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Jimbo Jones: [about Homer] I hear that guy's ass has it's own congressman!
Bart Simpson: I wash myself with a rag on a stick.
Homer Simpson: [takes cap out of dryer and puts it on his head] Mmmmm... I CAN feel three types of softness.
Lisa Simpson: [from upstairs] Dad, what are you doing down there?
Homer Simpson: Washing my fat guy's hat honey!
Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.
I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
You panicked, but you didn't lose your cool.
"Now, look, boy. If your da goes ga-ga, you just use that…shin of yours to call me, and I’ll come a-runnin’. But don’t be readin’ my mind between 4 and 5. That’s Willie’s time!"
-Groundskeeper Willie, “Treehouse of Horror V”
Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex, Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex
"What the hell are you smiling at?"
That quote reminded me of Lenny's "This is the worst day of my life"
"Did you see the way Ameile was looking at Mindy? Ha ho, I think something's going on there."
Since Homer's Enemy has practically made it(Hurt and Heal S8), I will dedicate this classic scene to the losers.
Grimes: How do you do. Uh, look Homer, I'm, I'm late for my night job at the foundry so if you don't mind telling m--
Good Heavens! This is a palace! H-How can, how in the world can you afford to live in a house like this, Simpson?
Homer: I dunno. Don't ask me how the economy works.
Grimes: Yeah, but look at the size of this place! I -- I live in a single room above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley.
Grimes: I'm sorry, isn't that ...
Homer: Yes, that's me, and the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford.
And this is when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins. Oh! And here's a picture of me in outer space.
Grimes: You? Went into outer space? You?
Homer: Sure. You've never been? Would you like to see my Grammy award?
Grimes: No! I wouldn't! God, I've had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it?
This briefcase and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance?
Grimes: Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factory! Fancy clothes and .. lobsters for dinner.
And do you deserve any of it? No!
Homer: What are you saying?
Grimes: I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. Heh, if you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
Bart: He's got you there, dad.
Grimes: You're a fraud. A total fraud.
[to Marge and the kids] It was nice meeting you
"I'm peeing on the seat! Give me a raise!"
Favourite/least favourite by seasons that I own (somewhat stolen from Financial Panther):
3 - Dog of Death/When Flanders Failed 4 - Lisa's First Word/So it's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show 5 - Secrets of a Successful Marriage/Bart's Inner Child 6 - And Maggie Makes Three/Another Simpsons Clip Show 7 - Marge Be Not Proud/Bart the Fink 8 - Homer's Phobia/The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase 9 - King of the Hill/Trash of the Titans 10 - Wild Barts Can't Be Broken/Maximum Homerdrive
"Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, like Englishmen and Scotts, or Welshmen and Scotts, or Japanese and Scotts, or Scotts and Scotts! Damn Scotts! They ruined Scotland!"
"You Scotts sure are contentious people."
"You just made an enemy for life!"
"I'll get us out of this honey. It's just going to take a whole lot of flooring."
so i says to mabel, i says
Kirk: I sleep in a racing car, do you?
Homer: I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
Troy McClure: "Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!"
"I believe it was a boaking accident."
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
Awwww isn't that cute, a baby driving a car, and look theres a dog driving a bus.
- So Superintendent Chalmers can vouch for your whereabouts?
- Oh, yes... But anything else he tells you is a filthy lie.
"Be careful when we capture him! We cannot claim the reward unless we have 51% of the carcass!"
Homer: So I gave the guy directions, even though I didn't know the way. Because that's the kind of guy I am this week.
Marge, it's making my eyes better. And it's legal. I could walk up to the President and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face, and he'd just have to sit there groovin' on it!
Oh, you think this stolen "H" is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl!
Alcohol increases your capability to drive... FALSE? Oh man!
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Lisa: Is it my imagination or is TV getting worse?
Homer: Ehh, it's about the same. Uh oh! Look out, Smithers!
Heh heh, I love this show.
Lousy Smarch weather
(The weather where I am sucks right now)
"Damn TV, you've ruined my imagination. Just like you've ruined my ability to -- to, um...uh...oh well. Da HAHAHAHA!
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