1,000 Reasons You Watch too much Simpsons

[D DEBBS]

248) You pray for snow so you can study for a test so you can be able to pass the 4th grade.

[Sniper Squirrel]

249) You have a giant stone olmec head in your basement

[D DEBBS]

250) You live in a hot-air balloon and lost your hot plate.

[Sniper Squirrel]

251) You have a George Plinpton hot plate

[D DEBBS]

252) You make your family drive you all the way to Scottsdale, AZ so you can tell a moocher "NO!"

[Sniper Squirrel]

253) Bullies beat you up to get your tachtical pants retaining system

[D DEBBS]

254) You believe thieves stole your Christmas presents, but, in actuality, your son accidently burned them and hid them in snow.

[Sniper Squirrel]

255) You invite Gary Coleman over for christmas dinner

[vinceq]

256) You kissed the teacher! Ptew!

[Sniper Squirrel]

257) You jump out of a window and then jump back up

[I Love Lisa]

258) You aren't allowed near Death Mountain, even though all your stuff is there.

[Sniper Squirrel]

259) You see a Leprechaun who tells you to burn things

[I Love Lisa]

260) You don't brush your teeth so that you can play the saxophone better.

[Ivan]

261) You're crazy enough to fire your Sherpas while you're climbing the largest mountain in the region.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

262) You're convinced that women and sea-men don't mix.

[DumHonkey]

263) You've shopped at Things Unneccessary in the Springfield Heights Promenade.

[DumHonkey]

264) People need to get out of your way, afterall... you are a famous historian.

[I Love Lisa]

265) You often unwittingly reference movies in everyday life.

[Sniper Squirrel]

266) You hijack a nuclear weapon to rid your town of television

[I Love Lisa]

267) You once considered skipping college and marrying Milhouse.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

268) One of your many philosophies: "Extended warranty? How can I lose?"

[Sniper Squirrel]

269) You're favorite novel is "Will there ever be a rainbow?"

[D DEBBS]

270) You have the book 'Happiness Is A Naked Steve Allen' and the record 'These Things I Believe.'

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

271) You left a loving marraige to be with your boss more often

[Sniper Squirrel]

272) Your town is dead last in science

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

273) While stoned, you realized that "hemp" backwards is "shemp" and "Otto" backwards is..."Otto"

[Sniper Squirrel]

274) You have to hear about your medical conditions from Phish

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

275) The coroner? You're so sick of that guy!

[Sniper Squirrel]

276) You become violently insane without beer and television

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

277) Suddenly, everything is "Excellent" to you.

[TheForbiddenDonut]

278) You think Britannia would be a great name for a casino

[Sniper Squirrel]

279) You think ther's a country called Rand McNally

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

280) The 60's ended for you when that police dog bit your crotch back in 1978

[D DEBBS]

281) You sing 'Hail, The Mighty Bus Driver' on ANY bus-public or school.

[Sniper Squirrel]

282) You're local sources of income are from medical testing and sperm banks

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

283) When your town approached you for the possibility of a new town holiday, you suggested Child Labor Day.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

284) You suspect the local elementary school is using your children to develop the latest hot holiday toy.

[I Love Lisa]

285) You think that the best book ever written on the subject of tutle stacking is Yurtle The Turtle.

[Sniper Squirrel]

286) You live long by following the three C's, clean living, chewing thuroughly, and a daily dose of vitamin church

[I Love Lisa]

287) You feel compeled to click things on the internet if they're flashing.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

288) You have considered trying one of the other major religions: after all, they're all pretty much the same.

[Sniper Squirrel]

289) You've unsuccessfully attempted stealing candy from a baby

[TheForbiddenDonut]

290) You've been rafting with Ernest Borgnine before

[Sniper Squirrel]

291) You like making your patended, out of this world, spaceage moon waffles

[D DEBBS]

292) You buy your wife a bowling bowl for her birthday.

[Sniper Squirrel]

293) You whittle small batteries out of larger batteries

[vinceq]

294) you think good things end in 'mania' or 'rama' not 'ium'

[Sniper Squirrel]

295) Your autobiography was self serving with several glaring omissions

[I Love Lisa]

296) You play a millionaire at parties. Well, you'd like to.

[Sniper Squirrel]

297) You look forward to being in a pie

[D DEBBS]

298) At a rally, you yell, "Anthrax, Gangrene, Swimmer's Ear! Get you germ lab
out of here!"

[Sniper Squirrel]

299) You've suffered Lumber lung, achy breaky pelvis, and juggler's despair

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

300) You characterize people you don't like as "cheese eating surrender monkeys"

[Sniper Squirrel]

301) The only songs you know are from commercials

[Ivan]

302) You find the jade monkey in your glove compartment.

[Sniper Squirrel]

303) You still practice chronology

[D DEBBS]

304) As a publicity stunt, you put the skeletal remains of what looks like an angel in an archelogical dig.

[Sniper Squirrel]

305) Your job fires you by giving you a red blazer that reads "fired"

[D DEBBS]

306) The auction you attend to was once was Willie Nelson's house.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

307) You won a baking contest by spiking all the other dishes with baby ear medicine

[Sniper Squirrel]

308) You mistake cat ear medicine for beer

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

309) You're convinced that bullies feel the need to beat nerds up because of their bully-attracting nerd scent, not because of jealousy

[Sniper Squirrel]

310) Your job is taken over by Germans, and you're the only one they fire

[D DEBBS]

311) The reason you're so stupid is because you shoved a blue crayon up your nose and it limited your intelligence.

[Sniper Squirrel]

312) You've got a hankerin for some spankerin

[D DEBBS]

313) Your childhood retreat that you go on vacation has turned into a slum because of the depletion of the yum-yum fish.

[Sniper Squirrel]

314) you know that when you're nose is bleeding, it means you're picking it too much, or not enough

[Sniper Squirrel]

315) You hold the record at the renaisance fair for eating 7 pounds of fudge

[D DEBBS]

316) You make a bet with your neighbor that your son can beat his son in miniature golf, only to have the bet end in a draw and you and he BOTH have to mow the yard in your wife's best Sunday dress.

[Sniper Squirrel]

317) You've walked in on your Mayor "Poling an electorate" in a Hotel room

[D DEBBS]

318) As a mother, you know the secret escape hatch to your child's treehouse.

[Sniper Squirrel]

319) You work your ass off at some old lady's house and she only pays you 50 cents

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

320) After accidentally destroying your children's treehouse, you hire the Amish to build a new one.

[Sniper Squirrel]

321) You know not to stick your arm out of the bus window

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

322) You allowed the media to think your son had been kidnapped because you, the chief of police, and his "kidnapper" were getting a ton of positive media attention.

[D DEBBS]

323) You assassinate the Lincoln Squirrel.

[Sniper Squirrel]

324) You know that sidewalks are for regular walkin and not for fancy walkin

[D DEBBS]

325) You nearly put a 4th of July firecracker in the refridgerator, but remember the beer's in there.

[TheForbiddenDonut]

326) On St Patrick's Day, the first target you go for on someone who's not wearing green is the legs.

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

327) You cut off the head of the town founder's statue on a dare, only to replace it when an angry mob confronts you and your dad

[Nebuchanezzar]

328) You become enraged when somebody mispronounces CHOW-DAH!

[Sniper Squirrel]

329) You have to write on your school chalkboard every week

[D DEBBS]

330) You have to make an extra birthday cake because your husband eats the candy letters.

[Sniper Squirrel]

331) All you want for your birthday is your childhood teddy bear

[I Love Lisa]

You chased someone dicketty-six miles to get back the word twenty.

[Sniper Squirrel]

333) you want to get rid of immigrants because you don't want to pay a $5 bear tax

[D DEBBS]

334) You complain about having a new area code and snatch a British rock band so they can perform on YOUR side of the old area code.

[Sniper Squirrel]

335) You try to turn your school groundskeeper into a proper gentleman

[D DEBBS]

336) You find a gold giraffe in an old box of animal crackers, then try to claim the vacation prize from the company.

[Sparks]

337. You've saved multiple celebrities from jail, bankruptcy, or irrelavance.

[Sniper Squirrel]

338) Your company gets outsourced to India and they put you in charge

[D DEBBS]

339) A baby saves your life on the baech.

[Jimbo77]

338) If Alchohol ruined your life and your really 31

[Sniper Squirrel]

341) You've sued a restaurant because it wasn't "all you can eat"

[Stevie V. Scrivello]

342) You went to work for the local Mafia (or Legitimate Businessman's Association), albeit temporarily, at age ten. They said you mixed the best Manhattans they'd ever tasted.

[Sniper Squirrel]

343) You serve mobsters lemonade whenever they convene outside your house

[D DEBBS]

344) REVENGE...REVENGE!!!

[Old Man Simpson]

345) You intend to make your own Simpsons movie using cardboard cut-outs of the characters and members of your family.

[D DEBBS]

346) Jockeys you raced your horse against are actually elves and they want you to throw a race.

[Sniper Squirrel]

347) You fall in a tar pit and an elephant saves your life

[D DEBBS]

348) You keep altering your Chanel suit.

[Sniper Squirrel]

349) You always do what your fortune cookie tells you

[D DEBBS]

350) You put hair growth formula on your company's insurance "to keep scalp from freezing."

[Sniper Squirrel]

351) You ask your boss for more tartar sauce in the cafeteria

[Jimbo77]

350) If You Named Your Company "Blood Bath and Beyond"

[Sniper Squirrel]

352) You get kicked out of a bar for pulling the old "sugar me do"

[D DEBBS]

353) You're a guy and you accidently buy a WOMEN'S car.

[Sniper Squirrel]

354) You eat a waffle stuck on the ceiling, even though you mistake it for god

[Dr. Frink]

353) eating a grapefruit means just dipping the whole grapefruit in sugar

[General Jack D. Ripper]

354) When you disect a worm in school, you hear it talking like a lamb.

[Sniper Squirrel]

355) You foolishly waste money by investing in pumpkins

[D DEBBS]

156) Your saxophone takes a 7 1/2 reed.

[Sniper Squirrel]

355) you say the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet

[D DEBBS]

156) You lead your fellow infants on a quest to get your pacifiers back from a locked-up cabinet.

[Sniper Squirrel]

357) You still wish to spend one night lurking inside the bushes behind chef boyardee's house

[D DEBBS]

358) Your bell hop shows you your bed for "Woo-Woo...Rowr-Rowr....Ning-Ning-Ning...Hubba-Hubba."

[Sniper Squirrel]

359) You know someone named Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo

[D DEBBS]

360) You go to a sushi restaurant because your daughter was tired of eating meatloaf and pork chops and wind up thinking you're going to die 'cuz you ate fugu!

[Sniper Squirrel]

361) You ruin your bosses chance at becoming governor

[D DEBBS]

362) You bring Jell-O to your company picnic.

[Sniper Squirrel]

363) The only fast food franchise in your town is Krusty Burger

[D DEBBS]

364) You make your son donate blood so you can get something from your boss.l

[Sniper Squirrel]

365) Your town lets people fish with dynamite

[D DEBBS]

366) You name one of your 26 kids Q-Bert

[Sniper Squirrel]

367) you receive a disgarded trampoline from a TV clown

[D DEBBS]

368) In the future, you're either a male stripper, a Supreme Court judge, a building wrecker or a slacker who asks his President sister for $.

[Sniper Squirrel]

369) You made millions in software and lost it at the track

[D DEBBS]

370) You call Stephen Hawking "that wheelchair guy."

[Sniper Squirrel]

371) You've convinced Mel Gibson to make a bad film

[D DEBBS]

372) You go to an air show that uses 'Roock You Like A Hurricane' for its theme music.

[Sparks]

373) You can recite pi to 40000 places. The last digit is one!

[Sniper Squirrel]

374) You've found a lemon right next to a yellow lemon shaped rock

[Sparks]

375) You live in every state at once.

[Sniper Squirrel]

376) you find a box of japanese detergent that bears an uncanny resemblance to you

[Sparks]

377) Gets OFF on all nine DVD sets

[D DEBBS]

378) Your caught your son using your hair growth formula and he spills it on the floor.

[Sniper Squirrel]

379) You vote for the same guy for mayor six times, even though he's a pot smoking, wife-swappin, tax cheating, formerly illiterate, spend-o-crat

[SpeedBreaker]

380. You like to rattle birdcages when visiting the local sanitation commissioner.

[D DEBBS]

380) You tell tales of a bogey man named Dark Stanley so you can steal and eat your schoolmate's lunches.

[Sniper Squirrel]

382) You accuse your wife of hiding men in the house...radioactive men

[You Only Move Thrice]

381. You constantly respond with a Simpons quote.

[gonz]

if " what are your views on the cully era?" is your favourite chat up line

[vinceq]

393 - you bent your wookie

[D DEBBS]

394) You are haunted by childhood memories of Dark Stanley.

[You Only Move Thrice]

393) You hate every Ape you see, from chimpan a to champanzee.

[Sniper Squirrel]

386) you anticipate being in a pie

[D DEBBS]

387) You use a whisper of MSG in your pork chop recipe.

[Sniper Squirrel]

388) You can smell the sympathy level of a cake as well as hear pudding

[vinceq]

399) You still have Zoidberg. YOU ALL STILL HAVE ZOIDBERG. No wait, that's 1000 reasons you watch to much Futurama. Okay, here it comes. You're a member of the Hell's Satans biker club.

[D DEBBS]

400) You wear Meryl Streep's Versatility.

[Sniper Squirrel]

391) You want your own fragrance called Smellen of Troy

PS let's try to keep this in numerical order

[tarflyonthewall]

402) You fall in and out of comas all the....


... French toast, please.

[D DEBBS]

403) You and your sister built a fort out of free cardboard boxes and then soaked them with a garden hose.

[Rococo Fox]

404.) You find yourself compelled to label everything that is yours (and what isn't) with the label "Property of ____ ____".

[D DEBBS]

405) Every time you see a pig, you sing the Spider-Pig song.

[Lisa Is A Nut]

406) You threaten to argue until it hurts with anyone that says Family Guy is better than The Simpsons.