Lee : Graining?
Eric : Lee, I told you you're not welcome here no more. We're taking your favorite song out of the juke box.
Lee : "It's Raining Men"?
Eric : Yeah, not no more it ain't. *throws the album outside, the album hits nate*
Nate : Agh, my eyes! The goggles do nothing! *looks at the album* Ooooh...

I would FIRE anyone you was holding me back! Then cancel that carpy Futurerama! - steve

Eric : Hey.....you've got it all wrong man, I ain't holding you back.....it's Thano, I swear!
Thano : I cn sapells.
Phonics Guy : Huked on Fonix werked 4 mee!
Lee : You two? Let's bee friends!
Mike : Mmmm...carp.

The same thing I do every day.... try to take over the world! Oh, wait, wrong cartoon. Umm... sit around and draw stuff I guess. What's his wife like? And it wasn't Kermit, it was Sam the Eagle! SAM THE EAGLE! - Graham Dawson

Pinky : NARF!
The Brain : Quiet you!

Wow, what a stupid question. Well, I'm going to answer it anyways. If I were Matt Gorening for a day I would start the day by brushing my teeth with milkshakes, then I would write and episode where all the chrarcters say "***k You" to each other. Then I would pick up twenty prostitues off the street and tell them to kill somebody I really hate. - Jack Stanton

Eric : Having a bad day, Jack?
Thano : Prostitutes can brighten up the worst days.
Mike : That's Thano's answer to everything.
Adam : Even If I asked Thano what his name was, he'd answer that....

If I was Matt Groening for a day I would go out and by a vibrator and use it while looking at pictures of Lee nude all day. - rsg2@cornell.edu

Thano : Uhh...
Lee : Ride me.
Adam : Holy hell...
Thano : I'm outta here.
Mike : Wait a minute...that's not mud....that's not mud!!!!!!! Oh wait, yes it is.

Hmm drink lots of booze.... possibly screw around with the viewers heads a lil ... im thinkin along the lines of throughn a total fork in the road. Per say Homer becomes a total Bitch Magnet, losing tones of weight get this Mad 6 pak(for u idiots not beer but AB's!!!! he got abs of steel program hehehe) But with homers becoming fit, marge becomes a total fat bitch and homer leaves her ass with barny ... DAMN wouldnt that TOTALY ***K WITH UR HEAD IF UR A FREQUENT SIMPSONS WATCHER!! anyways that would be one eposide after i became sober again i think id put things bak in track(well if there is a track on the simpsons) This Is From Dumani DaDa Supreme Inc. LOL (thano u know who this is??) - -l-SoUl_AsSAsSIn-l-

Thano : Cara?
-l-SoUl_AsSAsSIn-l- : No Thano, I'm not your girlfriend.
Thano : Eric?
Eric : Wrong again.
Thano : Lee?
Lee : I love men.
Thano : I think I'll be going now...
Adam : -poot-

I would donate all my money to the needy. The starving will finally be able to eat good, nourishing food. The homeless will have a roof above their heads. Doctors will get better funding so they may soon find a cure to all the world's deadliest diseases. We must set a better tomorrow for our children, for you see, I believe that they are our future. We must teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they posess inside. Give them a sense of pride. ...I think there was something in this organic juice. - space coyote

Cheech : Yeah man!
Chong : Yeah man!

I'd let everybody have a Simpsons Web page on the Internet without fear of C&D's. Also promote more Simpsons merchandising. - Debbo D.

Eric : God bless you.
Thano : Praise the lord.
Reverend Jesse Farwell : Teletubbies are gay!
Thano : Shut up, Jesse.

I would go to the fox studios and fire all of the Fox excecutives and then hire Lee to take their jobs, we need more gays in the Fox community! - Maddie C.

Thano : Hahha... it's funny cause it's true.
Mike : All of em? Who would pay for episodes? Who would produce and animate them. Think about it!
Adam : Or you could tell the executives to run around with undies on their heads... sorry.. just finished reading Lee's diary.

take all my money and put it into Scorpio's bank account. then id kill a bunch of people while riding an elephant, hire some prostitutes, get wasted and move to the tcheck republic. - Scorpio

Eric : A lot of people sure do mention elephants. What would happen if we took down that picture of the elephant on the main page?
Thano : There would be riots, and all hell would break loose. Leave the elephant alone for he is sacred.
Lee : I once got humped by an elephant.
Mike : And its name was Nate.
Everyone : *walks away*
Adam : A better idea would be to put a nude photo of Lee on the toilet being humped by that Elephant called Nate.... wait *walks away like everybody else*

first, three words: Hookers, Hookers, Hookers. Maybe some good clean psychedelics, and of course, hours of prayer and celebration at the scotchgard-shaped altar...of the BOOGNISH. - Dr. Rock

Thano : Someone must draw a picture, and create a visual of the Boognish. Send it here.
Mike : I hear what the rock is saying.
Thano : It's "Smell what the Rock is cooking," freak.

I think I would draw the simpsons. :-) - Christof "The Webmaster of The Simpsons Premium" Flachsmann

Adam : You have the intelligence of a rock on steroids. I know from experience.
The Rock : The Rock does not take steroids, jabroni! *hits Adam over the head with a lamp*
Thano : That's... great... Eric, please call security.
Eric : I wish I could, but Lee got stuck in the toilet again. This could take awhile.
*in the bathroom*
Lee : I lost my wallet.

Oh i dont know. But surely ill go mad with power steal a small plane hoped up on frutopia("Brewed by hippies distributed by a heartless coperation")crash land on a islamd and being force to wrestle 30 midgets then winning and the people of the island becoming my servants. Or just sleep till noon. Either one is fine with me - Socko!!!

Thano : Midget tossing is cool, and fun for the whole family.
Lee : I agree. Midgets suck ass.
Mini-Me : You're so dead! *attacks Lee, throws him out the window*
Lee : Oww, my back hurts and my butt hurts....I have two owwies.

Make a simpsons show about wrestling, and have The Rock on it, jabroni! - The Hundaddy

The Rock : The Rock has had enough of making appearances in this roody poo "Just D'oh It" section. If you make the Rock come back again, the Rock WILL layeth the smacketh down, on your candy ass!
Thano : Shut up Rock, before I stunner your ass.
Mike : Mmmmm....candy.
Adam : I'd pull out the rock on steroids joke again but nobody laughed the first time.
The Rock : *rock bottom on Adam*

If I were Matt Groening, I would make the show be in Arkansas and Bart would be a cross-dresser in Arkansas and then I would make a charector name Jonny and he would be a cactus in my backyard...I have no further questions and I'm goin back into my hole in the ground. Bye-Bye - Shawn "Who's Your Daddy?" Johnson

Eric : Throw him in the hole!
Thano : Eric's a cross-dresser.
Eric : I knew Eric McKeon was into that sort of thing.

Change my name to Matt GROINing.. heh, heh, heh.. - Esa Eslami

Thano : Haha... no.
Eric : But the ball! His groin! It works on so many levels!

Lemme see...first I would improve the Simpsons, write for the Simpsons, draw for the Simpsons, then go home, watch the Simpsons, and have beautiful relations with my wife under the Simpsons sheets... - Pops Freshenmeyer

Thano : What kinda relations?
Mike : Like between a man and his dog, right?
Adam : /\ Isn't that the relationship Lee has?

make a simpson episode where Fry (from futerama) Takes homers place, and then make a futerama epsisod with homer in it!!! - Scott

Thano : That'd be real cool... except Futurama is brutal. =)
Mike : Wait....what show is Fry from?
Adam : Futerama... cool.

First, I would buy tons of Simpsons stuff, and then send it to my address. (My real address, on whatever street I live on, in whatever town this is, in whatever state this is, in whatever country this is.) Afterwards, I would autograph a picture of the Simpsons and send it to the above address. Next, I would copy some (read: all) of the original Simpsons episodes and Tracey Ullman shorts, and send them to that address. Now, I would write down some ideas for episodes I want to see, and send them to the writers, and of course, the above address. Now, I'd go out and get drunk, wander back home, and collapse on the couch, letting the real Matt Groening wake up with the hangover. - Daniel "Kwyjibo Contest" Gordon

Smithers : Wait, that was all a dream. Ohhh, then maybe I haven't become a hideous drunken wreck and......ohhhhhh. *coughs up cigarette butts*

Have sex with myself. - Mike Neuman

Thano : Grand idea.

Run around acting like a giraffe. I would love to see his co-workers reactions the next day. - Nooz "The goggles do nothing" McNoozHead

Thano : What sound would a giraffe make anyway?
Mike : Moo.
Blue : Ruff!
Adam : Oink.

I would go around asking people this question. "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" Then I would go home and swim through dollar bills in my money vault. - What a Silly Bunt

Mike : That moon money is mine!
Adam : I'd be a tree with a face painted on it.

well, after i fired all of foxes retarded lawyers and after i signed some sort of contract that insured simpsons to be on for a while, i'd go to my mansion and sleep on a pile of money with many beutiful women - Pat (male)

Thano : I think that you should kill the lawyers instead of just fire them. For some methods, refer to the 1st Just D'oh It.
Eric : Don't encourage them.
Adam : Refer to the 1st "Just D'oh It".
Lee : Refer to the 1st "Just D'oh It".
Blue : Ruff!

I would make a new Simpson episode one after another. Afterwards I would make my own cool web page about the Simpsons and make cool games. And give Jill Nichols Virtual Springfield because that's her favorite show and books of her choice of the Simpsons.Then I would make more new episodes. Then I would go to bed for the rest of the day. - Jill Nichols

Thano : On a pile of money, with prostitutes, and/or Eric?
Eric : Either way is good.
Mike : Lemme get her number.....brb.

If I could be Matt Groening for a day, I'd pull some hot celebs. - Hari "the the" Wierny

Thano : Pull?
Eric : Crumpets?
Mike : Crack?
Adam : Pop Tarts?
Lee : Do me?

First of all I'd fire all of those idiot lawyers, no offence, then I'd.... um, go home and go to sleep?? - Chris Jean-Louis

Thano : Like I said to the other one... do more than just fire them.
Mike : Yeah, let Bob Barker neuter them! Protect the lawyer population, get your lawyers spayed or neutered.
Adam : Barker? Isn't that what dogs do?
Blue : Ruff!

I would make a Simpsons movie, and then take all the money from it, and buy some cheese. With the cheese, I would give it to some cheese wanting animal. Then I would make some great Simpsons episodes, and have them all the same jokes. Then people would write me some bad mail. With the mail I would make it the next few episodes, and then make some more Simpsons episodes. Then I'd make some third graders draw the next episodes. Then I'd probaby lay down for a while. - Dave

Thano : I remember 3rd grade... that when you learn to use cursive writing, and the times table. I still haven't mastered that damn time tables thing.
Barney : 2 + 2 is 4, 2 + 2 is 4.
Eric : Heh heh heh...I see why this is so funny.
Barney : *Belch*

I would go out and party all day long. Then after I would get laid about 50 times, I would go to a basketball game and run through the game naked just like Homer did (but not in a basketball game). After I would be bailed from jail, I would create another Simpsons episode all about the life history of Maggie (since noboby ever talks about her). That would be my day as Matt Groening. - King Igor

Mike : Only 50? Lightweight.
Adam : Simpsons episodes aren't made in a day.

i would drink my self stupid. - NIN_Girl90

Thano : That's always nice.
Lee : Oh yeah? Well that makes two of us.
Mike : Heh, why do you gotta be Matt to do that?
Adam : Because Matt has a beard...

I would take a private jet to New York and go on a shopping spree, using gold coins with my own picture engraved on them for money. I would buy a pirate's outfit, a sword and a megaphone and I would run around the city doing various things like: jumping onto the hoods of taxis while laughing heartily, stealing candy from children, attacking pigeons with my sword, telling complete strangers to "walk the plank!" , jaywalking, and drinking tea with socialites and then attacking them with my sword. At the end of the day I would rent the best room at a fancy hotel and spend the entire night writing " No whiskey and no ciggarettes make Matt go crazy!" all over the walls with a red crayon. - Luke F.

Thano : I think Eric does something similar, but he uses a diaper and calls himself "Captain Baby".
Eric : *diaper blows away, runs after it* Come back diaper, come back!
Adam : *Catches Diaper and Eats it*
Mike : And will be sued for plagerism by Tom Green.

I would go and tell the idiots in animation and scripting/story boards to actually do something that is ....gasp..... creative and or funny. And ill be snobby enough to have matt groening put in the corner for a whole epicode. - Karn Schumacher

Thano : You try writing an episode. =P
Adam : You try thinking of something to write here.

i would burn down all the major tv networks buildings down and make all of then into ASATT (all Simopsons all the time). - brent

Thano : You sir, are a genius.
Mike : If they are burned down, how will you even put the "Simopsons" on them?
Adam : He told me to burn things.

If I were Matt Groening, I would invite Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Pamela Anderson, and all of his other hot Hollywood friends, to a night of laughter and fun, using my millions of dollars to buy nice things for them, like alcohol or a small country. I would then build a huge resort full of real-life dinosaurs, which is a completely unique idea, in no way related to that movie based on a certain movie by Steven Spielbergo's American Equivalent. - Frank Lasik

Thano : I call the Bahamas!
Mike : There are much hotter chicks then Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox.
Jukka : Jennifer Aniston was in my dream. She was a mama.
Eric : Down boy.

Alienate myself from the world. Grow a beard and write a manifesto. - Peter Harris

Mike : Mani-who-sto?

I would take over the world, and make all the dancing bears wear underwear. OOH and I would go to the ballet (you know, with the bear in the little car). - Smilin' "Don't You Hate Pants?" Joe Fission

Lee : That's it! I've had it with you people! I'm going to Clown College!
Eric : I don't think anyone expected him to say that.
Mike : I did.
Adam : Me three.

If I were Matt Groening for a day I would make a new Simpson episode where Marge was pregnant by Homer again, but this time she had another son named Adam. - Tasha Bowers

Eric : ....Keep your girlfriend away from Just D'oh It, Adam.

If I was Matt groening Id take advantage of what i have. MONEY and POWER. I would use my money to buy lots of scotch, and get drunk, and buy an african endangered rhino. Then using my power, i would mess around with the cartoons to make them into an episode of cartoon porn. Now thats the life. - Michael Richards

Thano : Power is too be earned... by your sister... or something.
Mike : Sounds like somthing that would come from Kramer.

I'd paint a frowny face on my butt, and wear his glasses on my buttocks. I'd walk around the streets signing autographs with a pen hanging out my ass. I'd sit down, and plan out cells for my new Simpsons episode with my ass, and I'd eat a whole Lasagne.... then shit it out of my mouth when I'm finished. And then when I need to go to the toilet, I'd do a handstand on the seat. After that, I'd go home to my ex-wife, get her to kiss me, and have hot sex all night long. Boognish! Thano Rules the Universe. Eric does too, Lee's just...... Lee. Now for the last time, where's me Elephant? - Adam Wolf

Adam : Who the sexy bitch who wrote this one?
Thano : Maybe next week Adam.... maybe next week.... BOOGNISH!
Mike : But if you sit down with the pen between your cheeks it'll go.......oh that's what you WANT it to do! Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Thano : I officially ban you from any future Just Doh It's...

Bribe him not too end The Simpsons, ever! Then bribe him to release new eps of the simpsons and futurama in the UK, then bribe him to... er... erm... I know turn me into a Futurama character that can time travel to the simpsons era so i can be in both cartoons, yeah... You get the general idea of bribing but I would also get him to show me how to draw cause that would be kinda cool! Jeee whiiiz a serious answer, well there is a first time for everything.... - Dave Wardle

TV Announcer : Coming up next, The Simpsons in the year 3000.
Eric : Uh oh, I smell another cheap cartoon crossover.

I would tell the idiot writers that there are characters other than Homer and that The Simpsons is not called "The Wacky Adventures Of Homer". I'd then tell them to get me a danish. - Peter M

Eric : Gimme that danish! ...Lee didn't touch it, did he?
Peter M : No.
Eric : Good.

The Winner: If I was Matt Groening for a day (read: Saturday), I would sleep in and have a late breakfast or something. Afterwards, I'd probably take my kids to soccer, and then head home and rest for the evening. It's it nice to read a calm, non-perverted response? - Thano

Thano : I win!
Eric : Wait, can you do that? Ah well.....I guess you win by default.
Lee : Woo hoo, de-fault, the two sweetest words in the English language! De-fault, de-fault, de....owwww!
Eric : *hits Lee over the head with a cane, Lee collapses*
Thano : Where'd you get that, anyway?
Eric : Sent away.

Conclusion : A toast to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.