"Curb Your Simpthusiasm" - A fanscript

[Jims]

A couple writer's notes:

I've never written a fanscript, aside from the "Siblings of Questionable Morals" contributions. I'm going to try to write/post a scene (or mini-scene) each night, kinda like I'm doing a NaNoWriMo. Hopefully, at that rate, it'll be done in a week or two. Remember, it's my first attempt, so keep your 1/5 votes to a minimum.

(The plot is all worked out beforehand. With a Curb/Seinfeld-style plot, it takes a lot of planning to get all the plot points to come together properly. I have to warn you (because it's Curb) that almost the whole script is going to be arguments between different people.)

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INT, Inside Krusty's luxury clown car.

SIDESHOW MEL is in the driver's seat, sporting a dapper chauffeur's hat. KRUSTY THE CLOWN, looking bored, is sitting in the passenger seat beside him. He is gingerly holding a tattered white envelope in his hand.

SIDESHOW MEL
You know, Krusty, on-screen chemistry is important and all, and I'm glad we're doing stuff together, but I didn't plan on driving you around town all day.

KRUSTY
It's not "all day." We're just going to the Cardmark Store, to get my father a birthday card.

SIDESHOW MEL
What did you get him?

KRUSTY (opening the envelope)
A night on the town! Two tickets to see "Rent" and $200 for dinner.

SIDESHOW MEL
Your father's a rabbi, and you got him "Rent" tickets? What about "Fiddler on the Roof"?

KRUSTY (suddenly flying into a rage)
"Fiddler on the Roof"? Because a Jewish person going to a theatre must be seeing "Fiddler on the Roof." I'm so sick of the show. I live "Fiddler on the Roof," Mel. I live it.

SIDESHOW MEL
Sorry.

KRUSTY (sarcastically)
You want to go to the latke store? Maybe I should buy a new yamulke today?

SIDESHOW MEL
Do you talk to your regular chauffeur this way too?

KRUSTY
Only on Sundays.

Sideshow Mel sighs and rolls his eyes. Krusty's sudden outburst has made the vehicle rather stuffy, so Sideshow Mel presses a button and rolls down the windows. A burst of wind gushes through the car, sweeping the white envelope out of Krusty's hand. It lands on the sidewalk near The First Church of Springfield.

Cut to HOMER SIMPSON, dressed in his fancy blue suit. He is walking from his car toward the front door of the church.

HOMER (talking to himself)
Geez, when are they going to get valet service here?

Homer comes across a white envelope lying on the ground appealingly. He picks it up and discovers the $200 and theater tickets inside.

HOMER
And on the eighth day, God invented two hundred dollars. And it was good.

Homer, gleeful from his good luck, happily strolls into the church. Moments later, Krusty's clown car parks nearby. Krusty and Sideshow Mel emerge from the car to search for the missing envelope.

KRUSTY
You know, my chauffeur also wouldn't lose my stuff either.

SIDESHOW MEL
You hired me for being shot out of a cannon, not driving you around.

KRUSTY
It's my fault, anyway. I should've just brought Mr. Teeny instead.

SIDESHOW MEL
Well, Mr. Teeny isn't here, and neither is the envelope. Maybe we should inquire inside the church? Perhaps a Good Samiritan found it.

KRUSTY (looking at the church)
Mmmmmm, I don't know...

SIDESHOW MEL
Why not?

KRUSTY
I'm Jewish. I can't walk into a church on a Sunday. Everyone would look at me shocked, that a Jew would dare show his face at church on a Sunday.

SIDESHOW MEL
So your being Jewish suddenly matters again?

KRUSTY
Going in there would be weird.

SIDESHOW MEL
You should give them a chance. They're even having a potluck meal today.

Sideshow Mel points to the church sign, which reads, "POTLUCK TODAY - PLEASE DON'T BRING MACARONI SALAD".

KRUSTY
Meh. Let's just get another pair of tickets.

Krusty and Sideshow Mel exit.