So the other day a crazy thing happened.
I'm minding my own business, suffocating some old homeless woman, when all of a sudden the police start inching towards me. They're walking up behind me, their hands poised on their pistols, yelling things like "Stop!" and "I know what you're doing is pretty awesome, but it IS illegal so STOP!" and also "Even though this old homeless woman won't be missed by anybody, we are obligated by our profession to tell you to
Don't. Say. A. Fucking. Word.
EPP. EPP EPP EPP. STOP.
Don't. Mother. Fucking. Say. One. Tiny. Mother. Fucking. Word.
Just...stop. DON'T. QUIET!!!!
For those embarrassingly out of touch, may I remind you I have a blog where I sporadically review Black and White Cookies.
For the first time in 6 months, I have updated it.
HEY. HEY YOU THERE.
Get me that thing, will you?
No, not that thing. The one next to it. No. It's right. Over. Your. Head. Right there. Can you grab it?
JESUS don't break it. Be CAREFUL. It's priceless. Yes I know there's a price on it. But it's priceless. Just...gently...GENTLY bring it over here.
Ah yes. Now place it in my hands. Wonderful. Wonderful. Was that so hard?
Now, please strip.
Jeff Popsburg looked at the mountain.
"Big mountain," he thought. Jeff tightened his laces, adjusted his hat, and walked toward the giant landmark.
BUMP. He walked right into the mountain. "Ow," Jeff exclaimed. He also thought this. "Ow," he thought.
He tried again. SLAM. His face right into the rock. His glasses broke. He tossed them aside. "Free glasses!" he yelled. But nobody answered. "Huh.