Quote of the Day Thread

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

homer, are you wearing a tie to impress laddie?

do you think he noticed?

[Sinister Burns]

"See that, boy? Why aren't you making any busniness deals?"
"I'll do it this afternoon!"

[parklife]

i got the idea when i noticed the refrigerator was cold

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Bart: Hey guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.
Homer: Pfff. That's no reason to block the TV.

[Mozy]

Homer: If an emergency alarm goes off, there's ear plugs in the top drawer.

[Lionel Hutz]

Homer: Kids, let me tell you about another so-called "wicked'' guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas and he didn't always do what other people thought was right.
And that man's name was...I forget. But the point is... I forget that, too. Marge, you know who I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car?

[zach]

well, it's not quite a mop and it's not quite a puppet...but man...haha...so to answer your question, i don't know.

[Lionheart]

Voice: Hello, and welcome to the Springfield Police Department Resc-u-Fone. If you know the name of the felony being committed, press one. To choose from a list of felonies, press two. If you are being murdered or calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.
[Bart punches in a bunch of numbers]
Voice: You have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press one.

[Prune Tracy]

"Attention Marge Simpson, your son has been arrested..."

"Attention Marge Simpson, we've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son."

[Sinister Burns]

"But Marge, I was a political prisoner."
"How were you a political prisoner?"
"I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Homer: Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

[Mozy]

Homer Simpson: [reading a note] "Dear Homer, I.O.U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer." Bastard! He's always one step ahead!

[Lionel Hutz]

Trucker 1: Then we'll have to teach our friend some discretion.
Trucker 2: Yeah, just like we did to Jimmy Hoffa.
Trucker 1: Hey, shut up!

[Sinister Burns]

Can't talk. Robbed. Go hell.

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Homer: (To Bart) Emancipated?! Don't you like being a dude?

[Lionel Hutz]

Oh, Doctor. I was in a wonderful place, filled with fire and brimstone, and there were all these guys in red pajamas sticking pitchforks in my butt.

[Mozy]

Homer: Hello. I am Homer Simpson. Or as some of you wags have dubbed me, Father Goose.

[Sinister Burns]

Good Lord! The rod up that man's butt must have a rod up its butt.

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Superintendent Chalmers: I have had it with this school, Skinner! The low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children!

[Bartesque]

Narrator: Marge Simpson was charged with a violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay fifty cents to replace the cans, and $2000 in punitive damages and mental anguish.

[Lionel Hutz]

Skinner: ..I finally have time to do what I always wanted; write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus".
Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding, Sir. First, you think of an idea that has already been done, and then you give it a title that no one can possibly like. Didn't you think (...) on the bestseller list for 18 months! Every magazine cover (...) most popular movies of all time, Sir! What were you thinking?! .. I mean thank you, come again.

[Lionel Hutz]

Homer: Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle, remember that?
Lisa: yeah
Homer: When daddy hit the referee, Yeah

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Bart: Hello, Mr. Kerns. I bad want money now, Me sick.
Homer:Ooooh he card read good!
Bart:So pick me, Mr Burns.
Homer:It's Kerns, stupid!
Marge: No it's not!
Homer:Disregard!

[Knightboat]

Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Some Confidence, Stupid!'

[Lionheart]

Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. ...Well, goodnight.

[Sinister Burns]

My fellow Americans, as a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight, I say we must move forward! Not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

"Love, Marge

Wha?!

(Simpson)."

Oh.

[Ghost of Maude Flanders]

Homer:I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

[Lionel Hutz]

Skinner: One question remains: how do I get out of the army?
Bart: No problemo. Just make a pass at your commanding officer.
Skinner: Done and done, and I mean done.

[zach]

this enormous lady will devour us all!