Poem...Good?

[lisalover1]

Hey, I just wrote a poem, and I was wondering if it was good or not. Here it is: A Single Seed:
Do you think a single seed can do so much? A seed falls to the ground, and something great starts to form. Its roots dig in, and absorbs life from the ground. Crack! The seed's shell is broken! A sprout is shot out. A tree's life begins. As it grows, it is attacked by a rabbit, looking for food. It is almost eaten, but suddenly, he turns away. The sprout continues to grow untill it is a sapling. The sapling grows to a young tree. The young tree grows to what a seed's ultimate goal is: to grow into a tall, mighty tree! A year passes, and the tree bears seeds. The seeds fall, and soon, a whole forest grows! Loggers soon come, they cut the trees down and make them into things. One day, I came back to that now-emty field, and placed in the ground, a single seed...

[Dead Nigga Storage]

if i were your english teacher, i would fail you.

instead, i can only tell you that you fail at life.

[Son of Bomber]

Too close to prose to really count as poetry, but a comprehensive account of the lifecycle of a seed nonetheless.

[lisalover1]

You know what? You, President Logan, are an absolute, total, JACKASS! :donkey: :logan:

[garret]

OMG I LIEK ROTE A POUM TOO OMG!1

LIEK A DOG JUMPED INTO A DOG HOUSE AND WAS ALL LIKE "WOOF" AND THEN THE DOG WAS ALL LIKE "BARK" IM GONNA GET A SUNDAE "BARK" AND HE WENT TO GET A SUNDAE AND THEN HE LIKE SAID OMG IM IN CANADA BY ACCIDENT OMG WTF LOL!!111! AND THEN HE GOT A SUNDAE IN CANADA WTF???? :D :D

Yours wasn't much better.

[lisalover1]

You didn't have to say that... I worked hard on this. Shit. Why do I even try?

[Dead Nigga Storage]

Giambi...Hungry?

thanks for promoting the use of my emoticon, though.

[lisalover1]

I hate life... :ashamed:

[Son of Bomber]

http://images.hollywood.com/images/large/l_1710375.jpg

You rock, rock.

[Veryjammy]

Considering you're 12 it's a pretty good attempt. Like someone else said, it's a bit too close to normal sentences. Try to structure it more like a poem.

[lisalover1]

I've got 4 more poems. I will eventually post them. You know, poems don't have to rhyme.

[bluemoose]

I didn't like it that much, and I don't think I would call it a poem. It's really just a rather poorly written paragraph.

they cut the trees down and make them into things
I try to avoid the use of "things" in anything I write as something serious or important.

But it's not that bad if you're only 12, I guess. :-/

[lisalover1]

Is EVERYBODY predjudice against 12-year olds?! :angry: My other poems are much better.

[Hapablap]

Think it needs some work, get a thesaurus and put in words no one understands. And I believe poetry is usually published one line at a time, as opposed to a paragraph. ;)

[aoife]

I don't think everyone is against 12 year olds, writing is a lot different at that age.
Just keep writing and writing and writing.

[Gatorgod]

Add a Courtroom scene, and I'll buy 12 copies :D

[Mike Novick]

if i were your english teacher, i would fail you.

instead, i can only tell you that you fail at life.

Mr. President, please stop picking on children! This can't possibly be good for your image.

[skittlebrau]

Is EVERYBODY predjudice against 12-year olds?! :angry: My other poems are much better.
It's called criticism, not prejudice, and you should be prepared to take it.

As for the poem, needs alot of work. Sounds like a poorly written beatnik poem, if that's the route you were trying to take.

[Lisa's First Word]

Here's my opinion on poems:

'Pointless collection of words written by geniouses"

[Hapablap]

Might want to get a dictionary for spell checks too ;-/

[Ivan]

You know what? You, President Logan, are an absolute, total, JACKASS! :donkey: :logan:

Such immature

[SideshowTim]

i really don't like poetry. i just dont "get" it. so i'm in no real position to judge your poem.

[box elder]

my only advice would be that when you're writing a poem, try to tackle the subject from an angle you've never seen it tackled from before. present a familiar idea in a new light that might make people think about it differently. remember, a poem is (usually) fairly short; you have to say a lot of things in limited space, so use consice language and always think about using metaphors/images that can bring vast amounts of notions into it without overtly stating them. use your audiences preconceptions to say things without saying them. for example, something as simple as using the word "march" to describe movement will make the audience associate the action with war, and can, with one small word, add a profound wrinkle to your description.

also, i wouldn't post your poems on internet message forums, either. you're usually not going to get constructive criticism.

[bluemoose]

You know, poems don't have to rhyme.
Of course not, but they shouldn't just be prose, either.

[lisalover1]

It's called criticism, not prejudice, and you should be prepared to take it.

As for the poem, needs alot of work. Sounds like a poorly written beatnik poem, if that's the route you were trying to take. No, I've heard on other sites they've actually said it was predjudice that they had against me. I assumed this site was no different.

[lisalover1]

i really don't like poetry. i just dont "get" it. so i'm in no real position to judge your poem. Sadly, this is the nicest reply I've gotten so far.

[skittlebrau]

No, I've heard on other sites they've actually said it was predjudice that they had against me. I assumed this site was no different.
See, here's the thing: it's not prejudice. Sure, there's a huge age gap here when you, a twelve year old, is showing a bunch of twentysomethings your poetry, and of course there's going to be some smack-talking involved (because how many twentysomethings do you see hanging around with twelve year olds, anyway?), but it's still not prejudice. It is criticism, plain and simple, and you need to get used to it if you're going to survive on the internet.

[rickey]

english teachers jizz for shakespeare so structure your poem in iambic pentametre, even throw in a few references while your at it.

eta: nevermind youre 12 years old.

[bluemoose]

iambic pentameter. ugh. i had to write a sonnet in 7th grade in iambic pentameter when we read romeo & juliet. :(

Is EVERYBODY predjudice against 12-year olds?! :angry: My other poems are much better.
Prejudice would be coming into this thread already thinking that the poem would be bad because you're 12. What's happening here is people are saying that if someone older (and maybe more experienced with writing poetry), had written this, it would be a lot worse, but since you're only 12, it makes up for some errors.

[Dead Nigga Storage]

no, actually...i'm saying it sucks regardless of who wrote it.

[bluemoose]

fine. most people (NOT including you, Logan), were saying that the fact that it's not very good is made up for a LITTLE bit by the fact that he's only twelve.

[Dennis]

It's not SO bad...

[bluemoose]

But it's not really a poem.

[Zoidbart]

It's a good poem, it's just these are the kind of people who are too stupid to realise that poetry is art, and that there is no mistake in art, except for not trying. lisalover1 tried. That's enough to make the poem good, regardless of stupid people and their stupid personal opinion.

Hey, I bet my poetry sucks too, because I'm turning 12 in about a month. Doesn't life suck?

[Dead Nigga Storage]

art can be crap. enough for the sesame street "a for effort" bullshit.

[bluemoose]

So you're telling me that if I throw a bunch of paint at a wall, and call it a painting, then it's good because I tried? That makes no sense. Getting an A for effort is not the same thing as getting an A for quality. I'm not big on the whole "A for effort" thing, but even so, it's not the same thing.

Telling someone that what they did was great just because they tried doesn't do anything for them. If you never get any criticism, you'll never get any better. You just get a (false) feeling that you're already really good at something, and you therefore have no inspiration to work hard at it and get better.

And you can't call personal opinions stupid. Sure, you may think that someone's opinion is dumb, but that doesn't mean that personal opinions don't matter. If no-one had any opinions...well, the world would be very dull.

[Dead Nigga Storage]

you're right, HE can't call personal opinions stupid, but i can. can and do.

[My Little Needle]

gis for sesame street
http://clarityandresolve.com/egpt_ss.jpg

[bluemoose]

you're right, HE can't call personal opinions stupid, but i can. can and do.
you can call specific personal opinions stupid, I don't give a shit, but you can't call personal opinions as a whole stupid. That is stupid.

[Dynamic]

Everyone has opinions, and they usually suck. So yes, he can.

[box elder]

I had a drink the other day,
Opinions were like kittens, I was giving them away.

[bluemoose]

Everyone has opinions, and they usually suck. So yes, he can.
No, he can't. Think about it. What would the world be like if no-one had any personal opinions at all?

You can say that most personal opinions suck, but you can't say that the whole idea of having personal opinions sucks. That's what I'm saying.

[Lisa's First Word]

Man, I never get used to blame other folks...

[zippy]

A poem is split into segments called stanzas. So that cannot in anyway be called a poem.

Use of imagery though is similar to a poem apart from that, there's nothing to link it to poetry at all.

Before you start writing poetry, how about reading some like Sylvia Plath etc?

[Jimmy]

or try some Coleridge

[Dead Nigga Storage]

i think he'd be better off trying seuss.

[zippy]

or try some Coleridge


Depends how much of a depressive you are. ;-/

[box elder]

but you suggested plath! you'll have the kid attempting suicide in no time.

[Dead Nigga Storage]

thanks for spoiling the plan, bob.

[rickey]

try some english class

[Zoidbart]

So you're telling me that if I throw a bunch of paint at a wall, and call it a painting, then it's good because I tried? That makes no sense. Getting an A for effort is not the same thing as getting an A for quality. I'm not big on the whole "A for effort" thing, but even so, it's not the same thing.

Telling someone that what they did was great just because they tried doesn't do anything for them. If you never get any criticism, you'll never get any better. You just get a (false) feeling that you're already really good at something, and you therefore have no inspiration to work hard at it and get better.

And you can't call personal opinions stupid. Sure, you may think that someone's opinion is dumb, but that doesn't mean that personal opinions don't matter. If no-one had any opinions...well, the world would be very dull.

Ok you asshole, trying to make art is not splattering paint all over a canvas, that's not what I said. Trying to make art is actually taking it seriously. And you have a right to your opinion, but in this case, it's just dumb.

As for the rest of you, maybe you should look for what's good in a poem, not point out all the bad stuff and leave the rest.

And now you're gonna be like "well there was no good stuff in that poem", right? Screw you!

[lisalover1]

It's a good poem, it's just these are the kind of people who are too stupid to realise that poetry is art, and that there is no mistake in art, except for not trying. lisalover1 tried. That's enough to make the poem good, regardless of stupid people and their stupid personal opinion.

Hey, I bet my poetry sucks too, because I'm turning 12 in about a month. Doesn't life suck? Thank you, Zoidbart. I tried, and this is what I got. I did have several others, and they will be in a published book soon. You may not like it, all you people out there, but I do.

[caribou]

I did have several others, and they will be in a published book soon.http://www.hyperionbooks.com/bookcovers/heartsongs.jpg

?

[billi vanilli]

Thank you, Zoidbart. I tried, and this is what I got. I did have several others, and they will be in a published book soon. You may not like it, all you people out there, but I do.
my god you certainly taken with yourself, aren't you?

[lisalover1]

A poem is split into segments called stanzas. So that cannot in anyway be called a poem.

Use of imagery though is similar to a poem apart from that, there's nothing to link it to poetry at all.

Before you start writing poetry, how about reading some like Sylvia Plath etc?
I could not view it because It was in a post, and putting it into format would be hard, and it would take up a lot of space.

[bluemoose]

Ok you asshole, trying to make art is not splattering paint all over a canvas, that's not what I said. Trying to make art is actually taking it seriously. And you have a right to your opinion, but in this case, it's just dumb.
When I started playing piano, I sucked balls. But now I'm really good at it. If my piano teacher had said "Oh, you're great" when I sucked, I never would have gotten better. I would have just thought that I was great, and would have continued to suck, because I would have no motivation to practice and get better. Saying that something is good when it's not has more of a negative effect than a positive one. People need criticism to get better.

And BTW, of course people should point out the good as well, but you can't just point out the good and leave out the bad (read above paragraph for reason).

[lisalover1]

When I started playing piano, I sucked balls. But now I'm really good at it. If my piano teacher had said "Oh, you're great" when I sucked, I never would have gotten better. I would have just thought that I was great, and would have continued to suck, because I would have no motivation to practice and get better. Saying that something is good when it's not has more of a negative effect than a positive one. People need criticism to get better.

And BTW, of course people should point out the good as well, but you can't just point out the good and leave out the bad (read above paragraph for reason).
Of course. Now When I review something, I take a detailed lokk at the Bad AND THE GOOD, wich many people on this thread seemed to miss. Hey, I was just at a piano lesson a few minutes ago! It is SO boring!

[CMQ]

:lockme::lockme::lockme::lockme::lockme::lockme:

[lisalover1]

but you suggested plath! you'll have the kid attempting suicide in no time.
If you think HER writing is depressing, you should see some of my other poems, such as "Flicker, Flicker", "How Could You?" and "A Scarring Memory". Judging by the negitivity I got on this, I don't think I will show them.

[bluemoose]

Of course. Now When I review something, I take a detailed lokk at the Bad AND THE GOOD, wich many people on this thread seemed to miss.
What about your review of "The Monkey Suit"?

Hey, I was just at a piano lesson a few minutes ago! It is SO boring!
typical.

[My Little Needle]

http://gallery.elvado.de/albums/structure/USER-RELATED/insults/attention-whore/caution-ttention-whores.jpg

[bluemoose]

hilarity: just a GIS away!

[CMQ]

http://www.kirkhemmen.com/file.php?id=906

[box elder]

If you think HER writing is depressing, you should see some of my other poems, such as "Flicker, Flicker", "How Could You?" and "A Scarring Memory". Judging by the negitivity I got on this, I don't think I will show them.


well, seeing as they're going to be in a "published book soon," i'll just keep my eyes peeled for the "lisalover1" collection in my local Barnes and Noble.

[lisalover1]

Only about a month or two left! 1 month to write about 5 more poems, and 1 month for paperwork, printing, and release.

[bluemoose]

Prepare to see Arnold Schwarzenegger Snowman shit his pants.

[aoife]

:lockme::lockme::lockme::lockme::lockme::lockme:
Done.