I'm still alive, I spent a week in a regional health clinic dedicated to dealing with these issues; here's the armbands I wore while I was there for proof.
I don't know what I'm going to do at this point; everything on the internet seems disinteresting to me and even my main hobby of using the computer is starting to feel lifeless for me. I have been on some meds and they aren't as bad as I thought but
I just realized something.
My voice is instantly recognizable.
And my voice has not developed at all...
When I speak, I fear people will recognize me.
I need the community to answer me this?
Does anything I do on the internet matter?
Does any demerit I earn on the internet matter?
If you knew my past, would you still accept me?
And would things get worse if I reveal myself?
Everywhere I go they're the same people.
So why can't I use the name before.
Because these people know who I am.
Why can't I do what I want to do using an alias.
Why can't I face the fear and use that name?
I know that these are people.
So why can't I do it?
You know what I realized. That fame is only temporary, that you'll never have a certain skillset for a certain amount of time and that everything you have currently could go away in a second. I don't know if it was ever possible to keep this; the name, the respect, the companionship but I know that the limelight isn't exactly reasonable. It seems like whatever I'm going to do today/tomorrow will put all of this in jeopardy; let me just say that this is the closest I'll get to social interaction