Quote of the Day Thread

**Simpsons Forever!** · 11-04-2005, 12:41 AM

Kitchen Lady: "I hate it when the waffles stick together.
Man: Stickin' together is what good waffles do!"
-Marge On The Lam

Dr. Bartley · 11-04-2005, 06:46 AM

Bart: Lisa, will you keep it down? I'm making a crank phone call to Principal Skinner.
Skinner: [on phone] Well, as a matter of fact, my refrigerator wasn't running. You've spared me quite a bit of spoilage: thank you, anonymous young man.
Bart: D'oh!

**SideshowTim** · 11-04-2005, 06:49 AM

"great spiritual quest, wolfy!"

**Johnsy** · 11-04-2005, 06:50 AM

Flanders "Homer I know your working on the float, but did you have to take all my flowers?"

Homer "Floats need flowers"

Flanders "But did you have to plow the ground with salt so nothing would ever grow again"

Homer " He He He HEh"

**********************************
I always have to laugh at that one.

**Adam R** · 11-04-2005, 08:20 AM

'We're going to take a trip to the glue factory. And he ain't coming.'

**Gatorgod** · 11-04-2005, 08:23 AM

We were beaten by the Best, son!
.."but he wasn-*"
I SAID We was Beaten BY the BEST!

**Terrier Williger** · 11-05-2005, 05:22 PM

"Ku-wow-wa-wa-ha!"

**J-Rod** · 11-05-2005, 09:03 PM

"Yeah, yeah, Smingers did it. Case closed. Now where's my hat? I'm going to the outhouse."

**Radioactive Man** · 11-05-2005, 10:06 PM

Wiggum: Hey, where is Sideshow Bob and that guy who eats people and takes their faces?
Guy: I'm right here chief!

Dr. Bartley · 11-06-2005, 12:01 AM

Bart: Where'd you get those pyjamas?
George Bush: They're presidential pyjamas. You have to be President, and you're not President!
Bart: Yes I am.
George: [stammers] No, you're not! [calls out] Bar!

**Simpsons Forever!** · 11-06-2005, 01:34 AM

Homer: "Oh, Lisa - you and your stories. "Bart's a vampire," "Beer kills brain cells..." Now let's go back to that...building...thingy, where our beds and TV...is."

**remember alf?** · 11-06-2005, 02:59 PM

maude "i was learning to be more judgemantal"

**Talking Pie** · 11-08-2005, 10:22 AM

The Cartidge Family

Homer: Now, I believe you have some sort of firearm for me.
Gun Shop Owner: Well, let's see here. According to your background check,
you've been in a mental institution...
Homer: Yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: ...frequent problems with alcohol...
Homer: [laughs nervously] Yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: ...beat up President Bush!
Homer: Former President Bush.
[The owner slaps a red rubber stamper on Homer's printout.]
Homer: "Potentially dangerous"?!
Gun Shop Owner: Relax, that just limits you to three handguns or less.
Homer: Woo hoo!

**Simpsons Forever!** · 11-09-2005, 02:53 AM

"I feel like a chicken already - I just made an egg in my pants."
-Milhouse Of Sand And Fog

**Talking Pie** · 11-09-2005, 06:56 PM

Homer the Vigilante

Kent: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty
vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy
sack-beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent.
Forfty percent of all people know that.
Kent: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group
has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
Homer: [amused] Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't
committing crimes.
Kent: [pause] Well, touche'.

**The Foot** · 11-10-2005, 02:22 PM

Millhouse: I checked around. The girls are calling you fatty fat fat fat, and Nelson's planning on pulling your pants down, but nobody's trying to kill you.
Bart: (relieved): That's good.

Nelson pull down barts pants.
Girls: Fatty fat fat fat, fatty fat fat fat!

**Terrier Williger** · 11-10-2005, 03:46 PM

"We believe Burns still has that bill hidden somewhere in his house. But all we've ascertained from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof!" - Agent Johnson

**Lizard Queen** · 11-11-2005, 08:48 AM

Homer - Maybe if we tied it down so it couldn't move it wouldn't get so hungry.(regarding Stampy)
Lisa - You can't do that, Dad, it's cruel.
Homer - Oh, everything's cruel according to you. Keeping him chained up in the back yard is cruel. Pulling on his tail is cruel. Yelling in his ears is cruel. Everything is cruel. Well excuse me if I'm cruel.

**J-Rod** · 11-11-2005, 07:08 PM

Helen: Now, this is a trust exercise. You fall backwards and rely on your spouse to catch you.
Marge: Do I have to do this?
Rev. Lovejoy: No, Marge. Even if your husband were here, I wouldn't recommend it.

**Talking Pie** · 11-11-2005, 11:19 PM

Pygmoelian

Lenny: Hey, Moe, if you're tired of being an eyesore, why not get
some plastic surgery?
Moe: Plastic surgery, eh? Maybe they could dynamite Mount
Crapmore here [indicates his face] and carve me a new
kisser.
Carl: Oh, I don't know. Plastic surgery might make you look
good on the outside, but you still might feel bad in the
inside.
Moe: But I'd look good on the outside, right?
Carl: Yeah, but you'd feel bad inside.
Moe: Plastic surgery it is! Carl Carlson, you just saved my
life.

**Darunia** · 11-12-2005, 02:22 AM

Homer: And you didn't think I'd make any money. I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus.
Marge: While you were out "earning" that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going to work. The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woo hoo! Four-day weekend!

- Lisa's Rival -

**Simpsons Forever!** · 11-12-2005, 10:33 AM

Homer: "Marge isn't here, she had to identify a body at the morgue.

Marge: That's not my Uncle Lou - and this man's not dead!
Hans Moleman: That's what I've been trying to tell you."

-Children Of A Lesser Clod

**lindsay** · 11-12-2005, 11:49 AM

Homer: The bee bite my bottom! Now my bottom's big!

**Gatorgod** · 11-12-2005, 12:02 PM

Homer: Stamps Rule!... I mean Suck!

**nekatz** · 11-12-2005, 07:18 PM

From Lisa the Beauty Queen:
Lisa: I'm hideous. I can't think of a good thing to do.
Marge: How about a good story: There was an ugly duckling who...
Lisa: Do you think I'm ugly?
Marge: No.

**Talking Pie** · 11-12-2005, 10:53 PM

King-Size Homer

Homer: I was going to surprise you, but what the heck: honey, I'm
purposely gaining 61 pounds to get on disability!
Marge: [gasps] Have you lost your mind? Have you thought about your
health...or your appearance?
Homer: Oh. So that's it, isn't it, Marge? Looks. I didn't know you
were so shallow.
Marge: Oh, please. I would love you if you weighed 1000 pounds, but --
Homer: Beautiful. Good night.
[Quickly turns off light.]

**Simpsons Forever!** · 11-13-2005, 02:20 AM

Robert Goulet: "Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager.
Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up!
Robert Goulet: Vera said that?!"
-$pringfield

**Talking Pie** · 11-13-2005, 10:47 PM

Homer The Smithers

[Homer and his family enjoy a huge "Thank You" basket]
Bart: What did you get that for?
Homer: For knocking Mr. Burns out of a 3rd story window.
Bart: Makes sense to me.
Lisa: Did he die?
Homer: What am I, a doctor?

**The Foot** · 11-14-2005, 01:52 PM

Clinton: Thank you, Lisa, for teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson. If things don't go your way keep complaining until your dreams come true.
Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson.
Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.

**Talking Pie** · 11-15-2005, 07:55 PM

Rosebud
Homer: I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.
Bart: Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please don't deny the world
your fat can.
Homer: Don't worry, boy, he'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
Lisa: I knew it.

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