estimate how many times you've come in your life

[kuumuus]

approximately 2200. first was when i was 12. nothing can ever top the first time either, am i right? that tingle in your buttocks as you realize you're about to experience the most wonderful feeling ever... ahh, it's indescribable. also a lot came out the first time. it must've been building up in there, waiting for the right moment to flow forth through my young virgin meat pipe and discharge all over my clammy left hand. jerking off is fun.

girls don't bother replying. i know you aren't able to have orgasms and i'm sorry.

[skittlebrau]

Hahahah, wow

[mayo]

wow. i am speechless. i am without speech.



uh, about 1000?

[Gabbo]

oshit. let's see: two or three times a day since i was 13, hmmmm

nah, probably about 1000ish?

[bluemoose]

hmmm... *does long, complicated equations*

I'd say about...1500 times, maybe more, maybe less, probably more...

edit: probably more like 2000

[kupomog]

girls don't bother replying. i know you aren't able to have orgasms and i'm sorry.

Just keep describing hawt stuff and I'll forgive you.

[SideshowTim]

approximately 3,650 times.

(5 years at an average of 2 a day)

[Dead Nigga Storage]

someone close this thread BEFORE curtis replies.

i'd have to guess somewhere in the 2,000 range. that would put it at about a once a day average, seeing as it used to be 3 times a day when i started and less since then.

edit: thread needs a poll with ranges (1000-1500, 1501-2000, etc.) ;)

[skittlebrau]

edit: thread needs a poll with ranges (1000-1500, 1501-2000, etc.) ;)
Bored, so done.

:bobross:

[Dead Nigga Storage]

bob ross clearly would be voting option #1

polls are less fun when you can't see who voted what, but i'll assume that that 2001-2500 vote is your's, skittle. pussy pussy pussy

[skittlebrau]

I haven't voted...yet.

[billi vanilli]

nothing can ever top the first time either, am i right? that tingle in your buttocks as you realize you're about to experience the most wonderful feeling ever... ahh, it's indescribable. also a lot came out the first time. it must've been building up in there, waiting for the right moment to flow forth through my young virgin meat pipe and discharge all over my clammy left hand. jerking off is fun.

hahahhahahahahahahashaha

i voted option 2. i've actually wondered about this before though.

i'm pretty sure the first time it ever happened to me i was in the backseat of a moving car. weeeeird. needless to say i went directly home and had some fun fun fun in my room.

[kupomog]

polls are less fun when you can't see who voted what

Yar, the joys of being an admin :evil:

[boogie down mikel]

exactly 2500............wait............wait...............uhhh 2501

[StrideR]

Having hairy palms makes masturbation more fun.

[caribou]

My first wet dream involved the Borg Queen.

Anyway, I'd have to say...2001 to 2500 for sure. Not exactly living up to my Catholic upbringing.

And am I the only one who doesn't recall any butt tingling the first time you got there manually?

[Binky]

How the fuck does anybody actually remember the first time? That's almost like trying to remember the first time you learned to walk or whatever.

If I had to guess I'd say 18-11=7*365*2-(3*365)= 4015, which isn't even an option. :-/

[Haoie]

I'm not catholic, but even I have to say, what a waste!!

[El Sid]

next you'll be asking me to estimate just how many gallons of man-batter ive expelled over the years...

which would be about 3 or 4, i figure.

[do what donny dont does]

Nothing says fun like a bunch of dudes talking about whacking off.

[SideshowTim]

* Average volume of semen per ejaculation: 2 to 6 ml
* Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
* Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 17 liters or 18 quarts
* Average number of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
* Average duration of orgasm: 4 seconds
* Average number of sperm cells in the ejaculate of a healthy man: 40 to 600 million
* Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 7.5-10 centimeters or 3-4 inches
* Sperm lifespan: 2.5 months from development to ejaculation
* Sperm lifespan after ejaculation: 30 seconds to 6 days depending on conditions

[The mayor of Albuquerque]

Every sperm is sacred - Monty Python
There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then,
There are those that follow Mohammed,
But I've never been one of them...

I'm a Roman Catholic, and have been since the day I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics,
Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm...

You don't have to be a six-footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes on -
You're a Catholic the moment dad came...

because...

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs, on the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for each sperm that can't be found

Every sperm is wanted, every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed in your neighbourhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is useful, every sperm is fine,
God needs everybody's,
Mine
And mine
And mine

Let the Pagan spill theirs,
O'er mountain, hill and plain,
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed in your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

[sarah the third]

girls don't bother replying. i know you aren't able to have orgasms and i'm sorry.

hey maybe you can't get girls to orgasm but we do!

[Semaj]

If you've been doing it for 5 1/2 years, for an average of twice a day, it would have to be well off the scale.

[Curtis]

10,683,902,891 times and counting....

[box elder]

let's see, if it's 250 times a year since i was 12, that'd be 3000. so i'd say over 3000.

[Veryjammy]

Is nobody including sex in their figure. Everyone's talking masturbation but no sex. A more interesting thread would be how you discovered it since it isn't really something you just stumble across...or is it?

[Dead Nigga Storage]

i included sex in mine. but even the most sexually active people probably still don't ejaculate more often in sex than they do in masturbation.

as for me, i sorta "stumbled" across it. i mean, i knew i was capable of it, and i knew how to do it, but when it happened, it wasn't my "aim", so to speak.

oh, and no "tingling buttocks" here, kuumuus.

[Kuje]

I discovered it in the back row of my maths class.

[George]

thank the gods it's not a public poll.
sorry, there's only one god, sorry. well, sometimes there's 3.

[box elder]

thank the gods it's not a public poll.
sorry, there's only one god, sorry. well, sometimes there's 3.
batter my heart, 3 person'd God....


anyway, i included sex as well, but the vast majority were unaided affairs.

[IdRathaHavaBeer]

i'd guess around 3.5 times a week for 12 years = 2184

[vinceq]

sickest thread ever!
that is some sick shit...

who asks such a question?

:barf:

[skittlebrau]

A person wanting to know. I wouldn't consider it a "sick" question given the high turnout of answers.

[doyle]

probably in the neighborhood of 1100.

[Gay4Moleman]

At least once a day for over ten years, so I assume 3000+. Jeez!

[My Little Needle]

this is a pretty important question: does come mean in this context orgasm or ejaculate?

[kuumuus]

orgasm. in my younger days i would hold it in sometimes to avoid messy situations.

[lolpenis_taco]

I win.

[StrideR]

orgasm. in my younger days i would hold it in sometimes to avoid messy situations.
What are you, superman?

[Spartan]

now there's a loaded question

[Clarence]

..... and you thought my threads were bad? What has this place become since I left?!?!?

[Wasteland]

86,095,787,445,564,654,668,515,212,945,745,365,132,652,645,5 10,322,612,032,655,412,003,236,542,023,261,012,411,323,512,0 00,365,655,454,213,245,454,545,454,128,765,566,645,000 times and counting.

I really have too much time on my hands. (no pun intended)

And for my first time, I don't remember any tingling, but I do remember a lot of swelling. Painful, painful swelling.

[kevin]

probably in the 500-1000 range. i rarely do it anymore, and i never did it much to begin with. no, i'm not lying.

[caribou]

orgasm. in my younger days i would hold it in sometimes to avoid messy situations.
Yeah, uh...from what I've heard, that's seriously bad for your bladder/prostate.

[Binky]

Not to mention really painful, I'm sure.

[kuumuus]

that's why i changed methods and started rubbing my junk through my boxers instead of the traditional way of beating off. now i can let my man goo shoot out all over my shorts without creating a big mess. the only downside is crusty semen-stained underwear. and yeah, holding it in didn't feel very good.

second time i've explained how i masturbate to this board pussy

[Radioactive Man]

Two times too many.

[IdRathaHavaBeer]

i'd guess around 3.5 times a week for 12 years = 2184

+2

[H Thompson]

that's why i changed methods and started rubbing my junk through my boxers instead of the traditional way of beating off. now i can let my man goo shoot out all over my shorts without creating a big mess. the only downside is crusty semen-stained underwear. and yeah, holding it in didn't feel very good.



Well you could orgasm but before the come shoots squeeze the top of your dick and block the passage. might not be very healthy to do that though.
But I've done that a few times and it works if you do it right.
Sorry If I've misunderstood and that's what you meant by holding it in, I assume you just meant stoping before you ejaculate


How the fuck does anybody actually remember the first time? That's almost like trying to remember the first time you learned to walk or whatever

Um no it's not your a baby when you learn to walk, most people would be 12-14 when they learn to masturbate. And it's a far more memorable experince than walking, I expect most people would remember.

[Dr Zaius]

Don't remember my first time but I remember when I got comfortable with it I would immedietly start to iron my pants as soon as I was done. I had no idea what I was doing.

Realistically speaking, I'd say I've filled up about one and a half buckets worth. There's this carpet in my workplace that holds more of my semen than dust, and I've only been working there six months.

[Curtis]

wtf you jack off at work?

[bluemoose]

Read Portnoy's Complaint, Curtis.

[mr. broom]

Ask him to do things he is likely to do, bluemoose.

[Dead Nigga Storage]

now we wait for curtis to search the members list for "portnoy"

[bluemoose]

http://img311.imageshack.us/img311/764/picture26pj.png
"invalid user specified? wtf?...lolz"


EDIT: who said "Every last ounce of my seed is intact for I am pure"?

[Spartan]

i did, for one.

because i didn't care enough to take the poll seriously. it's uh, pretty commonplace for nhc polls.

[George]

this thread is fun.

[penny]

omigawwwd, pubic hair

Seriously, though...I haven't laughed this hard in awhile.* Thank you, NHC!

*Since kuumuus' "nintenuendo!"

[Dead Nigga Storage]

who tampered with the poll results?

[Mr. Sparkle]

its hard(teehee) for me to estimate something like this. most of the time its 5 times a week, but during the summer when I am bored that changes drastically. i'll put myself around 1300.

[Ihaveblink]

1001-1500

Probably more though.

[Hapablap]

Wouldnt even want to try to put a number to it, but my house is literally dripping with "prisoners"

[Dennis]

Eeew...

[billi vanilli]

Wouldnt even want to try to put a number to it, but my house is literally dripping with "prisoners"
no it is not literally dripping with manseed. if it is, you should get a maid. if you have a maid, and she's hot, you should get a less attractive one.

[Ignignot]

Or save the semen for the maid.

[ZombieFlanders86]

Hum....since its normally not more than once a day...... id say on average 300 times a year, for 6 years...... oh my god..... that's alot


Um no it's not your a baby when you learn to walk, most people would be 12-14 when they learn to masturbate. And it's a far more memorable experince than walking, I expect most people would remember.


yeah..... the first time can be.... very memorable.... it was sort of a shock at first for me

[Gay4Moleman]

Jesus, Buddha, Satan, Zeus, Shiva, Vishnu, Allah, Jehovah-just pick your superstition, and yell that out when you shoot. What does an atheist scream when he comes? "Oh fate and destiny, fate and destiny-Big Bang!!!"

[Binky]

yeah..... the first time can be.... very memorable.... it was sort of a shock at first for me
Yeah well not for me. It was more of a gradual thing. And since it was at least 6 or 7 years ago, I really don't have any recollection of it (or pretty much anything from that that long ago for that matter).

[Dead Nigga Storage]

Jesus, Buddha, Satan, Zeus, Shiva, Vishnu, Allah, Jehovah-just pick your superstition, and yell that out when you shoot. What does an atheist scream when he comes? "Oh fate and destiny, fate and destiny-Big Bang!!!"are you high or just incredibly stupid?

[bluemoose]

both. ;)

[SideshowTim]

i can't remember my first time masturbating at all. all i know is that my buttocks have not once tingled upon ejaculation...

[Binky]

Maybe kuumuus was doing something else, hint hint wink wink

[Semaj]

I remember the first time I masturbated, but it took about about 8 months before I actually knew what I was doing.

[billi vanilli]

wow you take a while

[buh]

yeah, it would be pretty boring jacking off to cartoons for 8 months and not exactly knowing what you're doing.

and as for my answer, well, somewhere between 1501-2000.

[JimmytheGeek]

Just when you thought this thread couldn't get sicker....

What do you shoot your load into? rag or kleenex or other?

[pocketfox]

are you high or just incredibly stupid?
Are you being sarcastic or did you not get that Bill Hicks reference?

[garret]

Approximately 1500 times. Possibly more.

[Hapablap]

I'm always amazed at people who say the first time was after puberty, like 11 or 12. I've been goin for as long as I can remember, 3 or 4 years old. It was a suprise when stuff started coming out though. :uhh:

Just when you thought this thread couldn't get sicker....

What do you shoot your load into? rag or kleenex or other?

I had a sock in highschool, how nasty that got after a while, though it seems to be a popular receptical from what Ive heard. These days its always toilet paper or tissues. Sometimes in a pinch computer paper if I'm at the screen. LOOK OUT EVERYONE, HERE COMES ANOTHER WAD!!! :snooty:

heheh, I'm having way too much fun with this thread.

[JimmytheGeek]

I'v found a rag or sock is the best thing to use, tissues just spread the mig on your junk.

[terriyaki]

Just when you thought this thread couldn't get sicker....

What do you shoot your load into? rag or kleenex or other?
my fucking retarded fubu socks i got as a christmas present a couple of years ago

[Ryan]

- 1501-2000
- Into toilet paper generally

[Toli]

Many many times. My prisoners are probably planning another breakout today.

[Ignignot]

I am right now.

[Dennis]

Wait. I'm confused. What's wrong with just leaving it in your boxers? Is it because it gets uncomfortable?

[Gabbo]

smells weird?

[Well Adjusted]

Probably less than a thousand, I'm still young after all. Generally into toilet paper.

[Thats A Paddlin]

Approx. 2200

[Rowdy]

I get the feeling that for most people, post count coincides with how many times they've.......think about it:

1) The nerdiest guys have the most posts. Thereby, they've had the least sex, no?

2) Someone with more posts has been here longer and is probably older, so they've had more opportunities.

[Thats A Paddlin]

Ejaculation dosnt always come from sex, Rowdy.

I think someone explained masturbation earlier in this thread......

[Toli]

joke ( P ) Pronunciation Key (jk)
n.
Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line.
A mischievous trick; a prank.
An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation.
Informal.
Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality: The accident was no joke.
An object of amusement or laughter; a laughingstock: His loud tie was the joke of the office.

[conor.]

atleast twice i day since i was 13

so around 2000 or so.

facts:
most comes in a row: 4 (hand starts hurting)
most in a day: 8

both times i basically just wanted to see if i could do it more than actual pleasure.

also paper towels= a mans best friend.

[Binky]

most comes in a row: 4 (hand starts hurting)
most in a day: 8
wtf... I didn't even think that was humanly possible

[Thats A Paddlin]

I think my max for a day was 5.

[bluemoose]

fast reload time.
:3some::buttsex::hump:

[conor.]

wtf... I didn't even think that was humanly possible


you never know till you test your limits.

ive heard like the most times anyone has come in a day is like 16 or something crazy like that.

[H Thompson]

A friend of mine told me he knew someone who got dehydrated from masturbating too much.

[mr. broom]

wtf... I didn't even think that was humanly possible
Either you're not very old, haven't really heard much about male physiology, are extremely unexperienced with your own body, or some combination of these. That is easily possible.

[Binky]

Well I assumed that by "in a row" he meant that all 4 times were within minutes of each other, and I just don't see how that could be possible...

[Spartan]

you never know till you test your limits.

ive heard like the most times anyone has come in a day is like 16 or something crazy like that.

the guiness record was set not too long ago...at 117.

[gravymaster]

the guiness record was set not too long ago...at 117.
From masturbation or sexual acts with a partner?

[Spartan]

masturbation. i heard it, not sure if it's totally credible or not.

[gravymaster]

I don't believe that.

[Gabbo]

that's once every 12 minutes. no fucking way.

[terriyaki]

i'm sure with enough viagra and water it could be done

[Veryjammy]

No way...it'd be so sore and after a while, nothing would be coming out :-O Plus it takes longer after each time so once every twelve minutes would just not be possible.

I think.

[billi vanilli]

you guys know who did that right





























:norris:

[conor.]

i really doubt 117 in one day, maybe in a week or so but in 1 day that seems like an incredibly large amount of sperm to produce, unless he was nearly shooting blanks

[do what donny dont does]

One time I did come 6 times during sexual intercouse, but why the hell would you want to do it that many times from masturbation?

[penny]

Hahahaha, Billy. =D

[mikeymansimpsons]

Oh jesus christ, this is just random. Reallly....random. I'm stating my answer as I think this kind of thing is a personal issue

[Binky]

And by "random" you mean what exactly?

[mikeymansimpsons]

Just...wrong. Seriously, don't you people have anything better to talk about?

[729]

most comes in a row: 4 (hand starts hurting)


Really didn't want to lower myself into posting in this thread but one question: 2 in a row with the same boner? :D