Quote of the Day Thread

[Simpsons Forever!]

Marge: "Homer, there's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now!
Homer: ...We're going to start doing it in the morning?"
-Lisa's First Word (S4)

[moneychair2003]

"i'm the first non-brazilian person to go back in time"

[TheForbiddenDonut]

Herman: The key to Springfield has always been Elm Street. The Greeks knew it. The Carthegenians knew it. Now you know it.

[Dr. Bartley]

Professor Frink: We studied the traffic patterns and found that drivers move the fastest through yellow lights. So now, we just have the red and yellow lights. N'hey.
[cut to Lenny, driving on the street. The light turns from red to yellow, and Lenny floors it]
Lenny: C'mon, stay yellow, stay yellow! Man, I'm making record time![wistfully] If only I had some place to be.

[futuramagirl]

"im dying moe"
"is there anything i can do?"
"not unless u hav a cure 4 cancer do u hav a cure 4 cancer? coz that would be really gr8"
"im sorry proffesor"
"goodbye moe"
"goodbye proffesor.... hey dont u wanna take ur shoes off b4 goin swimmin? proffesor? proffes...? o umm o"

[Soundwave]

"who needs the quik e mart ?
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii Doooooooooooooooooo"

[Dr. Bartley]

Edna: Guess what, class?
Martin: Time for a surprise quiz?
Edna: Well, that's not what I was going to say, but it's a good idea. Hah! Take out a sheet of paper, books under your desk.
Warren: [whining] I'm supposed to -- I've got -- I'm supposed to --
Edna: Oh, Warren, I nearly forgot. All Junior Campers are excused to attend their patrol meeting.
Bart: [hastily putting on the uniform] Um, Mrs. Krabappel, I-I'd love to stay, but this uniform carries certain responsibilities.
Nelson: Hey, look: sergeant Dork! Ha-ha!
Bart: [slyly] Enjoy your test.
Nelson: Ha-h -- [realizing] Aw!

[Rest your giant head]

"It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen"

[Dr. Bartley]

Homer: Let's tell Krusty!
Marge: What will that do?
Homer: Come on. His reaction would be priceless!
(later)
Homer (in Krusty's office): Apu is cheating!
Krusty (depressed): That's sad. All those kids.
Homer: I think he's building up to something.

[ViceroyFizzlebottom]

"no, ultra suede was a miracle this is just good timing" -John

[Rest your giant head]

Lenny: Bang bang!
Carl: Pow pow!
Moe: Hit with stick,hit with stick!

[sacrelicious]

Barney: Snakes! Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
Lenny: Getting ready for Whacking Day, Barn?
Barney: What's "Whacking Day"?

[sacrelicious]

OK, one more, only because it was on TV last night...

Homer: Hola, señor! We are gringos who wish to spend mucho dinero in your country.
Immigration official: Splendid! Welcome to Canada!
Homer: D'OH!

[Gatorgod]

Lisa: Mad Beast!
Burns: Liberal Midget!

[Dr. Bartley]

After getting tossed out of the bar after Homer goes too far on a prank:
Homer: Heh heh heh, joke's on them: I'm still alive.

[Dr. Bartley]

Homer: So anyway, Lenny and Carl are never around on Wednesdays and they don't tell me where they go. It's like a conspiracy.
Bart: A conspiracy, eh? You think they might be involved in the Kennedy assassination in some way?
Homer: I do...now.

[TheGrimester]

Jay: How can you vote for Burns' movie?
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me...to a bigger house! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

[Dr. Bartley]

Groundskeeper Willie: Alright, what's so fine and great about your fancy pants leader?
Homer: The Leader knows all and sees all!
Groundskeeper Willie: Ooh.. well that <is> impressive!
Homer: And he's going to take us to a wonderful new planet!
Groundskeeper Willie: Oh! This Leader, he sounds like a grand fella!
Marge: Willie, I'm not sure we're making any headway here.
Groundskeeper Willie: Would you shut up, woman! He's talking about my leader!

[sung]

"Tonight's Got Nothing To Do With Nice"

Ruth Powers

[Gatorgod]

Fat Tony: Michael, My son. Heres your math book, and never forget, The divisor goes into the dividend

[sacrelicious]

(Homer pulls up in a pickup truck)
Marge: Homer, where'd you get that truck?
Homer: It fell off a truck... uh... you know a truck-truck.
(Bart pulls up in a semi-trailer truck carrying pickup trucks after a long truck honk)
Lisa: Bart, where'd you get that?
Bart: eeh, It fell off a truck-truck...truck.
(A massive truck-truck-truck appears nearby after the sound of an air horn)

[Flimpson Tide]

Homer: Uh...it's like...did anyone see the movie "Tron"?
Hibbert: No.
Lisa: No.
Marge: No.
Wiggum: No.
Bart: No.
Patty: No.
Wiggum: No.
Ned: No.
Selma: No.
Frink: No.
Lovejoy: No.
Wiggum: Yes. I mean -- um, I mean, no. No, heh.

[Dr. Bartley]

Bart: Who names these things [the constellations] anyway?
Skinner: Whoever discovers them. I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me.
Bart: And you've never found anything?
Skinner: Once...but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kahoutek...I got back at him, though...him and that little _boy_ of his. Anyway, that's why I always keep a cellular phone next to me.

[Maggaggie]

Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

[Rest your giant head]

"Sit still. Only I may dance!" - Conan O'Brian

[Captain_Smiley]

Barney's Sponsor: Drink or I'll die.

[sacrelicious]

Host: This isn't an island at all. It's a peninsula!
Woman 1: (walking away) This was supposed to be about trust!
Woman 2 (crying): I just want to get on that boat and go home!
Host: Well, you don't need a boat, because you can walk. (Woman 2 continues crying)

-- From "Simple Simpson" (the one with Pie Man)

[xplosive]

sea captain: arr, welcome to the ship of lost souls!
homer: the name on the back says "honeybunch"
sea captain: arr.. i've been meaning to paint over that.

[Rest your giant head]

- Mrs. Krabapel,I can't take the test. My stomach hurts...
- That's the lame excuse for an excuse.

[User 1.0]

"We meant no disrespect - we were simply trying to kill ya."