Quote of the Day Thread

[Dr. Bartley]

Cyndi Lauper finishes singing at the Isotopes Stadium.
Conroy: Thank you, Cyndi Lauper! Just to remind you, folks, we do have a baseball game today.
Some of the audience members, who had been leaving the stadium, sit
back down again, saying, "Oh, right, heh."

[sung]

Today's special: Homer's special obsessiveness on Moe
from 'Flaming Moe's'

Homer: [mumbling] Moe... Moe... Moe...
Marge: Bart, are you going to mow the lawn today?
Bart: Okay, but you promised me mo' money.
Marge: I mo, I mo.
Homer: [mumbling] Moe... Moe... Moe...
Lisa: When Bart's done, can we mo to the moe-vies? There's a moe-tinee.
Marge: Of course! All work and mo play makes Moe a moe moe.
Bart: Moe moe moe moe moe?
Marge: Moe moe moe.
Lisa: Moe moe-moe-moe-moe moe.
Bart: Moe-moe-moe moe.
Maggie: [removes her pacifier] Moe.

[Rest your giant head]

Bart: Go Apple!
Nelson: Go Orange!
Ralph: Go Banana!

[Henrik P]

Heh ^.

Carl: According to the map, the cabin should be right here.
Lenny: Hey, maybe there is no cabin. Maybe it's one of them metaphorical things.
Carl: Oh yeah, yeah... Like maybe the cabin is the place inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.
Lenny: Oh! ...Nah, they said there would be sandwiches.

[Dr. Bartley]

[Maggie offers Mr. Burns his bear (Bobo)]
Burns: For me? Bobo? Smithers, I'm so happy. Something amazing has happened, I'm actually happy. Take a note! [resolute] From now on, I'm only going to be good and kind to everyone.
Smithers: I'm sorry sir, I don't have a pencil.
Burns: Ehh, don't worry, I'm sure I'll remember it.

[Rest your giant head]

"Eat my short stories" - Bart

[Dr. Bartley]

Apu: Oh! Manjula has begun to ovulate. [gets up and leaves quickly]
Homer: Ew, thanks for sharing.
[Apu drives home; we see his car pass in front of the Kwik-E-Mart]
Homer: [yelling after Apu] More than I wanted to know!

[Henrik P]

Bart: Well if your souls real where is it?
Milhouse: It's kinda in here... and when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape. Saying god bless you crams it back in. And when you die, it squirms out and flies away!
Bart: What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean.
Milhouse: Oh, it can swim, it's even got wheels, incase you die in the desert and have to drive to the cemetary.

[Soundwave]

Homer

"Bart,me and Lisa are going out for some gelato,we'd ask you to come but......y'know "

[The Real Brian McGee]

"Yuo could use this potato, its kinda big"
"Mom, why do you always offer us potatoes?"
"I dont know I just think theyre neat"

[Dr. Bartley]

Pierce: You know, Marge is quite a remarkable woman.
Homer: Yeah, she's cool.
Pierce: You're certainly a lucky man to have her.
Homer: Lucky, schmucky! I knocked her up. But, she's stuck now -- we're married till death do us part, but if I died, she'd be completely free, for man *or* machine. [chuckles and leaves]
Pierce: [chuckles] Machine, eh?
Homer: [returns] Yep, a machine!

[Rest your giant head]

- Goodbye,Sherry Bobins.
- Thanks for everything!
- Solong,superman!

[Henrik P]

Homer: Hey boy! Wanna play catch?
Bart: No thanks dad.
Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.
Grandpa Simpson: I'll play catch with you!
Homer: Go home.

[xplosive]

(from my mother, the carjacker)
Government agent: Most people write letters to movie stars. This Simpson guy writes to movies.
"Dear Die Hard, You rock. Especially when that guy was on the roof. P.S.: Do you know Mad Max?"

[The Real Brian McGee]

"Marge Marge, the dolls trying to kill me and the toaster has been laughing at me!"

[Henrik P]

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

[Rest your giant head]

Lisa: May I have that seat?
Comic Book Guy: Yes..IF... you can answer me these questions three! Question the first...
Lisa: Nevermind...

[Good Moleman To Robert]

Smithers: Sir, I've arranged for the people of Australia to join hands tonight and spell out your name with candles. There's a satellite hookup on that monitor if you'll just turn your head slightly.
Burns: Bah, no time. Next!

[HobNob]

Lisa: Wow, a secret staircase. But what do you do if someone wants a non-alcoholic beer?
Apu: You know, it's never come up.

[Henrik P]

Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

[Dr. Bartley]

Marge: Homer, I've made a special surprise just for you!
Homer: It can only be one thing.
[imagines a roast pig suggesting Homer eat his rump]
Marge: [hands Homer oatmeal] Here you go.
Homer: What the hell is this?
Marge: Nice, healthy oatmeal.
Homer: [sarcastic] Ooh, oatmeal, what a delightful treat! Aw, there's a bug in it.
[dumps the oatmeal in the sink]
Marge: No there isn't.
Homer: Trust me.
[starts eating bacon]
Bart: Dad, there's a bug on that.
Homer: Naah.
[keeps on eating]

[Rest your giant head]

LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!

[Charlie]

Tut-tut-tut...so many swears.

[Henrik P]

Troy McClure: Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!

[HobNob]

"if you are reading this, you have no life"

[Good Moleman To Robert]

Pilot: And this control stick is like the handlebars on your tricycle. Now, would you like to see where we hang our coats?
Bart: No thank you. I'd rather push this button.
Pilot: No!
(in the main cabin, oxygen masks descend from the overhead compartments)
Homer: Aagh! We're all going to die!

[Soundwave]

Homer

"precious venus....uhhh. ....thank you.

[Soundwave]

Bart vs Australia

"that's it lad.....this is for the Commonwealth of Australia "

[The Real Brian McGee]

"... screamville"
"ooh.. Ice creamville"
"no its screamville"
"aggh!!!"

[xplosive]

Homer: [fearful] So...are you going to say something nice now?
Abe: Well I hadn't thought that far ahead. Oh, OK, here it goes: I'm not sorry I had you, son. I was always proud...that you weren't a short man.
Homer: Aw, Dad! [hugs]

haha that's one of my favorites, ever.