Quote of the Day Thread

[Sinister Burns]

And then I said to the President, "Get this!"

[Christopher the Chef]

"My legs hurt."

[Lionel Hutz]

Grampa: What the hell are you two doing?
Barney: it's called rocking out.
Homer: You wouldn't understand Dad. You're not "with it".
Grampa: I used to be "with it", but then they changed what "it" was. Now what I'm "with" isn't "it", and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.

[Mozy]

Crazy Cat Lady: (calm) Thanks to this medication I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.
Marge: Those are Reese's Pieces.
Crazy Cat Lady: (goes crazy)

[Christopher the Chef]

But people will see me paired up with a doofus. You have no idea what that's like.

[Bartesque]

Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No, he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant!
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.

[Lionel Hutz]

Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these back-door shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is No.

[zach]

now why do they call this a 'urine monkey'...i...oooh, just found out.

[Oh, that's raspberry!]

"Baboons to the left of me. Baboons to the right. The speeding locomotive tore through a sea of inhuman fangs. A pair of the great apes rose up at me but -- bam, bam! -- I sent them flying like two hairy footballs. A third came screaming at me! [imitates hissing baboon][quietly resolved] ... and that's when I got mad."

[Lionel Hutz]

Find the bathroom all right?
Uhh..Yeahhhh

[Financial Panther]

"Now Homer, I know what you're thinking, and I want to take the pressure off. It doesn't take a whiz to know that you're looking out for number one. Well, listen to me and you'll make a big splash very soon."

[parklife]

i've been calling her crandell

[Mozy]

Operator: [Homer tries to dial the phone] The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand please mash the key pad with your palm now.

[Lionel Hutz]

Mr. Burns: OK, lets make this sporting Leonard. If you can tell me why I shouldn't fire you without using the letter e, you can keep your job.
Lenny: Ummm OK um, I'm a good..work..guy-
Mr. Burns: You're fired.
Lenny: But I didn't say!
Mr. Burns: You will.
Lenny: EEEEEEEEE!

[zach]

Restaurant Review?...no. Eatery Evaluation?...no. Food Box: Go or No Go by Homer...no...Earl...no...Bill Simpson.

[Bartesque]

Homer: Being a cop husband is one mighty sweet deal! This police radio entertains me with other people's miseries, we get a free funeral for Marge (God forbid), and I can run background checks on whomever I want! -Mohammar.
Moe: Homer, please! Please, ixnay on the ohammar-May.

[Oh, that's raspberry!]

"I can't see through metal, KENT!"

[Sinister Burns]

Marge: How's your father's project coming along?
Bart: I think he's almost done.

Yeah, he's done.

[Financial Panther]

"All right, Gil's gonna collect big from insurance! I'll be eating food tonight!"

[Prune Tracy]

"Homer, we have to ration the water carefully! It's our only hope!"
"Oh pardon me Mr. Let's Ration Everything, but what do you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem, 'Water, water everywhere, so let's all have a drink'?"

[Lionheart]

Homer: Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life.

[Lionel Hutz]

Lisa: I think it's great you're a teacher, Dad. So, will you be lecturing from a standardized text, or using the more Socratic method of interactive class participation?
Homer: Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher.

[Financial Panther]

Max Power!
He's the man
With the name you'd love to tooooooouuuch!
But you musn't tooooooooouuuch!
His name sounds good in your ear
But when you say it
You mustn't fear
Because his name
Can be said
By anyooonnne!

[zach]

i once stole my dad's hat...haha....that was a 2-part episode.

[Christopher the Chef]

That's the kind of faucet I want for your bathroom.

[parklife]

rdrr

[Prune Tracy]

"It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever."

[Lionel Hutz]

Principal Skinner: Willie, go into the vent and get him.
Groundskeeper Willie: What! Have you gone waxy in your beester? I cannot fit in tha' wee vent, you croquet playing mint muncher!
Principal Skinner: Grease yourself up and go in you..you guff speaking work slacker!
Groundskeeper Willie: Ooooh, good comeback.

[Homer Defined]

Cookie Kwan: Hi, Marge! Stay off the west side!

and...

Cookie Kwan: Are you guys talking about the west side!
Gil: No, Cookie! I'm scared of you!