Quote of the Day Thread

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

Apu: (introducing himself) Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.
Nigel: Hmm. Never fit on a marquee, luv. From now on, your name is Apu de Beaumarchais.
Apu: It is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my god... but okay!

[Toomanygrandmas]

Homer: Well, Burns isn't getting _this_ back cheap, I can tell you that. He's gonna have to give me...my own recording studio!
'Two all-beef patties special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame-seed bun.'

[Prune Tracy]

"It was a pornography store. I was buying pornography."

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

Town crier, I'd like to ask you a few questions. 1, where's the fife, and 2, gimme the fife.

[Financial Panther]

"I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please, save me Superman!"

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

"Give your putter a name."
"Mr. Putter."
"D'OH! You wanna try a little harder, son? Come on. Give it a girl's name."
"Mom."
"Your putter's name is Charlene!"
"Why!?"
"It just is, that's why!"

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

Smithers: I have to find someone to replace me while I'm gone who won't outshine me. I'll search the employee database under the word "incompetent".
Computer: 715 matches found.
Smithers: 714 names? I'd better narrow the search. Let's see... "lazy", "clumsy", "monstrously ugly".
Computer: Searching... 714 matches found.
Smithers: Nuts to this! I'll just go and get Homer Simpson.

[Christopher the Chef]

Judge: Hello, Bart. Now, you do understand the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie, don't you son?
Bart: Maybe.

[Prune Tracy]

"Moe, have you ever felt unattractive?"

"Mmmmm... no."

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

Homer: Three simple words: I, Am, Gay.

[Financial Panther]

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

Okay.

[Financial Panther]

"How ironic. Now he's blind, after a life of enjoying being able to see."

[Prune Tracy]

"Look at me! I'm Angie Dickinson. Out of my way!"

[Bartesque]

Milhouse: Sorry Bart, your dad kinda blew the fantasy. I only like it when I'm pretend scared.

[Prune Tracy]

"Five days? But I'm mad now! I'd kill you if I had my gun..."

"Yeah, well, you don't."

[Christopher the Chef]

- Father McGrath... I thought you were dead.
- I was!

[Prune Tracy]

"So... you like... stuff?"

[Company Picnic]

Kearney: [to Jimbo] Dude, ask a question or we'll have to go back to class!
Jimbo: [stands up] Um...
Ned: Yeah. you!
Jimbo: Uh, yeah, uh, I was wondering, do you, er, what's your policy on, uh, lunch?
Ned: Well, let me just say I want to put the "stew" back in "students".

[ANdre1001]

Kearney: [to Jimbo] Dude, ask a question or we'll have to go back to class!
Jimbo: [stands up] Um...
Ned: Yeah. you!
Jimbo: Uh, yeah, uh, I was wondering, do you, er, what's your policy on, uh, lunch?
Ned: Well, let me just say I want to put the "stew" back in "students".

Chalmers: And I'll put the "super" back in "Superintendent"

*Total silence*

[Oh, that's raspberry!]

"Oh Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our beds and TV... is."

[Prune Tracy]

"Must... kill... Moe... whee!"

[Financial Panther]

"Marge, the kids are acting ethnic!"

[beerbarron17]

Lisa: "Milhouse, you don't care about the environment."
Milhouse: "Hey! I am very passionate about the planet!"
Nelson: "Say global warming is a myth!"
Milhouse: "It's a myth! Further study is needed!"
Nelson: "(He punches Milhouse in the gut) That's for selling out your beliefs."

[Swoony]

[Marge is filming Homer sitting in the dugout at a softball game. Homer starts to scratch his crotch]
Marge: "Oh, dear."
[points the camera at her feet]
Marge: "Children, tell me when your father stops scratching himself."
[long pause]
Marge: "Kids...?"
Bart: "We'll tell you, Mom."

[Bleedin' Gums Murphy]

Homer: Guys, I'm sorry I got you expelled.
Nerd #1: Don't worry, Mr. Simpson. We can take care of ourselves.
[the nerds take two steps, and Snake jumps out of the bushes]
Snake: Uhh, wallet inspector.
Nerd #2: Okay. Here you go. I believe that's all in order.
[all nerds hand him their wallets]
Snake: Oh, I can't believe that worked!
[runs away]
Homer: Wait a minute. That's not the wallet inspector...

[Prune Tracy]

"I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger house."
"No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart'll sleep with us until he's 21."
"Won't that warp him?"
"My cousin Frank did it."
"You don't have a cousin Frank."
"He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now."

[Toomanygrandmas]

'You'll never fiiiinnndddd.....that microfilm of miiiinnnnneeeee.....' - Lou Rawls, Secret Agent

[Oh, that's raspberry!]

"Abra-cadaver!"

"I'm a big boy!"

[Prune Tracy]

"Uh, Ralphie, get off the stage, sweetheart!"