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Thread: Chalkboard, Billboard, and Couch Gag Thread!



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  1. #1
    has it garret's Avatar
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    Post Chalkboard, Billboard, and Couch Gag Thread!

    Post your own chalkboard gags: Donuts are not a means of transportation
    Last edited by garret; 04-26-2006 at 05:33 AM.

  2. #2
    has it garret's Avatar
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    Iv'e got a few more: I will not use stupid acronyms; I will not use the internet for evil; Madonna is not a "stupid whore" (yes she is); I will not accuse the teacher of sleeping with the president; human sacrifice is wrong, no matter what the circumstances.


  3. #3
    I'm baaaack! Patches O'houlihan's Avatar
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    I sticked this, as this a general enough fan-fiction topic.

    Anyway, here's some I did from 1998:

    I am not an innocent bystander...
    I will not invent gods...
    I will not turn show and tell into truth or dare...
    I will not demand a happy ending...
    The Answer is not always 42...
    I @m not @n internet addict.com...
    Goldfish and Alka Seltzer don't mix...
    I will not demand that we "Nuke'em!"
    German is not "Bad Language"...
    I am not a human vending machine...
    I am not on candid camera...
    I will not whisper sweet nothings to no one...
    My gas is my own business...

    Jake


    Well, ya'know if you stay positive and forget about trivial things like "proper characterization," "Satire," and "emotional depth" watching new Simpsons episodes can be a seemingly enjoyable lie.

    "One of the keys to life is having a sense of proportion, knowing how long to sit at a restaurant after you've eaten, or how long you should go on vacation if you go to Hawaii for a month on vacation, I guarantee you that by the end you'll hate it. So it's the same with a TV show, you want to do a certain amount of it, so that when people look back on it and they love it. I could have easily done the show for one or two or three more years, but it would have changed the way people look back at it. I think I made the right decision. Because people like the show now even more than they did in the 1990s, because it didn't get worn out." -- Jerry Seinfeld

  4. #4
    The Cat Did It
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    'I am what I am' isn't an excuse.
    The end is not nigh.
    I will not bring porcupines to class.
    Acid and the teacher's desk don't mix.
    The teacher doesn't miss twice.


  5. #5
    has it garret's Avatar
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    Hans Moleman's mysterious death is none of my business.
    Itchy and Scratchy did not chop down George Washington.
    I won't "go there".
    I will not touch forbidden fruit.
    My Dad was not the man, who shot the man, who shot Abraham Lincoln.
    You can't fly, even if you believe you can.
    I will not post pictures of my butt on the internet.
    I will not tell the exchanged student that "I'm going to kill your president!" is how you ask to use the rest room.
    I will not try to take over the school and liberate the other children.

  6. #6
    Homicidal blue mouse Itchy's Avatar
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    I will not bring slasher movies to "show and tell"

  7. #7
    Boat on a track Train on the Water's Avatar
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    "Russian Roulette" is not a playground game.
    I will not leave immediately after the bell rings.
    I'm not a Malibu Stacy girl in a Malibu Stacy world.
    I will not injure myself on purpose during "Follow the Leader".
    I will stop trying out for the girl's soccer team.
    Toilets don't make good "Bobbing for Apples" tubs.
    Jury duty isn't an acceptable excuse to skip school.

    I had a bunch of others but they kind of suck. I like Jake's.

    What do you think they put in the Bug Juice?
    Bugs?
    No they don't. Come on...shut up.

  8. #8
    The kids can call you HoJu
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    I do not "still got it"
    Pacman and Mrs. Pacman did not have an affair
    I will not sing the National Anthem with my pants down
    I will not create Kryptonite
    I did not ride The Magic School Bus
    I will not parody Dennis The Menace
    I will not tease Stewie Griffin
    Ralph is not a football
    I will not prolong television seasons with sleazy crowd pleasers
    I will not "take that risk"
    I will not taunt Principal Skinner
    I will not abuse PlayDoh
    Nobody knows the reason for the cancellation of Futurama
    I will not lie about not being frightened of PBS
    A six is a six is a six is a six is a
    I am not a Western prospector, dagnabbit
    Milhouse does not conduct static electricity
    Getting a "G" on a history test does not stand for "great"
    I am not the creator of Pong
    Milhouse does not own "a teeny weeny yellow pokodot bikini"
    I will not pronounce Matt Groening's name like "Groaning"
    Nelson's favorite movie is not "Gigli"
    I'm just like Bart!
    I'm Bart, who are you? by NoHomers.net
    DO THE BARTMAN!!!!!!

  9. #9
    has it garret's Avatar
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    I will not trick ralph into eating his clothes.
    I am not the most diabolical human to ever live.
    Aliens don't "taste like chicken".
    I will not insult the constitustion.
    School is not boring and repetitive.

  10. #10
    I'm baaaack! Patches O'houlihan's Avatar
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    Copying from two, or more, students isn't "Research"...
    The ten commandments dont go to eleven...
    I will not sell other student's property on Ebay...

  11. #11
    MOAR Semaj's Avatar
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    2 + 2 does not equal 5
    I will not cost the town the Olympics
    Glue is thicker than blood
    I can't do that on television

  12. #12
    George
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    i will not spank the monkey.
    the substitute teacher's toupee is not a dead ferret.
    i am not the school bell.
    i will not tempt ralph
    mike is not a boy

  13. #13
    SuperFriend Nameless's Avatar
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    All is actually as it seems
    Adding "Theoretically" to the start of my essays does not make them correct
    Just because I'm doing this less, doesn't mean I'm getting any better
    Nobody would watch a show based on my life
    The school is not being changed behind my back (written on a whiteboard)
    This is not a punishment, nor are the teachers trying to lie to you by saying it is not a punishment
    "Because it's friday" is not an excuse to skip school
    I have forgotten my punishment
    I will not rewire the school security camera system to my home TV
    I do not learn a lesson by doing this
    I will not leave my punishment early (he leaves just before the bell goes)
    I will not write in bigger letters to fill up the board quicker (written in huge letters)
    I will not use school computer time worth less than a dollar
    Contrary to rumour, I still do this every week
    I am fully aware that most of these are not valid reasons to be punished
    I will not treat life like an adventure game book
    I will not fry donuts in motor oil
    I will not use my desk as a pencil topper
    It is no longer OK to rhyme on school time
    i MUst LeArN TO cAPITaliZE PropERLy
    I have been forbidden to draw smiley faces :angry:
    Teachers should not have to wear school uniform
    Pupils should not get a share of school funding
    Teacheritis was not added to the Dictionary of Diseases last year
    There is not a limit on the number of times I can do this
    I do not have the 'luck of the Bartish'
    I must not make obvious escape routes out of school (there is a hole in the middle of the blackboard leading to daylight)
    I must be funnier
    I am not getting used to this by now

    Maybe we should have a general "Opening Ideas" thread, for ideas for couch gags, chalkboards, Lisa sax solos, THOH openings, special end credits, that sort of thing.
    Last edited by Nameless; 04-04-2006 at 11:30 AM.
    Season 25 Ratings
    Awful, probably

  14. #14
    post brody's Avatar
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    I am not Deep Throat.
    Hogan's Heroes is not tasteless.
    The Emmys are not rigged.
    I cannot tell the Olsen twins apart.
    I did not cancel Futurama, Mission Hill, The Critic, and whatever.

  15. #15
    blank bluemoose's Avatar
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    mud is not one of the four food groups
    all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
    i will not cut corners (followed by dittos)

    EDIT: ^those have been done

    Ralph's favorite food is not sawdust
    Putting glue on the teachers chair is not a "good educational pastime"
    Last edited by bluemoose; 04-25-2006 at 06:43 AM.
    deuces on the ride

  16. #16
    SuperFriend Nameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemoose
    mud is not one of the four food groups
    all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
    i will not cut corners (followed by dittos)
    Those have all been done.

  17. #17
    I'm baaaack! Patches O'houlihan's Avatar
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    I will not pimp anyone's ride...
    Time is not the best Teacher...
    Staring at the Sun isn't "Seeing the light!"...
    There are no WMDs in the teachers's lounge...
    Mrs. Butterworth is not a jar head...

  18. #18
    MOAR Semaj's Avatar
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    I will not offer pancakes to Aunt Jemimah...

  19. #19
    blank bluemoose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nameless
    Those have all been done.
    sorry, I got the topic wrong.

  20. #20
    has it garret's Avatar
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    I will not sell school books.
    My uncle does not have connections with Jesus.
    I will not get lost in my own fantasy world.
    Family Guy is not "Smart and satirical, with a delicious take on modern life."
    El Barto is not an evil genious.
    I will not write another play.
    The coffee did not make me "Feel soooo animated."

    1000th post!

  21. #21
    Formerly Mladen Rest your giant head's Avatar
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    Congratulations,Gorak!

    My favorite chalkboard gag:
    I will not plant subliminal messagores
    Marmalade,I love marmalade...

  22. #22
    Simpson nut
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    the only one i can rember is "a burp is not an answer" (sorry)
    Last edited by Mazzi_rules; 04-25-2006 at 03:54 AM. Reason: typo

  23. #23
    The Ruler Of All Dragons
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    I remember ' I will not burp the national anthem'

  24. #24
    Simpson nut
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    i am not a lean mean spitting machine
    awww $20 i wanted a peanut......
    $20 can buy many peanuts
    Explain
    money can be exchanged for goods or services...

  25. #25
    has it garret's Avatar
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    Um, this thread is for making up your own chalk board gags, not post your favorites from the show.

  26. #26
    Also known as ametur_poet. lisalover1's Avatar
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    "Look up" "I can't beleive I ate the whole thing" "The construction machines are not toys"
    Greatest Episode Ever: Summer of the 4"2! 1st Runner-up: 'Round Springfield, 2nd Runner-up: Homer's Triple Bypass

    I'm just like Lisa!
    I'm Lisa, who are you? by NoHomers.net

  27. #27
    Bart, BartBartBartBartBart
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    "I'm not Steinbrenner, therefore, I don't pay Alex Rodriguez"
    Quote of the week:

    "I take a whiskey drink, I take a chocolate drink, and when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink! I sing the song that reminds me I'm a urinating guy." -Homer Simpson (singing "Tubthumping")

    See y'all in Yankee Stadium in real life.... maybe in 2016

  28. #28
    I'm baaaack! Patches O'houlihan's Avatar
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    Pee Wee Herman's two favorite baseball teams weren't the Yanks and the Expos...

    I am not a born again pegan...

    A burp and a belch are one and the same...

    Gun Control can mean one OR two hands...

    "F" only stands for "Failure"...

    "Googled" is not a form of legitimate research...

  29. #29
    Animator-gator Gatorgod's Avatar
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    I am not "Too Cool" to ride the Bus!
    Futurama DVD's will Not out sell Family Guy DVD's
    My Dad is Not tougher than your Dad


  30. #30
    6 Months Gone, Still Hated. Wasteland's Avatar
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    I will not beat up that stupid wiener kid.
    I will not put a hit out on the pope.
    I will not siphon gas out of my teacher's car.

    THIS HAS BEEN A FILMWAYS PRESENTATION!

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