1,000 Reasons You Watch too much Simpsons

[Sniper Squirrel]

Simply put, write down humorous snippets about being a fan of the show, and I'd appreciate it if we could actually do it numerically to 1,000, I'll start

1. When you grab something you say "Yoink"

[camelenchilada]

2. You exclaim "D'oh!" when frustrated.

[D DEBBS]

3) When everything goes your way, yell "WOO-HOO!"

[Sniper Squirrel]

4) You go "Ha Ha" when someone you know gets in trouble or messes up

[vinceq]

5) you worship a waffle stuck to the ceiling of your home

[D DEBBS]

6) At one sitting late at night, you can eat 64 individually wrapped slices of processed American cheese...63...62...61...

[Sniper Squirrel]

7) You've once bought 100 tacos for $100

[vinceq]

8) You've carved a spoon from a bigger spoon.

[Wasteland]

9) You join a Simpsons message board, and make a thread titled "1,000 Reasons You Watch too much Simpsons".

[Sniper Squirrel]

10) You've considered naming your first son Bort

[camelenchilada]

11) you find yourself frequently going out for "frosty chocolate milkshakes".

[globalhypermeganet]

You considered changing your name to "Ruttiger"

[vinceq]

13) you drive a pink sedan.

[Sniper Squirrel]

14) You punch anyone who things pit the elder was a better prime minister than lord palmerston

[vinceq]

15) you've had your one chance with Edna Krabappel

[D DEBBS]

16) When you're annoyed with your family, you utter, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room."

[Sniper Squirrel]

17) You've participated in Scotchtoberfest

[D DEBBS]

18) One lone bobby pin holds your towering beehive hairdo.

[Sniper Squirrel]

19) You list "Gladys the Groovy Mule" and "they've came to burgle Carnegie Hall" among your favorite movies

[AngryDad33]

20. You've tryed to grow Tommaco in your backyard.

[D DEBBS]

21) You and your father sell your own brand of love tonic.

[Sniper Squirrel]

22) You still don't quite get why $20 is better than a peanut

[vinceq]

23) You've been appointed "head bee guy"

[moneychair2003]

24) whenever you find a penny on the floor you say "i found a PENNY!"

[D DEBBS]

25) Your first words as a baby "Aye, Carumba!"

[IdRathaHavaBeer]

26) whenever somebody asks you a question you're not sure of you respond with, "Meh"

[D DEBBS]

27) You make prank telephone calls and ask for Ivana Tinkle, Mike Crotch and Hugh Jass.

[Sniper Squirrel]

28) You drive a canonyero

[D DEBBS]

29) If you're a Jewish entertainer, eat and sell pork on your show, and shamelessly endorse shoddy merchandise that has your likeness on it.

[Sniper Squirrel]

30) Whenever you're depressed, you can cheer yourself up by putting a box over your head

[vinceq]

31) You name the afformentioned box Boxxy

[moneychair2003]

you say purple is a fruit

[Sniper Squirrel]

33) You wash yourself with a rag on a stick

[The Real Brian McGee]

34) you want to grow up to be a snooty 19th century shoe shiner

[Sniper Squirrel]

35) you haven't forgiven your mother for having an affair with president taft

[D DEBBS]

36) You have a fish fetish and go to Sea World...A LOT!!!

[vinceq]

37) You have a bone through your hair.

[Sniper Squirrel]

38) Your Senior year slogan was "I can't believe I ate the whole thing"

[vinceq]

39) you've currently got an arm stuck in a vending machine which can be easily unstuck by letting go of the food or beverage.

[Sniper Squirrel]

40) You've actually let Lionel Hutz represent you, with sexy results

[Sniper Squirrel]

41) You say words like "embiggen" and "cromulent"

[vinceq]

42) You do everything the "Max Power way"

[Good Moleman To Robert]

43) You keep your Christmas savings in your hair

[42 Is The Answer]

44) You're only ten, and you've already got two mortal enemies.

[TheForbiddenDonut]

45) You prefer a dollar to eternal happiness.

[Sniper Squirrel]

46) You think Ziggy's gotten too preachy

[vinceq]

47) You keep a couple beers in your toilet.

[Sniper Squirrel]

48) You've been raped by a Panda (Ling Ling wouldn't take no for an answer)

[vinceq]

49) Your parents are freaky beatniks.

[D DEBBS]

50) You use a whisper of MSG in making your pork chops.

[TheForbiddenDonut]

51) You think dancing and prancing should be accompanied by mancing.

[Handsome Peter]

52. You have yellow skin, overbites, and four fingers (well, three fingers and a thumb) on each hand.

[Sniper Squirrel]

53) You drive around looking for Krusty Burger

[D DEBBS]

54) You said to your wife that Ann Landers is a boring old biddy.

[Sniper Squirrel]

55) You try and get your favorite show back on the air, but you're beate to it by someone who looks just like you

[vinceq]

56) You're currently frozen at the local convenience store's ice cream freezer.

[TheForbiddenDonut]

57) You fantasize about the Land of Chocolate

[camelenchilada]

58) you keep liquor in a secret compartment in your Bible.

[Good Moleman To Robert]

59) You keep an old man locked under the floor boards of your tavern

[Sniper Squirrel]

60) You try smuggling Pandas and a whale

[vinceq]

61) you travel to Holland in order to eat some tulips.

[Sniper Squirrel]

62) You official acknowlede the 1st day of the month as new billboard day

[D DEBBS]

63) Your wife has an alien baby, the alien shows up to claim it, and the dispute gets settled on Jerry Springer.

[vinceq]

64) You've ammended an official declaratoion of war in order to legally attack a schoolyard bully.

[D DEBBS]

65) You have a blue crayon up your nose and it has affected your intelligence.

[Sniper Squirrel]

66) once a year you celebrate by beating snakes to death with a stick

[D DEBBS]

67) You keep a strand of red beads in a drawer in case a cat burglar steals them off your neck while you are sleeping.

[Sniper Squirrel]

68) You and 2 of your friends pitched in $100 for a rare comic book, but it got destroyed because you couldn't get along

[TheForbiddenDonut]

69) You forgot to vote for yourself while running for class president

[vinceq]

70) You hath been rode by a pig whilst naked.

[TheForbiddenDonut]

71) You've defiled a sacred parchment.

[Sniper Squirrel]

72) You've caught a 3 eyed fish

[vinceq]

73) You're from Canada and they think you're slow, eh!

[D DEBBS]

74) You have messed up Austrailia's eco system by releashing a bullfrog.

[Sniper Squirrel]

74) You've worked for both an ancient Billionaire and an exentric supervillain

[D DEBBS]

75) You try to block out the sun so everyone will have to rely on nuclear power.

[Sniper Squirrel]

76) You've stolen a colossal donut

[vinceq]

77) You've insulated your home with slurry.

[Dr. Strangelove]

78) You are a criminal genius, yet your plans are constantly foiled by a 10 year old boy.

[Sniper Squirrel]

79) You still sleep with your puppy goo goo doll

[Good Moleman To Robert]

80) You were told you have no fish...but why did you have the bowl?

[Sniper Squirrel]

81) Once you've had fresh huckleberries you can never go back to canned

[TheForbiddenDonut]

82) You've broken into a music number concerning a suit

[Sniper Squirrel]

83) You're still figuring the pickle matrix for your hamburger earmuffs

[camelenchilada]

84) you've cut the head off of your town's founder's memorial statue

[Sniper Squirrel]

85) You sell your best friends soul for alf pogs

[camelenchilada]

86) you sell your own soul for five dollars

[Illbeinmyroom]

87) you like to build furniture and then to have a discussion about where it could be placed in a room.

[camelenchilada]

88) you once tied your friend up to a chair and even considered letting your best friend fall to the ground from a treehouse over a comic book.

[vinceq]

89) You wear coveralls that don't quite cover all.

[Sniper Squirrel]

90) your smellhound gone to heaven because you were playing near the cement mixer

[D DEBBS]

91) You learn French just to get close to a person of the opposite sex, confess after asking said person to an event, get slapped, then tell your best friend that you're going to the aforementioned party.

[Sniper Squirrel]

92) You call several countries below the equator to see which way the toilet flushes

[vinceq]

93) you got in a bar fight with Joe Frazier. Okay, I wouldn't really call it a fight. He whooped you good.

[Peronel]

94. If anyone says "Reaaally?", you continue with "Yes. YES! - But what if I were to shake your hand in this-wise?" and then make huh-wuh-wee noises whilst shaking hands with the air

[mcilroga]

95) You answer the phone: "Yello."

[camelenchilada]

96) you hate your god-fearing, good-two-shoes neighbor who is constantly so annoyingly nice to you.

[mcilroga]

You ask your neighbor to say: "Hi, diddly-ho, neighbor-ino." :D

[camelenchilada]

97) you and your family have recieved electroshock therapy at some point

[TheForbiddenDonut]

98) You call your football stitch-face.

[moneychair2003]

99) you respond to the phone saying "ahoy-hoy"

[camelenchilada]

100) You built your son a robot and sat on a tricycle inside, fighting other robots.

[Sniper Squirrel]

101) You go to an amusement park and almost get killed by robots

[mcilroga]

102) You go to space to eat chips.

[camelenchilada]

103) the inanimate carbon rod is ranked higher than you at the power plant you work at.

[mcilroga]

104) You've inhaled crayons in the past. :yummy:

[camelenchilada]

105) you listen to "welcome to the jungle" by guns n' roses in your mobile home with your kids

[Sniper Squirrel]

106) You've been mistaken for an Iraqi fighter jet

[Sniper Squirrel]

107) You ask your school for chocolate microscopes and double guitars

[D DEBBS]

108) You ask your school for a crystal slop bucket.

[Sniper Squirrel]

109) You accidentally hijack a submarine and your only excuse is "it's my first day"

[Sniper Squirrel]

110) You start an uprising at summer camp

[vinceq]

111) You've been arrested on every continent except for Antarctica thus causing your new goal to "mug a penguin."

[Sniper Squirrel]

112) You've argued in front of every judge in the state, often as a lawyer

[D DEBBS]

113) You fold your last bit of foreign currency into a paper crane, and then it flies away.

[Sniper Squirrel]

114) You get stung by bees and covered in mud, then everyone thinks you're bigfoot

[vinceq]

115) you're car gets forty rods to the hog's head and that's the way you likes it!

[TheForbiddenDonut]

116) You lost your Game Boy while out at sea.

[camelenchilada]

117) you steal sugar from an overturned tractor trailer and keep it in your backyard

[mcilroga]

118) You run up and down the aisles of an airplane screaming: "Let me out, let me out, let me out" over and over again. :D

[Sniper Squirrel]

119) You've been mistaken for the pillsbury doughboy

[camelenchilada]

120) you suggest legalizing gay marriage in your hometown because a few kids scared away one tourist

[Cally]

121) You got depressed because you couldn't say "only straight people have been this house"

[Sniper Squirrel]

122) Your town pays a lot of money for stupid things (monorails, giant escalators,etc)

[camelenchilada]

123) you know your school's xerox code

[Sniper Squirrel]

124) You cause the teachers to go on strike

[vinceq]

125) You can't believe you ate the whole thing.

[D DEBBS]

126)You streaked at your high school's reunion.

[Sniper Squirrel]

127) You want to lead your union to start a lifelong relationship with organized crime

[vinceq]

128) You've stolen an outdated flag from the local library.

[Sniper Squirrel]

129) You stay up all night with a shotgun in fear of the boogey man

[camelenchilada]

130) You force your next door neighbor out of his own protective shelter as a hurricane is coming.

[Sniper Squirrel]

131) Members of your family have such jobs as shooting birds at the airport, running an unsuccessful shrimp company, and manging a jug band

[camelenchilada]

132) You can answer every question in the "Simpsons Jeopardy" board game.

[Sniper Squirrel]

133) You have an extra long revenge list

[D DEBBS]

134) You made a list of things to do before you die (such as tell off the boss, go hang-gliding, listen to your child play the sax, have man-to-man with your son and get imtimit with the missus)

[Sniper Squirrel]

135) You buy a dummy to fake your own death and get out of work

[mcilroga]

136) You run into your son's room and scare the shit out of him by sporting a mask and flailing a chainsaw.

[vinceq]

137) you keep a jar of money in your hair.

[Sniper Squirrel]

138) You constantly step on rakes

[D DEBBS]

139) You have personal checks that have the Hindenburg on them.

[Sniper Squirrel]

140) You base your whole life on the teachings of a self serving jewish clown

[camelenchilada]

141) You have had over 150 different jobs.

[Sniper Squirrel]

142) you wage war on a neighboring town for stealing your lemon tree

[vinceq]

143) You punish bootleggers by catapulting them far, far away.

[Ivan]

144) You try to buy a factory for just $1.

[D DEBBS]

145) You solve all your problems by having a great big bowl of strawberry ice cream.

[vinceq]

146) You vacation at Rancho Relaxo

[D DEBBS]

147) Your daughter's fashion doll informs you that smiling too much causes wrinkles.

[Sniper Squirrel]

148) You upset a coworker to the point that he accidentally electrocudes himself

[D DEBBS]

149) You're a doll maker and your ex won't release his Kung Fu Grip.

[Sniper Squirrel]

150) Your lifelong dreams consist of eating giant sandwhiches, being a contestant on the gong show, and owning the Dallas Cowboys

[vinceq]

151) You own the Denver Broncos.

[mcilroga]

You shout: "STELLAAAA" in the privacy of your own home.

[Sniper Squirrel]

153) You paint portraits of Mr. Burns and Ringo Starr

[D DEBBS]

154) You dread spending the night at your aunts' apartment because you have to rub their feet and eat tongue sandwiches.

[Sniper Squirrel]

155) Your assistant has the world's biggest malibu stacey collection

[vinceq]

156) You hire a mathemagician to entertain at your birthday party.

[Sniper Squirrel]

157) you refer to the radio as the old yak box

[mcilroga]

You lie to your kids about going to Disneyland and then ship them off to Military School.

[vinceq]

159) You take romantic advice from a haunted coin-op love tester.

[D DEBBS]

160) You realized that the dog and cat never got married and are living in sin.

[Sniper Squirrel]

161) You've been shot eight times, almost causing you to miss work

[Sniper Squirrel]

161) You call people old fashioned words like jackanapse, lolligager, and dunderpate

[Sniper Squirrel]

162) You plan on buying an $8 lobster, which you plan on fattening up to an $80 lobster, and eating the profits

[kid_presentable]

163) You have seriously considered tying an onion to your belt.

[Sniper Squirrel]

164) You wax your head in the shine-o ball-o

[vinceq]

165) You've sung "My Ding-a-ling" at a talent competition.

[Sniper Squirrel]

166) Your favorite jukebox song is it's raining men

[D DEBBS]

167) You eat alien goo and you turn into a blob.

[Sniper Squirrel]

168) You killed the original Alfalfa

[vinceq]

169) You've filed a lawsuit against an all-you-can-eat restaurant after they kicked you out for eating all the food in the restaurant.

[Sniper Squirrel]

170) You compare yourself to Jesus as a bowler

[vinceq]

171) You're gay for Moleman

[Sniper Squirrel]

172) You leave a lesbian bar only if it doesn't have a fire escape

[vinceq]

173) you have brown hair, you're wife has blue hair yet all your children have yellow hair.

[Sniper Squirrel]

174) You mistake Leonard Nimoy for one of the Little Rascals

[vinceq]

175) You ran for garbage commissioner of your town.

[D DEBBS]

176) You beat Dexy's Midnight Runners for a Grammy Award.

[mcilroga]

You almost got run over once for wanting free cable.

[Sniper Squirrel]

178) You tried to rescue the wee turtles, but they were too big

[D DEBBS]

179) You dress up as a safty crusading salamander "to win back your daughter's love!"

[Sniper Squirrel]

180) You make the mistake of going in the world's first 2 story outhouse

[D DEBBS]

181) You lie on your adoption application that you're married and have to use your sister's fat, lazy and stupid husband to get the Chinese baby.

[Sniper Squirrel]

182) Your official name is Joe Bohnenkamp-Terwilliger-Hutz-McLure

[mcilroga]

You've opened a left-handed shop before...

But failed. :(

[E.A.R.L]

184) You have fruit races on your school bus

[Sniper Squirrel]

185) You go to funerals expecting there to be funeral fudge

[Sniper Squirrel]

186) You've invented a time machine out of a toster

[vinceq]

187) You fake your own death in order to evade taxes.

[E.A.R.L]

Yuur dream is to ride a unicycle naked

[Sniper Squirrel]

189) you try to start an internet business without actually having a computer

[Sniper Squirrel]

190) you have a "nuke the whales" poster

[Ivan]

191) Almost every sign in town is a humorous parody.

[Sniper Squirrel]

192) You love spending a whole afternoon watching unpredictable mexican sitcoms

[Sniper Squirrel]

193) You've dressed up like Baron von chicken-pants

[vinceq]

194) You like stories.

[Sniper Squirrel]

195) You often say libary and tomorry

[D DEBBS]

196) You go in place of your son and join the Army.

[Sniper Squirrel]

197) You often give the excuse of being at a pornography store

[vinceq]

198) You kissed the teacher.

[Sniper Squirrel]

199) You've had a car named in your honor, and it was a complete flop

[vinceq]

200) You paid a babysitter 8 dollars and a delipitated bird cage for 36 hours of service.

[D DEBBS]

201) During an excavation, you find the remains of an alledged angel, who was, in actuality, a gimmick for a mall.

[Sniper Squirrel]

202) You hate the lousy Smarch weather

[tarflyonthewall]

177. You call your next door neighbors the Flandereseses, and say that they're NOT a bunch of geeks, even though they clearly are.

[Sniper Squirrel]

Let's try and get the numbers right folks

204. You've sold your soul for a donut

[Red Hot Homer Simpson]

205 because my parents arent around and Im not aloud to turn on the stove

[D DEBBS]

206) You yell, "We want Chilly Willy!" at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert.

[Sniper Squirrel]

207) You're parents were lousy beatnicks

[D DEBBS]

208) You hate the post office...and your parents.

[Red Hot Homer Simpson]

209) Because TV Gives So Much And Gets Nothing In Return

[Sniper Squirrel]

210) You envision yourself being giant and covered in gold

[D DEBBS]

211) You want to come back as a butterfly...why? 'Cuz NO ONE SUSPECTS THE BUTTERFLY!!!

[Sniper Squirrel]

212) You wish you had $3 million to make an army of giant robot ants

[Sniper Squirrel]

213) you have a tiny green martian friend named ozmodiar

[vinceq]

214) you voted for the guy who tried to kill your sister-in-law

[SimpsonsFan89]

215) You have been to Krusty's Bar Mitzvah and, as a result, you converted to Judaism.

[Sniper Squirrel]

216) you bet the remainder of your money against the harlem globetrotters

[vinceq]

217) you want a brand new filthy blanket.

[Sniper Squirrel]

218) You use a gun as a can opener and a remote control

[Sniper Squirrel]

219) You trick neighbors into mailing you $1 for eternal happiness

[Sniper Squirrel]

220) You search down a massive hallway in search of a bathroom after having all that beer, coffee, and watermelon

[vinceq]

221) you wear the severed head of a toy bunny rabbit as a lucky charm

[Sniper Squirrel]

222) You enjoy watching people getting hit in the groin with a football

[vinceq]

223) you've never been so happy giving your wife wood.

[Sniper Squirrel]

224) In your house you obey the laws of thermodynamics

[vinceq]

225) you've been sued for impersonating both Charlie Chaplin and Jimmy Durante.

[Sniper Squirrel]

226) You've worn a 15 pound beard of bees to impress the world's oldest woman

[Sniper Squirrel]

227) You've played knifey spoony before

[Sniper Squirrel]

228) You've had yor head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth

[vinceq]

229) You've pondered "Pick a bar, what's that?"

[Sniper Squirrel]

230) you're more interested in a dog with a puffy tail than someone who's your exact double

[D DEBBS]

231) You keep asking Santa for a pony every single year.

[Sniper Squirrel]

232) You consider Alaska and Hawaii freak states

[Sniper Squirrel]

233) You're town mayor wears a giant sash that says mayor

[Sniper Squirrel]

234) You put 100 monkeys in front of 100 typewriters in hope of writing history's greatest novel

[Sniper Squirrel]

235) you understand the simple joy of a monkey knife fight

[Ivan]

236) You try to construct a kite from yourself and your friends in hope of flying home.

[TheForbiddenDonut]

237) You first learned about sex after watching two monkeys doing it at the zoo.

[Sniper Squirrel]

238) you think TS stands for tethered swimming

[D DEBBS]

239) Your best friend gives you a sleeveless vest.

[Sniper Squirrel]

240) You can play a flute that's up your nose

[D DEBBS]

241) You wonder how long Sherbet's Unfinished Symphony is.

[Ivan]

242) You can tell when someone is making chicken noises in their own mind.

[D DEBBS]

243) You threaten to tell your brain to shut up or you'll stab it with a Q-Tip

[Ivan]

242) You threaten your life by going back into the attic just to tell a camera to "visit lisathemovie.com".

[Sniper Squirrel]

245) You think words you would never say

[D DEBBS]

146) You're the saddest girl in grade number two 'cuz your mother gave your last cupcake away and your father belongs in a zo.

[Sniper Squirrel]

247) You've had a dream where you were queen of the old west