Cut Scene Transcriptions from "Tis the Fifteenth Season"

[Tomacco]

Okay I picked up a copy of Christmas With the Simpsons 2, and WOW were lots of changes made to "Tis the Fifteenth Season" from the animatic! And that's only in act 1! Most notably, the line "this is sadder than Tuesdays with Morrie" actually makes sense now...had they kept the necessary cut in. Let me also say that it blows that the syndicated version of "Dude, Wheres My Ranch" is whats on the DVD. Anyhow, for those of you who don't wanna buy this, the cut scenes are as described as follows (and excuse any spelling or minor errors since I am writing all this quickly as the episode goes):

"The real Kent is in Arizona, having last Thanksgiving sucked out of his theighs!"

Krusty: Now in the spirit of Christmas...Start shopping! And don't stop til your credit card is swolen and purple!
Announcer: Paid for by the committee to end this friggin recession.
Homer: I declare Thanksgiving over! And now lets move on to the next thing we stole from the Indians..Christmas.

(Christmas decorating sequence includes Marge hanging mistletoe and Gramps running in, kissing her, and running off)

(Homer sets up plastic raindeer on lawn, and Cletus and hicks shoot off its head)
Homer: HEY! That raindeer is plastic!
Cletus: Oh. Well then it won't taste so damey (?).

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Establishing shot of power plant. Smoke billows from cooling tower, causing ash snow to fall. Crowd below is in happy awe, opens their mouths to taste the snow, and are disgusted.

Carl: Uhh I think it's Homer.
Homer: Oh yes, I am. Your present is right in the other room.
...
Homer: Come on machine, take my dollar! What, you got something against Canada? Finally. Hey good price on Certs!
...
Homer: Come on Lenny, it's two two two gifts in one.
Lenny: Homer, you're the most selfish man I know.
Carl: Yeah you're cheaper than Mexican salad dressing.
Homer: Come on, Mr. Burns is way more selfish. That eveil old bonebag, stink of death, that yellow waddle..

Burns: ...Yes, it seems they started letting ethnics into the big leagues. Now, in the spirit of the season, I'd like to remind you that on Christmas eve we're all working...LATE! Except me. I'll be at home.

(Homer's driving home from work)
Homer: What a lousy bonus. How am I gonna afford Christmas? Maybe I can sell my second kidney and use coffee filters instead. Wait a minute...
(Drives up to comic book shop)

Homer: Can I get anything for this Joe Dimaggio baseball card? It's kind of old.
CBG: (zoom to his head, interior monologue) Ooh! That card is worth a fortune! Play it cool, Comic Book Guy, play it cool! (aloud) I'm sorry, but your card is only worth...EVERYTHING I've got!...

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(after California prunes)
Lisa: This is offensive to Christians AND prunes.
Marge: Actually it was very popular. People had never seen prunes sing and dance before! I felt like anything was possible. I felt a lot of things back then.
Homer: (entering) We're going shopping at the Springfield Hights Promenade!
Marge: (gasp) Thats the rich people's mall! They have certified real-beard Santas.
Lisa: Dad, how did you get so much money?
Bart: Smash and grab? Second story job? Racetrack con?
(Homer leafs bills confidently)
MArge: Let's see here...No sweat on his upper lip. And I don't hear sirens.
Bart: Amazing. The money's clean!
Marge: Let's shop til we droop!...

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(outside Victor's secret, Marge sees mannequin in underwear)
Marge: Oh those would be perfect for Homie. They'll make our snuggle time sizzle.

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Homer: Doin pretty good so far. Something for Marge, something for Bart..(notices) SOMETHING FOR ME! Oh god, it's so unnecessary!
Salesman: Heh you have excellent taste. This is our finest talking astrolabe. It not only tracks the movement of the stars, it also provides news updates in a mocking voice that makes you feel slightlier at rest.
Astrolabe: The time is 3:10pm. Japan's nikay index closed down at heavy trading.
Homer: This is what I've needed all my life!

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(Driving home from mall)
Marge: What a mall! I've touched things I'll never forget for the rest of my life!
Bart: And the security office was state of the art.
Marge: Bart!
Homer: Enjoy him now, when he's 18 he's off to jail.

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(Homer sets up tree)
Homer: Isn't it sufficient?
Marge: Homer, is there something you're not telling us?
Homer: (nervous) Oh, okay, I confess that I actually don't have allergies. I WAS crying during "Tuesdays With Morrie"!
Astrolabe: It is 6:31pm in Montreal. The moon is waxing tonight.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: Uhh...woohoo! Maggie's talking!
Astrolabe: On this date in 1923, Walt Disney hired his first non-union animator.
(Marge picks up wrapped astrolabe)
Homer: (nervous) Heh heh, kids love Disney!

[TerrorK]

(Homer sets up plastic raindeer on lawn, and Cletus and hicks shoot off its head)
Homer: HEY! That raindeer is plastic!
Cletus: Oh. Well then it won't taste so damey (?).

That should probably be "gamey" instead. Makes more sense that way.

[Wavy Gravy]

Man, even the stuff they cut out was hilarious!

[Michael Bolton]

i thought it was pretty funny

[Hydro]

"Come on machine, take my dollar! What, you got something against Canada?"

"Thats the rich people's mall! They have certified real-beard Santas."

Ha ha ha. What idiot thought that second line was worth cutting instead of "shop till we droop"?

[Uruguay]

I don´t get why they left this lines out, some of them are funnier that the ones on the episode.

[Postmaster]

Ha ha ha. What idiot thought that second line was worth cutting instead of "shop till we droop"?

err Al Jean.

[Robertuybrush]

Tomacco, in the DVD there is only the first act of the animatic or the complete animatic?

[Butters]

Tomacco, in the DVD there is only the first act of the animatic or the complete animatic?

First act.

Considering I disliked the episode, if those jokes had been included it would've been ever so better.

[Roger Myers III]

Thanks for posting this, Tomacco.

Homer: Come on, Mr. Burns is way more selfish. That eveil old bonebag, stink of death, that yellow waddle..

Astrolabe: The time is 3:10pm. Japan's nikay index closed down at heavy trading.

It's "yellow wattle" - as in, the loose flap of neck-skin under Burns' chin (rather, what would be his chin.)

It's "Nikkei Index" - Japan's equivalent to the Dow Jones index on their stock market.

[George Cauldron]

To paraphrase Mr McClure: If that's what they cut out, what they left in must be pure gold!

Well, not quite pure gold, but there were definitely some good lines there, and obviously the Tuesdays with Maury bit now makes more sense.

[DotheBartman]

I actually may have to buy this (at a cheaper price anyway) just for those cuts. If it had the uncut "Marge Be Not Proud" on it that would seal the deal actually.

Thanks Tomacco, I was hoping someone would transcribe all of it. Too bad its not the whole episode.

[Tomacco]

Thanks for posting this, Tomacco.



It's "yellow wattle" - as in, the loose flap of neck-skin under Burns' chin (rather, what would be his chin.)

It's "Nikkei Index" - Japan's equivalent to the Dow Jones index on their stock market.

I know what they both mean, I just wasn't sure of the spelling of either.

[Hydro]

Is this just on the animatic, or are these deleted/changed scenes fully animated?

err Al Jean.

I know it was Al Jean, and I don't think he's an idiot. I was kidding. (Though the Santa joke is better.)

[Tomacco]

Is this just on the animatic, or are these deleted/changed scenes fully animated?

Just on the animatic.

[reyontoyeny]

Which of these comilation DVD's have meaningful special features? Jedging by this thread, I guess Christmas 2 has something worth looking at. (I couldn't tell by thr cryptic back cover, where they only listed the episodes without listing the extras.)

What about the other DVDs? Are there more significant bonuses than just clips or montages of episodes?

[DotheBartman]

The first Christmas one just has a "Mr. Burns' Best Moments" or something featurette, and the THOH one similarly has a Kang and Kodos one. Not sure about "Go Wild" although I think its either another useless featurette or nothing at all.

For features I'd go with Christmas 2.

[Butters]

Not sure about "Go Wild" although I think its either another useless featurette or nothing at all.

It was a Krusty clip complication.

[Roger Myers III]

I know what they both mean, I just wasn't sure of the spelling of either.

No offense intended - I certainly assumed that you knew what they were - but I was just as certain that some posters wouldn't (and that the "waddle" would get a few more 'stupid writer' thoughts.)

[Jouni]

Yeah, someone should've done what RMII just did before "cylinder monkeys" found its way to the episode capsule (like this Jonah's bit will probably too).