Thano: I've had sex. Kissing is sex right?
Eric: Nah, I'd say it's when the nipple makes its first appearance.

Becuase they know how crappy their writing usually is...anyway...Thano, I'd like to let you know that you have a small group of female admirers in Iowa.... - chantal

Thano: Excellent. Feel free to send all love letters with nude picture attachments to thano@nohomers.net

Because the movie would have to be filled with giant minitures space hamsters with oogles of oogles of cameos. Also to produce that amount of film LIVE (as we know all movies are live) would be a terrible strain on the animators wrists. Also FOX doesn't have enough time with all the website closings. I would be that anyone of the people on this talented staff know more about the Simpsons then the Fox laywers... or not, you guys seem like idiots. - Walruso

Thano: Do idiots have workers in cages? ::pokes Russ:: I thought not.
Russ Chaney: I can't feel my legs.

in the middle of two colonies, clusters of points, we split the difference. cultural divergence, the nervous and star crossed shot site, back and forth, rendering all townships visible and hideous. he picked out borges, i, vonnegut. how could love infect such seperate and foolish creatures? but there were no questions from us, passionate embraces and lips surround. a womb. we created new life that would soon spill onto the pavement and spread throughout like rain, reign or other infectuous behaviours, no one would be spared. (aside they whispered the beautiful truths of lovers, unbridaled) look...(!) it built up like a simile, tenor the metaphor. embue! like clockwork, the unfriendly reactions poured in. they fed our desire, prodding, annexing. fuck {censor as you see fit-jim} was a word, both conscious and malicious, but more often than not it was only malice. reebellion! yeah, thats what we shouted in the heat of desire. as tempers fed passion, my brother fell. he was in the way, obstacles. overcome, i lay down shouting tears of vengeance, victory. and the dismissed partner, lover contacted me. the mission failed, i went underground. valo(u)r, hono(u)r, it only ignited his heros spirit, as he drew his blade, close, his body tremored with sensations past gorgeous, kiss the steel, kiss the past hello. and i knew he was dead when he hit the ground, face down, planted. a cheap funeral and some cocktail shrimp later, i sat pointless, pacing for ideas of overthrow. viva la romeo! let his fall not be in vain... and that, children, is why fox cantcreate a durn movie :) - lowercasejim

Eric: What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone reading this is now dumber for having done so. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Two Words: Maude Flanders. Who is going to replace that Mahatmama? - Cameron Johnson

Thano: You scare me, sir.

Because they have more important things to do like create stupid shows like Normal, Ohio and Temptation Island. A waste of time if you ask me. - Jerome Jones

Thano: Temptation Island was a piece of television genius. I have pinpointed the reason why none of the couples broke up. Simply because, I was not a single on the island.
"Temptation" Bob Honkisz: I made all the lesbians scream.

All I'll say is that it involves a stuffed monkey and a pool full of red jello. - Superman

Thano: Kinda sounds like what Eric does for fun.
Eric: Only at night.

Razor: Word up to our homies in Cellblock Six...I mean Evergreen Terrace. Once again, we're here to fill your days with happiness and your nights with dreams, although I will say one thing regarding our seeming inability to come up with a winning Just D'oh It submission: I have access to all of your prized possessions, and I won't hesitate to "break in" my new baseball bat (see, it's funny because it has two meanings) if we don't win this time. Ruudboy: Did I just hear a doorbell? Razor: No, you didn't. Ruudboy: Really? Are you sure? Because I could've sworn I heard a... Razor: Listen, why don't you try being quiet for once? This is hard enough without you getting in the way of my creative process. Ruudboy: Your "creative process" involves thinking up new ways to be lazy and unmotivated. Razor: I suppose you're right about that, but it doesn't matter anyway, because this month we're going to take home top honors and finally win ourselves a prize. So what's the question again? Oh, yeah, the movie thing. Well, the shorter and less complicated answer is that FOX knows better than anyone that a full-length "Simpsons" movie would have to be tailored to an exceedingly rigid set of standards, lest it turn out to be nothing more than a glorified 90-minute episode (and probably a pretty poor one at that). Ruudboy: The longer and slightly more complicated answer is that FOX has yet to track down and kidnap an adequate number of Third World children whom they can then place into special "training camps" located all throughout the country of Japan. In these camps, the children will spend anywhere from 10-16 hours a day meticulously learning how to draw and animate each and every character from the show. The reason for this is so that the actual animators can continue working on the show itself and not have to take time out to put together a movie. Razor: In an effort to keep things as cheap as possible, FOX has hired the remnants of a race of super-intelligent, three-armed spider monkeys to train the future animators. As an added bonus, when the show's current writers eventually leave their positions to go work for various women's magazines, the monkeys can take their places and no one will even notice the difference. Ha ha ha! Ruudboy: Uh-oh, we're about to get ourselves into big trouble with a lot of people. We've been there before, though, so bring it on! From what we hear, FOX only expects the learning process for these children to take about seven or eight months, which means we can look forward to seeing a "Simpsons" movie in theaters around the end of 2001. Razor: There you have it, boys...the real reason that FOX has taken as long as they have to get this thing started. I sure feel sorry for all those Third World kids, but I hope they'll do a good job on the animation, despite the fact that FOX is planning to "dispose" of them as soon as they've outlived their usefulness. Just like Ruudboy's girlfriend did to him. Ruudboy: Hey, for your information, I've never even had a girlfriend. So there! - Razor and Ruudboy

Thano: What do you say Cleo, they gonna win?
Cleo the Tarot Reader: Da cards say dat mah done know what'a 'appen to you, and joo gotta know, oh no! QUEEN OF 'ARTS! Ja know what dat mean!
Thano: I'm speechless.

Ah! You didn't make me win the last Just D'oh it! (Springfield Lawyer Truck pulls up in fromt of Eric's house). Now you'll be sorry! Oh, and Fox is holding up the movie cuz the last time anyone mentioned "Simpsons Movie" thie stocks sky-rocketed and if they ever make one it would be so crap that their stocks will fall and they go bankrupt so then all the fan website webmasters get to rule the world until NATO finds out and sends more lawyers to Eric's house only to find that he has skipped the country and has brought Cuba with the money he's got from this site but won't share with all the other webmasters cuz he's a greedy pig who won't let me win Just D'oh it! That's the longest sentence I've ever written. - MCNY

Thano: Well then, congratulations.

Why it's fan sites like yours that are keeping away a Simpsons movie! Fansites increase intrest in the show, anticipation for a movie rises and then the standard becomes so high that nothing any mortal man can produce will be good enough. Why do you think the Fox lawyers are constantly hounding you guys? It also explains the drop in the quality of the episodes in recent seasons. Once no one cares about the show anymore, then they'll make the movie. I think George Lucas is using a simlar strategy. - JdRavnos

Eric: Aww.... man... guess we should close the site... wait, stop trying to brainwash me.

Tom hanks is playing homer and needs to put on at least 500 pounds before even thinking about trying to act "Homerish", Also there is a shortage of simpson yellow body paint for the actors as the ship carrying the cargo hit an iceburg (Lettuce) and sank. D'oh! - Amy Gee & Steph Jay

Thano: So... you're telling me that in order to gain 500 pounds, Tom Hanks has resorted to eating pounds of lettuce and drinking yellow paint?

Ilove all fox kids cartoons but you need more anime like dragonball z - karim kadri

Thano: You know what, you're right. I'll start a new anime cartoon called 'Werenotfoxforfuckssake' as soon as I can.

Well, for the true story you'll have to look back to 1963. JFK was quickly becoming one of the most popular presidants of all time. However he was shot in the head on September 22, and many young peoples dreams of sleeping with him were shot to hell. While the offical theroy claims that Oswald was a lone nut, it goes much deeper than that, up to the highest reaches of US offices and the FBI director. Unfortunitally for the FBI, a man with a name I cannot spell took a film of the fatal shot and that had to be tampered with. So a young inturn named Mike Scully was sent to doctor up the film. It is beleaved that if a movie would be made, this secreat would leak in the editing, when some frames would last on the screen for over a second. Oh, that and they suck. - Willo

Thano: We've got to stop kids from watching TLC and the History Channel, they're starting to think and learn too much. Quick, Eric, do something!
Eric: Would boobies on our main page help? I think so!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ GLUG GLUG GET DRUNK N NAKED!!!WOOOOOOOO - Allison "You Can't stop the Bumrush"Koombes

Thano: I'm having New Years flashbacks. Stop.

Fox is busy doing Scully. - Ivo

Thano: I... don't get it.
Eric: Which Scully?

ok, lets see...whats the real reason FOX is taking so long to create a Simpsons movie?..hmm...i must come up with a cool, witty, and creative answer, plus, i must ship those 200 boxes of inflatible hammers to Thanos..hehehe... well, heres my answer: Fox is taking so long to create a Simpsons Movie because of one of 4 reasons. 1. Eric is secretly having an affair with the director, causing the movie production to dramatically slow down. 2. their too friggin slow! 3. Lisa, like in the Spinoff Show, (you know, the 3 little Simpsons t.v. spinoffs..that was cool) is refusing to do it, so FOX must come up with a suitable replacement to...replace Lisa. 4. Homer is constan..wait a minute! What?? their making a Simpsons Movie?? no way! *calls his ticket agent to book a seat* yes!! whoo! - Jengi Sythic

Thano: Thanks! The hammers were great! Though, the neighbors stopped thinking it was funny when I rang their doorbell and hit them over the head, after about the 28th time.

i like cheese. cheese tastes good. Ich like queso. Ich gusta cheese. they're not making the movie because they are communist, anarchist bastards. They are also Nazis. - Sir

Thano: That covers three, very different types of government. Well done.

Fox is too busy creating shows that lead me to believe in the de-evolution of mankind. Such as "Marry a Millionaire" and "Temptation Island." It is quite a paradox knowing the best show on TV(the Simpsons) is broadcast on the same station as some of the most disgraceful creations of entertainment. Fox has done nothing to remedy its reputation as the red-headed step child of TV networks. - Eric Oemler

Thano: Well, you just had to go off and ruin the mood, didn't you?

Fox is making a Simpson movie? - Maria S.

Thano: Yes. Send money for your tickets to me.

because groening won't let them, because its the worst idea ever. ummm wait i mean because Mr. Muskrat Billiards, the world-famous obstetrician, won't let them. - bonzar the hunted

Thano: Someone get me a drink.

That thingy...the thingy...ummmm...the thingy where you pay people stuff... y'know... dat thingy...where you pay people stuff...and then they sue you because you're not paying enough... that's fox's problem...they son't pay them enough...of... the thingy... yeah...that's it... they don't pay enough of the thingy...the thingy... y'know... those guys on friends didn't get enough of it...well..I think you know what thingy I'm talking about...I think it starts with..whoa... deja vu...thingy!!! - Bobyn

Thano: You mean drugs?

HADISIA: Ask some Sideshow Bob questions, ne, minna-san? Or I`ll sick my elder half-brother, Robert, on you! Get `em, niisan!!! ROBERT: [Looks down sheepishly] I don`t want any violence, imoutosan...gomen... CECIL: . . . HADISIA: Damn Pisces. [Utters many profanities in Japanese] CECIL: [Smacks HADISIA upside the head and reprimands her in Japanese for her excessise swearing] ROBERT: What was the question again? CECIL&HADISIA: Shut up, niisan! ROBERT: (Meekly) Okay. - Hadisia, Sideshow Bob`s younger half-sister...and the reincarnation of Meiou Setsuna, AKA Sailorpluto!!!

Thano: Remember that drink I asked for? Make it a bottle. Of vodka.

they're worried the cinemas will sue them because of their customers peeing their pants during every screening - andrew

Eric: Roughly 20% of the adult population of Hong Kong claims to wet their pants each night. The more you know.

Simply because Matt Groening has died because of a ingrowing toenail. Fortunately, he has risen again (like all legends) and is now playing kwyjibo-alfapet with Elvis and Che Guevara on Mars. Soon he'll be connecting his laptop to the Internet and then the work with the movie will continue (all this is top secret of course, that's why you haven't heard of it yet). - Robert Andersson

Thano: When we say 'creative and funny' answers, I don't think we mean, 'weird and fucking crazy'. Where's my goddamned drink?
Eric: I needed it more than you.

Raising Frank Grimes, Bea Simmons, 'Bleeding Gums' Murphy, Marvin Monroe, Snowball I, and Maude Flanders from the dead is taking a bit longer than expected. - Greg "Sweet Enola Gay" Lowell

Eric: And the movie can't be made without its star characters.

Ok .... i want my elephant ...... In BBQ sauce Plz ..... they are taking that time because .... um ..... They are ... EEEEvil ..... Reason 1 : The Yellow paint that will be used isnt enough Reason 2 : They are trying to come up with a ood plot Reason 3 : Homer ate the script again Reason 4 : I lIke making lists Reason 5 : ............................... dunno ok ...... now .... the elephant ...... where i could find a oven that big? - Imakuni? Neo

Thano: I remember one time, when I was 5, I was running down my street trying to catch a ball and I fell on my face. That's where I got that scar under my nose. Luckily, it's disappeared over the years.

Lisa Simpson, coming into puberty, has finally realized her attraction towards the same sex. After being exiled from the church by Rev. Lovejoy and the town of Springfield, her and her lover, Kathy run away to a "more forgiving world". Consequently, FOX is unable to create this movie without our beloved pointy haired friend and they wouldn't dare test the morals of the viewers (FOX is full of virtuous morality). - abbie

Thano: "The show isn't about sex, it's about relationships." Said Temptaton Island producers.
"Temptation" Bob Honkisz: I liked the lesbians. And they liked me.

What difference does it make? I wrote two INSPIRED "Just D'oh Its" in the past that apparently didn't compare to the illiterate, unfunny tripe that ultimately got posted on this gay site. - Greg Merrick

Thano: Hah! And I'm not going to post this one either! ... wait. Goddamn.

Excuse me,but elephants are endangered animals,what right do you have to be giving them away through the internet as prizes?Tsk,I think you deserve a good slap on the face and your pet goldfish being flushed down the toilet alive..Wait..that's cruel...I could zap you using the..no..I could send out the flesh-eating..no...IS THERE NO WAY TO PUNISH YOU???? Oh well... The answer to your question: They're to busy supplying you with elephants!!! - Erinn"Homer no function beer well without" Leigh

Thano: Who let the green peace freak in? ::chews on whale meat::

They are too busy running their underground syndicate involving pandas, qtips, and giant foam Bananco bananas. Don't ask any questions, just assume everything is hunky-dory, and continue about your regularly scheduled business. - CarbonFibre Stucco-lab

Eric: What the hell... at least your advice makes sense. Next.

FOX is run by a giant piece of elephant dung. This dung normally works quite well, but after a while it needs to go on vacation to be cleaned. It has not returned from the last vacation so no large decisions can be made. It is rumored that it found an attractive looking pill of mud and the two ran off to zimbabwe. - RHC President Fourhees

Eric: That's one big pile of shit.

Well, I wasn't supposed to say this out loud, since I work for the big F-O-X, but we're taking so long to make a Simpsons movie because we can't decide whether to crush the world like an ant under a soldier's boot, or just to rule it, like dictators. At any rate, this disrespectful chunk of image you call a site will be the first to go. And if you make fun of me, like you do everyone else who visits your site (which isn't REALLY a site), gives you hits, and helps you survive on the Web, I will have you in court for slander. "No, we, uh... we make cookies here! That's right! Mr. Burns old-fashioned, extra-chewy..." - Rob "Thano is my God and Personal Jesus Christ" Santucci

Thano: I love your name.
Eric: And I love you.......er, Jesus Christ.
Thano: *raises an eyebrow at Eric*

THE RAIOACTIVE MONKEY IN FLANDERS ATTIC ATE THE SCRIPT - KEVIN

Thano: OH NO! THAT MEANS THEY"RE GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE A WHOLE NEW ONE!!!1111 STUPID MONKEYS!!11!

Had I known that no one ACTUALLY responds to these questions, but rather babbles on about porn, lesbian sex, and killing FOX's lawyers.... I would have signed on AGES ago! Ah-he-he-he-he-he... goodness me. Well, my mistake.... You guys sound very "Comic Book Guy-esque".... I like it. Shine on you crazy diamonds. - Chesty Lareau

Thano: You win. ::looks at masses:: Shut up, I don't care anymore. ::sips liquor::

It's taking them too long to decide a way to finally put nudity in it tastefully. I say just cut some film with random acts of nudity. Like in Fight Club. I'm still trying to figure out Marge's Bra size. Does anyone else notice that she's flat? (Boobies Good). Maybe that's why you never see ehr wearing an over the shoulder bra? They should also allow Comic Book Store Guy and Moe to have sex. They never get any. How about they do something for the Homosexual and have Comic Book Store Guy and Moe have sex, that way every one is happy, Gay and Straight people both have their sex scenes. Now, what to do about the lesbians of the world? Mmmmm Chocalate covered lesbians... What was the original question again? - Mr. Plow

Thano: Arm the tazers.

whats the real reason your taking so long to create a simpsons movie? - evan

Eric: Set the tazers to stun.

You didn't post my answer at do'h #11. So now i'm sending THREE answers to you. One of them has come up. And if they dosen't, I'll turn you into a zombie, Eric! In fact I'll put a curse on you right now, just to get my revenge. "Ona escorpsiores zombji" After a short while you and all your friends will turn into walking and mindless corpses. Feeling hungry Eric? Bet you are reeeaaly hungry... - Alexander Gustafsson

Eric: Pass me another hunk of Russ Chaney.

one word CONSTIPATED - Mr Bombastic

Eric: You are? We're rooting for yah, buddy.

Well It is a long complicated story, that would take days and days to tell but I will make it short: You see FOX has their heads up their asses, which makes it difficult to control a camera, direct, write scripts, etc. So until they get their heads out, no movie. - Ashley H.

Thano: You'd need more than the jaws of life to do that.

Hell if I know the actual truth. But my opinion is that the good *smirk* people down at FOX have all been abducted by the people of ABC. I don't know why, I don't know how. But it happened. It happened, I tell you. IT HAPPENED! IT HAPPPEEENNNEEDD!!!!....*ahem* Sorry. I have PROBLEMS controlling the VOLUME OF MY voice. Did I mention that I also have tter-e-r-er-ch-k-ch-thck terret syndrome? Oh and by THE WAY I believe that t-kg-ch-kkchakchk-kachak-shikch...SIMPSON...t-chgkak-rochk-ckhack...AARUGH! *falls over, crumping on the ground with a sick thud* - Sean Hallaren

Eric: You think we'd be sued by now since so many fatalities happen during these editions.

Because Bart probably has an addiction to cocaine and Homer and Marge dont know how to respond so they turn to suicide and lisa has to calm them down and she also has to take care of maggie and feed the dog and cat so lisa is probably be the star and maggies prob. gonna say her first word and thinking of what she'll say thats the reason its taking so long. - Christian Hernandez

Thano: I touch myself when I'm lonely.

Drum roll please. *drum roll* the winner is .............. phlipster - phlipster

Eric: The winner is phlipster. .... No, wait!

THE WINNAH: You may think the reason FOX is taking so long is due to complications with production, but not me, for I know the real truth behind this delayed picture fiasco. The answer I found didnt come to me, I came to it. I had to go undercover. I went to the fox studio dressed as a Bozo the Clown bopbag. As you can guess by my disguise, I had no problem fitting in. As I wobbled over to the conference room I discovered the reason for our Movie dilema. Inside the room was a pathetic, troubling, unwholesome array of immages, which I believe have contributed to the delaying of production. I'd like to disperse some names at this point but since I'm making it all up I'll call each person Mr. or Mrs., proceeded by a letter. To begin there was Mr. C. He seemed to be occupied with a chinese finger trap the whole time I was there. The finger trap wasn't the entirety of his problems though, it seemed that Mr. C was in a hurry when he got out of bed and forgot to put on his dockers. Across from Mr. C, was Mrs. L. She had her own set of problems, starting with her balancing act of a filled coffee pot on her nose. As she balanced the coffee pot she tried to pin the tale on the donkey, the donkey being Mr. C. As my eyes rolled off of Mrs. L and toward the back of the room, I noticed Mr. W. He wasn't like the other two multi-baffling employees, he was fixated on one single task. Mr. W must have just seen a Jackie Chan flick because he was attempting to run up the wall. And if there's one word I'd like to put emphasis on in the last sentence it would be attempting. As I veered away from Mr. W, I stumbled upon Mr. T. Yup, you guessed it "I pity the fool", Mr. T, I'm not quite sure why he was there but he was doing the crab walk and lovin it, but then again who wouldn't. Finally, one of the more entertaining moments were of the big FOX guy himself Rupert Murdock. Mr. Murdock was hanging from the cieling fan swinging like a frantic monkey. It was very impressive how natural he could swing from fan blade to fan blade. Occasionally he would come down, only to pound on the conference table and announce,"Me monkey boy, you fear monkey boy", and then go back to swining on the fan. As I left the conference room with a sense of bewilderment, I came to this conclusion. The reason FOX has been taking so long to create a Simpsons movie is becuase its FOX. There's no real reason except for its still a lousy network, and it probably will always be a lousy network. - Ricky D

Eric: Exactly. Plus you added references to Mr. T, Jackie Chan, and Bozo the Clown for bonus points. Well played.

Conclusion: FOX sucks. And drinking heavily while answering our questions is not encouraged. Drink in moderation instead.