Quote of the Day Thread

[Christopher the Chef]

Maria, my mighty heart is breaking. I'll be in the Humvee.

[Prune Tracy]

"Homer, tell your daughter what you bought when I sent you to town to buy insurance."
"Curse you, magic beans!"
"Oh, stop blaming the beans."

[Sinister Burns]

Stamp collection? Ha, ha!

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Marge: (About Bart's elephant, Stampy) Oh my, it looks like it could gore.
Homer: Hee hee, it does look like Al Gore.

[Lionel Hutz]

Kearney: I'm here about the nanny job. I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids and if they get out of line, POW!
Homer: I like him.
Kearney: Thanks. Hey where do you keep the liquor?
Homer: I hide a bottle of schnapps in the baby's crib.

[Oh, that's raspberry!]

"GO AHEAD, THROW YOUR VOTE AWAY!!!"

[Mozy]

Jacques: Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. They're far too tapered for the ball you are using. You need something lighter. More delicate. Here. Use my ball.
Marge: Hmm. No. No, thank you, Mr., um, (Looks at Jacques' bowling ball.) Brunswick.
Jacques: Call me Jacques.
Marge: Jacques.
Jacques: Marge.
Marge: Hmm. I'll just use my ball.
Jacques: As you wish. Many people have senseless attachments to heavy, clumsy things, such as this Homer of yours.

[Lionheart]

Don't eat nothin' for the next three days, 'cause I'm taking you out for a steak the size of a toilet seat!

[Sinister Burns]

Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

[Knightboat]

Do you want to change your name to Homer Jr.? The kids can call you HoJu.

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge; Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.

[Prune Tracy]

"Bart, go to your room!"
"Why don't you just EAT him?!"

[Lionheart]

(singing)
Bart: Can I be a boozehound?
Homer: Not 'til you're 15

[Lionel Hutz]

Dolph: Ugh man, you kissed a girl.
Jimbo: That is so gay.

[Sinister Burns]

So anyway, Mr. X would say to Mrs. Y, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, then my name isn't Homer J. Simpson."

[Knightboat]

Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers!

[Christopher the Chef]

Hey, that's a half-truth!

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Homer: Shame on all of you! Give me my dignity! I just came here to see "Honk If You're Horny" in peace."

[Lionel Hutz]

Milhouse: Behold gravity in all its glory.
Mrs. Krabappel: pretty lame Milhouse.

[Lionheart]

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

[Prune Tracy]

"NEEEEEERRRRRRRRRD!"

[Sinister Burns]

...and then we roll him up in a carpet and throw him off a bridge!

[Lionel Hutz]

Sideshow Mel: Let us end this mindless violence and join our hands in song.
Captain McAllister: Aye, not a hymn to war, like our national anthem, but a sweet soothing hymn, like the national anthem of Canada.

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

When I first started this clown thing, I thought it would be nothing but glory. You know, the glory of being a clown.

[Mozy]

Marge [to Homer]: I had to tell Mr. Burns that you had violent diarrhea.
Homer: Oh couldn't you come up with a less embarrassing lie?
Marge: But you did have violent diarrhea. [to Bart and Lisa] Nobody open the hallway closet until I say so.
[Bart and Lisa shudder]

[Prune Tracy]

Marge: Now each one of you take a floor and get started [cleaning].
Homer: I call the basement!
Lisa, Bart: Fine.
Homer: D'oh? *opens door to basment* D'oh!

[Lionheart]

Marge, when I join an underground cult I expect a little support from my family!

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

You sold us out, Conover​!

[Sinister Burns]

I think I hear a dingo eating your baby!

[Knightboat]

Homer: The first meeting of Hell's Satans is called to order.
Flanders: I move to reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all, we don't wanna go to hell.
Lenny: How 'bout The Devil's Pals.
Flanders: [nervously chuckles] Nuh-no... see...
Moe: How about the Christ punchers?
Flanders: The Chri...! I-I don't think you understand my objections.