Quote of the Day Thread

[Company Picnic]

See, I think about weird stuff. Like, what would happen if E.T. and Mr. T had a baby? Heh, well, you'd get Mr. E.T. And you know, I think he'd sound a little something like this: "I pity the fool who doesn't phooone hooome."
*audience laughter*

Homer: Ooooh, I wouldn't want to be Mr. T right now.

[Oh, that's raspberry!]

Ned: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party.
Homer: No Flanders its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.

[zach]

*Marge* homer, do you ever think about the future?
*Homer* you mean like will apes be our masters?

[Homer Defined]

Power off Einstein.

[Lionel Hutz]

Coma Survivor: Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?
Kent Brockman: No, she won an Oscar, and he's a congressman.
Coma Survivor: Good Night. (flatlines)

[Sinister Burns]

*hic* Kill me. *hic* Kill me.

[Bartesque]

Wiggum: Well, well, look who's here, Mr. No Bribe. Sure we'll help ya, just sit down and wait for Detective LikeIGiveADamn!
Homer: Thank you so much!
Lisa: Dad!
Homer: Honey, daddy's waiting for the detective.

[Lionel Hutz]

Wiggum: Hate to ruin your fun boys, but I've got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: And how!
Wiggum: I'd hate to have to close you down. Maybe we can reach an understanding.
Homer: I understand
Bart: Uhh Dad, I think he wants-
Homer: Not right now son, Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Wiggum: Eh, let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?
Homer: No, he's Bart
Wiggum: Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, Ok.
Homer: OK.
Wiggum: What I'm really looking for (wink), is Mr. Bribe (wink wink)
Homer: It's a ring toss game
Wiggum: OK, that's it I'm shutting this game down.

[Mozy]

Lisa: I like him. He's smart, he's sensitive, he's clearly not obsessed with his physical appearance...
Homer: [walking by] My ears are burning.
Lisa: Uh, I wasn't talking about you, Dad.
Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
Marge: Mmm...

[zach]

........i'm sorry, i wasn't listening, i was lost in your eyes.

[Oh, that's raspberry!]

Now ya know what ya hafta do, burn the house down! BURN 'EM ALL!!!

[zach]

........to the Simpson-Mobile!

[parklife]

no deal, mccutcheon, that moon money is mine

[Lionel Hutz]

Bono: The man's talking about waste management. That affects the whole damn planet.
The Edge: Aah here we go. What do you say we slip out to Moe's for a pint?
Adam Clayton: Can I come?
The Edge: No.
Adam Clayton: Wankers.

[King-Size Homer]

Wiggum: "What's that floating mask? You want me to shoot everyone?"

[Bartesque]

Lou: Sign's floating away, chief.

[zach]

shut out everything but the sound of my criticism.

[Christopher the Chef]

Homer, I can honestly say that was the best episode of Impy & Chimpy I've ever seen.

[zach]

..................well, I do have this robotic prostate.......but you can't see it!............oh you can.

[parklife]

the ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't

[zach]

.......what about a robot with a human brain?

[Lionel Hutz]

Now there's a Machiavellian countenance. Ooh, a sextet of ale.

[Sinister Burns]

Cecil, no civilized society in history has ever considered Chief Hydrological Engineer a calling.

[zach]

............my question is about the budget, sir.

[zach]

why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou

[Lionel Hutz]

Guy 1: We're out of subliminally slim.
Guy 2: Eh, just send the vocabulary builder.
Guy 1: Here ya go fatso.

[Bartesque]

Burns: You, Strawberry, hit a home run!
Strawberry: Ok, skip!

Burns: Hehehe, I told him to do that!
Smithers: Brilliant strategy, sir.

[parklife]

one for martin

two for martin

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

No! No! YOU'RE TWISTING MY WORDS.

[Lionel Hutz]

Homer: If you don't start making more sense, wer're going to put you in a home.
Grampa: you already put me in a home.
Homer: Then we'll put you in that crooked home we saw on 60 Minutes.
Grampa: I'll be good.