Ar4wY
07-26-2006, 03:17 PM
Hey y'all. This is my first fanscript or attempt at any fanscript with the Simpsons. Here it is, and i would love feedback :D It's a first draft.
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THE SIMPSONS
“LET’S SWIM, TOGETHER”
Written by
Remy SiU
BEGIN TITLES
CHALKBOARD
“Read this Al Jean and Hire Me.”
COUCH GAG
The SIMPSON FAMILY runs in but stops in their tracks when they see YELLOW M & M making out with GREEN M & M. The RED M & M walks in through the kitchen door.
RED
How could you!?
GREEN
I just needed someone with nuts!
END TITLES
EXT.STREET-DAY
BART and MILHOUSE are walking down a street during the summer. They pass the movie theatre that says “NOW SHOWING: SUPERMAN RETURNS…AGAIN and PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN VI: THE RETURN OF SUPERMAN”.
BART
I can’t believe it’s summer and we have no money to do anything.
(beat)
I’ve never been so bored outside of school before.
MILHOUSE
But there are tons of free things we can do…
(beat)
Uhh, like help old people! I used to do it with mom and dad, it was suppose build a strong family and make you feel better about yourself.
BART
Did it work?
MILHOUSE
You tell me.
BART
But Milhouse, I want to do something fun. And most free things involve picking up feces, which is not my definition of fun.
MILHOUSE
Well Bart, it’s really all about your attitude on things. You could make it fun. Just pretend it’s a big chunk of pudding.
(beat)
It worked for me.
BART
(pause)
Right…
BART and MILHOUSE stop walking and sit on the edge of the sidewalk, their heads in the hands, tired. Behind them, there are a slew of papers taped onto the wall of a building. The say “Writers WANTED for Family Guy”, “Hiring EXEECUTIVES at FOX”, “If you need a good time, call 555-6832”, “CALCULUS Lessons”, “NEW HOST needed for ‘Coming Attractions’”.
BART
If only a worthwhile, interesting opportunity presented itself.
MILHOUSE
Bart, you’re living in a dream world.
(beat)
Usually, nothing starts to pick up until the second ac…
Suddenly a car passes in front of them on the street at a raging speed. It crashes into an electric pole off camera. BART gets up and points in the direction.
BART
(gasp)
Milhouse look!
MILHOUSE
Where?
The camera whips over to the crashed car and the electric pole.
BART
The thrift store needs volunteers!
The camera zooms into a piece of paper stapled onto the electric pole that says “VOLUNTEERS WANTED at the Springfield Thrift Store”. BART and MILHOUSE go over and rip the piece of paper from the electric pole, ignoring the crashed car.
BART
Maybe you’re right Milhouse.
(beat)
Maybe helping people will make me feel better.
MILHOUSE
To the thrift store!
BART and MILHOUSE run out of frame as the door to the crashed car opens and HANS MOLEMAN falls out.
HANS MOLEMAN
(to the electric pole)
Let’s not get our insurance companies involved.
CUT TO:
EXT.STREET 2 – DAY
BART and MILHOUSE are walking with the piece of paper in their hands.
MILHOUSE
I don’t know Bart. Do you really want to help people?
BART and MILHOUSE stop on the sidewalk. BART grabs MILHOUSE’S shoulders and pulls him close.
BART
There’s no hiding the truth…
(pause)
Yes. Yes I do.
CUT TO:
EXT.THRIFT STORE – DAY
BART and MILHOUSE open the door to the thrift store.
CUT TO:
INT.THRIFT STORE – DAY
BART and MILHOUSE walk inside. They are greeted by PRINCIBLE SKINNNER.
SKINNER
Hello what can I…
BART and MILHOUSE SCREAM.
BART & MILHOUSE
AHH! PRINCIBLE SKINNER!
SKINNER
Hmm…you’d think that would be my reaction.
BART
Principle Skinner, what are you doing here?
SKINNER
Mother sent me here as a punishment for…
(beat)
How do I put this lightly…
(beat)
Sharing an open mouth kiss with Edna.
(beat)
She was right to do so.
MILHOUSE
You shouldn’t see helping people as a punish…
BART
Shut up.
(gives paper to Skinner)
We’re here to volunteer!
SKINNER
Bart, I can’t help but say that your good intentions in this matter are…
(beat)
Suspicious, to say the least.
BART
Urgh, what does a boy have to do around here to convince people that he just wants to help!
SKINNER
Hmm…
(beat)
Very well, follow me.
CUT TO:
INT.THRIFT STORE – ELEVATOR ROOM – DAY
SKINNER, BART, and MILHOUSE walk into frame next to a handicap elevator.
SKINNER
Now see here. This isn’t like any elevator you’ve ever been in.
BART
Heh, heh…sure.
SKINNER
It’s a handicap elevator.
SKINNER opens the door and BART and MILHOUSE step inside. SKINNER also walks in and the three are squished inside a small confined area.
SKINNER
To operate this lift, you need to press and hold this button, but only when it is not glowing. If it is glowing, it means that the door is open, with me most likely loading it.
BART
This is a lot of work to operate a handicap elevator.
CUT TO:
INT.THRIFT STORE – UPSTAIRS – DAY
The elevator doors open and reveal a second floor filled with things people have donated, mounds of useless things piled up. Among those things are a Bender Doll, a Jay Sherman Doll, Arrested Development DVDs, and Apple’s Lisa Computer system.
MILHOUSE
Whoa!
BART
Look at all this useless crap!
SKINNER
One person’s garbage is another persons…
BART
Used garbage.
SKINNER
That…wasn’t…exactly what I was going for…
MILHOUSE
Look at this!
(Holds up a VHS)
Someone taped the Star Wars Christmas special!
SKINNER
Well, I see that you boys are occupied. When you’re ready, begin pricing things and bringing them downstairs to sell.
Bart picks up a bunch of pogs and pokemon cards.
BART
What do we do with these?
SKINNER
It’s best that you throw those out.
SKINNER takes the elevator back down to the first floor, while BART and
MILHOUSE continue to search around.
MILHOUSE
This stuff is ancient!
BART
My dad said he once found a can with a young Chef Boyardee on the cover!
MILHOUSE
What did he do with it?
CUT TO:
FLASHBACK – INT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
The family is sitting around for dinner.
MARGE
It’s so nice for you to cook for us, Homer.
HOMER
The secret ingredient is preservatives!
The family takes a bite out of the Beeferoni and their faces turn suddenly green. BART, LISA, and MARGE rush out of frame and are heard barfing and coughing off screen. Homer sits there and continues eating while MAGGIE is coughing.
HOMER
Hmmmhmmm…dusty.
CUT TO:
INT.THRIFT STORE – UPSTAIRS – DAY
BART
Beats me.
BART and MILHOUSE continue searching through the pile of junk. BART throws away the original negative of Star Wars, an Optimus Prime transformer, and an animation cell signed by Walt Disney. Then he finally finds something of interest.
BART
Ohh baby! Found one!
MILHOUSE
What is it?
Bart pulls out an old game console.
BART
A Mega Nintordo!
MILHOUSE
Let me see it Bart!
MILHOUSE holds the console while BART picks up a bunch of games.
BART
All the classics are here!
A cartridge with “The Legend of Melda and the Blowjug of life.”
BART
The Legend of Melda and the blowjug of life!
A cartridge with “Donkey Kong” that shows a picture of a Donkey on it.
BART
And the famous Donkey Kong!
MILHOUSE
We got to go to your house and play it!
Matthew Perry walks out of the shadow.
MATTHEW PERRY
Can I play with you?
BART
Matthew Perry? Are you volunteering here too?
MATTHEW PERRY
Heh heh…yes…volunteering.
BART and MILHOUSE run to the elevator and press a GLOWING button.
They hear SKINNER SCREAM.
ACT BREAK:
INT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – TV ROOM – DAY
BART and MILHOUSE hook up the console as LISA appears from the kitchen door.
LISA
Where did you get this?
BART
We volunteered at a thrift store.
LISA
Isn’t the purpose of volunteering to help other people?
BART
Yeah…
(beat)
We did a lot of that too.
BART and MILHOUSE finish setting up the console and stop to take a breather, awing the Mega Nintordo.
BART
You we’re right Milhouse, helping people does make me feel better.
LISA rolls her eyes and walks off screen.
BART
And now, it’s time to continue the adventures of Lunk.
BART and MILHOUSE turn on the console as the game starts, with old 16-bit music playing.
FADE TO:
MONTAGE – TIME LAPSE
A) BART and MILHOUSE are playing.
B) It is dark, both of them continue playing.
C) It is morning, both of them continue playing.
D) It is dark, BART continues but MILHOUSE is sleeping.
END MONTAGE – TIME LAPSE
FADE TO:
INT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – TV ROOM – DAY
BART has large bags under his eyes and MILHOUSE has collapsed.
BART
We’re almost there Milhouse.
BART shakes a sleeping MILHOUSE.
BART
Milhouse?
MILHOUSE groans as HOMER and MARGE walk into frame.
HOMER
Alright boy, your mother and I think you’ve been spending a little too much time with Milhouse…
(beat)
Almost a suspicious amount of time…
MARGE
Homer, for the last time, Bart is not gay!
(to Bart)
Honey, we just feel that you’ve been playing your video whatcha-ma-call it for a little too long.
HOMER sniffs the room.
HOMER
What is that dorky smell?
HOMER’S sniffing leads to MILHOUSE.
HOMER
Ewwwww…it’s point dexter. Bart, you can do better!
MARGE
Homer!
(to Bart)
Honestly young man, you’ve been doing nothing with your summer so far. You need some activity.
MARGE turns off the game console.
BART
Hey!
MARGE
Don’t ‘hey’ me, mister. You need some exercise! You’re belly is getting a little big.
BART
(points to HOMER)
Maybe it’s genetic.
HOMER
Why you little!
HOMER lunges for BART but MARGE stops him.
MARGE
Homer, I need you to make sure Milhouse makes it home safely.
HOMER holding his noise, picks up MILHOUSE.
HOMER
I’ll see to it that he does.
CUT TO:
EXT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – DAY
A wide shot of the house from the low angle of the street. HOMER opens the door and throws MILHOUSE into the air.
MILHOUSE
Ahhhhhhh.
MILHOUSE lands close to the camera, groaning.
CUT TO:
INT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – TV ROOM – DAY
HOMER walks back into the room, dusting his hands. LISA also walks in.
MARGE
I’m going to sign you up for swimming lessons.
BART
No, no! Anything but that! Please, mom, anything but that!
HOMER
Shut up, boy. What if at one point you fall in a whale tank and don’t know how to swim? What will you do then, smart guy?
(beat)
I’ll tell you what…you’ll just float there and wait and wait, thinking, “oh, they’ll get me out anytime soon, they’ll get me out anytime soon”, but it turns out that it would be anytime, not soon.
(sniff)
Well, that’s not going to happen to my son! You’re going for swimming lessons!
MARGE
Oh, and I want to go too! I haven’t done a few stretches since high school.
LISA
Mom, you swam?
MARGE
I was on the high school swim team…
(pause)
Until they cut funding for the program because of all the injuries.
CUT TO:
FLASHBACK – INT.HIGH SCHOOL SWIMMING POOL – DAY
MARGE swimming a stretch with her hair down in the pool. There is a group of boys whistling and waving at her. The camera zooms out and shows that there is an unstable sign hanging from the room that seems close to falling. The sound of a charging HOMER becomes louder and he runs into frame, punching out the whistling boys.
MARGE stops swimming and looks up.
MARGE
Homer?
HOMER SREAMS and runs away.
CUT TO:
INT.SIMSPON’S HOUSE – TV ROOM – DAY
MARGE
Hmmmm…
BART
But mom, I don’t want to go. Swimming is for geeks.
HOMER
Wha…cha…who…what? And sitting around playing some geek fill geek fest isn’t? Swimming is for the elite, boy! So pack your things and go with your mother. I’m staying home.
HOMER sits down on the couch and turns on the TV.
MARGE
Homer, I want you to go.
HOMER
But Marge! To swim I have to take my shirt off, and that exposes my…my figure. No, I’ll get in shape first.
BART
Round shape.
MARGE
Oh Homey, just come.
HOMER
Oh…alright.
MARGE
Besides, some women find big men attractive.
HOMER
Only some?
CUT TO:
EXT.SWIMMING POOL – DAY
A wide shot of the swimming pool and the SIMPSON’S CAR pulling into the parking lot.
CUT TO:
INT.SWIMMING POOL – DAY
BART is walking along the swimming pool to his meeting place for lessons.
BART
(mumbling)
Stupid swimming, who needs to swim in the first place, swimming is for losers…
BART reaches his meeting place and sees his new SWIMMING INSTRUCTOR.
BART
Aye carumba…
Slow zoom on a curvy teen swimming instructor wearing a revealing bikini.
BART
(thinking)
Okay Barty boy, be cool, be the coolest of the cool, the smoothest of the smooth, that calm of the cal…
INSTRUCTOR
Are you Bart?
BART
That’s my name don’t wear it out!
INSTRUCTOR
Okay Bart, jump on in.
BART
(stupid laugh\chuckle\snort)
Ladies first.
CUT TO:
INT.SWIMMMING POOL – WORKOUT AREA – DAY
HOMER walks into the workout area with workout clothes. He looks around at the equipment.
HOMER
Let’s see here…there’s the Spinebuilder 5000, the ass tightener, and OooOh, a Buffinator!
INT.SWIMMING POOL – DAY
BART and a group of LITTLE KIDS are in the pool listening to the SWIMMING INSTRUCTOR.
INSTRUCTOR
Okay guys, let’s do a few stretches of back crawl.
BART and the LITTLE KIDS grown, before they start to do the stretches.
LITTLE KID 1
If you get in trouble out in no man’s land, just grab onto the rope, it’s your life line.
BART
Got it, drowning, life line.
BART starts his stretch of back crawl, watching the INSTRUCTOR as he does. He sees MARGE in swimming wear move next to the INSTRUCTOR.
MARGE
Hello, I’m Bart’s mommy.
(Looks at Bart)
Hey honey! Oveeer here! It’s me! Mom!
BART groans.
MARGE
We sent him here to get some exercise because he was getting a little big in belly.
INSTRUCTOR
I see…
BART starts to groan again, but chokes and falls under the water.
BART
(thinking)
Choking…breath running out…head getting light, having hard time thunking. Grab, rope.
BART struggles to grab the rope and when he does, realizes it is limp and untied.
INSTRUCTOR (OFF SCREEN)
Alright everyone, jump out, it’s time to go!
BART eyes widen as the rope falls under water as well.
MARGE
(gasps)
My boy! Someone help my special little guy! He’s drowning!
MARGE looks around and panics, gracefully diving into the water saving BART. MARGE brings him over to the edge of the swimming pool.
BART is choking and coughing out water. People are pointing and laughing.
MARGE
Oh Bart, are you alright?
BART
YES! I’m alright! And I didn’t need your help!
BART angrily walks off screen.
ACT BREAK:
INT.SWIMMING POOL – BENCHES – DAY
BART is sitting on the benches, head in his hands.
The INTSRUCTOR walks into frame.
INSTRUCTOR
Hey Bart…
BART instantly perks up and stands up.
BART
Uh…hi. Swimming…lady.
INSTRUCTOR
You can call me Joane.
BART
(stupid chuckle)
Hi Joane.
JOANE
That was pretty cool how you told off your mom back there.
BART
What?
JOANE
Wanna hang out with me and my friends?
BART
Do I!
Some teenage boys walk into frame.
BOY 1
Hey man, that was pretty awesome back there.
BOY 2
Jyauh, totally broke your mom’s heart.
BART walks down from the benches.
BART
(unsure)
Yeah…heh, Parents sure do…are bad.
JOANE
Yeah, Parents suck. You know what happened yesterday?
BART
No, but I want to!
JOANE
My parents wouldn’t even let me go skinny dipping, in my own pool!
BART’s eyes become big.
CUT TO:
INT.SWIMMING POOL – WORKOUT AREA – DAY
HOMER is on the treadmill, his stomach jiggling, the camera is showing his waist up and not his feet.
LISA walks into frame.
HOMER
Hi honey. Look at me, I’m...
(beat)
Exeresising!
LISA
(insecure laugh)
Yeah…
HOMER
I haven’t felt this good sense…a very long time.
LISA
Dad…
HOMER
What is it Lisa? You can tell me anything in the world and I won’t stop you!
LISA
Your…
HOMER
Anything at all! Anything in the entire world, just tell it to me!
LISA
The…
HOMER
Lisa, I don’t have all day you know.
LISA
(yells)
DAD THE TREADMILL IS OFF!
The camera instantly whips back and reveals HOMER is just standing on the treadmill, his stomach jiggling.
HOMER
OH, it’s no use hiding it! I hate exeresising!
MARGE walks to into frame, head hanging.
HOMER
What’s wrong with you?
MARGE
I don’t think…
HOMER
OH I can’t hold it in! I’m going to be fat all my life!
LISA
What’s wrong, Mom?
MARGE
I don’t think Bart loves me anymore.
HOMER
Why wouldn’t the boy love you? Everyone loves you. Even the people who
hate you, love you.
(eyes squint)
Except for…Evil Homer.
MARGE gives a disturbing, needy look to LISA.
MARGE
You still love me right, honey?
MARGE holds out her arms for a hug and moves to LISA.
LISA takes off. MARGE murmurs.
MARGE
Homey, do you feel that we’re growing more distant from our kids everyday?
HOMER suddenly remembers MAGGIE is left at home. The camera quick pans all the way back to the Simpson’s house where MAGGIS is being exposed to dangers, before quick panning back.
HOMER screams, and runs away.
MARGE sighs.
CUT TO:
INT.SWIMMING POOL – POOL – DAY
BART is under water, watching JOANE swim gracefully.
BART
(watery talk)
She’s Beautiful.
BART emerges from the water and the camera reveals he is in the kiddy section while the teenagers are in the deep end.
BART
(shouting)
Hey Guys! Why don’t you come swim over here?
BOY 1
(laughing)
What are you afraid of Bart? Drowning?
BART
(mumbling under his breath)
That’s certainly my main fear.
JOANE
Come on Bart! Come over here, if you do, I’ll let you hold my hand!
Bart’s eyes get big again and he swims over to the deep end.
The teenagers are treading water but Bart is struggling to stay afloat.
BOY 1
Jeez, do you know what my dad did yesterday?
BOY 2
What?
BOY 1
He was like, ‘Clean up your room.’ And I was like totally, ‘Shove it.’
BOY 1 and BOY 2 high five each other. BART slowly getting lower and lower, struggling to keep his head up.
BOY 2
Why do parents have to be all, like…suck?
JOANE
Yeah, they totally blow. All they do is tell you what not to do. Right Bart?
BART
(unsure)
Right…
The teenagers swim off, thinking BART will catch up. BART continues to struggle until he falls into the water.
BART
(thinking)
Oh no, drowning. Head getting light. No able to breath. Must, reach for rope.
BART looks for the rope, but there isn’t any.
BART
(annoyed grunt)
Stupid little kid…
MARGE walks by the pool and sees BART drowning again. She gasps, ready to dive in.
MARGE
Wait a minute…maybe he doesn’t need my help.
MARGE continues to watch BART struggle.
MARGE
He’s a big boy now. He doesn’t always need his mom to come help him.
BART almost rises up to the surface.
MARGE
I have to let go…
BART falls back down.
MARGE
Let go of my little bitty barty…my most special little guy in the whole worl…
(beat)
I’m coming honey!
MARGE dives in gracefully and saves BART. They appear at the other side of the pool. MARGE and BART out of the pool. The teenagers point at them.
BOY 1
Look, it’s Bart’s mom!
BOY 2
Dude, not cool.
JOANE
(to MARGE)
Why do you have to cling on to him all the time?
MARGE is on the left, teenagers on the right, BART caught in the middle torn between the two.
BOY 1
Yeah, why do you always have to be around Bart?
BOY 2
Why don’t you just lay off and go away?
JOANE
He doesn’t even care about you anymore!
BART turns his head and sees MARGE’s eyes begin to water. BART turns his head again and sees the three teenagers continuing to make fun of MARGE. BART turns his head one last time to see MARGE crying.
BART
(yells)
STOP MAKING FUN OF MY MOM!
The teenagers stop.
BOY 1
Yeesh Bart, we thought you were cool.
BOY 2
He’s just a momma’s boy.
JOANE walks up to BART with a sensual look on her face, place her hand on BART.
JOANE
I’ll never forget how little you ment to me.
BART eye’s become confused. Joane and the two boys walk out of frame.
MARGE is there still, quiet, sniffing, watching BART.
BART smiles and runs to her and hugs her.
BART
Oh mom. I have plenty of time to be like them later on. But right now, I’m just glad I can love my mommy.
MARGE
Say, why don't we go for a swim?
BART
I would love to.
BART and MARGE dive into the pool.
WIDE SHOT of the swimming pool complex, showing HOMER show up with MAGGIE, and LISA playing in the kiddy pool with her friends.
Fade to black.
END:
-------
Thanks for reading, and thanks for any feedback in advance! Ta!
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THE SIMPSONS
“LET’S SWIM, TOGETHER”
Written by
Remy SiU
BEGIN TITLES
CHALKBOARD
“Read this Al Jean and Hire Me.”
COUCH GAG
The SIMPSON FAMILY runs in but stops in their tracks when they see YELLOW M & M making out with GREEN M & M. The RED M & M walks in through the kitchen door.
RED
How could you!?
GREEN
I just needed someone with nuts!
END TITLES
EXT.STREET-DAY
BART and MILHOUSE are walking down a street during the summer. They pass the movie theatre that says “NOW SHOWING: SUPERMAN RETURNS…AGAIN and PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN VI: THE RETURN OF SUPERMAN”.
BART
I can’t believe it’s summer and we have no money to do anything.
(beat)
I’ve never been so bored outside of school before.
MILHOUSE
But there are tons of free things we can do…
(beat)
Uhh, like help old people! I used to do it with mom and dad, it was suppose build a strong family and make you feel better about yourself.
BART
Did it work?
MILHOUSE
You tell me.
BART
But Milhouse, I want to do something fun. And most free things involve picking up feces, which is not my definition of fun.
MILHOUSE
Well Bart, it’s really all about your attitude on things. You could make it fun. Just pretend it’s a big chunk of pudding.
(beat)
It worked for me.
BART
(pause)
Right…
BART and MILHOUSE stop walking and sit on the edge of the sidewalk, their heads in the hands, tired. Behind them, there are a slew of papers taped onto the wall of a building. The say “Writers WANTED for Family Guy”, “Hiring EXEECUTIVES at FOX”, “If you need a good time, call 555-6832”, “CALCULUS Lessons”, “NEW HOST needed for ‘Coming Attractions’”.
BART
If only a worthwhile, interesting opportunity presented itself.
MILHOUSE
Bart, you’re living in a dream world.
(beat)
Usually, nothing starts to pick up until the second ac…
Suddenly a car passes in front of them on the street at a raging speed. It crashes into an electric pole off camera. BART gets up and points in the direction.
BART
(gasp)
Milhouse look!
MILHOUSE
Where?
The camera whips over to the crashed car and the electric pole.
BART
The thrift store needs volunteers!
The camera zooms into a piece of paper stapled onto the electric pole that says “VOLUNTEERS WANTED at the Springfield Thrift Store”. BART and MILHOUSE go over and rip the piece of paper from the electric pole, ignoring the crashed car.
BART
Maybe you’re right Milhouse.
(beat)
Maybe helping people will make me feel better.
MILHOUSE
To the thrift store!
BART and MILHOUSE run out of frame as the door to the crashed car opens and HANS MOLEMAN falls out.
HANS MOLEMAN
(to the electric pole)
Let’s not get our insurance companies involved.
CUT TO:
EXT.STREET 2 – DAY
BART and MILHOUSE are walking with the piece of paper in their hands.
MILHOUSE
I don’t know Bart. Do you really want to help people?
BART and MILHOUSE stop on the sidewalk. BART grabs MILHOUSE’S shoulders and pulls him close.
BART
There’s no hiding the truth…
(pause)
Yes. Yes I do.
CUT TO:
EXT.THRIFT STORE – DAY
BART and MILHOUSE open the door to the thrift store.
CUT TO:
INT.THRIFT STORE – DAY
BART and MILHOUSE walk inside. They are greeted by PRINCIBLE SKINNNER.
SKINNER
Hello what can I…
BART and MILHOUSE SCREAM.
BART & MILHOUSE
AHH! PRINCIBLE SKINNER!
SKINNER
Hmm…you’d think that would be my reaction.
BART
Principle Skinner, what are you doing here?
SKINNER
Mother sent me here as a punishment for…
(beat)
How do I put this lightly…
(beat)
Sharing an open mouth kiss with Edna.
(beat)
She was right to do so.
MILHOUSE
You shouldn’t see helping people as a punish…
BART
Shut up.
(gives paper to Skinner)
We’re here to volunteer!
SKINNER
Bart, I can’t help but say that your good intentions in this matter are…
(beat)
Suspicious, to say the least.
BART
Urgh, what does a boy have to do around here to convince people that he just wants to help!
SKINNER
Hmm…
(beat)
Very well, follow me.
CUT TO:
INT.THRIFT STORE – ELEVATOR ROOM – DAY
SKINNER, BART, and MILHOUSE walk into frame next to a handicap elevator.
SKINNER
Now see here. This isn’t like any elevator you’ve ever been in.
BART
Heh, heh…sure.
SKINNER
It’s a handicap elevator.
SKINNER opens the door and BART and MILHOUSE step inside. SKINNER also walks in and the three are squished inside a small confined area.
SKINNER
To operate this lift, you need to press and hold this button, but only when it is not glowing. If it is glowing, it means that the door is open, with me most likely loading it.
BART
This is a lot of work to operate a handicap elevator.
CUT TO:
INT.THRIFT STORE – UPSTAIRS – DAY
The elevator doors open and reveal a second floor filled with things people have donated, mounds of useless things piled up. Among those things are a Bender Doll, a Jay Sherman Doll, Arrested Development DVDs, and Apple’s Lisa Computer system.
MILHOUSE
Whoa!
BART
Look at all this useless crap!
SKINNER
One person’s garbage is another persons…
BART
Used garbage.
SKINNER
That…wasn’t…exactly what I was going for…
MILHOUSE
Look at this!
(Holds up a VHS)
Someone taped the Star Wars Christmas special!
SKINNER
Well, I see that you boys are occupied. When you’re ready, begin pricing things and bringing them downstairs to sell.
Bart picks up a bunch of pogs and pokemon cards.
BART
What do we do with these?
SKINNER
It’s best that you throw those out.
SKINNER takes the elevator back down to the first floor, while BART and
MILHOUSE continue to search around.
MILHOUSE
This stuff is ancient!
BART
My dad said he once found a can with a young Chef Boyardee on the cover!
MILHOUSE
What did he do with it?
CUT TO:
FLASHBACK – INT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
The family is sitting around for dinner.
MARGE
It’s so nice for you to cook for us, Homer.
HOMER
The secret ingredient is preservatives!
The family takes a bite out of the Beeferoni and their faces turn suddenly green. BART, LISA, and MARGE rush out of frame and are heard barfing and coughing off screen. Homer sits there and continues eating while MAGGIE is coughing.
HOMER
Hmmmhmmm…dusty.
CUT TO:
INT.THRIFT STORE – UPSTAIRS – DAY
BART
Beats me.
BART and MILHOUSE continue searching through the pile of junk. BART throws away the original negative of Star Wars, an Optimus Prime transformer, and an animation cell signed by Walt Disney. Then he finally finds something of interest.
BART
Ohh baby! Found one!
MILHOUSE
What is it?
Bart pulls out an old game console.
BART
A Mega Nintordo!
MILHOUSE
Let me see it Bart!
MILHOUSE holds the console while BART picks up a bunch of games.
BART
All the classics are here!
A cartridge with “The Legend of Melda and the Blowjug of life.”
BART
The Legend of Melda and the blowjug of life!
A cartridge with “Donkey Kong” that shows a picture of a Donkey on it.
BART
And the famous Donkey Kong!
MILHOUSE
We got to go to your house and play it!
Matthew Perry walks out of the shadow.
MATTHEW PERRY
Can I play with you?
BART
Matthew Perry? Are you volunteering here too?
MATTHEW PERRY
Heh heh…yes…volunteering.
BART and MILHOUSE run to the elevator and press a GLOWING button.
They hear SKINNER SCREAM.
ACT BREAK:
INT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – TV ROOM – DAY
BART and MILHOUSE hook up the console as LISA appears from the kitchen door.
LISA
Where did you get this?
BART
We volunteered at a thrift store.
LISA
Isn’t the purpose of volunteering to help other people?
BART
Yeah…
(beat)
We did a lot of that too.
BART and MILHOUSE finish setting up the console and stop to take a breather, awing the Mega Nintordo.
BART
You we’re right Milhouse, helping people does make me feel better.
LISA rolls her eyes and walks off screen.
BART
And now, it’s time to continue the adventures of Lunk.
BART and MILHOUSE turn on the console as the game starts, with old 16-bit music playing.
FADE TO:
MONTAGE – TIME LAPSE
A) BART and MILHOUSE are playing.
B) It is dark, both of them continue playing.
C) It is morning, both of them continue playing.
D) It is dark, BART continues but MILHOUSE is sleeping.
END MONTAGE – TIME LAPSE
FADE TO:
INT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – TV ROOM – DAY
BART has large bags under his eyes and MILHOUSE has collapsed.
BART
We’re almost there Milhouse.
BART shakes a sleeping MILHOUSE.
BART
Milhouse?
MILHOUSE groans as HOMER and MARGE walk into frame.
HOMER
Alright boy, your mother and I think you’ve been spending a little too much time with Milhouse…
(beat)
Almost a suspicious amount of time…
MARGE
Homer, for the last time, Bart is not gay!
(to Bart)
Honey, we just feel that you’ve been playing your video whatcha-ma-call it for a little too long.
HOMER sniffs the room.
HOMER
What is that dorky smell?
HOMER’S sniffing leads to MILHOUSE.
HOMER
Ewwwww…it’s point dexter. Bart, you can do better!
MARGE
Homer!
(to Bart)
Honestly young man, you’ve been doing nothing with your summer so far. You need some activity.
MARGE turns off the game console.
BART
Hey!
MARGE
Don’t ‘hey’ me, mister. You need some exercise! You’re belly is getting a little big.
BART
(points to HOMER)
Maybe it’s genetic.
HOMER
Why you little!
HOMER lunges for BART but MARGE stops him.
MARGE
Homer, I need you to make sure Milhouse makes it home safely.
HOMER holding his noise, picks up MILHOUSE.
HOMER
I’ll see to it that he does.
CUT TO:
EXT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – DAY
A wide shot of the house from the low angle of the street. HOMER opens the door and throws MILHOUSE into the air.
MILHOUSE
Ahhhhhhh.
MILHOUSE lands close to the camera, groaning.
CUT TO:
INT.SIMPSON’S HOUSE – TV ROOM – DAY
HOMER walks back into the room, dusting his hands. LISA also walks in.
MARGE
I’m going to sign you up for swimming lessons.
BART
No, no! Anything but that! Please, mom, anything but that!
HOMER
Shut up, boy. What if at one point you fall in a whale tank and don’t know how to swim? What will you do then, smart guy?
(beat)
I’ll tell you what…you’ll just float there and wait and wait, thinking, “oh, they’ll get me out anytime soon, they’ll get me out anytime soon”, but it turns out that it would be anytime, not soon.
(sniff)
Well, that’s not going to happen to my son! You’re going for swimming lessons!
MARGE
Oh, and I want to go too! I haven’t done a few stretches since high school.
LISA
Mom, you swam?
MARGE
I was on the high school swim team…
(pause)
Until they cut funding for the program because of all the injuries.
CUT TO:
FLASHBACK – INT.HIGH SCHOOL SWIMMING POOL – DAY
MARGE swimming a stretch with her hair down in the pool. There is a group of boys whistling and waving at her. The camera zooms out and shows that there is an unstable sign hanging from the room that seems close to falling. The sound of a charging HOMER becomes louder and he runs into frame, punching out the whistling boys.
MARGE stops swimming and looks up.
MARGE
Homer?
HOMER SREAMS and runs away.
CUT TO:
INT.SIMSPON’S HOUSE – TV ROOM – DAY
MARGE
Hmmmm…
BART
But mom, I don’t want to go. Swimming is for geeks.
HOMER
Wha…cha…who…what? And sitting around playing some geek fill geek fest isn’t? Swimming is for the elite, boy! So pack your things and go with your mother. I’m staying home.
HOMER sits down on the couch and turns on the TV.
MARGE
Homer, I want you to go.
HOMER
But Marge! To swim I have to take my shirt off, and that exposes my…my figure. No, I’ll get in shape first.
BART
Round shape.
MARGE
Oh Homey, just come.
HOMER
Oh…alright.
MARGE
Besides, some women find big men attractive.
HOMER
Only some?
CUT TO:
EXT.SWIMMING POOL – DAY
A wide shot of the swimming pool and the SIMPSON’S CAR pulling into the parking lot.
CUT TO:
INT.SWIMMING POOL – DAY
BART is walking along the swimming pool to his meeting place for lessons.
BART
(mumbling)
Stupid swimming, who needs to swim in the first place, swimming is for losers…
BART reaches his meeting place and sees his new SWIMMING INSTRUCTOR.
BART
Aye carumba…
Slow zoom on a curvy teen swimming instructor wearing a revealing bikini.
BART
(thinking)
Okay Barty boy, be cool, be the coolest of the cool, the smoothest of the smooth, that calm of the cal…
INSTRUCTOR
Are you Bart?
BART
That’s my name don’t wear it out!
INSTRUCTOR
Okay Bart, jump on in.
BART
(stupid laugh\chuckle\snort)
Ladies first.
CUT TO:
INT.SWIMMMING POOL – WORKOUT AREA – DAY
HOMER walks into the workout area with workout clothes. He looks around at the equipment.
HOMER
Let’s see here…there’s the Spinebuilder 5000, the ass tightener, and OooOh, a Buffinator!
INT.SWIMMING POOL – DAY
BART and a group of LITTLE KIDS are in the pool listening to the SWIMMING INSTRUCTOR.
INSTRUCTOR
Okay guys, let’s do a few stretches of back crawl.
BART and the LITTLE KIDS grown, before they start to do the stretches.
LITTLE KID 1
If you get in trouble out in no man’s land, just grab onto the rope, it’s your life line.
BART
Got it, drowning, life line.
BART starts his stretch of back crawl, watching the INSTRUCTOR as he does. He sees MARGE in swimming wear move next to the INSTRUCTOR.
MARGE
Hello, I’m Bart’s mommy.
(Looks at Bart)
Hey honey! Oveeer here! It’s me! Mom!
BART groans.
MARGE
We sent him here to get some exercise because he was getting a little big in belly.
INSTRUCTOR
I see…
BART starts to groan again, but chokes and falls under the water.
BART
(thinking)
Choking…breath running out…head getting light, having hard time thunking. Grab, rope.
BART struggles to grab the rope and when he does, realizes it is limp and untied.
INSTRUCTOR (OFF SCREEN)
Alright everyone, jump out, it’s time to go!
BART eyes widen as the rope falls under water as well.
MARGE
(gasps)
My boy! Someone help my special little guy! He’s drowning!
MARGE looks around and panics, gracefully diving into the water saving BART. MARGE brings him over to the edge of the swimming pool.
BART is choking and coughing out water. People are pointing and laughing.
MARGE
Oh Bart, are you alright?
BART
YES! I’m alright! And I didn’t need your help!
BART angrily walks off screen.
ACT BREAK:
INT.SWIMMING POOL – BENCHES – DAY
BART is sitting on the benches, head in his hands.
The INTSRUCTOR walks into frame.
INSTRUCTOR
Hey Bart…
BART instantly perks up and stands up.
BART
Uh…hi. Swimming…lady.
INSTRUCTOR
You can call me Joane.
BART
(stupid chuckle)
Hi Joane.
JOANE
That was pretty cool how you told off your mom back there.
BART
What?
JOANE
Wanna hang out with me and my friends?
BART
Do I!
Some teenage boys walk into frame.
BOY 1
Hey man, that was pretty awesome back there.
BOY 2
Jyauh, totally broke your mom’s heart.
BART walks down from the benches.
BART
(unsure)
Yeah…heh, Parents sure do…are bad.
JOANE
Yeah, Parents suck. You know what happened yesterday?
BART
No, but I want to!
JOANE
My parents wouldn’t even let me go skinny dipping, in my own pool!
BART’s eyes become big.
CUT TO:
INT.SWIMMING POOL – WORKOUT AREA – DAY
HOMER is on the treadmill, his stomach jiggling, the camera is showing his waist up and not his feet.
LISA walks into frame.
HOMER
Hi honey. Look at me, I’m...
(beat)
Exeresising!
LISA
(insecure laugh)
Yeah…
HOMER
I haven’t felt this good sense…a very long time.
LISA
Dad…
HOMER
What is it Lisa? You can tell me anything in the world and I won’t stop you!
LISA
Your…
HOMER
Anything at all! Anything in the entire world, just tell it to me!
LISA
The…
HOMER
Lisa, I don’t have all day you know.
LISA
(yells)
DAD THE TREADMILL IS OFF!
The camera instantly whips back and reveals HOMER is just standing on the treadmill, his stomach jiggling.
HOMER
OH, it’s no use hiding it! I hate exeresising!
MARGE walks to into frame, head hanging.
HOMER
What’s wrong with you?
MARGE
I don’t think…
HOMER
OH I can’t hold it in! I’m going to be fat all my life!
LISA
What’s wrong, Mom?
MARGE
I don’t think Bart loves me anymore.
HOMER
Why wouldn’t the boy love you? Everyone loves you. Even the people who
hate you, love you.
(eyes squint)
Except for…Evil Homer.
MARGE gives a disturbing, needy look to LISA.
MARGE
You still love me right, honey?
MARGE holds out her arms for a hug and moves to LISA.
LISA takes off. MARGE murmurs.
MARGE
Homey, do you feel that we’re growing more distant from our kids everyday?
HOMER suddenly remembers MAGGIE is left at home. The camera quick pans all the way back to the Simpson’s house where MAGGIS is being exposed to dangers, before quick panning back.
HOMER screams, and runs away.
MARGE sighs.
CUT TO:
INT.SWIMMING POOL – POOL – DAY
BART is under water, watching JOANE swim gracefully.
BART
(watery talk)
She’s Beautiful.
BART emerges from the water and the camera reveals he is in the kiddy section while the teenagers are in the deep end.
BART
(shouting)
Hey Guys! Why don’t you come swim over here?
BOY 1
(laughing)
What are you afraid of Bart? Drowning?
BART
(mumbling under his breath)
That’s certainly my main fear.
JOANE
Come on Bart! Come over here, if you do, I’ll let you hold my hand!
Bart’s eyes get big again and he swims over to the deep end.
The teenagers are treading water but Bart is struggling to stay afloat.
BOY 1
Jeez, do you know what my dad did yesterday?
BOY 2
What?
BOY 1
He was like, ‘Clean up your room.’ And I was like totally, ‘Shove it.’
BOY 1 and BOY 2 high five each other. BART slowly getting lower and lower, struggling to keep his head up.
BOY 2
Why do parents have to be all, like…suck?
JOANE
Yeah, they totally blow. All they do is tell you what not to do. Right Bart?
BART
(unsure)
Right…
The teenagers swim off, thinking BART will catch up. BART continues to struggle until he falls into the water.
BART
(thinking)
Oh no, drowning. Head getting light. No able to breath. Must, reach for rope.
BART looks for the rope, but there isn’t any.
BART
(annoyed grunt)
Stupid little kid…
MARGE walks by the pool and sees BART drowning again. She gasps, ready to dive in.
MARGE
Wait a minute…maybe he doesn’t need my help.
MARGE continues to watch BART struggle.
MARGE
He’s a big boy now. He doesn’t always need his mom to come help him.
BART almost rises up to the surface.
MARGE
I have to let go…
BART falls back down.
MARGE
Let go of my little bitty barty…my most special little guy in the whole worl…
(beat)
I’m coming honey!
MARGE dives in gracefully and saves BART. They appear at the other side of the pool. MARGE and BART out of the pool. The teenagers point at them.
BOY 1
Look, it’s Bart’s mom!
BOY 2
Dude, not cool.
JOANE
(to MARGE)
Why do you have to cling on to him all the time?
MARGE is on the left, teenagers on the right, BART caught in the middle torn between the two.
BOY 1
Yeah, why do you always have to be around Bart?
BOY 2
Why don’t you just lay off and go away?
JOANE
He doesn’t even care about you anymore!
BART turns his head and sees MARGE’s eyes begin to water. BART turns his head again and sees the three teenagers continuing to make fun of MARGE. BART turns his head one last time to see MARGE crying.
BART
(yells)
STOP MAKING FUN OF MY MOM!
The teenagers stop.
BOY 1
Yeesh Bart, we thought you were cool.
BOY 2
He’s just a momma’s boy.
JOANE walks up to BART with a sensual look on her face, place her hand on BART.
JOANE
I’ll never forget how little you ment to me.
BART eye’s become confused. Joane and the two boys walk out of frame.
MARGE is there still, quiet, sniffing, watching BART.
BART smiles and runs to her and hugs her.
BART
Oh mom. I have plenty of time to be like them later on. But right now, I’m just glad I can love my mommy.
MARGE
Say, why don't we go for a swim?
BART
I would love to.
BART and MARGE dive into the pool.
WIDE SHOT of the swimming pool complex, showing HOMER show up with MAGGIE, and LISA playing in the kiddy pool with her friends.
Fade to black.
END:
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Thanks for reading, and thanks for any feedback in advance! Ta!