay on the dirty, demolished
earth before our protagonists. David sticks a knife in the
body and begins to gut it.
(even though they're the only
two people within like a mile)
(a little surprised to hear
How far are we from the Proeliator
I haven't been keeping much track,
but probably a little less than a
mile I'd say. You want to see your
Well I don't even know her that
well to be honest. We only ever met
on the holidays. And of course, the
Shyeah. Don't even remind me of
What? No, I don't really care. You
apologize too much.
Don't worry about Laura. The
blood-soaked shark demon we got the
tip from in Utah looked like an
I guess you're right.
David smirks to himself.
Do you like her?
I hate her fucking guts. Course I
like her, that's why we're dating.
(beat) Or at least we were, before
this apocalyptic dreamland came
Do you love her?
I honestly don't know her that well
either. But the way I see it, we
have to want something now that
we're back here. Right? Goddamn,
this is the most I've ever heard
you talk. It's nice.
She shuts up.
You know I think your boyfriend is
full of shit about seeing dogs.
Probably why he's taking so long
with his hunt. (starts tugging on
something in the body) Aaaaannnd...
(yanks out an organ) dinner!
EXT. SCORCHED EARTH - NIGHT
They cook the organ over a fire, not a traditional one, but
over a crack in the ground where occasional geysers of
flames burst out. It only takes one burst and David blows it
out. It's burnt to a crisp.
And here we go. Gourmet demon
intestines cooked to perfection.
How about really BIG demon
intestines cooked to perfection?!
Pan over to Cecelia's boyfriend, JEREMY, who is hauling an
enormous DEMON on a cart, deceased and ready for the
Well that's the biggest fuckin' dog
I've ever seen.
Yeah, I was following the dogs,
then I saw this beast sleeping in a
cave, so I just plugged him. And a
nearby village was so grateful they
threw him on a cart and helped me
push him halfway here. Go figure.
This really is great, and we could
have it in the morning too, so we
can have some energy in us when we
see the Proeliators.
Why would we need energy for that?
Well, Jeremy, our good friends the
Proeliators are supposedly not so
friendly. And by not so friendly I
mean they don't care for outsiders.
And by they don't care for
outsiders I mean they're psychotic
That's why Laura went there. She
wanted to go there and use her
charm to tame them, get to know
them better. Then once she had
their trust she would use the
Proeliators for transportation
purposes, the leather armor on
their backs serving as a cushy seat
- a saddle, if you will - to get
across the land to find a stable
home in a stable neighborhood, mate
with the Proeliators; ipso facto,
David and Jeremy stare back in astoundment.
Yeah, I'm thinking no. She probably
just wanted to see if they'd help
her find food.
Well then let's eat up and get
EXT. PROELIATOR VILLAGE - DAY
David, Cecilia, and Jeremy stand at the gate, being told off
by the GUARD.
You may not see Princess Laura at
(relaxed, but mildly offended)
Well why not, dickhole?
Alright Jeremy, don't go crazy now.
Well we should do something, like
that fuckin' eeehh... Jason
Don't mind him, he has crabs. (to
J and C) Come on, people.
He leads them around to the side of the small wall of
plywood and barbed wire surrounding the tiny village.
There is always a way around.
He inspects the other side of the wall, then gives the wood
a little tug, unsuccessful. He kicks it in instead.
INT. PROELIATOR VILLAGE
They crawl in through the hole in the wall.
We should split up!
The three all walk toward the middle and lightly knock into
EXT. HUT ROOF
Cecilia is tiptoeing across the roof and stops
on the "sunroof" of the house, a glass mirror on the
ceiling. She sees a PROELIATOR praying in his home. The
glass starts to crack and she quickly hops off onto the
solid wooden roof. She smiles in triumph. The wooden part of
the roof immediately gives and she falls to the floor of the
The Proeliator looks at her with an enraged glare. He grabs
her by the throat and holds her against the wall, facing
him. While running short of air, she starts feeling at a
shelf nearby for a possible weapon. She feels a silencer.
Perfect. She uses the silencer to shoot into the glass case
next to the shelf and grab a stuffed giraffe out of it. She
ties the giraffe's neck around the Proeliator's throat and a
choking match ensues. Cecilia is inevitably the victor.
David, sneaking from window to window, each Proeliator doing
something embarrassing, until he bumps into Cecilia,
obviously startling the both of them.
So I take it you've already found
Yeah, funny. There are two guards
over by that hut. It makes sense
that she'd be in there. Help me
take them out.
Alright, let's do it quickly...
(top of lungs)
HEY GUYS, I FOUND HER! COME QUICK!
RIGHT IN HERE!
The guards turn and see the two, who quickly take off for
the hut Jeremy's in.
INT. ROYAL HUT
They run in in excitement, then stop and their smiles fade.
On a table lay Laura's horrifically mangled and disfigured
corpse, pounded, cut, and shot to a bloody pulp. Next to it,
Jeremy with his hands enthusiastically presenting it, proud
You're not gonna believe this! It
turns out that when the Proeliators
find one they consider royalty,
they sacrifice them to God to help
ensure getting into Heaven once
they die. Isn't that great that we
Come on, let's go before they