Space Coyote : Hey, that's not an original character; all he did was describe Alan Smithee!
Russ : Hey, give me back my crack!
Thano : Wow, these are awfully disturbing... oh look, here comes more.

Bains, Milhouse's 12-year-old, astranged brother who has been living in Shelbyville with his father who is Dr. Hibbert's long-lost brother. Luanne got knocked up right before the father ran off to pursue his life-long dream of running an adoption agency. Bains likes to burn things and often starts kicking people in the shin when he becomes bored. Milhouse tries to bond with Bain but Bain responds by beating the crap out of him whenever possible. Bain gets into all sorts of crazy trouble hotwiring cars and driving them into buildings, blasting Snoop Dogg at full volume. He doesn't stay on the show for more than a season though because he's eventually put into the Springfield Juvenile Correctional Facility for shooting Eddie the cop in the arm during a highspeed chase after robbing the Kwik-E-Mart. I can't wait to eat that elephant... - Scorpio

Thano : Elephants are yummy.
Eric : Monkeys contain more protein.
Space Coyote : Yes, but human meat is better than any of those.
Russ : A white kid with a black dad...that is sooo '98. (If I have offended anyone, please send all hate-mail to this e-mail address.
Eric : People, people, do not listen to this child of Satan!

what time is it ? who cares what time it is you can take your watch turn it side ways and stick it right up your butt - polite

The Rock : The rock says you better know you role and stop copying the rock, or he'll take his foot, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up, YOUR CANDY ASS!
Mankind : If ya smell what the sock.....is cooking!

Thano : Smithers is gay?!
Eric : **frantic** No more questions!
Space Coyote : Sounds like a practical idea to me.
Russ : If I planned it or it was spontaneous it's none of your business I'm just saying it's none of your business if I planned it or not it could've been spontaneous but it's none of our business, that's all I'm saying it's none of your business if it was planned. Get the mike out of here.
Eric : Ahh you've been all edgy and suspicious ever since I gave you those Pep Pills.

First of all, I don't like this question. It's cheesy, unoriginal. It's a piece of sh*t. But nevertheless, I'll answer it. My character would be called "Stan Domertrapezoid." (see what I get for trying to make the name sound funny ::chuckle::) He'd be slightly mad, but slightly sane. The kind of frog that drinks cheap scotch out of test tubes wiped with a pigskin. He's no less a frog than a man! Why, old Stan "Kermit" Domertrapezoid was the first frog to swim the English channel! Bwahahahahahaha!! (::screws up paper, tosses into waste paper basket::) Oh man. I guess I'm not winning this time. - Hari Wierny

Thano : You got that right!
Space Coyote : Let's roll him up in a carpet and throw him off a bridge!
Russ : Hi Space Coyote. My name is Russ. Hari - you are a strange, twisted kid. But I'm with you on the cheese part. I prefer mozarella.
Eric : Hari, have you been up all night eating cheese?
Hari Wierny : I think I'm blind.

Um.. Is there a cat already? If not, then make one of those.. and um.. like one of those cinnamon things you get at the zoo. I like them. Mmmm... zoo. - Esa Eslami

Thano : Mmmm... cat.
Space Coyote : Would you like fries with that?
Russ : You're talking about a churro. We're not eating a churro! And what are you doing in your underwear? It's only 5:00!

My character would be a Fox executive, who ever he stares at, disapears. - Maddie C.

Thano : Ahahaha.
Space Coyote : Duh...lightswitch?
Russ : Is that a joke? Heh, I get jokes.

My character would be a female. Her name would be Donna. Basically, Homer finds out that he has a twin sister. She's bald, has large assets, and is a hooker from New York City. Her qualities? Ooooh... I'd let you decide that. She COULD have a magic ring that transports her back into the 17th Century. Yes... that would do. - Adam Wolf

Space Coyote : Adam, have you been eating that week-old hoagie again?
Russ : Oh yes! *laughs hysterically* Oh god yes!! *pounds table*
Thano : I think Adam just described Eric's mom.
Eric : Nah, sounds more like Lee's 300 pound momma.
Lee : I resent that!
Eric : Your opinion doesn't count.

It would be me! ANd I'd be evil. Eeeeeeeeeeevil! Not just Mr Burns Evil (© etc), that's too obvious. More like al gore evil. No-one would notice my diabolical acts then. - Graham Dawson

Russ : I believe you're evil, Dawson. You've never answered my icq authorization. *deep stare*
Al Gore : Al Gore is not evil. Al Gore doesn't watch the Simpsons. Al Gore uses viagra.
Man : Mr. Vice President, someone finally bought a copy of your book, sir!
Space Coyote : This calls for a celebration.
Al Gore Doll : You are hearing me talk.
Eric : Heh heh, Graham does look like he could gore.

Themis Terryman, British philosopher. He also likes bananas... - Pops Freshenmeyer

Space Coyote : Heh heh, bananas are funny.
Russ : Philosopher? Pbbft, isn't that Barney's role?
Eric : And I say, England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!

I would have to go with Ted Flanders, Ned's illegimate half-brother. He is exactly like Homer, so naturally, he's always over at the Simpsons' pissing off Ned. Ted turns out to be the bastard child of Ned's beatnik mother, who had an affair with Abe Simpson! Hmmm, that could work. He would look something like "Guy Incognito", and he would constantly be doing things to corrupt Rod and Todd like taking them to strip clubs and Denny's of, of course! I'll let you Supreme Beings who are obviously knowers and seers of all determine Big Ted's catchphrase. - Chris "I think we can trust the president of Cuba" Rodriguez

Space Coyote : He's a communist! Get him!
Russ : Oh god, Denny's? That could make the show X-rated, don't you think? And what's with all these illegitimate brothers and sisters?
Thano : I bet Eric fathers a lot of illigitimate children... with men.
Eric : All right, I may father a lot of illigitimate children, but...what was the last thing you said?

His name would be Eric and he wouldn't be yellow like everyone else, he'd be fuschia and he'd live in the bathroom at Moe's Tavern. His best quality would be that he can suck quarters out of vending machines... with his eyes shut (There's not very many people that can do that). Ok, this is getting pretty lame now, so I'll stop. Now!! - Chris Jean-Louis

Eric : Now, where's me toothpick?
Space Coyote : Wow Eric, you're more popular than I thought.
Russ : We don't need another Eric *shudder*

Simpson? What's this simpson business about? Isn't he that guy from the bible with the long hair? That can jump over buildings with a single bound? Simpson, eh? - Nerf

Thano : I always thought the guy with long hair that could jump over buildings in the bible, was named Frank. I think it's somewhere in the back.
Space Coyote : And he drove around in that blue car.
Russ : Your parents named you NERF? I hope not! Ahahahaha! A football! Ahahaha

Yo. The character I would create would be an old grandma(who is a teacher) And would be nice to everyone else, but Bart. Then she is half bald, and her teeth stick out, too. And then she walks half a mile every morning with a walker, poking everyone. - Val

Space Coyote : Heh heh, poking people is funny.
Russ : 'Sup wit dat 'yo'?

Nerds, nerds, and more nerds. That's what they want!!! Some mix between Martin, Milhouse, and ralph. I mean some jid who wears glasses, wears glasses, and eats garbage all the time. He's got green hair, never swears, and when the teachers tell him how good he is, his dorkish smile pops up just at the right momento. - Val

Thano : Haven't I seen you before?
Eric : Hey, I didn't know you could submit twice.
Space Coyote : Val is the president of the Society for More Nerds on TV.
Russ : So basically they should make a bunch of clones of me...er...Lee?

I would make it PornoKing, a person that makes the simpsons non-cartoonish, and make lisa a 20 year old porn start, bart a girl (21 year old porn star of course), homer would be the cameraman for it, and marge, marge would be Heather Graham. Theyd allll make a porn movie. Mmmmmmmmm....Heather Graham in a porn movie.. - Chris Johnson

Thano : Wait a minute, is that you Eric?!?
Eric : No no no, "PornoKing" was only my nickname in middle school. I've since outgrown that role.
Space Coyote : That's right, and now he's the "PornoGod." Didn't you know that, Thano?
Russ : I knew it...I knew it all too well. *shudder*

I would create this white neighborhood kid who dresses up like a gangster (not the mafia kind) and says homielike sayings such as "Yo what's up with my posse down on the Q-T." - Michael Rubenstein

Space Coyote : What up.
Thano : Word.
Russ : ...dawg...

Ever see that movie Swingers? Damn that movie sucked. Don't tell that to Nate though, or he'll sic his cows on you! - Mike Neuman

Russ : Swingers??? A movie based on a playground I suppose.
Thano : Yeah! Swingers sucks! Remember that part when that guy, and that girl did that stupid thing, in the middle... *Thano trails off because he hasn't seen the movie*
Nate Gilmore : I just realized you all have insulted me. Now you shall die. (pulls out gun)
Space Coyote : Oh, not again...
Eric : Hey Nate, your shoes are untied.
Nate Gilmore : From here they appear to be tied, but I will go in for a closaaahhh look.
(hours pass)
On clossaaah inspection, I'm not even wearing shoes!

Name: Adrian Stoyko Age: Eleven Height, Weight: 4' 8", 83 lbs. Likes: Chess, freedom, video games Dislikes: Checkers, dictatorships, volunteering Hates: Christianity, the movie rating system IQ: 150 Other Info: Smart, but very lazy. Lives at 736 Evergreen Terrace. Thinks everyone should be able to vote. Once played 20 people in chess at once. - Daniel Gordon

Eric : You forgot their underwear size.
Space Coyote : And whether he likes Coke or Pepsi.
John Belushi : Pepsi, Pepsi, no coke. Hamburger, hamburger, cheeseburger.
Eric : Where's the beef?!

Man, I would definetely be Radioactive Man. You know why, cause chicks dig people who are radioactive. I know you think I'm full of crap but it's true, just you watch, I'll be radioactive and be getting all the chicks and you won't be radioactive and you won't be getting any chicks. By the way, "The Lovejoy Files" is lame. - Jack Stanton

Thano : Did you even read the question?
Eric : Jack, Dyslexia for a cure has been found.
Space Coyote : Strange, I don't care about getting chicks.
Lee : Strange indeed. *ponders*
Eric : (whispers) Psst, Lee, Space is a girl.
Lee : Oh...hee hee hee.

It would be a drunken nymphomaniac named Starletta. She would drink some cheap whiskey with a guy then make love to them. She would also walk around town in her bra and panties. Now thats some quality television! - Michael Richards

Space Coyote : What is with all these freaky submissions?
Thano : This has gotten WAAAAAYYY to screwed up for my liking. I'm outta here. *Footsteps, door slams, car drives away*
Eric : What?! Don't leave me with those freaks! .....They're surrounding me now.
(later that night)
I'm cold and there are wolves after me. (howl is heard)
Russ : Eh...I'm not going to even bother.

I would create: (Drum Roll) A CHARACTER!!!! best idea ever!!!!! - Kenneth Cunningham

Thano : Good lord, that has GOT to take the trophy for the most UN-funny thing I have ever heard in my life. My god man, that was pathetic! There's funny and then there's you. All the funny kids step forward, not so fast Kenneth.
Space Coyote : Uh, Ralphie, get off the stage, sweetheart.
Russ : You're a grade-A moron.
Eric : I'll suggest you to the Gong Show, Kenneth. =)

Alicia Vandegard. She would be the one who annoys everyone with quotes and references from pop culture anytime she can. It's not funny, but oh, whatcha gonna do? - Kimberly Watson

Thano : Interesting. At least it wasn't as UN-funny as the comment above. I bet you he was trying to get a laugh too! Let's all mock him!
Space Coyote : Hmm, that sounds like me. Oh well.
Russ : I have to hurry with these replies because Eric'll eat me.

I'd invent a cleaner for the Simpson house. He'd be called Mr. Whitehead and would be gay. Homer and he wouldn't get on because he is always happy and drinks another kind of beer to homer and only drinks half the can (what a waste) he'd be very good looking and Marge's sister would fancy him but of course he wouldn't like them! he'd be nice to the children, happy with a good sense of humour and he'd be very feminine. - Natalie Rondel

Eric : The number of responses talking about gay characters frightens me.
Space Coyote : Ditto.
Russ : I think it's great. The show needs more gay characters...er...is what Eric told me.
Thano : Which brings up an age old question, is a lobotamy a good operation to perform on an infant?
Lee : Huked on fonix werked 4 mee!
Thano : There we have it.

My character would be Chef McGee. He would be a fat italian chef balding at the top with black hair on the sides, similar looking to the one that fed Santa's Little Helper and the other dog spaghetti. He would talk with an italian accent and work at an italian resturant. He would have horrible english and when he talks people get all confused. He wears a chef hat at all times, covering his baldness (well, some of it). And he would work hand in hand with the mafia, as his brother is in it. - Matt Bonyak

Thano : A reader who actually put some thought into his response. Who would've thought?
Space Coyote : I think that character already exists.

I would make a new principal for one episode, Principal Cool. He'd skateboard through the halls,make fun of the teachers over the PA and steal Barts friends. - Joseph Resowski

Thano : Principal Cool? Please, put the crack pipe down...
Space Coyote : Then there'd be a new doctor named Dr. Dude. He'd rollerblade around his office, make fun of all the other doctors, and steal Dr. Hibbert's patients. How's THAT for an idea?

The Winner: I say the Simpsons adopt two sass-mouthed albino twins. They could cause many a laugh with catch-phrases such as "you got it dude" or "you're in big trouble mister". Hey, it could happen! (mcworrrrrld!) - Nate Gilmore

Eric : Dude!
Lee : Err...suck it.
Brian Chen : What's up, babe?
Adam Wolf : G'day.
Al Morgan : Bloody hell!
Russ : Red eyes...ooooh yeah!
Joey Gladstone : I like Rocky and Bowwinkle!
Jesse Katsopulous : I am a Greek like Thano!
Thano : Get the hell away from me.

Conclusion : Catch phrases are annoying.