Best Jokes

[lisalover1]

Here, you post your favorite joke, weather you made it up, or someone else did, post it here to try and top the other person's joke! Here is the starter that I made up: "I knew a guy who was a bachelor for so long, Urinals inc. started sending him mail-order catalogs!"

[Lisa's First Word]

"I know a dog that is so stupid that he buried cars and chase bones!"

[lisalover1]

"I know a dog that is so stupid that he buried cars and chase bones!" You got that from a garfield comic strip! "My car is SO old, it's insured against fire, theft, and Indian raids!"

[Lisa's First Word]

Bill Buckner tried to kill himself the other day by jumping in front of a bus. Luckily it went right through his legs.

[rickey]

do offensive jokes count? cuz let's be honest, the offensive and racist ones are always the funniest ones.

[Lisa's First Word]

Racist ones are just gross and horrible to see...

[buh]

threads like this are just pathetic and horrible to see...

[Semaj]

My joke is so offensive that the NAACP would fetch the FBI on me if I even told you about my offensive joke.

Uh-oh...

[Sex Cauldron]

What do you say to a girl with a black eye?

Nothing, you already told her once.

[vinceq]

^ oh snap...

[rickey]

what do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?


a mudslide.

[Adamm R)))]

This has got to be locked before I remember some other jokes to tell you. Remember the last jokes thread...don't make me say the balloon one!

[rickey]

Two guys are sitting in a bar and they see two other guys at the end. One says to his buddy, "That looks like Hitler and Mussolini over there." Obviously his friend tries to convince him Hitler and Mussolini have been dead for years, but he really thinks it's them so he decides to say something to them. His suspicion is confirmed as Hitler explains to him, "We really didn't die back in WWII. We've secretly been plotting our return. You know how we killed 10 million Jews last time? Well this time, we're gonna kill 20 million Jews and 8 circus clowns." "Why the hell would you kill 8 circus clowns?" the guy asks. "See?" says Hitler to Mussolini. "I told you no one give a shit about the fuckin Jews."

[rickey]

I heard this one recently.

An eight year old girl was riding in a car with her parents and dog along a road next to the ocean. All of the sudden, an animal ran into the road and the girl's father swerved to miss it. In doing so, their car smashed through the guard rail, then went off the cliff and landed in the water. Somehow the girl managed to escape unharmed, but everyone else died in the water. After a while, she managed to crawl up the cliff where she sat and stared down at the water below, crying her eyes out and waiting for another car to come along and help her.

Finally, a car stopped and an old man got out. He walked up to the little girl and asked what happened and why she was crying. The little girl replied between sobs: "My mommy and daddy and my dog Snuggles are all in the car and it landed out there," then she pointed towards the water. The man stood there and thought about it for a minute, then unzipped his pants, shoved his dick in her mouth and said: "It's just not your day, is it kid?"

[rickey]

from an old email. . . .

Tiger Woods had just turned pro. A female fan caught his attention after his first PGA event. The pro he was golfing with noticed that the woman had caught Tiger's attention. He said "Tiger. That's Lindsey. She's a sucker for Pro goflers and will hump anyone on the tour. Go ahead and take her back to your hotel and bang her. It's a right of passage for any pro".

Tiger thought it was just a joke, but he figured what the hell. He walked over to Lindsey and struck up a conversation. Sure enough, Lindsey was into it. Infact she suggested they go back to his hotel for sex.

As soon as they get into the hotel room, clothes go flying and the sex begins. Tiger really takes it to her. He gives her a good, hard screw. He finishes and rolls over. Lindsey says "C'mon Tiger, John Daly wouldn't stop now" Tiger gets it back up and starts again. Harder this time to make sure Lindsey gets what she's looking for. He really takes it to her and finally finishes. Again, Lindsey seems unsatisfied. She says "C'mon tiger, fuzzy zeller wouldn't stop after two times." Again he gets it back up and really takes it to her. He's pulling out all kinds of moves. He's on fire. He's hammering her over and over. She's screaming and loving it. Finally, he climaxes and rolls over, exhausted. Lindsey says "C'mon Tiger, Arnold Palmer wouldn't quit now!!!"

A little upset, Tiger says "Jesus Christ lady, what's par for this hole?"

[buh]

stop posting more than one post in a row, dude

it's annoying and against the rules

[Semaj]

it's annoying and against the rules

So is hall monitoring.



What do you call an angry red-head?

Ginger Snaps

:cricket:

[rickey]

What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an octopus?

I don't know, but it can sure pick a lot of fruit.


did you hear? rosie o'donell died.

they found her facedown in ricki lake