Quote of the Day Thread

[Lizard Queen]

Homer : The bee bit my bottom. Now my bottoms' big.

[Talking Pie]

Sideshow Bob Roberts

It's election day. Homer steps behind the curtain in front of a voting
booth.

Homer: [looks at ballot information] Hmm...I don't agree with his Bart-
killing policy, but I do approve of his Selma-killing policy.
[votes for Bob]
Krusty: Well, he framed me for armed robbery, but man, I'm aching for
that upper-class tax cut. [votes for Bob]

[Simpsons Forever!]

"It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV!"
-Homer, Mr. Plow

[Terrier Williger]

"Marge, you know, I thought I was Springfield's Wing Ding King, but you make my chicken look like cock-a-diddly-doo-doo." - Ned Flanders

[Lizard Queen]

Malibu Stacy : "Don't ask me, I'm just a girl..."

[Nameless]

Grampa: "And that's why your no-good kids are running wild!"
[He is pointing at Lisa, studying quietly]

[Dr. Bartley]

Thugs: We're from Acme Amusement Rental. We're looking for Principal Skinner.
Skinner: Uh, yes, we all are. Oooooh.

[Simpsons Forever!]

Mayor Quimby: "We will now hear suggestions for the dispersement of the two million dollars.
Lisa: Don't you mean three million dollars?
Mayor Quimby: Uhh...of course. How silly of me..."
-Marge vs. The Monorail

[Talking Pie]

Radioactive Man

Bart: Hey, Milhouse. I want you to know that I'm glad at least one of
us got the part.
[Milhouse explodes]
Bart: Milhouse! [a leg lands in front of him]
I didn't do it...I didn't do it! I wished him well.
[his head lands in Bart's arms] Aah!
Man: Stupid dummy wasn't supposed to explode yet!
Bart: [sighs] There's the _real_ Milhouse.
[Milhouse rides a bike across a road]
[a truck plows into him; its door opens and an X-ray machine
falls out, pointing right at his head]
Bart: [gasps] Milhouse! [runs up] Hey, you're not Milhouse.
[it's the Estonian midget from 1F16]
Midget: No, I'm just Milhouse when he gets hurt. [groans]

[Dr. Bartley]

Burns' horse gallops off, but Burns doesn't manage to stay in the saddle, instead
getting dragged back and forth along the ground.
Mr. Burns: We did twenty takes, and that was the best one.

[Darunia]

Homer: "So, Mr. Molloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person who was trying to catch him."
Skinner: "How ironic."

- Homer The Vigilante

[Talking Pie]

Team Homer

Homer: Let me set the scene for you, Marge.
Marge: All right.
Homer: It's a 7-10 split.
Marge: Uh huh?
Homer: The hardest shot in bowling. It was all up to me --
Marge: Oh!
Homer: -- so I got up all my courage. Right away, my lips started to
move, and I came up with the chant that won the match!
Marge: Who knocked down the pins?
Homer: [annoyed] I don't know. You know, some guy, er...Otto, I guess.
Marge: Good for him!
Homer: Yes, but -- Marge, you're not -- you're missing the point! The
individual doesn't matter. It was a team effort, and I was the
one who came up with the whole team idea...me!
Marge: I can't believe Otto picked up a 7-10 split -- he's phenomenal!
Homer: But --
Marge: Wow!

[Non-Conformist Man]

"homer, are you making money with grease?"
"no, im making it with wise planning and investments. OF COURSE IM USING GREASE!" or something like that

[Dr. Bartley]

Smithers: Mr. Simpson, are you listening?
[Homer eats an orange]
Smithers: Simpson?!
Homer: Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny.
Moe: Oh, you were not! You were just eating a damn orange.
Homer: Well, yes, yes, to the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange. But to the eye that has brains, I'm making a point about marriage! For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...then the sweet, sweet innards...
[devours it]
Apu: I don't understand...?
Groundskeeper Willie: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I would have taken the orange-eating class!
[in the orange-eating class]
Hans Moleman: The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marriage.
Grampa: Just eat the damn oranges!

[Terrier Williger]

"That was 'Kung Fu Fighting'. Say, speaking of one-trick ponies,whatever happened to that 'I didn't do it' kid?" - Marty

[Talking Pie]

A Fish Called Selma

As Troy misses the point, Selma feels an urge to smoke a cigarette.
However, she merely has the time to light one before everyone around
looks at her in disgust.

Man: Excuse me, I ordered a Zima, not emphysema...
Server: Please, don't smoke in our restaurant; we don't serve
contemporary Californian cuisine in your lungs...

[Simpsons Forever!]

Homer: "I press this button and the door opens like magic!"
Pepe: Why does it stop there?
Homer: Because it's a...STUPID PIECE OF JUNK!"
-Brother From The Same Planet

[Darunia]

Gun Shop Owner: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Homer: Oh, I don't need anything like that... [paranoid]...yet.

The Cartridge Family

[Hi Rupert]

From The Twisted World of Marge Simpson

Disco Stu: Did you know Disco sales went up 700% percent for the year ending 1978? If this trend continues...heyyyyyyyy... *puts shoes with dead fish in the platforms on the desk*
Homer: Your fish are dead.
Disco Stu: I know, I can't get them out

[Talking Pie]

Bart After Dark

Ned: Homer? I'm as permissive as the next parent, I mean, just
yesterday I let Todd buy some red-hots with a cartoon devil on
the box, but you can't possibly think it's appropriate for your
ten-year-old son to work in a burlesque house!
Homer: Oh, no? Well, if Homer Simpson wants his ten-year-old son working in
a burlesque house, then Homer Simpson's ten-year-old son is going to
work in a burlesque house! That...
[his visitors walk away, revealing Marge]
Ha-ha-ha... Hi! Now, Marge, you're gonna hear a lot of crazy
talk about Bart working in a burlesque house...

[Semaj]

(Bart holds on to Laura's spit)

Lisa: "Dad, make Bart wash his hand."

[Talking Pie]

Homer To The Max

Homer: Wow. They captured my personality perfectly! Did you see
the way Daddy caught that bullet?
Lisa: That's not really you, Dad, he's just a fictional character
who happens to have the same name.
Homer: [long pause] Don't confuse Daddy, Lisa.
Marge: Homer, it's just a coincidence. Like that guy named Anthony
Michael Hall who stole your car stereo?
Bart: Right ... coincidence.

[Terrier Williger]

"Marge, we're missing the chili. Less artsy, more fartsy." - Homer

[Talking Pie]

Bart Star

Marge: He's going to need, uh... you know, protection.
Guy: Sure... one helmet coming up.
Marge: I was thinking more of... protection... down there (points down).
Guy: Oh, why didn't you say so? Kneepads. You got it.
Marge: [very nervouse laugh] I'm talking about his [muffling] personal area.
Guy: Ah ha. Say no more. I read you loud and clear. The old shoulderpads.
Marge: Look... I wanna cup.
Guy: Cup? Could you spell that?
Marge: C-U-P. I wanna C-U... oh my God!

[Miss Springfield]

Homer: Say I wanted that dip over there...
Monty B: Why! You'd have to get up!

[Gatorgod]

@@@@ :-) Marge: When I asked you if that look alike dummy of yourself was for faking your own death with,.... You Said NO!

[Simpsons Forever!]

Homer: "Marge - in a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane."
-Thank God, It's Doomsday

[Talking Pie]

Girly Edition

Marge: Oh, my! Look at all these letters from people who want to be
"Bart's People", Bart!
Bart: I wish they all could be "Bart's People", Mom. I truly do.
Marge: I'm proud of you, honey. You're finally giving something back to
the community after taking so, so much!
Bart: Hm. Really makes you think.
Lisa: What does that even mean?! Mom might not see through you, but I do!
You don't care about any of these people.
Bart: Well, if I'm guilty of anything, maybe it's caring too much. I'm
Bart Simpson.
Lisa: Stop talking like that, stop it!!

[SimpsonByte]

GRAMPA: *thinking* Hey. I feel all tingly inside...I'm in love! No wait, it's a stroke.

(Cut to a scene where an ambulance drives along, sirens on...)

GRAMPA: (from inside the ambulance) NO! IT IS LOVE!

The ambulance stops, and the wardens push Grampa's trolley out.

GRAMPA: I'm in loooooove!

[Talking Pie]

Missionary: Impossible

Homer: Oh, how's the TV reception here? Excellent, or ...
Q'Toktok: [wondering] Tee ... vee?
Homer: You don't have TV? But what will I watch when I'm
sitting on the couch?
Ak: [slowly] Couch?
Homer: No couches either? Oh, man, I need a beer.
[Q'Toktok and Ak just stare at each other]
[Homer collapses to the ground]
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
Natives: [imitating and collapsing like Homer] Oh, God! Oh,
God! Oh, God! Oh, God!