Quote of the Day Thread

[Rest your giant head]

Bart: A thousand dollars, but your ad says "No money down".
Lionel: Oh, they got this all screwed up.
Bart: So you don't work on a contengency basis?
Lionel: No, money down! Oops, shouldnt have this bar association logo her either.

[Santos L. Halper]

Lionel Hutz: Mayor Terwilliger, is it true you rigged the election?

Bob: No, I did not.

Hutz: Kids, help.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

Burns: Hello, children! I bring you love!

Willy: Aah! It's a monster! Kill it! Kill it!

Smithers: It's not a monster! It's Mr. Burns!

WIlly: [tender] Aw, it's Mr. Burns. [raging] Kill it! Kill it!

-"The Springfield Files"

[Miss Springfield]

That would be like an expert knot tyer quitting right in the middle of tying a knot.

[gomez]

join the army! and see the opposing army!!

[Rest your giant head]

Barney: Uh oh my heart just stopped..... oh there it goes.

[Henrik P]

Principal Skinner: Oh, you think this stolen 'H' is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl! Well, I guess that is a little funny.

[MolemanInTheMorning]

Bart: Lisa, I have this strong unpleasant feeling I've never had before.
Lisa: It's called remorse, you vile burlesque of irrepressible youth.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

Mr. Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.

-"Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"

[Radioactive Man]

Lunchlady Doris: At last the world is safe, eh, Fallout Boy?
Ralph: What's for lunch tomorrow?
Director: Next.
Ralph: Chicken necks?

[Gatorgod]

Otto (swept out to sea) .......ZEPPLIN RULZzzzz!

[Simpsons Forever!]

Homer: "Now I have to go somewhere and do some serious thinking.
Bart: I'm sure he meant to say "serious drinking."
Lisa: That's what I assumed."
-Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy (S6)

[Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc]

"Botched, what is that, the word of the day?"

by plastic surgeon, "marge gets breast implants" episode

[Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc]

Lunchlady Doris: At last the world is safe, eh, Fallout Boy?
Ralph: What's for lunch tomorrow?
Director: Next.
Ralph: Chicken necks?

Whahahaha Good one

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

Ned Flanders: I wish we lived in a place more like the America of yesteryear that only exists in the brains of us Republicans.

(Personally, I think the right-wingers labeling The Simpsons as "leftist" might be right.)

[Gatorgod]

Bart: Nicely done Lisa! Instead of killing living things, their just killing Trees

[Rest your giant head]

Bart: Hello family.
Marge: Where have you been young man, it's nearly bed time.
Bart: I was... I was...
Sideshow Bob: If anyone asks... you were at the flower shop.
Bart: I was at the flower shop.
Homer: Oh yeah, uh.. I was at the flower shop too. Yep. Getting drunk at the ol' flower shop.

[Xt'Tapalatakettle]

Lisa: "I know this obsession with weight is unhealthy and anti-feminist... but that's what a fat girl would say!"

Sleeping with the Enemy (16)

[Henrik P]

Bart: What did you get that for?
Homer: Knocking Mr. Burns out of a 3rd story window.
Bart: Makes sense to me.
Lisa: Did he die?
Homer: What am I a doctor?

[sacrelicious]

Dear Advertisers,
I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again.
Number one: Bra.
Number two: Horny.
Number three: Family Jewels.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!

Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.

Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

[Jimbo77]

*Looks at magezine that has the subtitle Man of the century and has a picture of ned flanders on it*
Homer: Pfft It must of been a pretty slow century

[Turambar]

Willie: This is last time you slap your Willie about!

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, I'd like you to remember Matthew 7:26. "The foolish man who built his house upon the sand."

Homer: [pointing a finger] And you remember (thinks) Matthew... 21:17.

Reverend Lovejoy: [confused] "And he left them and went out of the city, into Bethany, and he lodged there?"

Homer: Yeah. Think about it.

[Krusty Burger]

Homer: I have misplaced my pants.

[Rest your giant head]

Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, I'd like you to remember Matthew 7:26. "The foolish man who built his house upon the sand."

Homer: [pointing a finger] And you remember (thinks) Matthew... 21:17.

Reverend Lovejoy: [confused] "And he left them and went out of the city, into Bethany, and he lodged there?"

Homer: Yeah. Think about it.

Heheheh,that was awesome!

Hans Moleman: There is no escape from the fortress of the moles! Oh except that.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

Mr. Burns: Oh no. Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash?

Smithers: Well, sir, it happened 25 years before I was born.

Mr. Burns: Oh, that's your excuse for everything.

[Miss Springfield]

Say I wanted that dip over there...

Why! You'd have to get up!

Here's a little move I've been tinkering with.

[boxcar_fred]

Homer: "Dont you hate pants!?"

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

Mr. Burns: Smithers, are they booing me?

Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns".

Mr. Burns: (Stands and faces the audience) Are you saying "Boo" or "Boo-urns"?

(the audience boos and throws rubbish at him)

Hans Moleman: I was saying "Boo-urns"!