klawedkillerkitten
08-11-2006, 08:55 AM
I have made a few so far, but this is the first one I have ever written. A little rusty and I haven't made a couch gag or chalkboard gag yet, but it's all good. Enjoy!
-----------------
Scene opens in the living room with the family watching TV.
TV: This Summer..The biggest...most horrifying...action packed...romantic comedy...will hit theaters...but we're not telling you the name or whose in it until you visit wearenottellingyoumovie.com - - Now back to Iraqi Idol -- singer:lalallalalalalalalalalalalala!
Homer: *whines* Awww...why do they torture me, why WHY?
Marge: Their singing isn't that bad.
Homer: No, the movie!
Marge: Homer, it doesn't take much to go on the computer and type in the website address.
Homer: But it's all the way over there! *points to the computer sitting on the coffee table 3 feet in front of him*
Marge: Oh for god's sakes! *pulls the table closer to Homer*
Homer: *whispers* I loooooove you.
Marge: *rolls eyes*
Homer: Okay, I am typing in the address to the website and I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO FIND OUT THE NAME OF THE MOVIE?!!!! Dammit! I burned 3 calories for nothing...NOTHING!
Lisa: Dad, do you really want to know the name of the movie?
homer: *sobs* uh huh...
Lisa: Hmmm...see how it reads 20th Century Fox at the bottom of this page?
Homer: Yeah.
Lisa: You know what that means?
Homer: The movie's gonna suck.
Lisa: No! It means that we can go to a movie database website, enter in 20th Century Fox, and it will come up with a list of movies that are coming out under that production company.
Homer: Do I have to do anything?
Lisa: *groans* I'll do it.
Homer: Wahoo!
Lisa: Okay, let's go to yahoo.com and type in movie database and see what we get. Hmmm...IMDB.com sounds good.
Homer: iiiimdib? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Lisa: Dad, the letters stand for Internet Movie Database.
Homer: Duh!
Lisa: *rolls eyes* Okay, here we are. FOX has one movie coming out this Summer called "The 110 Year old Virgin."
Homer: *pushes Lisa out of the way* I'll take it from here bucko. Ooo...I can see whose starring in the movie too! Ewww...I should have known Mr. Burns was going to be in this.
*Grampa walks in*
Grampa: Oh, pish! I once knew a 120 year old virgin.
Lisa: Gross!
Grampa: Yep, he couldn't do anything after losing his jewels in the war!
Homer: Dad, get out of my house!
Grampa: I bought you this house!
Homer: If you don't leave now then you don't get any denture cleaner for 2 months!
Grampa: I'm gone!
*Grampa leaves*
Homer: *hours go by* Wow...I think I just looked up every single movie that is gonna come out in the next 5 years.
Marge: Homer, are you still on that computer? Well, Dinner will be ready soon so wrap up what ever you are doing.
Homer: Oh alright. Let me just search one more thing. What to search, what to search, what to search....ah haaa! I'll put my name in here. Oooo a match! Marge Come here, come here!
Marge: What is it Homer, another movie about robotic chickens?
Homer: Look Marge, I have my own IMDB page!
Marge: Homer, that's not you; that's Homer the poet.
Homer: *blinks*
Marge: The blind poet from Ancient Greece.
Homer: *blinks with a blank stare*
Marge: The one who wrote the Odyssey and the Illiad!
Homer: I don't remember writing those!
Marge: *groans and walks away*
Homer: Wow, I can't believe I share the same name with some ancient bozo!
Lisa: Dad, Homer was one of the most famous poets ever to live, especially with his epics the Odyssey and the Illiad.
Homer: If he's so famous, why is he dead?!
Lisa: Because he lived approximately two thousand years ago.
Homer: That's no excuse! Jesus lived two thousand years ago and came back from the dead and look how famous he is now!
Lisa: Even today, people are still buying and reading Homer's works.
Homer: Buying, eh...so who gets the money?
Lisa: Publishing companies I guess.
*Homer has a thought cloud over his head with this: Homer + books/poems = money*
Homer: I got it! I'm gonna be a poet! So, we're do I get started Lisa?
Lisa: The library is a good place to start...
Homer: Look who you're talking to here.
Lisa: ...or you can go outside and sit under a tree to get inspiration from nature.
Homer: I know! I'll go outside and sit under a tree to get inspiration from nature! *looks at Lisa* Pfft...the library..another one of your crazy ideas Lisa.
--------next scene-----------
*homer pulls out a pencil, paper, a lawn chair, an umbrella, a case of beer and sits under the tree in the back yard*
Homer: Now to be inspired! *stares into space* This isn't working! Maybe a can of beer will help me! *guzzles down a can* No, maybe another *guzzles down another* If Jim Morrison could do it, I can do it *gulp* Nope, vision is still clear *another* Vissiiieeeon is fuzzzzzy aeend speeeech is sluuuurrrred PERFECT! *passes out*
*a rock comes from the treehouse with Bart and Milhouse in it and hits homer in the head*
Homer: D'oh!
*more rocks come flying down*
Bart: heheheheheheheheh!
Milhouse: Are you sure your dad won't get mad?
Bart: He's drunk, he can't feel anything!
Homer: *gets hit a few more tiems* What the.....OH MY GOD! A METEOR SHOWER! Every one take cover and get...wait a minute *looks up* BART!
Bart: Uh oh.
Milhouse: Run?
Bart: No, let's see how far he gets!
Homer: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...I'm gonna get you good! *Starts climbing the treehouse ladder* When I get up there...I'm gonna*pants* killlll *pants even more* you and your *falls to the ground* weiner friennnnnnnnd. *boom*
Bart: hahahaha!
*Homer slowly gets up and gets back to his spot under the tree*
Homer: Well, at least now I can write something about pain. *writes the word 'pain' on his notepad*
Flanders: Hidely Ho there neighborino! Ooo, whatcha writing there? A lovey dovey letter for your wifey?
Homer: I'm trying to get inspired to write poetry but that all disappeared when you came out!
Flanders: *laughs* well, I'll let you alone then Homer...
Homer: *already walking back into the house* Too late!
Homer: *in the house* Stupid Flanders ruining my inspiration and The BOY and his geek friend. I'll never write good poetry! Lisa, this is all your fault! Why didn't you give me a good place to get inspiration from?
Lisa: I did! I told you to go to the library.
Homer: No you didn't! I suggested that but you said I was too dumb to go there.
Lisa: You have quite an imagination dad.
Homer: I know...
Lisa: Then use as inspiration!
Homer: Nah, too much work. I need some other way to be like Homer. *pauses for a second and thinks* I got it! If I wanna be as successful as some old Greek guy, I have be exactly like him!
Lisa: Dad, you can't be exactly like him. First of all, he was blind and...
Homer: That's it! I need to be blind to get all my inspiration!
Lisa: *shakes head*
---next scene---
Homer: Now to make myself blind. *grabs a hammer and 2 nails*
Lisa: Dad! No! If you become blind, you'll lose your job!
Homer: How many times have I been fired? *about to hammer*
Lisa: No! You won't be able to see mom's beautiful face!
Homer: Eh, she'll be able to see mine. *starts to stick nail into eye*
Lisa: uh...Wait! You won't be able to watch TV!
Homer: *gets scared* No more pointless programming?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *accidently nails on nail into left eye*
----Next scene----
*AT Hospital*
Dr. Hibbert: *laughs* Well, Homer. You're lucky you didn't lose your eye. But what were you doing with a hammer and nails near your eyes anyway?
Homer: *says with a pout* I wanted to be inspired.
Dr. Hibbert: Inspired to be what?
Bart: Inspired to be a fat blind poet wannabe....haha
Homer: Why you little...*goes to choke bart*
Lisa: Ahhhh! You're choking me, not Bart!
Bart: hahahaha!
Homer: Sorry...*attempts to grab Bart*
Marge: See Homer, you can't see.....aahhhhh! *gets choked*
Lisa: Dad! That Mom!
Homer: Sorry, Sorry...
Dr. Hibbert: uhhuhhhhhaaaa! *gets choked*
*Lisa pushes Bart in front of Homer*
Homer: Thank you...come here BOY! *chokes Bart*
Marge: Homer stop.
Homer: You're lucky I can barely see boy.
Bart: Damn straight.
Marge: Bart! Watch your language.
Dr. Hibbert: *angry and rubs neck* Now, I was going to offer you immediate surgery for your eye but since you choked me, you'll have to come back in a week and wear this eye patch until then.
Homer: Wahoo! I get to be a pirate! Arrrgh matey!
*Sea Captain pops in through the door*
Sea Captain: Aaarrgh...Did I hear eye patch?
*everyone looks at him*
Sea Captain: Aarrgh...Aaarghh...I'm not popular.
-----next scene at the power plant in mr. Burn's office----
Mr. Burns: *looking at the security cameras* Smithers, I don't remember hiring a pirate!
Smithers: It's Homer Simpson sir, the moron who has caused over 10 meltdowns in the past month.
Mr. Burns: Well look at him! He needs a different position, he's a pirate! He could do my dirty work for me....
Smithers: I'll call him up now.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Homer: You wanted to see me Mr. Burns?
Mr. Burns: Yes, Homer...I see you're a pirate and...
Homer: Oh no, Mr. Burns, I'm not a pirate...
Mr. Burns: It's not Halloween is it? How could I have missed the day! Smithers release the hounds earlier tonight so they can attack all the children who will try to come to my door.
Smithers: No, Mr. Burns it's not Halloween.
Mr. Burns: Then why are dressed up like a pirate then?
Homer: Uh...
Mr. Burns: Oh, I see. You'r a real pirate! I Knew it. Now, to do my dirty work!
Homer: But Mr. Burns...
Mr. Burns: And your reward...
Homer: On second thought..okay!
--------Next scene Homer is on a ship--------
Homer: Now, I supposed to steal all the sea captain's booty. Hehehehe..booty.
Sea Captain: Ahoy there lad? What can I do for yee?
Homer: *points plastic sword at Sea Captain's stomach* Give me all your booty and no one gets hurt *turns head* I can't believe I said I wanted his booty.
Sea Captain: I don't want any trouble here and...*notices the sword is plastic* Hahaha! You think you can steal me treasure with that! Think again lard lad!
Homer: Oh, who am I kidding. I'm not pirate.
Sea Captain: There there, son. At least you have an eye patch!
Homer: Yeah it is pretty cool isn't it!
Sea Captain: Can I touch it?
Homer: Okay! This is getting WEIRD! *jumps into the water and swims away to shore*
Mr. Captain: Arggh...I'm so lonely,
-------Back in Mr. Burns office-------
Mr. Burns: Do you have my treasure, pirate boy?
Homer: Here you go mr.Burns. *throws sack filled with coins on his desk*
Mr. Burns: See Smithers, I knew he wouldn't let us down and..wait a minute! *unravels one of the coins to figure out that they are chocolate* This isn't gold...THIS IS CHOCOLATE!
Homer: D'oh! I thought you wouldn't be able to tell!
Mr. Burns: Whaawhaaawhoooo...explain yourself!
Homer: I'm sorry Mr. Burns, but I'm not pirate, I'm a poet.
Mr. Burns: A poet....*pauses* hahahahahahahaha! You hear that Smithers...He's a POOOOEEEEET!
*Mr. Burns and Smithers laugh*
*Homer leaves the office and plant angrily*
--------next scene the simpsons house---------
*Bart and Lisa are watching Itchy and Scratchy*
-This Itchy & Scratchy shows Scratchy playing an Ancient Greek like character with a beard lecturing a class of young Itchys. One of the Itchys says a poem about a cyclops and it comes to life and eats Scratchy.-
*Bart and Lisa are laughing*
*Homer stomps through the door*
Bart: Is dad mad, I can't tell.
Lisa: Why not?
Bart: I can only see one of his eyes.
-----the kitchen------
Marge: You're home from work early dear.
Homer: I'm a failure as I poet! I can't get any inspiration, I haven't wrote a single line, I have this stupid eye patch, and everyone is making fun of me!
Marge: Poor Homie. Don't worry about the whole poet thing. Move on.
Homer: How?
Marge: I'll get your mind on to something else?
Homer: Like what?
Marge: You know, that eye patch is pretty sexy...and *whispers naughty things in Homer's ear*
Homer: Heeheheheheheheeeee....I'll race you up the stairs!
Marge: Go! *Runs up stairs*
Homer: *runs into wall* D'oh!
---END----
-----------------
Scene opens in the living room with the family watching TV.
TV: This Summer..The biggest...most horrifying...action packed...romantic comedy...will hit theaters...but we're not telling you the name or whose in it until you visit wearenottellingyoumovie.com - - Now back to Iraqi Idol -- singer:lalallalalalalalalalalalalala!
Homer: *whines* Awww...why do they torture me, why WHY?
Marge: Their singing isn't that bad.
Homer: No, the movie!
Marge: Homer, it doesn't take much to go on the computer and type in the website address.
Homer: But it's all the way over there! *points to the computer sitting on the coffee table 3 feet in front of him*
Marge: Oh for god's sakes! *pulls the table closer to Homer*
Homer: *whispers* I loooooove you.
Marge: *rolls eyes*
Homer: Okay, I am typing in the address to the website and I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO FIND OUT THE NAME OF THE MOVIE?!!!! Dammit! I burned 3 calories for nothing...NOTHING!
Lisa: Dad, do you really want to know the name of the movie?
homer: *sobs* uh huh...
Lisa: Hmmm...see how it reads 20th Century Fox at the bottom of this page?
Homer: Yeah.
Lisa: You know what that means?
Homer: The movie's gonna suck.
Lisa: No! It means that we can go to a movie database website, enter in 20th Century Fox, and it will come up with a list of movies that are coming out under that production company.
Homer: Do I have to do anything?
Lisa: *groans* I'll do it.
Homer: Wahoo!
Lisa: Okay, let's go to yahoo.com and type in movie database and see what we get. Hmmm...IMDB.com sounds good.
Homer: iiiimdib? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Lisa: Dad, the letters stand for Internet Movie Database.
Homer: Duh!
Lisa: *rolls eyes* Okay, here we are. FOX has one movie coming out this Summer called "The 110 Year old Virgin."
Homer: *pushes Lisa out of the way* I'll take it from here bucko. Ooo...I can see whose starring in the movie too! Ewww...I should have known Mr. Burns was going to be in this.
*Grampa walks in*
Grampa: Oh, pish! I once knew a 120 year old virgin.
Lisa: Gross!
Grampa: Yep, he couldn't do anything after losing his jewels in the war!
Homer: Dad, get out of my house!
Grampa: I bought you this house!
Homer: If you don't leave now then you don't get any denture cleaner for 2 months!
Grampa: I'm gone!
*Grampa leaves*
Homer: *hours go by* Wow...I think I just looked up every single movie that is gonna come out in the next 5 years.
Marge: Homer, are you still on that computer? Well, Dinner will be ready soon so wrap up what ever you are doing.
Homer: Oh alright. Let me just search one more thing. What to search, what to search, what to search....ah haaa! I'll put my name in here. Oooo a match! Marge Come here, come here!
Marge: What is it Homer, another movie about robotic chickens?
Homer: Look Marge, I have my own IMDB page!
Marge: Homer, that's not you; that's Homer the poet.
Homer: *blinks*
Marge: The blind poet from Ancient Greece.
Homer: *blinks with a blank stare*
Marge: The one who wrote the Odyssey and the Illiad!
Homer: I don't remember writing those!
Marge: *groans and walks away*
Homer: Wow, I can't believe I share the same name with some ancient bozo!
Lisa: Dad, Homer was one of the most famous poets ever to live, especially with his epics the Odyssey and the Illiad.
Homer: If he's so famous, why is he dead?!
Lisa: Because he lived approximately two thousand years ago.
Homer: That's no excuse! Jesus lived two thousand years ago and came back from the dead and look how famous he is now!
Lisa: Even today, people are still buying and reading Homer's works.
Homer: Buying, eh...so who gets the money?
Lisa: Publishing companies I guess.
*Homer has a thought cloud over his head with this: Homer + books/poems = money*
Homer: I got it! I'm gonna be a poet! So, we're do I get started Lisa?
Lisa: The library is a good place to start...
Homer: Look who you're talking to here.
Lisa: ...or you can go outside and sit under a tree to get inspiration from nature.
Homer: I know! I'll go outside and sit under a tree to get inspiration from nature! *looks at Lisa* Pfft...the library..another one of your crazy ideas Lisa.
--------next scene-----------
*homer pulls out a pencil, paper, a lawn chair, an umbrella, a case of beer and sits under the tree in the back yard*
Homer: Now to be inspired! *stares into space* This isn't working! Maybe a can of beer will help me! *guzzles down a can* No, maybe another *guzzles down another* If Jim Morrison could do it, I can do it *gulp* Nope, vision is still clear *another* Vissiiieeeon is fuzzzzzy aeend speeeech is sluuuurrrred PERFECT! *passes out*
*a rock comes from the treehouse with Bart and Milhouse in it and hits homer in the head*
Homer: D'oh!
*more rocks come flying down*
Bart: heheheheheheheheh!
Milhouse: Are you sure your dad won't get mad?
Bart: He's drunk, he can't feel anything!
Homer: *gets hit a few more tiems* What the.....OH MY GOD! A METEOR SHOWER! Every one take cover and get...wait a minute *looks up* BART!
Bart: Uh oh.
Milhouse: Run?
Bart: No, let's see how far he gets!
Homer: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...I'm gonna get you good! *Starts climbing the treehouse ladder* When I get up there...I'm gonna*pants* killlll *pants even more* you and your *falls to the ground* weiner friennnnnnnnd. *boom*
Bart: hahahaha!
*Homer slowly gets up and gets back to his spot under the tree*
Homer: Well, at least now I can write something about pain. *writes the word 'pain' on his notepad*
Flanders: Hidely Ho there neighborino! Ooo, whatcha writing there? A lovey dovey letter for your wifey?
Homer: I'm trying to get inspired to write poetry but that all disappeared when you came out!
Flanders: *laughs* well, I'll let you alone then Homer...
Homer: *already walking back into the house* Too late!
Homer: *in the house* Stupid Flanders ruining my inspiration and The BOY and his geek friend. I'll never write good poetry! Lisa, this is all your fault! Why didn't you give me a good place to get inspiration from?
Lisa: I did! I told you to go to the library.
Homer: No you didn't! I suggested that but you said I was too dumb to go there.
Lisa: You have quite an imagination dad.
Homer: I know...
Lisa: Then use as inspiration!
Homer: Nah, too much work. I need some other way to be like Homer. *pauses for a second and thinks* I got it! If I wanna be as successful as some old Greek guy, I have be exactly like him!
Lisa: Dad, you can't be exactly like him. First of all, he was blind and...
Homer: That's it! I need to be blind to get all my inspiration!
Lisa: *shakes head*
---next scene---
Homer: Now to make myself blind. *grabs a hammer and 2 nails*
Lisa: Dad! No! If you become blind, you'll lose your job!
Homer: How many times have I been fired? *about to hammer*
Lisa: No! You won't be able to see mom's beautiful face!
Homer: Eh, she'll be able to see mine. *starts to stick nail into eye*
Lisa: uh...Wait! You won't be able to watch TV!
Homer: *gets scared* No more pointless programming?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *accidently nails on nail into left eye*
----Next scene----
*AT Hospital*
Dr. Hibbert: *laughs* Well, Homer. You're lucky you didn't lose your eye. But what were you doing with a hammer and nails near your eyes anyway?
Homer: *says with a pout* I wanted to be inspired.
Dr. Hibbert: Inspired to be what?
Bart: Inspired to be a fat blind poet wannabe....haha
Homer: Why you little...*goes to choke bart*
Lisa: Ahhhh! You're choking me, not Bart!
Bart: hahahaha!
Homer: Sorry...*attempts to grab Bart*
Marge: See Homer, you can't see.....aahhhhh! *gets choked*
Lisa: Dad! That Mom!
Homer: Sorry, Sorry...
Dr. Hibbert: uhhuhhhhhaaaa! *gets choked*
*Lisa pushes Bart in front of Homer*
Homer: Thank you...come here BOY! *chokes Bart*
Marge: Homer stop.
Homer: You're lucky I can barely see boy.
Bart: Damn straight.
Marge: Bart! Watch your language.
Dr. Hibbert: *angry and rubs neck* Now, I was going to offer you immediate surgery for your eye but since you choked me, you'll have to come back in a week and wear this eye patch until then.
Homer: Wahoo! I get to be a pirate! Arrrgh matey!
*Sea Captain pops in through the door*
Sea Captain: Aaarrgh...Did I hear eye patch?
*everyone looks at him*
Sea Captain: Aarrgh...Aaarghh...I'm not popular.
-----next scene at the power plant in mr. Burn's office----
Mr. Burns: *looking at the security cameras* Smithers, I don't remember hiring a pirate!
Smithers: It's Homer Simpson sir, the moron who has caused over 10 meltdowns in the past month.
Mr. Burns: Well look at him! He needs a different position, he's a pirate! He could do my dirty work for me....
Smithers: I'll call him up now.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Homer: You wanted to see me Mr. Burns?
Mr. Burns: Yes, Homer...I see you're a pirate and...
Homer: Oh no, Mr. Burns, I'm not a pirate...
Mr. Burns: It's not Halloween is it? How could I have missed the day! Smithers release the hounds earlier tonight so they can attack all the children who will try to come to my door.
Smithers: No, Mr. Burns it's not Halloween.
Mr. Burns: Then why are dressed up like a pirate then?
Homer: Uh...
Mr. Burns: Oh, I see. You'r a real pirate! I Knew it. Now, to do my dirty work!
Homer: But Mr. Burns...
Mr. Burns: And your reward...
Homer: On second thought..okay!
--------Next scene Homer is on a ship--------
Homer: Now, I supposed to steal all the sea captain's booty. Hehehehe..booty.
Sea Captain: Ahoy there lad? What can I do for yee?
Homer: *points plastic sword at Sea Captain's stomach* Give me all your booty and no one gets hurt *turns head* I can't believe I said I wanted his booty.
Sea Captain: I don't want any trouble here and...*notices the sword is plastic* Hahaha! You think you can steal me treasure with that! Think again lard lad!
Homer: Oh, who am I kidding. I'm not pirate.
Sea Captain: There there, son. At least you have an eye patch!
Homer: Yeah it is pretty cool isn't it!
Sea Captain: Can I touch it?
Homer: Okay! This is getting WEIRD! *jumps into the water and swims away to shore*
Mr. Captain: Arggh...I'm so lonely,
-------Back in Mr. Burns office-------
Mr. Burns: Do you have my treasure, pirate boy?
Homer: Here you go mr.Burns. *throws sack filled with coins on his desk*
Mr. Burns: See Smithers, I knew he wouldn't let us down and..wait a minute! *unravels one of the coins to figure out that they are chocolate* This isn't gold...THIS IS CHOCOLATE!
Homer: D'oh! I thought you wouldn't be able to tell!
Mr. Burns: Whaawhaaawhoooo...explain yourself!
Homer: I'm sorry Mr. Burns, but I'm not pirate, I'm a poet.
Mr. Burns: A poet....*pauses* hahahahahahahaha! You hear that Smithers...He's a POOOOEEEEET!
*Mr. Burns and Smithers laugh*
*Homer leaves the office and plant angrily*
--------next scene the simpsons house---------
*Bart and Lisa are watching Itchy and Scratchy*
-This Itchy & Scratchy shows Scratchy playing an Ancient Greek like character with a beard lecturing a class of young Itchys. One of the Itchys says a poem about a cyclops and it comes to life and eats Scratchy.-
*Bart and Lisa are laughing*
*Homer stomps through the door*
Bart: Is dad mad, I can't tell.
Lisa: Why not?
Bart: I can only see one of his eyes.
-----the kitchen------
Marge: You're home from work early dear.
Homer: I'm a failure as I poet! I can't get any inspiration, I haven't wrote a single line, I have this stupid eye patch, and everyone is making fun of me!
Marge: Poor Homie. Don't worry about the whole poet thing. Move on.
Homer: How?
Marge: I'll get your mind on to something else?
Homer: Like what?
Marge: You know, that eye patch is pretty sexy...and *whispers naughty things in Homer's ear*
Homer: Heeheheheheheheeeee....I'll race you up the stairs!
Marge: Go! *Runs up stairs*
Homer: *runs into wall* D'oh!
---END----