Quote of the Day Thread

[Prune Tracy]

"Wait a minute, Marge. I saw Mrs. Doubtfire. This is a man in drag!"

[Lionheart]

Which popular Simpsons characters have died in the past year?

If you said Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr. Marvin Monroe, you are wrong. They were never popular.

[Malaise Forever]

"Moe Moe Moe! How do you like me? How do you like me? Moe Moe Moe! Why don't you like me? Nobody likes me!"

[Lionel Hutz]

Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

ALOHA MOE

[Sinister Burns]

Bart: You were talking about... how you got out of jury duty.
Homer: Oh, yeah. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

[Knightboat]

You'll receive a booklet with the most commonly asked questions you will hear including, 'who are you?' and 'what are you doing here?'

[zach]

uhg, you're not going to like our 'NYPD Shoe' sketch, it's pretty much the same thing.

[Lionel Hutz]

Narrator: ..and now it's time for another episode of "The Big Ear Family"
Krusty; Honey, I'm home! Wow, I've got wax in my ear, better clean 'em! (Picks up huge Q-tip) Huh! Huh!
(scattered coughs)
Ugghhh, this goes on for twelve more minutes.

[Sinister Burns]

"Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish in the eyes of others."
"Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent."
"I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other."

[Mozy]

Krusty's Assistant: George Carlin on line.
Krusty the Clown: Yeah? Lawsuit? Oh, come on. My "Seven Words You Can't Say on TV" bit was entirely different from your "Seven Words You Can't Say on TV" bit. So I'm a thief, am I? Well, EXCUUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEE!
[hangs up]
Krusty the Clown: Give him ten grand.
Krusty's Assistant: Steve Martin on four.
Krusty the Clown: Ten grand.

[zach]

was it a nice hat?

[zach]

oh yeah.

[Knightboat]

The movie is about a killer robot driving instructor that goes back in time for some reason. His friend is a talking pie.

[I'm not Mike Reiss]

Enough of your borax poindexter! A man's life is at stake, we need action.

[zach]

whoa whoa, slow down egghead.

[Lionheart]

Burns: Find the bathroom all right?
Homer: Uh...yeah.

[Lionel Hutz]

Oh no, Beta!

[Sinister Burns]

Burns: Say, I wonder if this Homer Nixon is any relation.
Smithers: Unlikely, sir, they spell and pronounce their name differently.

[Knightboat]

Ow! My bones are so brittle. But I always drink plenty of... malk?

[Lionel Hutz]

It's recess everywhere but in his heart.

[Lionheart]

Bart: Hey, guys? Just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.
Homer: [scoffs] That's no reason to block the TV.

I forgot how good this episode was.

[Sinister Burns]

Lisa: The Southern Hemisphere is made up of everything below the equa--
*Bart stares blankly*
...this line.
Bart: So, down there in, say, Argentina, or Rand McNally, the water runs backwards?
Lisa: Uh-huh. In fact, in Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.
Bart: Cool!

[Mozy]

Marge: California is wine country. We could take a tour.
Homer: And it's the perfect time, I just got fired again.

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

I traveled the world and the seven seas
I AM WATCHING YOU THROUGH A CAMERA

[Knightboat]

They say he carved it himself... from a bigger spoon.

[Sinister Burns]

By all medical logic, steam should be shooting out his ears.
His ears if we're lucky!

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

Hey, pal. That’s my head shot up there next to the pepper steak, and don’t you forget it.

[Lionheart]

Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting.
Homer: But I'm using my whole ass.

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

You know the problem here is water leakage, if you just buy a 50 cent washer.
I have a better idea, get the hell out!
Look, I've got some washers in my truck, I'll give you one.
Marge...get my gun.