Fave Quotes

[DAntae]

Homer: No offense Apu but when they we're passing out religions you must've been out taking a wizz.

some lady: No man who speaks German can be evil.

Bart: Who'd want to hurt me i'm this century's Dennis the Menace.


just some good ones, more to come
end transmission

[Homer_man]

most of the ones homer says.

[The Brain]

Lisa: "By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps Tigers away"
Homer: "Well how does it work?"
Lisa: "It doesn't work"
Homer: "Uh-huh"
Lisa: "Its just a stupid rock"
Homer: "Uh-huh"
Lisa: "But I don't see any Tigers around here, do you?"
Homer: ".... Lisa I want to buy your rock!"

Homer: "Let the Bears pay the Bear tax, I pay the Homer tax!"
Lisa: "That's the Home Owner Tax"

Grampa: "This story starts in the old Country, I forget which one exactly"

Marge buying the Pretzel Franchise:

Marge: "Don't forget fat people, they can't stop eating!"
Homer in the Background: "Ooo, Pretzels"

Homer: "That does it, if I'm gunna be stuck inside all day I gotta go out and buy some beer"

Homer: "Now to fall gracefully through the windshield"

Cult member: "It is a great day, we should thank the leader"
Homer: "Who the hell is that, some kind of leader?"

Homer: "Homer no function beer well without"
Cult member: "Would you rather have beer, or complete and utter contentment?"
Homer: "What kind of beer?"

Cult members: "Na na na na na na na na leader, Na na na na na na na na leader, leader, leader.."
Homer: "Batman!, I mean Leader!"

[mother shabubu]

ringo starr: hi homer, i'm ringo starr.
homer: oh my god! oh my god! where did you get that brownie?

[mother shabubu]

when homer abducts the children in "children of a lesse clod" and kent brockman asks ernie pie in the sky if the children are all right and ernie says:

"i can't see through metal, kent!"

i don't know why, but i think that's hilarious.

[Vitamin R]

And....

Homer: Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that bulding-thingie where our beds and T.V. is.

[albertimus prime]

Stop ! You guys are killing me ! Oh, it's almost 5 o'clock ! The Simpsons are almost on ! Gotta Go !

[Helper Monkey]

Marge: You know, Homer, it's funny: your father and my mother are both very lonely...
Homer: Hee hee hee! That is funny.

[Helper Monkey]

From the first season:

**SIREN SOUNDS**
Homer: Is that good?
RV Salesman: Ever known a siren to be good, Simpson?

[The Brain]

Lady: "He has the soul of a poet"
Barney: "Your very kind"
Lady: "Excuse me, did something crawl down your throat and die?"
Barney: "It didn't die"

Marge: "I'd like to become a police officer"
Wiggum: "Welcome aboard!"

Marge: "There's to much police corruption, I quit"
Wiggum: "Sorry to see you go"

Marge: "How are we going to get my Homie back?"
Willie: "I kidnap 'em for $100, deprogram 'em for $200 and I'll kill 'em for $500"
Marge: "No just the first two"
Willie: "Allright I'll throw in the killin' for free"

[DAntae]

some more great ones

Krusty: Hey yutz! Guns aren't toys! They're for family protection, hunting down dangerous or delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face.

Homer: Sheesh. Your the most paranoid family i've ever been associated with.

Homer: I don't know Marge, trying is the first step towards failure.

Homer: I never apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry that's just the way I am.

end transmissio

[tabbycat742]

Hi

Well, this isn't so much a quote, but from Whacking Day...

"I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!" It was hilarous to see him as a devil dancing around Good Homer's grave. Funniest scene ever.

From Selma's Choice, thinking "Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman." Then he says, "Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good."

From Burns' Heir: "Hello Mr....Kurns? I bad want...money now. Me sick."
Then Homer says something like "Oooh, he card read good."
From the same episode , Homer says something like "Are you going to release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths, so when they bark, they shoot bees at you??? Well, do your worst..."

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."

"Mmm... 64 slices of American cheese..." Personally, my favorite mmm... quote.

"Look Marge, you don't know what it's like--I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!"

I'm trying to narrow down my fav. quotes list to a lean 5000, but it's hard

~Sara :lisa:

[The Brain]

Captain Tennille: "I'm a man of few words...... Any questions?"

CBG: "Now make like my pants and split."

Rex Banner: "Are You the Beer Baron?"
CBG: "Yes but only by night, by day I am a mild mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper"
Rex Banner: "Don't crack wise with me tubby"
CBG: "Tubby? Oh yes Tubby"

Wiggum: "Mr. Simpson, you're under arrest for the murder of Moe Szyslak and Apu Nahasa.....pasa.....Aw just Moe."

Wiggum: "I see you have a tail light out there."
Homer: "Where?"
Wiggum: Homer: "One day us innocent citizens are going to stand up to you crooked cops."
Wiggum: "Oh no, really, have they set a date?"

Wiggum: "Boy, I tell ya, they only come out at night, or in this case, the daytime."

Frink: "Oh my great good God, gentlemen your attention please. I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life form. It's 80 meters long and its heading this way. Oh good gleiben It's on my shoe. It's a.. a small frog, just get off, get off, get off, get off. Stupid machine! Oh wait a minute this isn't the monsterometer, it's the frog exaggerator."

Bart to teacher in crowd: "I heard that Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute"
Another Teacher to Krabappel: "Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute purple monkey dishwasher"

[leaderbean]

Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man in a gumdrop house on Lollipop lane!
oh, by the way that was sarcasim.
Marge: well, duh.

[Jillian]

In "Much Apu About Nothing" Homer makes a speech at the picnic table:

"If I could just say a few words...I'd be a better public speaker!" Then Barts starts cracking up, and no one else reacts.

When I graduated from high school, I got to speak at our Baccalaureate (a ceremony similar to and a few days before Commencement). Well my fellow speakers and I got some practice time at the mike with my principal and other school dignitaries sitting in the back of the room. When it was my turn, I got up to the mike and said that quote...well...let's just say I got some funny looks and no laughs...but I thought it was funny!

[Tirefire]

Some Good Ones Off Hand:

1 - The one in my signature.

2 - Hobo:
"Today you can find apples in everything that's good:
Apple Wine
Apple Whiskey
Apple Schnapps
Apple Martinis uh...
Snapple With "Vodkey" in it
Apple Nail Polish Remover."

Lisa:
"Don't forget applesauce."

Hobo:
"Yeah... I suppose you could... grind some pills into it."

3 - Lionel Hutz: "I move for a bad court thingy."
Judge Snyder: "You mean a mis-trial?"
Lionel Hutz: "Yeah! That's why you're the judge and
I'm the law-talkin guy."
Judge Snyder: "The lawyer."
Lionel Hutz: "Right."

[thewisteron]

Man(frusterated): OK, Homer... When I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and stamp on your foot, you say "Hi." OK?!? HELLO MR. THOMPSON! (stamp, stamp)
Homer(whispering): I think he's talking to you.

I love it when Homer whispers.

[SuperShaneSpear]

McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? ...That's the joke.
-------------------
Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
Marge: Are you going to eat it?
Homer: [pause] Yes.
-------------------
Flanders: Heaven must be easier to get into than Arizona State!
-------------------
Apu: Is it me or does your plans always have some horrid web of lies?
Homer: It's you.
-------------------
Homer: Abraca-thumbra!
Cletus: Haha! Dang. You could be one of dem TV magic queers!
-------------------
Kent Brockman: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers
to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
Professor: Mmm, yes I would, Kent.
--------------------
Homer: Right about here I realize something's wrong. Yup, there I go. [rolling down the cliff] Then came the rocks -- jagged rocks, hitting me with their jags.

[thewisteron]

This is a classic. And I am sure that the site managers would agree:

Homer:"Urge to kill....fading...fading...RISING.....fading....gone.

Some other good ones:

Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.....
Grampa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a cheat, a communist, but he is not a porn star!!

Bart:I'd give anything to go to that show!
Homer:I'd give my firstborn son.
Bart:Hey!!!!
Homer:You'll do as you're told.

The post above has a good quote too....."then came the jagged rocks, hitting me with their jags."

[thewisteron]

One more to the above:

Homer telling Lisa how to get rid of Ralph:"Six words Lisa--I'm not gay, but I'll learn."

[The Brain]

Homer: "I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

Homer falls off the roof hanging Xmas lights-

Bart: "Good one Dad"

SSB: "Ah Bart, the spirited little scamp who thrice thwarted my evil schemes and sent me to this dank urine soaked hell hole"
Parole Guy: "We object to the term 'Urine soaked hell hole' when you could have said Pee pee soaked heck hole"
SSB: "Cheerfully withdrawn"

Marge: "Bart... I'm going to get you..... some ice cream at the store since I'm saving so much money on Diet Cola!"

Ned: "Say your prayers, Simpson....!!!! Because the schools can't force you like they should"

Edna: "You're going to be my murder victim... BART! In our school production of Lizzy Borden, starring Martin Prince as Lizzy!"

Homer Yells: BART YA WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO
BED!?"
Bart: "Aaaaaah!"
Homer: "Come on! Let me fix you a brownie while they're still hot!"
Bart: "Dad, I'm kinda edgy right now! I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and clenching the Butcher knife!"
Homer: "Why!? Oh... right... the Sideshow Bob thing! I'm sorry, boy!"

Homer Yells: "BART YA WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY
MASK!!!?"
Bart: "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

[Richiewhiteboy]

"Now I have four children. You will be called stitch-face."

[Richiewhiteboy]

"Oh Lord, please guide this cinder block..."

[Richiewhiteboy]

"How did you kids get past Gary Coleman"

Bart: "Let's just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy."

[The Brain]

Skinner: "In spite of you recent service to the school, I've decided to be lenient in your punishment, 400 days detention!"
Bart: "400 days, I could do that standing on my head"
Skinner: "All right then, 500 days"
Bart: "Ooo big man"
Skinner: "600"
Bart: "Maybe I'll just shut my big mouth"

[Anything Slim]

Marge: "Homer, I don't think women will appreciate being shot in the face."
Homer: "Women will like what I tell them to like!"


AND


Homer: "Well, Scooby-Doo can Doo-Doo, but Jimmy Carter is smarter."

[thewisteron]

Agnes Skinner(while waiting in line): Seymour, I am getting tired. Tell them we are going next!!

Seymour: Well I am not Principal of the line mother.

Agnes Skinner(In a menacing voice): And you never will be.

[The Brain]

Sideshow Bob: "Just the thought of all that raw surging power makes me wonder why the hell I should care"

[blinkie@3eyes]

'Jesus must be spinning in his grave' - Barney

And I don't know if this is exactly quoted but 'My wife is not a doobie to be passed around' - Homer as he rescues Marge from the bikers.

[zaius86]

"Years of working in a nuclear power plant has left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner."
-Mr. Burns

---

"Yarr, I'm not attractive."
-Sea Captain Horatio McAllister

---

Lionel Hutz: "Well, we lost the case. Here's your free pizza."
Marge: "But we won!"
Lionel Hutz: "That's okay, the box is empty!"

---

Lionel Hutz: "Oh no, we drew Judge Snyder. He's had it in for me ever since I accidently ran over his dog."
Marge: "Did you really?"
Lionel Hutz: "Well, replace the word 'accidently' with, 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with....'son'.