Quote of the Day Thread

**Lionel Hutz** · 07-02-2012, 07:46 PM

I was so gay, but I couldn't tell anyone.

**zach** · 07-02-2012, 08:28 PM

clown college? you can't eat that.

**Mozy** · 07-02-2012, 09:33 PM

Homer Simpson: So to sum up, nicely done, we hate you, and food for thought.

**Sinister Burns** · 07-02-2012, 09:33 PM

Homer: My name is Homer Simpson!
Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
Homer: I mean, my _real_ name is, uh, Barney, yeah, Barney Gumble.
Legs: The same Barney Gumle who keeps taking pictures of my sister?
Homer: No, wait! My REAL name is... think, Krusty, think... Joe Valachi!
Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime?
Homer: Benedict Arnold!
Legs: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?
Homer: D'oh!

**Knightboat** · 07-03-2012, 04:01 AM

I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'

**Mozy** · 07-03-2012, 10:56 AM

Irish Policeman #1: "So, it's a smoke-easy you're running then?"
Homer: "Uh-oh!" (tries to flee with Grampa)
Irish Policeman #2: "Toots! It's escaping you're thinking of then?"
Homer: "I can't tell if those are questions or statements!"
Irish Policeman #1: "So, it's our syntax you're criticizin' then?"

**Financial Panther** · 07-03-2012, 11:37 AM

Marge: "Mr. Simpson! I don't even know you; I'm not making love with you!"
Homer: "But, what if we (whispers)"
Marge: "You're describing how to parallel park."

**Lionheart** · 07-03-2012, 12:41 PM

Homer: I've always had an interest in art, dating back to my schoolgirl days when I painted portrait after portrait of Ringo Starr.
Marge: That's my life you're describing!
Homer: I think I remember my own life, Marge.

**Lionel Hutz** · 07-03-2012, 07:29 PM

Dr. Hibbert: This is a wake-up call. From now on I'll keep my eyes on the road and off my Kool and the Gang air freshener. Celebrations over boys.

**Handsome B. Wonderful** · 07-03-2012, 07:39 PM

I knew we should've bought more than three bullets!

**Sinister Burns** · 07-04-2012, 02:43 AM

Lisa: Why look, it's Grampa's old radio! Oh, wouldn't it be grand if we all gathered around and had a listen?
Homer: Well, turn something on. I'm starting to think!

**Knightboat** · 07-04-2012, 10:41 AM

When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no English and had no money in our pockets. Today, we own a nationwide chain of wheel-balancing centers. Where else but in America, or possibly Canada, could our family find such opportunity? That's why, whenever I see the Stars and Stripes, I will always be reminded of that wonderful word: Flag!

**cloneasaurus** · 07-04-2012, 01:45 PM

....Vera said that?

**Prune Tracy** · 07-04-2012, 01:50 PM

"And that, my children, is the story of Bart's first day of school."
"Very nice."
"Yeah."
"Yeah. Except you were supposed to be telling the story of how I got my saxophone!"
"D'oh!"

**Lionheart** · 07-04-2012, 02:59 PM

...you flush one down, it swirls around, 999 springs to flush down.

**Lionel Hutz** · 07-04-2012, 03:24 PM

Ms. Glick: Well, it's payday. I'll wager you've been looking forward to this.
Bart: Oh, yes Ma'am!
Ms. Glick: Here we are, two quarters.
Bart: Two quarters?
Ms. Glick: You deserve every penny. You know, I've told a lot of my girlfriends about you and they have chores too.
Bart: Two quarters?!
Ms. Glick: Bart, you didn't say "thank you".
Bart: Listen lady, I can leave without screaming and I can leave without saying a bad word, but there is no way that I am saying "thank you"-
Ms. Glick: You're welcome. All right, off you go to spend it on penny whistles and moon pie...

**Sinister Burns** · 07-04-2012, 07:53 PM

Homer: Hello, Mr. Burns? This is Homer J. Simpson, the father of the big quitter. Well, I just wanted to tell you that I'm a big quitter too, and I quit.
*winks*
Marge: Homer, Mr. Burns can't see you winking.
Homer: So-- Aah!

**Prune Tracy** · 07-05-2012, 03:45 AM

"Son, a woman is a lot like a beer. They smell good, they look good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

**Lionheart** · 07-05-2012, 11:21 AM

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities.

**Ghost of Maude Flanders** · 07-05-2012, 12:06 PM

Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You’ll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead—do your worst!

**Financial Panther** · 07-05-2012, 01:40 PM

Snake: (shooting a gun from the Kwik-E-Mart roof) "You live! You die! You live! You die!"
Chief Wiggum: "Heh; in the old days, we would've been all over that."

**Sinister Burns** · 07-05-2012, 03:57 PM

Homer: Well, Marge, for the first time in our marriage I can look down my nose at you. You have a gambling problem.
Marge: That's true. Will you forgive me?
Homer: Oh, sure. Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears? Well, that's nothing, because _you_ have a gambling problem! And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like Santa Clause? Well, YOU have a gambling problem!

**Lionel Hutz** · 07-05-2012, 04:10 PM

Michael Jackson: We call this guy Chief. He's been here since 1968. Never says a word, never moves a muscle.
Homer: Hey, Chief.
Chief: Hello.
(doctors surround him in shock)
Chief: Well, it's about time someone reached out to me.

**Sinister Burns** · 07-05-2012, 06:17 PM

Forget it pal, there's only one way out of here, and it ain't pretty: dating the nurse.

Thread: Quote of the Day Thread

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